Can reinstatement restabilization really take this long? it's been 3 weeks

[[no...]]

It's been about 3 weeks since I reinstated and nothing is happening fast. My vision has returned to almost normal - big thing! But the ear ringing won't let up. There are other 'sides' that won't go away so I'm wondering too, when the hell does one get stable? Haven't touched the beer or weeds but the weight has jumped up 15 lbs  - 207 to 220. Another good thing.

 

Guess it's a slow process or I'm kindled whatever that means.

 

I stared a cooking job and am sore as FK all over but that was a pre existing condition from the Vs

Hold tight buddy!

 

 

Hi LHB  I have recently up-dosed after speaking with B.A.T and explained why  on another thread its a long couple of posts I put on there so to save trying to repeat it all here's the link below this post, you can read it on there, and on there. I also bought up that on there before I knew benzos were the problem, I did realise eventually  that whatever it was drinking made it even worse, and when I did work out it was benzos I stopped drinking and smoking on  the day I found out Benzos were the problem and that was two years ago 

 

Also it can take weeks and in some cases up to  2 to 3 months to stabilise on an updose/reinstatement , and some people will feel worse before they get better as well. I have read old posts on here where others did it and said in the beginning they felt worse for a bit then were good eventually. I had tried a one off small up-dosed before but like everyone else thought if it never worked the first time it doesn't work but I was wrong and know better now, you have to be patient and wait.

 

The same as you hold a cut you need to hold an updose/reinstatement  for a while until it stabilises, then you can resume tapering once you feel more balanced its not a cop out or putting off the inevitable sometimes we need to go back in order to keep moving forwards. I am looking forward to resuming my taper once I can sort myself out as on top of everything else I have the neighbour from hell living upstairs making everything 100 times harder and it would be hard enough If I was in a peaceful environment.

 

I intend to move once I get stable then continue with a very slow taper as its not how quick you can get off that counts but being able to live a life with minimal or no symptoms as right now I have no life at all.  Although I do try to keep positive its hard under my circumstances living in this environment while tapering is impossible and I was on a high doses of  different benzos  , and got myself right down but can't go no further right now . 

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=153201.msg2265697#msg2265697

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

 

 

Since I up-dosed I had 3 rough days and five  improved days already but people need to know that up-dosing isn't linear either, it can swing both ways until you stabilise and once again I need to say for some there maybe an improvement right off or over a few days but mainly it can take a few weeks to a few month. On a ratings scale of where I was last Sunday when I first up-dosed to how I feel today I would put it at 40% better than I've been over the last few months, it may flip into a wave it may get better. But I chose to updose after being stuck for two years an didn't take doing it lightly

 

But for the first time I'm actually sat up in my clothes not my pyjamas I've been to unwell to even change into a clean pair for 3 months that's how bad its been and I have clean ones here, it hurt too much to get dressed and undressed and I couldn't stand my day clothes touching my body. While I still can't get out in the day due to certain symptoms, yesterday and today I have walked to two places at 4-5am in the morning I've been unable to walk to for over a year, my symptoms have been up and down, but looking at my chart on my PC certain things have improved that I never noticed. I am very aware it can suddenly turn full circle as its not linear too but right now its feels league away from where I was.

 

I have in two minds about upping the dose by another 1mg( witch would then make it a two and a half MG updose)  but over the last 3 days some of my worse painful symptoms have dropped down, and today they are negligible compared to how they were, I will keep updating as I go along.  My only regret is I didn't do this two years ago and suffered absolute hell after being scared by the Dogma on here regarding up-dosing/reinstatement.

 

I spoke to B.A.T about it again today and they also agreed with what Blaggybum said in a post that people who reinstated and said it didn't work should change it to ''I never held the updose/reinstatement long enough for it to work''. Also they don't believe in kindling either but that's another topic. I hope people don't turn this thread into argument central then get it closed down because it differs from what's quite rigid beliefs across the forum.

 

I also bought into a few of them while in a delicate frame of mind but am now through personal experience of what I now remember from  BEFORE joining the forum and since joining the forum viewing many things differently. After all the purpose of this forum is  to give every body all and any available information that may help someone else's situation, nobody is telling anyone to play follow the leader but we all have a right to make  choices. I have tried everything except up dosing I choose to do it am glad I did it no matter what happens its still something else I can put a cross or tick next too, time helps but so does trying something different if something's not working to the point your survival is on the line. It was do or die so I did.

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

Today I'm having a crap time  really and suffering    but that's how it goes, we just have to be patient  stability will come eventually

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[lo...]]

Dear love and hate Benzo I see you have set Jan 1st to start tapering - there is a possibility you may not have stabilised by then of you may stabilise tomorrow I wouldn't set time limits on it but do you really want to taper when unstable ?

 

Of course I don't, I'm just scared that these symptoms that aren't really stabilizing, won't stabilize, and I'll be forced to rapid taper or something because of 'paradoxical effects and kindling' and all that crap people throw around on here. I'm just scared as something feels different this time... when I was thrown into that hell I havnt quite been able to get both hands out yet

[[Pl...]]

Dear love and hate Benzo I see you have set Jan 1st to start tapering - there is a possibility you may not have stabilised by then of you may stabilise tomorrow I wouldn't set time limits on it but do you really want to taper when unstable ?

 

Of course I don't, I'm just scared that these symptoms that aren't really stabilizing, won't stabilize, and I'll be forced to rapid taper or something because of 'paradoxical effects and kindling' and all that crap people throw around on here. I'm just scared as something feels different this time... when I was thrown into that hell I havnt quite been able to get both hands out yet

 

Landh.... If you arparadoxical to a med can you really fast taper? Don't you still have to go at a decent pace so as not to create other sxs?

 

I know for sure that I'm paradoxical to an extent but worry rapid taper will make other sxs worse...

Just wondering...

[[bl...]]

Dear love and hate you are not paradoxical you would know after one tablet that word is used incorrectly on this forum much of the time - I am a biochemist I know the true meaning. As for kindling what does that even mean there is only use of the word on here and a wikipedia page to support the concept there are no valid studies to support the way it is used on the forum. I felt like crap 3 weeks after reinstatement and thought I would never stabilise I bet everyone thinks that well according to bat they do, I felt even worse week 6 then started to get full good days week 7 onwards, went backwards week 9 then just knew I was stable week 11. Everyone is different but I am glad I was patient and didn't start chopping till stabikisation occurred have had only minor symptoms for a couple if days from cut 1. Patience is key. I never believed 2 months ago I would feel good enough to go back to work but I do. Stabillusation is an interesting concept there is a great thread on the survivingantideoressants forum discussing it - good place to go as many of those people are on Benzo as well and it's just well more open minded. Xx

[[bl...]]

Oh and rapid tapering is a poor idea for anyone you will then likely be non functional and have protracted symptoms post taper but without the structure of tapering. That's my opinion anyway but check out the signatures of the people on the protracted section of this forum x

[[ly...]]

 

Hello Love,

 

I know that it's very difficult to be patient when things don't seem to be getting better and actually seem worse.  I really don't know whether some don't benefit from an updose OR simply don't give it enough time.  I would guess that it's the latter.  I think that I would give it a decent amount of time rather than cut when having bad wd sxs.  I can't believe that it's ever a good thing to put your brain into further stress when it's already in chaos.  I think that even Ashton says that holds of 2 months may be needed.  This is what I remember from reading the manual(?).

 

Anyway, I don't have experience with an updose but I do have experience with allowing my brain a long time to recover.  You can imagine what I went through when I cut from 8mg/day of xanax to 2mg - in one fell swoop.  It was very bad.  It took 3 months to get to a point where I felt well enough to cut again.  Then I cut from 2mg to 1mg, again overnight.  Another long hold came of that uninformed maneuver.

 

This past Spring I again went too fast.  At 5 weeks I was still getting new sxs.  By 2 months I felt well and then held another 2 to give my brain some unstressed time for further recovery.  Since then I have been able to taper without much trouble.  I do think it worthwhile to get on solid footing.  Of course, my experience is my experience but others have had the same result.

 

I have no opinion about paradoxical experiences but I did not develop any so-called tolerance wd and I've held as long as 8 months (and felt great!).

 

I'm not a doctor or scientist but my brain did recover and I am doing well.

[[Pl...]]

Oh and rapid tapering is a poor idea for anyone you will then likely be non functional and have protracted symptoms post taper but without the structure of tapering. That's my opinion anyway but check out the signatures of the people on the protracted section of this forum x

 

Blaggy bum.. How can you tell if its side effects, w/d ; prior rapid taper/ ct effects made worse?

 

I'm having severe dystonic reactions/storms and TD facial tics all over face and body....my eyes jerk nonstop with my forehead. I also have akasthesia ( rls) from inner torment but my head is severely sedated....

 

It doesn't make sense that head not racing but body has extreme physical anxiety... Its like its only working on me halfway.? Its so frustrating and weird.......

 

Reinstated after 10 months on a different benzo...

 

just switched to pills from milk after being on milk,6 months... Was horrible....

 

holding 2 weeks now .on the pills... Just not sure how to proceed as I don't know what is going on with me....I've made so many errors....

 

 

I am afraid to hold if I'm going to just suffer like this anyway; but fear reducing will make worse in this condition...

 

Any ideas you  may have on what could be going on with me would be so appreciated if you can help.. Its a conundrum and I'm suffering horribly...

 

Am I one of the people that needs off more quickly because its harming me?  I don't know

 

I keep thinking its possible adverse/ toxicity reaction

I am on a dose that is very very high for me and the drug never agreed with me on how it

Made me feel ever

I never felt like myself on any of these meds

Hypersensitive to meds

That's why I think something is wrong

Sorry for the long rant....

 

 

 

 

[[lo...]]

Pleasebehere I hope we get some more opinions on your status, as it is common to many of us here I would think.

[[Pl...]]

Pleasebehere I hope we get some more opinions on your status, as it is common to many of us here I would think.

 

Love,  Please don't let me die ... I'm in horrible torment and I'm scared.... I'm sorry for sounding so desperate and dramatic.... I've just endured for far too long and I can no longer cope... i desperately need relief.... i can't imagine being in this state tapering ...if I knew tapering would relieve the sxs I would start immediately....  I just dont know whats going on...,I'm afraid of the pill doing me in either way...

 

You are kind to show interest in my welfare and I hope your condition resolves sooner then later too..

[[lo...]]

Thank you, you also. I'm also suffering immensely. I do see the other side, but I know it's far far away. I'm only 24 and should be setting up my future, but instead, I'm completely debilitated even back on the meds. Wonderful, isn't it.

[[no...]]

Here is just one of others who also up-dosed Bolders who up-dosed a few times each time to a higher dose, tried to taper several times  and eventually reinstated his whole dose after quite a few failed tapers, then the last taper sailed through it and got off with no problems as well He was on Benzos for 10 years

 

 

]

 

Re: VALIUM/DIAZEPAM SUPPORT GROUP

« Reply #923 on: January 12, 2014, 03:01:43 pm »

 

 

Smiff, so glad I posted today, to be able to read what you've just written. Not 'cos it's positive, but because it's real - and that's the shared journey I value so much. While your specifics vary from mine, we are broadly at a similar place trying to find our way off V, keeping our family and, if possible, our work lives as intact as we can. I really appreciate you saying so much about your situation, it was insightful and helpful, and I relate to much of it. We will get there!

 

Valdoxan - yes subtle, might have held me out of depression if benzo withdrawal wasn't in the mix. I really enjoyed not having the sx of Effexor that I took for 10 years, but down I went again, so we move on.

 

Cuts/Tapers - I have a vague idea how I might proceed, and I'd expect a similar rate to yours. I'm thinking I'll start with a 0.5mg cut and hold for a couple of weeks, and see how that plays out. That's about 0.04 daily. Would be good to move down the first few mgs before titrating, just because it's quite an involved process each day. The other benefit is the ability to assess symptoms, and sit at the next level until happy to move on. Otherwise I'd want to do regular holds with daily reduction anyway, to check that I'm "healing along the way" and not digging a big hole for those last few mgs. You sound super sensitive to these adjustments, particularly with stability and paradoxical reactions - we're different in that regard. I'm not putting any timeframe on it any more - it starts when I'm ready, goes at the pace it goes, and finishes after some really small reductions with fractions of a mg.

 

Updosing - I went (a) hold at 2mg, (b) up to 3mg, © up to 5mg and when after several weeks things were still crap I did the whole original 10mg, hating the fact it was putting back future tapering by a long way. I was not in a good place, but I did talk it through at length with the most sane dear person, and the one who holds me most to account for doing the right thing with the pills - my wife - and we agreed. On reflection, if I had that moment again, I'd have gone to 8mg which I think would have achieved a similar outcome and not sent me backwards so far. It's done now! For you - do what you believe will give you the best chance of being present with the ones you love, and able to function adequately. Balance this with the desire we share not to get pushed back up the ramp again further than necessary. The smaller the updose, I presume the longer it would take for symptoms to diminish. For me, I stand in front of the pill box, ensure my conscience is clear that I'm doing what to the best of my understanding is the most helpful thing, pray for God's grace, and take what I've decided!

 

Teaching - yep yep yep to all of what you've said. In the second half of last year I taught in the mid of cog fog when I could not think straight, had great difficultly marking stuff and knocking out reports, taught with a splitting headache and an unhappy gut. I felt less able to relate to my students (and I like kids and enjoy the rapport with them), and worried that colleagues, parents and student would start asking questions about why I seemed so "half baked" at times. I told my principal what was happening for me, in broad terms, and have a very supportive boss. I had plenty of times questioning whether to throw it in, or at least seek a long term sick leave. Would like to push through - it requires that subtle tapering rate that leaves you functioning well enough to cope. Yes, some early nights are required, some panadol, a bit less marking and preparation for school than I'd usually do, but good enough to keep at it, to cope without each day being a massive challenge just to make it through to the other end. Yep - no flexibility if I'm up front of class and there's an hour to go and I'm floating about in the fog trying to focus on the task at hand, and I'm irritable and anxious and flat and low then it's a hard place to be. But it's where the "true me", the non-benzoed me, wants to be and is a vocation that true me wants to pursue, so I'm hanging on in there. Got a couple of weeks to see my depressive mood improve and then I'm back into it for the hectic start-of-year stuff.

 

Stay on top of the cliff! Bolders

 

 

Here's where he slipped of his last dose

 

New beginnings at taper's end

« on: March 14, 2015, 01:18:18 pm »

 

    Quote

 

Yesterday for the first time in over a decade I didn't take a dose of Benzos. It was truly anticlimactic - I stood in the bathroom staring into my pill box, shrugged and went to bed. In the scheme of things in my life, it's a huge moment for me, and it's been many years coming. Many years since I recognised the harm these pills were doing, and set about trying to get off them. Years of ill-advised rapid tapers, reinstatement, and lost time to resulting ill-health.

 

Benzos still flow in my blood stream, in ever decreasing quantities and now without further reinforcement. I believe I've landed at Zero sufficiently softly, but the next few weeks will tell the story. I'm ready to move on without these poison pills in my life.

 

 

Here is his success story 

 

Emerging from the dark woods, holding hands

« on: November 06, 2015, 02:28:47 pm »

 

    Quote

 

Getting off benzos was hard. Really hard at times. But I’m so incredibly glad I did it. I feel like I’ve been freed to live fully, freed for my body to respond ‘normally’ to stresses and to anxiety. Six months on from my last ½mg of diazepam (valium) I’m still healing in ever more subtle ways… but these addictive pills are well and truly behind me.

 

I wanted to stop taking benzos for about four years before I finally managed to do it. I don’t think I lacked resolve or willingness. There are two reasons it took so long. The first was lack of knowledge about how to do it. The medical advice I was given was to taper in a matter of a couple of weeks, which I did several times, progressively more conservatively. That ended badly more than once. Badly enough to be hospitalised, and more recently badly enough to be sick for weeks and months on end. Sick from benzo withdrawal. Agitated, headachy, anxious, benzo belly, fatigued, restless, endlessly questioning the latest symptom and whether it can really be from taking less of those pills. I read a lot in my quest to understand benzos, what they are, how they work, the varieties they come in and how the heck to get off them without life falling apart along the way. I stumbled in here to benzobuddies, reading from the sidelines and eventually joining and participating in the community. Best thing I ever did. Among the crankies, the crazies and the nay-sayers are a vast throng of ‘seekers’ like me, trying to find their way back out of a dark wood by holding the hands of others.

 

The second reason it took years was that, once armed with the sound advice to be had around here, the journey off was best done very gently. Even then it wasn’t linear, and involved regression. At times the symptom level bore no logical resemblance to the rate of withdrawal, and patience (possibly the largest single requirement to see out the journey) isn’t a natural ally of withdrawal. Like many on here, at times I probed too deeply into how I was feeling, and risked disappearing into an enormous vat of self-absorption and despair. I clung to faith, to family and to the success stories of those who had put this behind them. And one day in March 2015, the journey to zero ended. No more.

 

----------------------------------

 

Back in May 2003 I lay on a bed in a very nice private psychiatric hospital and wondered what all the fuss had been about. I had been admitted hours earlier with severe depression and anxiety. I’d been given several little pills by my psychiatrist, a man I’d just met that day who I still visit now. These pills made all the horrible anxiety symptoms just wash away – no more butterflies, no lump in the throat, no tensed up muscles. Kicking back on the bed I was chilling out for the first time in a long time. On discharge I was provided with script after script for these wonder pills (Ativan/Lorazepam), and when the anxiety felt like it was crippling me I popped one in and waited for the chill-out to start. I was prescribed them for months and months, by both GP and psychiatrist, and I gradually needed more to get that lovely calm feeling happening. I really had no idea where this was so obviously leading, and no concept that a decade later I would be fighting so hard to rid myself of them.

 

The journey from there is mostly one of long term prescribed Clonazepam (Klonopin), which my pDoc thought the right thing for me. For years. My first attempt to stop was a fast taper of the Clonazepam. That didn’t go very well, and reinstatement took me back to base to reconsider. It was around then I started looking at what folk here were saying. I thought online communities for medical issues were the hangout of the crazy folk, and there are some who reinforce that prejudice, but on the whole I found a lot of good sense. And I found others with intersecting journeys. Some were where I wanted to be - they had gone ahead of me and were close to getting off or had done so. I started taking part.

 

The whole journey for me has been with the same pDoc, supportive but skeptical of my slow withdrawal. I’ve never mentioned this forum, didn’t think it would help me case, but he’s smart enough to know I didn’t come up with some things by myself. I’ve changed GPs, because my old GP prescribed me Ativan like lollies and then told me to go cold-turkey from 2mg.

 

I cross-tapered from Clonazepam to Diazepam, to take advantage of its longer half-life, and then began a slow taper down from 10mg using 0.5mg cut-and-hold. Not slow enough it seemed, as the withdrawal effects ramped up and I held at 2mg, in increasingly bad shape. I stayed put for a while, and I geared up to try liquid titration to ease me down the last few mg. I was able to get a prescription for liquid diazepam, and for a few weeks I fiddled about with droppers and cylinders to accurately be able to reduce just a couple of hundredths of milligrams each day. For whatever reason, this didn’t work out for me and I chose to fully reinstate to 10mg. I suspect that an overly fast taper had created a whole backlog of withdrawals, and that holding and then titrating was too little too late.

 

Back at 10mg I was functional again as a person, but despairing of ever getting off this stuff. I had little choice but to reinstate – I could not function with the level of symptoms I was experiencing, and on various levels I was not coping. I have a fantastic wife who has put up with lots of crappy health on my part. I have 3 kids and a marvelous job as a teacher. I struggled along through this period, mostly turning up to work, and mostly taking some part in family life, but in a pretty limited sort of way.

 

The final journey off was to cut 0.5mg every 2-3 weeks, moving on only when I felt ready to. I knew by then that the steps can get harder as the relative percentage of each cut increases, so I was prepared to hold at each step until I was ready. Cut and hold suited me – the 0.5mg was enough to feel the cut after a couple of days, but not so hard as to be too big a deal on any one day. I worked my way down to 5mg over a number of months, and at that point decided to hold for an extended family holiday of several months.

 

I was not looking forward to the prospect of more difficult cuts for the last few mg, but I need not have worried – these turned out to be the easiest for me. No idea why, but I had little problem making my way down to zero using 0.5mg cuts all the way, roughly every 10 days – 2 weeks. After hitting zero I knew my body would still be healing for some time, and sure enough I could feel improvement and the lessening of symptoms for several months.

 

Healing continues. I don’t really know what ‘normal’ anxiety looks like for me, but I’m happy with where I’m at now.

 

----------

 

I have really valued those who journeyed with me on this site. You understood! I told myself that once off, I’d hang around to offer support and suggestion to those still going. But mostly I haven’t. It’s been healthier for me to focus elsewhere. My hat is off to those who so generously give their time and expertise to help people like me. Solid gold selflessness.

 

 

His signature

Father to 3, husband to 1, teacher to 30.

10 years of various Benzo use for anx/dep combined with A/D.

2010-12: Crossed to V to get off. Several taper attempts, none smart.

2013: Tapered under supervision, still too fast, life went pear-shaped, reinstated 10mgV.

Jan - Jun 2014: 0.5 dry cuts approx 2 weekly down to 5mg. Manageable.

Jun-Nov: Held for months at 5mg, dealing with some depression and a big family road trip around Australia.

Nov: Recommenced 0.5mg cuts approx 2 weekly.

Dec 11: 3.5mg

Jan 1: 3.0mg

Jan 13: 2.5mg

Jan 24: 2.0mg

Feb 3: 1.5mg

Feb 14: 1.0mg

Feb 27: 0.5mg

Mar 13: Jumped. Hooray!

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

 

[[no...]]

Found this, 3 year's ago  December 24, 2013 he was actually nearly off at 1mg Having got all the way to 1mg V and thrown the remaining pills out ready to jump  before he up-dosed a few times until he got back to 10mg and held waiting to stabilise

 

Re: Finished taper. Lost my mind. Had to reinstate at 5mg V. Miserable

« Reply #24 on: December 24, 2013, 10:06:39 am »

 

   

    Quote

 

Just read back through the thread and want to encourage you to, from my own place of struggle.

We both parent twins, and both are conscious of trying to maintain function and coping in life as well as get off benzos.

 

A few months back I was on a path down to 0, determined to be done and dusted by today (exactly, today, by Christmas) but my taper speed did not work for my body's ability to heal itself and I dug myself a deeper and deeper hole of withdrawal. Somewhere in there I joined this forum and started looking carefully at other's experience and wisdom.

 

 

Having got all the way to 1mg V and thrown the remaining pills out ready to jump, I've since come back to 2, 3, 5 and a week ago 10mg V to combat the debilitating effects of tapering faster than my body can handle. I'm still struggling today but some symptoms have improved a lot and I'm much more functional. I'm waiting now for enough time to pass at this higher dose to stabilise as best as possible, and I'm absolutely certain what my strategy will be to get off this stuff down the track - very slowly, with taper speed dictated by bodily symptoms to heal slowly on the way down. I've followed my Pdoc's instructions all the way, but his tapering plan was brutal on me.

 

 

 

The whole thing is like an ongoing nightmare at times, but I know it will pass and there is light ahead. I absolutely hate having to go "backwards" with updoses, but it was pretty much that or lose just about all functional connection with my family, and with work life too. I've already lost so much with my ongoing battle with benzos. I still don't really know at present if what I've done these past few weeks will work (a) really well (b) tolerably well © manageably or (d) badly. Early signs are about b or c, but it feels a long road back to having a reasonably normal day.

 

We can do it. We will do it. Lots of others on here have done it and are cheering us on. Merry Christmas!

 

A month shy of two years,  November 06, 2015, he wrote his success story eight months after his last dose I have already posted above this post

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

[[no...]]

Pleasebehere I hope we get some more opinions on your status, as it is common to many of us here I would think.

 

Love,  Please don't let me die ... I'm in horrible torment and I'm scared.... I'm sorry for sounding so desperate and dramatic.... I've just endured for far too long and I can no longer cope... i desperately need relief.... i can't imagine being in this state tapering ...if I knew tapering would relieve the sxs I would start immediately....  I just dont know whats going on...,I'm afraid of the pill doing me in either way...

 

You are kind to show interest in my welfare and I hope your condition resolves sooner then later too..

 

Hi PBH  Don't fear the benzo, its the Glutamate that's doing this to you caused by not enough Benzo, as it is the rest of us as it flood the brain as the does gets dropped, what's happening to you is severe withdraw, and if that were me I would do what I'm doing now as I had the same problems. Up-dose by 1 or 2 milligram, tiny amounts won't be enough to pull you out of this, been there tried it got worse, and hold there for a while to see if you stabilise its possible you may have to go higher but that's the way I'm doing it for now.

 

The last time I was stable was two years ago so I'm going back up bit by bit to the dose I was on then, as of yesterday after holding at 5mgs for 11 days I have now added another 1mg and will now hold there for a bit and see how I do. We need to find the dose that stabilises us if its going to be higher than I want to go so be it, whatever it takes to survive, be comfortable then resume tapering without ending up physically an mentally crippled by symptoms I am now doing.

 

I now have woken up to the fact My symptoms are my body screaming at me the dose is way too low and its not coping as its not able to catch up, there is no to ways about it that's the problem and now I'm doing what I should have done two years ago instead of being in hell all this time, and unable to continue tapering no matter what I tried and getting worse each time I tried.

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

[[Pl...]]

Pleasebehere I hope we get some more opinions on your status, as it is common to many of us here I would think.

 

Love,  Please don't let me die ... I'm in horrible torment and I'm scared.... I'm sorry for sounding so desperate and dramatic.... I've just endured for far too long and I can no longer cope... i desperately need relief.... i can't imagine being in this state tapering ...if I knew tapering would relieve the sxs I would start immediately....  I just dont know whats going on...,I'm afraid of the pill doing me in either way...

 

You are kind to show interest in my welfare and I hope your condition resolves sooner then later too..

 

Hi PBH  Don't fear the benzo, its the Glutamate that's doing this to you caused by not enough Benzo, as it is the rest of us as it flood the brain as the does gets dropped, what's happening to you is severe withdraw, and if that were me I would do what I'm doing now as I had the same problems. Up-dose by 1 or 2 milligram, tiny amounts won't be enough to pull you out of this, been there tried it got worse, and hold there for a while to see if you stabilise its possible you may have to go higher but that's the way I'm doing it for now.

 

The last time I was stable was two years ago so I'm going back up bit by bit to the dose I was on then, as of yesterday after holding at 5mgs for 11 days I have now added another 1mg and will now hold there for a bit and see how I do. We need to find the dose that stabilises us if its going to be higher than I want to go so be it, whatever it takes to survive, be comfortable then resume tapering without ending up physically an mentally crippled by symptoms I am now doing.

 

I now have woken up to the fact My symptoms are my body screaming at me the dose is way too low and its not coping as its not able to catch up, there is no to ways about it that's the problem and now I'm doing what I should have done two years ago instead of being in hell all this time, and unable to continue tapering no matter what I tried and getting worse each time I tried.

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

 

Dearest Nova.... Thank you for your heartfelt response sooooo much ...

. I was desperately looking for some opinions on my situation

 

But for me I never felt good on the drug ever and it is not my original benzo....

Kolonopin is so strong and potent and it renders me useless and feeling

Like a zombie

with a thick cloud of depression from my sxs and the drug itself

And when I reinstated originally I already did so

at double the equivalency of ativan....

Ativan was too strong for me and Kpin

Is twice that and I didn't know

 

Oddly, i did not feel the strength of this drug right away-

By the time I did- it was too late

I remember when I first took it

I updosed even more to 1.25 from 1 mg !!!!!!

and my heart rate and bp went up and I

Literally was comatose for a week ; I could not move -

I had to go back down to 1 mg and my body settled barely

 

when i realized even 1 mg was too potent

it had already been a couple of months

I could not go down the .25 from 1 mg as I wanted too- as the sxs

came roaring back

and I also couldn't go up

I think Miyu on the Long Hold Support thread

had a similar experience with strength of Kpin

 

I also reinstated after 10 months.... Was damage done already?

I think the properties of this drug make it different- but what do I know?

 

I also seem to always see Valium working for people in this regard

where holding and updosing working

I never see stories like this for kolonopin ever  :'(

on the long support thread- never

its all Valium and Xanax and maybe ativan

 

I wonder if bat aid is familiar with a story like mine and with kolonopin

as the U K does not

Use kolonopin?.

 

If I was using Valium I would have so much more

confidence in doing exactly

what you are - as I see it works with Valium

Time and time again

 

My cns has been so sensitized I cannot imagine even crossing over at this stage either

 

I am like you; debilitated and unable to function

 

I feel stuck and terrified

Just switched back to pills from milk for 2 weeks now

Felt like a HUGE updose

Perhaps this is my updose?

I feel like I was in a semi cold turkey

State for 6 months!!!! What an idiot!!!!

I could barely drop in less then a year

1 mg to .92 mg on that liquid

 

I Feel stuck trapped and forever hopeless

It feels like the drug is toxic and killing me

 

I also have the most bizarre sxs on here no one has

What went wrong with me?

 

I see all the errors I made and they are

All in hindsight

 

Your story trials and struggles inspire me so much

I pray wait and hope for an answer

I know if something doesn't change soon

I will not be able to continue this way - meaning

I think my body is just going to give way

 

 

My deepest healing wishes always being sent to you - I always read

Your posts as you help so many (((.      ))))

Sorry so long

[[no...]]

Pleasebehere I hope we get some more opinions on your status, as it is common to many of us here I would think.

 

Love,  Please don't let me die ... I'm in horrible torment and I'm scared.... I'm sorry for sounding so desperate and dramatic.... I've just endured for far too long and I can no longer cope... i desperately need relief.... i can't imagine being in this state tapering ...if I knew tapering would relieve the sxs I would start immediately....  I just dont know whats going on...,I'm afraid of the pill doing me in either way...

 

You are kind to show interest in my welfare and I hope your condition resolves sooner then later too..

 

Hi PBH  Don't fear the benzo, its the Glutamate that's doing this to you caused by not enough Benzo, as it is the rest of us as it flood the brain as the does gets dropped, what's happening to you is severe withdraw, and if that were me I would do what I'm doing now as I had the same problems. Up-dose by 1 or 2 milligram, tiny amounts won't be enough to pull you out of this, been there tried it got worse, and hold there for a while to see if you stabilise its possible you may have to go higher but that's the way I'm doing it for now.

 

The last time I was stable was two years ago so I'm going back up bit by bit to the dose I was on then, as of yesterday after holding at 5mgs for 11 days I have now added another 1mg and will now hold there for a bit and see how I do. We need to find the dose that stabilises us if its going to be higher than I want to go so be it, whatever it takes to survive, be comfortable then resume tapering without ending up physically an mentally crippled by symptoms I am now doing.

 

I now have woken up to the fact My symptoms are my body screaming at me the dose is way too low and its not coping as its not able to catch up, there is no to ways about it that's the problem and now I'm doing what I should have done two years ago instead of being in hell all this time, and unable to continue tapering no matter what I tried and getting worse each time I tried.

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

 

Dearest Nova.... Thank you for your heartfelt response sooooo much ...

. I was desperately looking for some opinions on my situation

 

But for me I never felt good on the drug ever and it is not my original benzo....

Kolonopin is so strong and potent and it renders me useless and feeling

Like a zombie

with a thick cloud of depression from my sxs and the drug itself

And when I reinstated originally I already did so

at double the equivalency of ativan....

Ativan was too strong for me and Kpin

Is twice that and I didn't know

 

Oddly, i did not feel the strength of this drug right away-

By the time I did- it was too late

I remember when I first took it

I updosed even more to 1.25 from 1 mg !!!!!!

and my heart rate and bp went up and I

Literally was comatose for a week ; I could not move -

I had to go back down to 1 mg and my body settled barely

 

when i realized even 1 mg was too potent

it had already been a couple of months

I could not go down the .25 from 1 mg as I wanted too- as the sxs

came roaring back

and I also couldn't go up

I think Miyu on the Long Hold Support thread

had a similar experience with strength of Kpin

 

I also reinstated after 10 months.... Was damage done already?

I think the properties of this drug make it different- but what do I know?

 

I also seem to always see Valium working for people in this regard

where holding and updosing working

I never see stories like this for kolonopin ever  :'(

on the long support thread- never

its all Valium and Xanax and maybe ativan

 

I wonder if bat aid is familiar with a story like mine and with kolonopin

as the U K does not

Use kolonopin?.

 

If I was using Valium I would have so much more

confidence in doing exactly

what you are - as I see it works with Valium

Time and time again

 

My cns has been so sensitized I cannot imagine even crossing over at this stage either

 

I am like you; debilitated and unable to function

 

I feel stuck and terrified

Just switched back to pills from milk for 2 weeks now

Felt like a HUGE updose

Perhaps this is my updose?

I feel like I was in a semi cold turkey

State for 6 months!!!! What an idiot!!!!

I could barely drop in less then a year

1 mg to .92 mg on that liquid

 

I Feel stuck trapped and forever hopeless

It feels like the drug is toxic and killing me

 

I also have the most bizarre sxs on here no one has

What went wrong with me?

 

I see all the errors I made and they are

All in hindsight

 

Your story trials and struggles inspire me so much

I pray wait and hope for an answer

I know if something doesn't change soon

I will not be able to continue this way - meaning

I think my body is just going to give way

 

 

My deepest healing wishes always being sent to you - I always read

Your posts as you help so many (((.      ))))

Sorry so long

Hi sweetie  ring  or Email B.A.T they will help you, their helping others from USA that ring them, and their hours are 9am till 7pm Monday to Friday, If you need help or advice

 

B.A.T Contact

By Telephone:

 

Local helpline                0117 9663629

 

National helpline        0844 826 9317*

 

By Email:                          support@bataid.org

 

*Service charge 7p per minute PLUS access charge per minute set by your network provider

 

 

Also have you asked about being switched to Diazepam at all? And don't forget to look at the equivalent dose changes between klonopin and Diazepam to make sure you get the correct dose. 0.5 klonopin is the same strength as 10mg of Diazepam. And just because a drug is another Benzos does not make all Benzos equal at all, they all work differently I know as I've been on lots of different ones and found others easier to get off and other hell to get off. The same as human families, having the same name doesn't make then all one person 

 

 

BENZODIAZEPINE EQUIVALENCE TABLE

(Benzodiazepine Equivalency Table)

http://www.benzo.org.uk/bzequiv.htm

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

[[Pl...]]

Pleasebehere I hope we get some more opinions on your status, as it is common to many of us here I would think.

 

Love,  Please don't let me die ... I'm in horrible torment and I'm scared.... I'm sorry for sounding so desperate and dramatic.... I've just endured for far too long and I can no longer cope... i desperately need relief.... i can't imagine being in this state tapering ...if I knew tapering would relieve the sxs I would start immediately....  I just dont know whats going on...,I'm afraid of the pill doing me in either way...

 

You are kind to show interest in my welfare and I hope your condition resolves sooner then later too..

 

Hi PBH  Don't fear the benzo, its the Glutamate that's doing this to you caused by not enough Benzo, as it is the rest of us as it flood the brain as the does gets dropped, what's happening to you is severe withdraw, and if that were me I would do what I'm doing now as I had the same problems. Up-dose by 1 or 2 milligram, tiny amounts won't be enough to pull you out of this, been there tried it got worse, and hold there for a while to see if you stabilise its possible you may have to go higher but that's the way I'm doing it for now.

 

The last time I was stable was two years ago so I'm going back up bit by bit to the dose I was on then, as of yesterday after holding at 5mgs for 11 days I have now added another 1mg and will now hold there for a bit and see how I do. We need to find the dose that stabilises us if its going to be higher than I want to go so be it, whatever it takes to survive, be comfortable then resume tapering without ending up physically an mentally crippled by symptoms I am now doing.

 

I now have woken up to the fact My symptoms are my body screaming at me the dose is way too low and its not coping as its not able to catch up, there is no to ways about it that's the problem and now I'm doing what I should have done two years ago instead of being in hell all this time, and unable to continue tapering no matter what I tried and getting worse each time I tried.

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

 

Dearest Nova.... Thank you for your heartfelt response sooooo much ...

. I was desperately looking for some opinions on my situation

 

But for me I never felt good on the drug ever and it is not my original benzo....

Kolonopin is so strong and potent and it renders me useless and feeling

Like a zombie

with a thick cloud of depression from my sxs and the drug itself

And when I reinstated originally I already did so

at double the equivalency of ativan....

Ativan was too strong for me and Kpin

Is twice that and I didn't know

 

Oddly, i did not feel the strength of this drug right away-

By the time I did- it was too late

I remember when I first took it

I updosed even more to 1.25 from 1 mg !!!!!!

and my heart rate and bp went up and I

Literally was comatose for a week ; I could not move -

I had to go back down to 1 mg and my body settled barely

 

when i realized even 1 mg was too potent

it had already been a couple of months

I could not go down the .25 from 1 mg as I wanted too- as the sxs

came roaring back

and I also couldn't go up

I think Miyu on the Long Hold Support thread

had a similar experience with strength of Kpin

 

I also reinstated after 10 months.... Was damage done already?

I think the properties of this drug make it different- but what do I know?

 

I also seem to always see Valium working for people in this regard

where holding and updosing working

I never see stories like this for kolonopin ever  :'(

on the long support thread- never

its all Valium and Xanax and maybe ativan

 

I wonder if bat aid is familiar with a story like mine and with kolonopin

as the U K does not

Use kolonopin?.

 

If I was using Valium I would have so much more

confidence in doing exactly

what you are - as I see it works with Valium

Time and time again

 

My cns has been so sensitized I cannot imagine even crossing over at this stage either

 

I am like you; debilitated and unable to function

 

I feel stuck and terrified

Just switched back to pills from milk for 2 weeks now

Felt like a HUGE updose

Perhaps this is my updose?

I feel like I was in a semi cold turkey

State for 6 months!!!! What an idiot!!!!

I could barely drop in less then a year

1 mg to .92 mg on that liquid

 

I Feel stuck trapped and forever hopeless

It feels like the drug is toxic and killing me

 

I also have the most bizarre sxs on here no one has

What went wrong with me?

 

I see all the errors I made and they are

All in hindsight

 

Your story trials and struggles inspire me so much

I pray wait and hope for an answer

I know if something doesn't change soon

I will not be able to continue this way - meaning

I think my body is just going to give way

 

 

My deepest healing wishes always being sent to you - I always read

Your posts as you help so many (((.      ))))

Sorry so long

Hi sweetie  ring  or Email B.A.T they will help you, their helping others from USA that ring them, and their hours are 9am till 7pm Monday to Friday, If you need help or advice

 

B.A.T Contact

By Telephone:

 

Local helpline                0117 9663629

 

National helpline        0844 826 9317*

 

By Email:                          support@bataid.org

 

*Service charge 7p per minute PLUS access charge per minute set by your network provider

 

 

Also have you asked about being switched to Diazepam at all? And don't forget to look at the equivalent dose changes between klonopin and Diazepam to make sure you get the correct dose. 0.5 klonopin is the same strength as 10mg of Diazepam. And just because a drug is another Benzos does not make all Benzos equal at all, they all work differently I know as I've been on lots of different ones and found others easier to get off and other hell to get off. The same as human families, having the same name doesn't make then all one person 

 

 

BENZODIAZEPINE EQUIVALENCE TABLE

(Benzodiazepine Equivalency Table)

http://www.benzo.org.uk/bzequiv.htm

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

 

Thank you so much nova for this info..... At least i have it in front of me now instead of digging for it....this is my next step in perhaps finding some more guidance..

 

Deepest gratitude and thanks to you   (((.  HUGS    ))))

.

[[no...]]

Your welcome PBH  Hopefully its step towards getting you sorted out properly this time The line get busy, so don't give up if it takes a while to get an answer, I personally would Email as well if I was in USA, and when I ring I ring as near to 9am as possible and and was also told its best ring  around 5pm in the evenings .  But their open 9am till 7pm so keep trying if you ring

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[ge...]]

Hi nova

 

A quick question - how did you persuade your gp to updose? BAT have suggested the same to me and written to gp but he is not budging, even though he knows the dire straits I'm in!

 

Many thanks

 

[[Pl...]]

Your welcome PBH  Hopefully its step towards getting you sorted out properly this time The line get busy, so don't give up if it takes a while to get an answer, I personally would Email as well if I was in USA, and when I ring I ring as near to 9am as possible and and was also told its best ring  around 5pm in the evenings .  But their open 9am till 7pm so keep trying if you ring

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

Okay.... Thank you... That is so good to know! (( HUGS))

[[be...]]

Your welcome PBH  Hopefully its step towards getting you sorted out properly this time The line get busy, so don't give up if it takes a while to get an answer, I personally would Email as well if I was in USA, and when I ring I ring as near to 9am as possible and and was also told its best ring  around 5pm in the evenings .  But their open 9am till 7pm so keep trying if you ring

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

Okay.... Thank you... That is so good to know! (( HUGS))

Please, I have a feeling in my gut, that you will get some good answers at BAT, Nova is such a fine Woman, and all she wrote to you is all true and I back her 1000%, Please, there is hope for you I know it, just like I know that the Sun will set tonight, hang in there and get the ball moving towards your healing, many here are pulling for you, please know that and that nothing is never hopeless.

[[Pl...]]

Your welcome PBH  Hopefully its step towards getting you sorted out properly this time The line get busy, so don't give up if it takes a while to get an answer, I personally would Email as well if I was in USA, and when I ring I ring as near to 9am as possible and and was also told its best ring  around 5pm in the evenings .  But their open 9am till 7pm so keep trying if you ring

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

 

Okay.... Thank you... That is so good to know! (( HUGS))

Please, I have a feeling in my gut, that you will get some good answers at BAT, Nova is such a fine Woman, and all she wrote to you is all true and I back her 1000%, Please, there is hope for you I know it, just like I know that the Sun will set tonight, hang in there and get the ball moving towards your healing, many here are pulling for you, please know that and that nothing is never hopeless.

 

Begood.... I can't even stop crying to write this.... I've felt like the odd man out for a long time like I don't belong anywhere on this forum because alot of my sxs are just so severe and aren't always the typical w/d sxs most people have ... also , my history is not typical and which I feel sets me up for failure no matter what I do

 

I worry about scaring people with what I'm going thru and hesitate in posting ....People are in so much fear already the last thing I would ever want to do is trigger anyone with my desperation and bring them down. I just don't know where else to turn to....

.

You reaching out to me and nova and everyone on here that i have not mentioned that has graciously opened their heart has kept me alive so far..

 

You wouldn't believe how a simple kind gesture to reach out to someone can actually be saving them in that very moment...for this I am FOREVER GRATEFUL whether I make it or not.....

Thank you kind soul.

 

[[fr...]]

  Please, Yes our BeGood is truly an angel.  She has reached out to me also and has helped me so much.  I am also an odd case.  My burrning neuropathy and other things are so severe.  They really hardly let up at all anymore.  I kind of stopped posting those things because there is really nothing anyone can tell me that I haven't tried already.  I understand how hopeless and scared you feel, I feel the same every day.  I also don't state it much, I just say I'm hanging in there.  Have you been to a good neurologist?  I don't remember if you have answered this already but even if you have seen one I would try another one.  Maybe they could give you some better info.  I am keeping you in my prayers and hopefully one day we both can say boy, I feel better today.  Until then, this is the best place. Hoping you feel some better soon.

[[be...]]

Your welcome PBH  Hopefully its step towards getting you sorted out properly this time The line get busy, so don't give up if it takes a while to get an answer, I personally would Email as well if I was in USA, and when I ring I ring as near to 9am as possible and and was also told its best ring  around 5pm in the evenings .  But their open 9am till 7pm so keep trying if you ring

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

 

Okay.... Thank you... That is so good to know! (( HUGS))

Please, I have a feeling in my gut, that you will get some good answers at BAT, Nova is such a fine Woman, and all she wrote to you is all true and I back her 1000%, Please, there is hope for you I know it, just like I know that the Sun will set tonight, hang in there and get the ball moving towards your healing, many here are pulling for you, please know that and that nothing is never hopeless.

 

Begood.... I can't even stop crying to write this.... I've felt like the odd man out for a long time like I don't belong anywhere on this forum because alot of my sxs are just so severe and aren't always the typical w/d sxs most people have ... also , my history is not typical and which I feel sets me up for failure no matter what I do

 

I worry about scaring people with what I'm going thru and hesitate in posting ....People are in so much fear already the last thing I would ever want to do is trigger anyone with my desperation and bring them down. I just don't know where else to turn to....

.

You reaching out to me and nova and everyone on here that i have not mentioned that has graciously opened their heart has kept me alive so far..

 

You wouldn't believe how a simple kind gesture to reach out to someone can actually be saving them in that very moment...for this I am FOREVER GRATEFUL whether I make it or not.....

Thank you kind soul.

Please you are going to make it, many here are with you and some are silent but we feel your pain and despair, you are not alone, as Free said it takes time and sorting out, but I truly know you are on the right path with Nova and her help, if you have to read it over and over and know that I was sobbing last night when I read one of your posts, but I am telling you,you are not hopeless, not at all, change that "whether I make it" to when I am healed and that is half of the Battle, and be sure to drop in over at the Long Support Thread also, many there are pulling for you also.

[[Pl...]]

  Please, Yes our BeGood is truly an angel.  She has reached out to me also and has helped me so much.  I am also an odd case.  My burrning neuropathy and other things are so severe.  They really hardly let up at all anymore.  I kind of stopped posting those things because there is really nothing anyone can tell me that I haven't tried already.  I understand how hopeless and scared you feel, I feel the same every day.  I also don't state it much, I just say I'm hanging in there.  Have you been to a good neurologist?  I don't remember if you have answered this already but even if you have seen one I would try another one.  Maybe they could give you some better info.  I am keeping you in my prayers and hopefully one day we both can say boy, I feel better today.  Until then, this is the best place. Hoping you feel some better soon.

 

Thank you free......a year ago at this time I did see one.... EEG, cat scan, MRI , normal... He was baffled and did not deny the drug had an effect on me... He ruled out anything serious....

 

Of course, I am much worse now.... I am too sick to leave the house ...cant stand very long / very agoraphobic/ dizzy/weak and I am also petrified of being labeled and diagnosed/ or misdiagnosed with an illness .... It would push me over the edge ....such as I have dystonia or tardive dyskenesia..I know there's no cure and my sxs present as such.....it would devestate me to officially hear it...its all a living nightmare... I know they would try to push more drugs on me....

 

At the same time, if they saw me and ruled out stuff it could allay my fears.. I just know I couldn't handle it.......

 

I wish a neurologist could make a house call and  examine me in my home!!!!

 

I hope you get relief soon, too and thank you so much for the well wishes

 

 

[[Pl...]]

Your welcome PBH  Hopefully its step towards getting you sorted out properly this time The line get busy, so don't give up if it takes a while to get an answer, I personally would Email as well if I was in USA, and when I ring I ring as near to 9am as possible and and was also told its best ring  around 5pm in the evenings .  But their open 9am till 7pm so keep trying if you ring

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

 

Okay.... Thank you... That is so good to know! (( HUGS))

Please, I have a feeling in my gut, that you will get some good answers at BAT, Nova is such a fine Woman, and all she wrote to you is all true and I back her 1000%, Please, there is hope for you I know it, just like I know that the Sun will set tonight, hang in there and get the ball moving towards your healing, many here are pulling for you, please know that and that nothing is never hopeless.

 

Begood.... I can't even stop crying to write this.... I've felt like the odd man out for a long time like I don't belong anywhere on this forum because alot of my sxs are just so severe and aren't always the typical w/d sxs most people have ... also , my history is not typical and which I feel sets me up for failure no matter what I do

 

I worry about scaring people with what I'm going thru and hesitate in posting ....People are in so much fear already the last thing I would ever want to do is trigger anyone with my desperation and bring them down. I just don't know where else to turn to....

.

You reaching out to me and nova and everyone on here that i have not mentioned that has graciously opened their heart has kept me alive so far..

 

You wouldn't believe how a simple kind gesture to reach out to someone can actually be saving them in that very moment...for this I am FOREVER GRATEFUL whether I make it or not.....

Thank you kind soul.

Please you are going to make it, many here are with you and some are silent but we feel your pain and despair, you are not alone, as Free said it takes time and sorting out, but I truly know you are on the right path with Nova and her help, if you have to read it over and over and know that I was sobbing last night when I read one of your posts, but I am telling you,you are not hopeless, not at all, change that "whether I make it" to when I am healed and that is half of the Battle, and be sure to drop in over at the Long Support Thread also, many there are pulling for you also.

 

Thank you so much for your compassion and for the invite.... I appreciate it immensely...(((.    )))