Praise God, i made it to the other side

[[wh...]]

abcd:

 

Yes, we really want to forget those symptoms for sure.

 

I forgot another major symptom which was very distressing which has virtually disappeared and that is shortness of breath. I became SOB every time I spoke or did anything. and I could not do relaxation breathing, which I had done for years prior to all this. It was very distressing. One day after my brain "started working again" I realized breathing had returned to normal. I can take a deep breath now, and I can focus on my breathing without being stressed at how messed up it was. That happened overnight. It' gone. Completely!

[[an...]]

Hi who-am-i,

 

Congrats on your recovery! Are you fully 100% recovered or do you have any lingering sxs that are still present? Also, did you ever have severe insomnia and broken sleep?

[[wh...]]

anongrl:

 

I hesitate to say 100%, because I do have other health issues that I'm dealing with unrelated to WD.

 

But sleep, which was virtually nonexistent, has improved greatly. I'm not waking up every hour as I was, or getting up at 5 am which I did most days because once I was awake, it was pointless to even try to go back to sleep. I can even take a short nap during the day, which I also could not do for 3 years. Getting a decent amount of sleep I know is helping everything. I believe that now that breathing has returned to normal sleep is not being interrupted either. So hold on, once you hit that point where your brain has healed (and it will come, in time) so many things go back to normal.

 

 

[[Bu...]]

 

Oh Who I am,

 

What a beautiful message of inspiration, hope, perseverance and faith... More than anything else I see your success story as a testimony to the presence and power of God. Being a saved Christian for many years, I finally gave my healing and recovery to Jesus and got out of my own way. Like with you the spirit soon took over and set me on a healing path, pointing me where I needed to be.

 

I too lost my Mom in the midst of my darkest days, but somehow the Spirit carried me through it all, my emotional healing is also complete, yours will be soon as well, so sorry for your loss, God Bless You.

 

Thanks for sharing,

 

Wilson 

 

This beautiful guided prayer really helped me during my darkest times, 6 minutes...

[[wh...]]

What a great name, BuhbyeBenzos!

 

Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry to hear you too lost your mother during this. Life will never be the same, and I am still coming to terms with that. I do feel myself trying to channel her strength though, now more than ever.

 

Yes, God does work in mysterious ways, and while we would never ever have chosen to go down the road we traveled, we have become stronger in our faith. We have to look for the good, and what a gift that we found it.

 

Thank you for the meditation. It is beautiful. I absolutely could not meditate in WD, and I tried. Fear had taken over my brain, and every day I tried to focus on gratitude and love because I know the brain cannot feel fear and love at the same time. It was hard. But now, it's easy. For that I say thank you, all day long!

 

I've left a song for you BuhbyeBenzos:

 

 

 

[[Bu...]]

What a great name, BuhbyeBenzos!

 

Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry to hear you too lost your mother during this. Life will never be the same, and I am still coming to terms with that. I do feel myself trying to channel her strength though, now more than ever.

 

Yes, God does work in mysterious ways, and while we would never ever have chosen to go down the road we traveled, we have become stronger in our faith. We have to look for the good, and what a gift that we found it.

 

Thank you for the meditation. It is beautiful. I absolutely could not meditate in WD, and I tried. Fear had taken over my brain, and every day I tried to focus on gratitude and love because I know the brain cannot feel fear and love at the same time. It was hard. But now, it's easy. For that I say thank you, all day long!

 

I've left a song for you BuhbyeBenzos:

 

 

Hello Who I AM, (see what I did there?)

 

Thanks for the beautiful song, yes what we think we become, I choose Love every time! We as Christians represent our Lord and must always be mindful of what we project so that we reflect positively on our Savior... Its easy when we let the Spirit guide us, kindness and compassion are so needed in this world.

 

Holding my Mom's hand as she took her last breath was extremely difficult yet beautiful in so many ways, I would not have changed a thing... She was saved and is preparing a home for us in Heaven, love is the stuff of God and thus it is eternal... I'm glad you draw strength from your Mom's spirit and pray that you reach a place of true closure and peace.

 

I can relate to your problems with meditation during taper, I too had some rough times with it. I had some very troubling intrusions from satan trying to separate me from God, he attacks our weaknesses and also our strengths... I would always just cry out to Jesus and remind him of his promises, he always brought me through and we overcame. I am so blessed and humbled by the Grace of Christ and what I went through has made me a better man and Christian. The rest of my life is a bonus and I have committed it all to serving God, Christ and others.

 

Here is one for you my Friend, may God continue to bless you and continue your healing, with Love,

 

Wilson 

 

[[Su...]]

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I feel you! God bless you!!!

[[wh...]]

Thank you Wilson. God bless you, too. We are so very blessed indeed.

[[ho...]]

Who Am I,

 

I'm just curious as to who you may have had around you when your mom passed. In terms of family/support. My Mom is elderly and in poor health and we are preparing for her end of days. Last year she rallied back from a nasty case of pneumonia. She almost died then. This year we are trying to manage as best we can her failing health. She has been on in and off Benzos her entire adult life. She is currently on restoril. Although she acknowledges that much of her suffering can be attributed to these pills she's far to late in the game to make a change. She only recognized the symptoms because I became educated and shared all that I have learned these past couple years with her. Anyways I'm alone in that there's no other family besides her and myself. My father died long ago and my brother committed suicide more than a decade ago. Thank God I am in recovery now and able to meet many of her needs. Did you go it alone with your mom or did you have help. I vaguely remember asking you this before, maybe last summer. I'm looking for support and am greatful for any insight you may have to offer. Thank you for sharing your story again.

 

Peace &Love

Hope &Faith

 

God Bless you!!

[[So...]]

I love your story, even though you are still grieving your mom's passing. You are lucky in the sense that you were there for her. My mom lives in South America and I get to see her only once a year; she is ill, and she can go any day now. There is not a single day that I don't think about her, and I wish I were there holding her hand. I am happy for you that you are healing and have so much love and hope in you. Wish you the best 

[[Bu...]]

 

Hi Team...

 

This thread has become so touching and beautiful... All of this talk of Mom's... I had a wonderful dream of my Mom last night, she looked good, renewed to her youthful self, God is Amazing...  :'(

 

Blessings,

 

 

Wilson

[[fr...]]

I'm so sorry for your loss!

 

What a beautiful Success Story.  Thank you for sharing it!

 

I, too, lost my mother while I was in recovery.  And, I found God in recovery, too.  It is bittersweet and I'm sure your mom felt so blessed to have you for her daughter.  My mom died while still dependent on Xanax, and I didn't even know it until about a year before she passed away...  it's a long story of how benzo's have been in the background of my life and I never even knew it (and, as was mentioned here, it was too late in the game for her to come off of them); but, watching what she went through to accommodate her addiction, it doubled my resolve to get off the meds.

 

I, too, healed completely and thank God every single day. 

 

I pray abundant blessings for you and yours, and couldn't be more happy for your recovery!  Again, my condolences for losing your beloved mother.

 

Freida

 

 

[[wh...]]

frieda8,

 

Thank you for your kind words and condolences. Bittersweet is really the best way to describe it, and sadly you know what that is. I'm sorry to hear you lost your mother while she was still in the grip of benzos. That has to be difficult. For me, the knowledge of the destruction these drugs cause and the anger about it never really goes away completely. During WD, I learned that Valium took down my beloved Aunt, and I can still hardly bare to think about it.

 

Out of respect for my mother, I cannot write details of what she went through. It is too personal. But I am angry at what the medical community put her through. I will say though that even in her suffering, she taught me lessons that I now, today, am emulating. She was a giver her whole life and gave up until the very end.

 

God bless you frieda, we are blessed to be on the other side of our suffering and every day is filled with the joy of knowing that our Lord is with us. And one day, we will be together with our moms. I believe this will all my heart.

[[wh...]]

Update on symptoms:

 

Wanted to check in with an update, especially since I've been going through some waves recently. I don't really feel the need to log on to BB's as I was ready to get on with life after losing so much time to the benzo beast, but wanted to share some insights. It's painful to come here, too, since a few connections I thought I had made here made it clear they didn't want to communicate with me anymore.

 

I think the nervous system remains fragile for a very long time after benzos. Add to that the environmental toxins we are exposed to daily, (recently discovered GeoEngineering and that has ruined my outdoor walks) and the fact that we heal is nothing short of a miracle really. Stress remains a problem, and emotional stress remains something that can set me back. I know I'm going backwards when I cannot follow through on things I've done with ease my whole life, like keep my home tidy and organized. Also, the sense of pleasure in getting things organized has not quite returned to what it was, so even when I do have energy to tackle things that sense of happiness in waking up to a tidy home is just not there.

 

I still find myself jumping from one thing to the next while trying to accomplish anything. I did recently have the three year neurological exam with neuro-cognitive testing and it showed improvements, again, but short term memory is still impaired. That was disappointing, but trying to focus on the improvements with hopes that memory will continue to improve over time. Time has a whole new meaning in healing from this...

 

I still avoid going to the doctor unless it's absolutely necessary, and I've had some issues so it couldn't be avoided. Going to any doctor is always stressful as it reminds me of the hell they put me through and what a lie and joke western medicine is. I have finally gotten to a place where I view them as misguided and don't take what I (and all of us) have been put through personally, but it took a long time to get there. I can still get angry at them if I chose to think about it, so I try not to. I am finding most of what we have been taught our entire lives is a big lie, and see the world very differently now.

 

All we can do is let time heal, try and eat healthy, get out in nature and find joy in the little things in life. In the end, there is precious little we can control.

 

It is still a miracle to me that our bodies can heal the way they do. God created something amazing when he created us, that is pretty clear to me now.

[[Ar...]]

Thank you for your success story.  My faith has carried me this far.  I look forward to the day that I will sing my praises too.  Many blessings to you and your family.

Sending joy and love to you. 

[[ja...]]

Congratulations, so very happy for you!

 

Jackie 

[[Te...]]

Update on symptoms:

 

Wanted to check in with an update, especially since I've been going through some waves recently. I don't really feel the need to log on to BB's as I was ready to get on with life after losing so much time to the benzo beast, but wanted to share some insights. It's painful to come here, too, since a few connections I thought I had made here made it clear they didn't want to communicate with me anymore.

 

I think the nervous system remains fragile for a very long time after benzos. Add to that the environmental toxins we are exposed to daily, (recently discovered GeoEngineering and that has ruined my outdoor walks) and the fact that we heal is nothing short of a miracle really. Stress remains a problem, and emotional stress remains something that can set me back. I know I'm going backwards when I cannot follow through on things I've done with ease my whole life, like keep my home tidy and organized. Also, the sense of pleasure in getting things organized has not quite returned to what it was, so even when I do have energy to tackle things that sense of happiness in waking up to a tidy home is just not there.

 

I still find myself jumping from one thing to the next while trying to accomplish anything. I did recently have the three year neurological exam with neuro-cognitive testing and it showed improvements, again, but short term memory is still impaired. That was disappointing, but trying to focus on the improvements with hopes that memory will continue to improve over time. Time has a whole new meaning in healing from this...

 

I still avoid going to the doctor unless it's absolutely necessary, and I've had some issues so it couldn't be avoided. Going to any doctor is always stressful as it reminds me of the hell they put me through and what a lie and joke western medicine is. I have finally gotten to a place where I view them as misguided and don't take what I (and all of us) have been put through personally, but it took a long time to get there. I can still get angry at them if I chose to think about it, so I try not to. I am finding most of what we have been taught our entire lives is a big lie, and see the world very differently now.

 

All we can do is let time heal, try and eat healthy, get out in nature and find joy in the little things in life. In the end, there is precious little we can control.

 

It is still a miracle to me that our bodies can heal the way they do. God created something amazing when he created us, that is pretty clear to me now.

 

Wow, I could have written a lot of what you've written myself. Thank you so much for coming back. I, too, believe the CNS remains fragile for quite some time AFTER symptoms seem to subside. Although I'm not by any means healed, I see glimpses here and there of the real me. I, too, have had a difficult time keeping my place neat and clean, and I was always kind of a neatnik. I also hate going to the doctor. I've had to take bp pills for the benzo anxiety, and of course I have to go back to get refills. I've had a TERRIBLE time with doctors, too. I'm afraid that my anger will last for quite some time. My cognition is still lacking, although improving. I, too, jump from one thing to another, but that's improving finally, although it isn't healed. I also find that stress can remain for a long time, unfortunately. It's my worst symptom.

 

I'm sorry some of the people on BB have shunned you. That is unfair. But you have persisted in getting better, have worked very hard, and I have no doubt that you will truly heal. You are a true warrior. Never forget that!!

 

I'm still in this. I stopped K on March 10, 2014, but it's been an uphill climb because of the pills, which I think stand in the way. And I've made many mistakes, not understanding what I was going through and how very difficult benzo effects can be.

 

Rest assured, YOU WILL HEAL COMPLETELY!! And a huge CONGRATULATIONS for getting this far and for being honest.

[[Ti...]]

Life can be so bittersweet, and this thread gives me belief in the human spirit to overcome. As I walk through this post benzo WD with encouraging days, and not so encouraging ones, I KNOW I wouldn’t be this far without the success stories of all of you. It is real people recovering from life on life’s terms. No sugar coating, no fantasy tales.

 

Very thankful for your testimonies.

 

Tigereye

[[Fe...]]

I'm really sorry for your loss,  :'( but also:  you did so good! And I'm so happy for you that you've come this for. YOU DID IT

 

wenn

[[Fe...]]

I just read back a little and it seems that you're not having easy times, so I wanted to rectify my precious post and wish you much strength as well. Life will always be full of moments to learn

 

wenn

[[wh...]]

To all the kind replies:

 

Thank you to all and I apologize for the late response. The last time I logged in I was under time constraints and also a great deal of stress. (During those times I often just cannot write much of anything.) My mother's home sold and we were still in the process of going through her things. She saved everything, and going through all the sweet things she saved from all of us kids was incredibly emotional. I still miss her terribly and find I'm growing more grateful each day for all the valuable lessons she taught me in life. She always looked on the bright side and it is what allowed her to overcome unbelievable obstacles early in her life.

 

Arkansas1122: your faith willget you through this. I can say without doubt that my faith has been strengthened because of all of this, I'm not sure how I would have done it without God. Stay strong, I firmly believe we all heal, it just takes time. 

 

Jackie Brown: Thank you. We all heal, we really do! 

 

Terry38: Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. YES, we are all warriors. I love that symbology because it reminds us that we are strong and have to keep fighting for our wellness. It's a battle we will win, and in the process we learn to become strong!

 

tigereye: Thank you. Yes, no sugar coating. This process is about as real as it gets, and we learn not to stress about the things that don't really matter very quickly. 

 

FemWen: Thank you so much. We learn that we are stronger than we think we are, that's for sure. 

 

I am wishing each of you continued wellness. Stay strong, and thank you for your kindness. Kindness goes a long way, especially when we are fragile.

 

We are all warriors, and we will win this fight!

 

who-am-i

[[wh...]]

4 Year update/insights:

 

BB's:

 

Just wanted to come back and report progress at the 4 year mark.

 

I've given it some thought, and the best way I can describe it is that while I have improved greatly, what seems to be still missing is that spark that makes me, me. I think it's a combination of still having an inability to stay completely focused on one thing for any length of time, and the drive or motivation to accomplish things that I once had. The neurologist explained that when short term memory is impaired, the brain shuts down with too much information. She said that this is what is affecting the ability to stay focused. Anyway, this issue is still there but all we can do is keep moving forward.

 

I still have days when everything is running great. Able to focus, stay on task and get things done. The one thing that disturbed me greatly was the lack of a sense of satisfaction at having cleaned my house. You know, the feeling we get when we wake up and the house is straightened up. It feels good. That wasn't there. I'm writing because this is actually coming back and I care again. To me this is huge!

 

A stressful year, I believe, set me back in healing. Stress seems to be the one thing I'm still ultra sensitive to. Some stress we can minimize, and some we can't because that's life. All we can do is control the things we have control over, and just continue to soldier on.

[[Ca...]]

Dear Who-Am-I,

  Thank you for the four year update. It's good to hear you are improving. What a long road! I'm encouraged to read you felt the 3 year mark was a turning point. Many blessings to you as you make your way to a full recovery.

 

Warmly,

Carita 

[[Ma...]]

I'm sorry if this is rather short, but I wanted to say that I am healed. (I had begun writing a detailed story but felt it best not to finish it or put any more energy into it at this time) I'm thinking clearly, able to write again and keep my home somewhat orderly, not over thinking every small thing or decision or second guessing everything, and I get up each day with enthusiasm. Sleep actually has improved. I'm reconnecting with old friends and realizing that in the end, we find out who our true friends are. I feel blessed and wake up each day thanking God for my healing, as it came when my mother who recently went through a horrific illness needed me the most. I was there for her, and I don' think I could have asked for more. Sadly my mother passed away and I'm still grieving as we were very close. It's been especially hard on my daughter who was very close to her grandma. I'm also grateful I can be fully present now for her, the most important person in my life. She was amazing throughout my healing, and I thank God for her every single day as well.

 

I will always be grateful for the support BB's offered, and all the BB's I met along the way. I know there were times when I was difficult, and I'm sorry for picking fights with some members. Wow, I sure was angry at how long this was taking and in the process lashed out. It was true benzo rage. Now that it's over, I just want to move forward and live life. The smallest things now brings me joy, a joy that can't be described. I'm grateful for everything, and especially how this ordeal strengthened my faith in God. Even though I couldn't feel my faith for a long time, he really was there all along.

 

I believe we all heal. I didn't believe it for a very long time. It really did seem to happen overnight, and for me the magic number was three years. (I'm glad I didn't know it would take that long 3 years ago though.) The thing is, healing does happen. So if you're tired and don't believe it will happen, try to keep moving forward, one day at a time, and know that is does.

 

Stay strong, because you are.

 

who-am-i

 

Your story is very wise and touching.  I am so sorry about your mom but she still walking next to you. Thank you for taking the time to write it.  I hope you have a wonderful life

[[es...]]

that's so great. I'm so glad you're well and that you wearable to be a support for your mother when she needed you. all the best.