Is depression from benzos permanent?

[[bo...]]

I come back to this discussion quite a bit. I'm 4 1/2 months and really struggling with depression. This afternoon the dark thoughts have been too much. I can't get my mind off of them. I have taken vitamin d3 for a week and the past few days I have done some light 20 minute workouts, but the depression never seems to let up. I keep trying stuff, and I really can't tell if it's all helping or hurting. I want this depression and thoughts of death to end in the worst possible way. While this discussion gives me hope, I wonder how long this is going to take. I'm absolutely frightened about all this because I've had some improvement and then it gets worse again.

[[Hu...]]

I only had depression after stopping the xanex for almost a year and half. Mine is completely gone. After a short time on efferox. Best of luck. I hope it disappears...

[[Ma...]]

I come back to this discussion quite a bit. I'm 4 1/2 months and really struggling with depression. This afternoon the dark thoughts have been too much. I can't get my mind off of them. I have taken vitamin d3 for a week and the past few days I have done some light 20 minute workouts, but the depression never seems to let up. I keep trying stuff, and I really can't tell if it's all helping or hurting. I want this depression and thoughts of death to end in the worst possible way. While this discussion gives me hope, I wonder how long this is going to take. I'm absolutely frightened about all this because I've had some improvement and then it gets worse again.

 

It takes a while until it leaves forever, thats my experience. And I had to do all the stuff, like therapy, walking, reading.. for a longer time and then slowly it got better, BUT I have never had such a depression again. In your shoes, I would try to accept the feelings and thoughts you are experiencing and stubborn continue to focus on the good things, little workouts and so on. Do you know strategies for depression? There are tons and you could just get 1-2 that you repeat daily. Its normal that at the beginning you repeat and repeat and it seems nothing is changing, but it is.

You are early in withdrawal still, time will help and your strategies will do that, too.

[[bo...]]

Thank you for the kind words Hunter and Marigold. Marigold, what strategies did you use to help you through the depression?

[[Ma...]]

Thank you for the kind words Hunter and Marigold. Marigold, what strategies did you use to help you through the depression?

 

Oh god, so many... uhm..

I looked at any kind of sports or situation wherever humans are going to extremes like marathon runners or whatever and read about strategies how to train the brain. Because for example if you are running an ultra marathon for days and nights the thing that lets you win it is your ability to focus and keep your mental abilities functioning.

I read a lot also about how patients are recovering after a coma (I was bed ridden for a long time and trained my legs like patients after a coma or a stroke are doing it).

I am writing this down because it shows that we can learn and adopt skills from almost everywhere and everyone.

 

Here are some other things I did:

- build up a daily structure/routine and repeat it each day no matter how you feel. At the beginning my routine was only showering and eating

- make a list for each day: 2 points of things you have to do like cooking you something and take a shower and then 2 things that would normally (without depression) have brought you the feeling of joy. - this trains the brain to re-learn enjoying things and the day is not only doing stuff you do not like

- do not allow yourself to go into self-pity or hatred or any other negative feelings, instead be kind to you like a good mum would do it, but push yourself to do your daily routine

- talk to a good friend or here on bb about the feelings and thoughts, but then return to the real world and do some practical stuff

 

The best thing I did was: Whenever I needed a new strategy or solution or idea I searched. I went to offline groups, I went to doctors, I read books.

In the end I have wasted much time but also have become the ultimate expert for myself.

[[co...]]

Severe depression 22 months out... I'm wondering the same. The only way I see people not being depressed through this is,

 

1. They are not suffering mentally as bad as others and have fairly good sleep architecture

2. They have a good support structure in place; financially, socially, and environmental

3. They have managed to continue on with their lives which is still giving them hope ie. work, hobbies, distractions, family

4. They have managed to have windows where their symptoms have faded to manageable levels showing them that they will heal

 

...there are probably more things to add to this list but I think these are the fundamentals when speaking of resiliency.

 

Then there's the whole argument of chemical imbalances to consider and whether or not that depressive shift is now permanent if you buy into this theoretical approach. Which is hard not to based on the many people who become functional on antidepressants.

 

Most of what we are experiencing I believe is anxiety related in all of it's different presentations.

 

[[bo...]]

Hi, Colley.

Based on your list I have all those things in place. I'm sleeping well. I have family support. I'm pretty functional through all this. The only thing I've really given up is social drinking. I've had a few windows. I'm nearing five months and was not depressed to this extent before all this. I was certainly not having dark thoughts nor was I obsessed with my health conditions before the medication.

 

At 22 months, would you consider an antidepressant? I have read mixed opinions. Some people have said it helped them and others not so much. At 22 months, it seems like something else might be going on besides withdrawal, but I'm not an expert by any means.

[[co...]]

Yes... have considered an AD but have trialled a couple already early in withdrawal. I can never stay on them for more than a few days. So yes, I agree, something else is definitely going on. But... I still have head pressure and some pain so that's what has been holding me back... thinking it's still withdrawal.

 

I'm just really hesitant to take an AD again... I tried many before withdrawal for about a year but I believe I was having issues with Benzos at the time (on and off, dosage changes, etc..) so none of them were going to work properly for me at least. So now I may have to endure trying to get on one again.... it's pretty much the last thing I want to do, but every week becomes just another week that I have to struggle through each day. I wouldn't even know where to start again; SSRI, SNRI, TCA, etc... I'd almost rather call it a day then to even have to think about it again. Really thought it was just withdrawal this whole time, but I can't really believe that anymore.

[[bo...]]

I'm coming back to this thread after another three months. Still feeling depression at 7.5 months of Klonopin. How are other people feeling in this thread? I know many of you were already healed of the depression before. I just feel completely numb to everything.

[[Fa...]]

Just over 8 months. I feel the same way but it seems to be more sporadic. Anxiety is more dominant now. But then I cry because I get so tired if the anxiety. It's hard to feel love. I feel empty also. Not empty... Numb maybe? It's weird.  It's hard to describe. I overthink, that's for sure.  I go from blaming one thing to another. I read success stories and just can't possibly imagine that there could be a day where I never think about this again. 

[[bo...]]

I agree with you, FakeIt. Really hard to see a day when this will be better, when I won't think about this anymore, even after reading countless success stories. I know that by this forum's standards we are early on in the withdrawal process, but it's so hard not feeling like yourself, not wanting to do anything on a day to day, not having any interests, and then the worst of it, thinking there is no way out but doing something drastic. It is really scary. I feel like I've emotionally flat lined and can't connect with anyone anymore. Even just trying to have a normal conversation takes up so much energy.