also having serious depression, need help

[[as...]]

yesterday i had to updose my valium from 6mg to 7.5 mg in an attempt to stabilize.  i am in severe depression/anxiety mode.  my family loves me but they keep telling me i need to be on this stuff.  i don't agree but i am also losing hope in getting off of it.  i had to drop all but one of my classes yesterday and i am wondering if i can even manage to complete the one class.  i cannot quit crying.  it is truly horrible.

[[Pa...]]

Yes it is truly horrible and you might have to drop this one class, benzo withdrawal seems to take center stage.  This is a difficult time and for many of us, the worst thing we've ever experienced, so try to go easy on yourself.  Increasing your dose will not help you at this point.  Even if you get some temporary relief, you'll soon grow tolerant to it and have to increase again and again.  Your only hope lies in decreasing and ridding your body of this drug, and finally healing from the damage it's done to you.

 

You probably need to think long and hard about what you need to do, then sit down with your family and discuss it with them.  This process requires 100% commitment on your part, but I want you to know that the end result is worth it.  Getting off of this drug and healing from it has brought new meaning to my life, I wish this for you as well.

[[as...]]

thank you.  it is extremely frustrating.

[[Pa...]]

One thing to consider is distraction and how it helps us.  I had to go to work and was able to 3 weeks after my cold turkey, I hated it, it was difficult but it was distraction.  If I would have had to sit in my house and have nothing but my symptoms for company those many months, I know it would have been a lot more difficult.  Please give this some thought.

[[gi...]]

Oh Ashlandah, I am so sorry to hear what you are going thru right now.  I know how scary all of this is and how it also completely disrupts our lives and our plans.  I know your family probably thinks that you need this because they see what you are going thru in withdrawls and it scares them.

Rightfully so, because it also scares us.  Please know that all of what you are experiencing is normal.  I have experienced it and so has Pam and countless others.  Updosing to just "feel normal"  is not generally a good answer . The amount of updosing will increase very quickly until no amount of updosing will work. Been there and done that.

Have you read the Ashton manual?  Do you have a tapering schedule?  I have found that even when I was tapering that some cuts were worse then other cuts regardless of the dosage.  Just seems to be one of those strange things that happens.  This may just be one of those cuts. Why not just give yourself a little break,  do some healthy research,  find a good doctor , educate your family and then proceed onward at a pace that is good for you.  This is not easy, but it is so so worth it once you are off.

Hugs to you.    Ginia

[[ve...]]

Hi Ash.  I just posted on another thread regarding your depression and recent move.  Just read that you updosed to stabilize.  I did the same thing a couple of times last year.  Sometimes the anxiety can really get to you when you're not sure of whether you're stable or not with your dose.  Once you are stable and have a good plan in place, it should go much smoother.  There will still be difficult times during the taper but you will have lots of support here and hopefully your family will understand and be supportive as well.  I realized that valium longterm is no answer.  I thought at first maybe the 5mg I was taking could be taken longterm to keep the edge off but I soon realized that one becomes tolerant and needs more and more, 6mg, 7mg and not even doing what the original 5mg did.  I was not about to let it get to 10mg and beyond.  So I started my taper and got off slowly.  I will never touch another benzo again.  Wishing you the same.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[Be...]]

Hi Ash,

 

Please listen to everything that your buddies have told you in their posts.  This drug is not the answer to your current problems.  Please try to explain to your family the nature of this type of med, and how you would have to take more and more and more until you were a virtual zombie in order for it to "work", and even then it will eventually crap out on you. 

 

We are always here to support you and help you through this.

[[as...]]

thank you so much.  i am very determined to get off this stuff.  i think it is evil and want nothing more to do with it.  i am formulating a plan to get off in a way that will be easier for me.  i am going to stay at 7mg till my pills run out, @ 20 days, since i am still trying to stabilize.  then i plan to switch to liquid valium and do a 1% cut each week if that works out with the dosing syringe.  if i see that i am doing well after a month, then maybe i will up the taper to 2 or 3% each week and just see how things go from month to month.  i don't want to drag it out but i do need to function and have some sort of 'normal' life during this process.  my family is being very supportive though some think i need to stay on meds and have mentioned going into a treatment center.  but as of today, i feel like i am turning a corner and starting to stabilize.  i absolutely do not want to go into a treatment center where i know i would just obsess about the drugs and possibly lose my mind for real.  i do believe that once i stabilize and hold for awhile, that i can deal with the withdrawal at the very slow taper rate. 

[[gi...]]

Sounds like a great plan of action and a wonderful attitude !! 

[[La...]]

Hi Ash...

 

I am in the same mode as are you. So awful.

 

I agree distraction is a good idea. I have tried to let things go and do very simple things. Yesterday my daughter (20) and I played very simple board games in my bed. We watched a movie I like. I was better while those things were going on. Lost it when they weren't.

 

Today I am researching online as I can to find info to convince my caretaker about the valium taper. Trying to avoid stressors. Crying a lot. Trying to act as if I have the flu. Letting my kids bring me water, baby me, bring me food.

 

It is so awful. I know. Hang in there. I'll virtually hang on to you.

 

-L

[[as...]]

yes, it is really tough.  thank you for posting.  my doc says that my plan to taper 1% each week will take 2 years and he isn't on board with that.  i am revising it to 0.25mg per week with liquid valium.  i hope he will just say ok and give my the prescription and then i will just do what i can to taper slow.  maybe 1% is ridiculously slow but i just cannot deal with these horrible symptoms.  i want it to go away so bad.  i want to be a normal person.  at 0.25mg per week off of 7mg, means a 7 month taper.  i just hope i can actually handle that rate.  i think my problem right now is that i never got the equivalency between clonazepam and valium correct to begin with so I am trying to stabilize at 7mg for a month and then start tapering again.  we can do this together.  how much are you on at this time and which drug?  i got a little confused reading your post.  but i get confused a lot lately.

[[st...]]

Hey Ash, As you probably know your doc may have messed you up a great deal by not crossing you over to the appropriate amount of Valium.  I'm sorry for your suffering.  The depression coupled with anxiety is the worst.  I do so much hope that you are able to stabilize soon and begin a reasonable taper when you feel ready.  Peace, Darrin

[[ve...]]

Hi Ash.  My understanding is that the equivalency of clonopin to valium is 20 fold.  So if you were taking 0.75 and crossed to 7.5mg valium, I believe you roughly went from 15mg valium to 7.5mg valium from July to August.  It's no wonder you are feeling so crappy after a 50% reduction.  I would post your situation in the taper section of forum.  What are your main s/x now?  If it were me, I might consider updosing to 8mg or possibly a little more, holding for ten days and tapering slowly from there.  Once you are stable, you "should" be able to taper the remaining 8mg in about a year.  I am not a doctor so always check with your physician with your tapering decisions.

 

Best wishes,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[Be...]]

 I would post your situation in the taper section of forum.  

Vertigo (no more)

 

Good advice from Verti 

[[as...]]

thank you all so much.  i posted a response on another thread regarding my situation.  i am determined to stay at 7mg till the end of October at least.  i am seeing some improvement in my symptoms.  my symptoms are primarily severe anxiety, uncontrollable crying, depression, and leg cramping.  the mornings are the worse.  my symptoms get less severe by around 11am and are better the rest of the day.

[[st...]]

Ash, Your first step was huge.  If you can hold on to the end of October that would be great.  My first cut was from 1mg to 0.75mg per my MD's advice it hurt a lot and I waited a month before I tried to cut again.  I'm glad to hear that things get better for you as the day progresses that has been my typical experience as well.  Wishing you peace and joy.  Darrin

[[Be...]]

I'm happy to hear that you are starting to feel a little more stable.  Hold as long as you need to, okay?  Don't let your doctor, or anyone else, pressure you into going faster than you feel comfortable.

 

Wishing you all the very best.