3,2,1: Under 3 mg Valium people

[[ga...]]

Well...I haven't posted for a while cause I'm having such a horrific setback.  I haven't been able to sleep a wink for 3 days straight! and only was getting 2-3 hrs weeks before that.  I can't even describe the state I'm in.  I caved and went to EMERGE this morning.  Blood work and ECG is normal of course but felt better getting checked anyway for the severe chest pain and lost 15 lbs in 3 weeks.  I have to say the worst thing is the Russian KGB style sleep deprivation torture.  Even after 72 hours of 0 sleep, that was not enough pain to inflict.  This morning I was actually blacking out for a second and then the next second I would be electro-shocked awake with panic/terror/dread.  This went on for hours.  Anyway the Psyche there which I kinda like(for a change) suggested Trazadone and I was happy about that as I had been thinking about that med for a week or so prior.  He also suggested updosing back to where I felt somewhat stable and said its gonna take as long as it takes.  Well, that would bring me back 2 months to almost 3mg again......crap.....I H A T E  this soooo much.  Not sure what to do at this point.  Just want to get functional again. Don't really give a shite about 2 months lost if an updose will work.  Wish I had the sense to hold when I was feeling ok-ish.  Good luck to you all and tonight I will get sleep if I have to take a pill every hour I wake up

DB, I am SO sorry you are suffering so much....I can almost feel your pain through your writing.  I'm wondering if you've had time to try the Trazadone yet and if it helped any.  Have you tried Remeron?  Many people in withdrawal report that it helps with eating and sleeping.  I can't take it since it gives me restless leg syndrome but I suggest that you try if you haven't already done so.

 

My take on updosing and experience with holding is different that most others'.  I held for 5 months at 5 mg valium and I never stabilized.  So, updosing wouldn't have helped me.  But, we are all different and no 2 withdrawal experiences are the same.  In this game, there are no rules, which makes it all the more frightening. 

 

Report back in after trying the Trazadone and/or Remeron and let us know how you're doing.  It sounds like the psych doc at the ER at least understood what you were going through, which is unusual. 

 

Somehow, you will get through this.  I don't know how, but I believe that you will.  I just prayed for you....bless you, poor suffering buddie.

[[dr...]]

Thanks Garden

I started with 50mg Trazodone at 8:30pm and it took about 2 hours to get to sleep.  Woke up 2 hours later ugg! Another 2 hours later after tossin and turnin took another 25mg Trazodone and out of desperation updosed the V and slept a few hours more, not sure how much more but felt super stoned/groggy-not in a good way when I woke up. Was a zombie all day with anxiety storm brewing inside.  Trying to stay up till bedtime almost impossible.  Just don't feel up to eating, standing or even sitting.  The Psyche I saw was just lucky timing-he's no longer seeing patients :'(.  I will probably stay with the V updose.  Just don't feel I have a choice at this point.  I have tried Remerone in the past but for depression(didn't touch it) so not sure what would be like at lower dose but will keep it in mind.  Just got my MMJ license so that's another avenue I will be trying. The only hard and fast rules are:keep going,try this, try that, wait, have patience, wait somemore....

[[ga...]]

Thanks Garden

I started with 50mg Trazodone at 8:30pm and it took about 2 hours to get to sleep.  Woke up 2 hours later ugg! Another 2 hours later after tossin and turnin took another 25mg Trazodone and out of desperation updosed the V and slept a few hours more, not sure how much more but felt super stoned/groggy-not in a good way when I woke up. Was a zombie all day with anxiety storm brewing inside.  Trying to stay up till bedtime almost impossible.  Just don't feel up to eating, standing or even sitting.  The Psyche I saw was just lucky timing-he's no longer seeing patients :'(.  I will probably stay with the V updose.  Just don't feel I have a choice at this point.  I have tried Remerone in the past but for depression(didn't touch it) so not sure what would be like at lower dose but will keep it in mind.  Just got my MMJ license so that's another avenue I will be trying. The only hard and fast rules are:keep going,try this, try that, wait, have patience, wait somemore....

DB, Hope that the valium updose and Trazadone are helping, at least a bit.  Are you working while going through this?  Do you live alone or do you live with someone who can help you?  Even if the Remeron didn't help the depression, I'd certainly give it another go if I were you as so many people seem to get help from it with sleeping and eating.  I'm jealous of them...wish I could tolerate it as people say they sleep great with it and put weight back on that they lost.

 

Keep checking in.  Hope you are getting a teeny bit more sleep.  Don't lose heart!!!

[[dr...]]

GL, I haven't been able to work for 3 years.  Barely get out the house for most of that time.  when I thought I had a long enough window this summer(3 months of functionality) I took on some work and things just went very badly so had to stop again.  Just have too many life crushing symptoms.  My wife has been strong and supportive but after so long in this situation things are not the same if you know what I mean-that would be a whole other long post.  I get severe separation anxiety when she leaves for breaks but I know how important it is for her to get away from me and all the crap.  I just can't be with anyone else in this state-not even my own siblings or friends.  I don't understand it but it is what it is.  I am getting a tiny bit more sleep.  I have severe sleep apnea to boot so that's compounding everything.

[[ga...]]

GL, I haven't been able to work for 3 years.  Barely get out the house for most of that time.  when I thought I had a long enough window this summer(3 months of functionality) I took on some work and things just went very badly so had to stop again.  Just have too many life crushing symptoms.  My wife has been strong and supportive but after so long in this situation things are not the same if you know what I mean-that would be a whole other long post.  I get severe separation anxiety when she leaves for breaks but I know how important it is for her to get away from me and all the crap.  I just can't be with anyone else in this state-not even my own siblings or friends.  I don't understand it but it is what it is.  I am getting a tiny bit more sleep.  I have severe sleep apnea to boot so that's compounding everything.

DB, Glad about the tiny bit more sleep, but am really sorry about your having to be separated from your wife when she goes for breaks.  At least she comes back.  What is your cut rate now, or are you holding?

 

I'm set to cut to 1.55 mg tonight.  This is dragging out so long and seems like it'll never end.  I've been tapering for over a year, but did have a 4 month hold to move.  I keep cutting .03 mg each day and plan to do so until it I hit a wall.  No idea what I'll do at that point. 

 

It's really interesting to read the old posts on this thread.  Early on, it was so active and people posted all the time and cheered one another on.  Now it's not as active and people come to check in only occasionally.  Wish it were like it was before...sure would help to have that kind of camaraderie. 

[[Rh...]]

DB I was on this thread/group earlier on and was talking with gardenlady.

 

I sooo feel your pain!  I was having a horribly rough time around 3.5 mg's and started Remeron out of utter and complete desperation.  The first night I tried 3.75 mg's because I know I'm very sensitive to meds and it was too much.  I did sleep wonderfully, but was hung-over, zombie feeling the whole next day.  The next night I halved the 3.75 mg's which is hard, and that helped a lot without the zombie feeling.  At the low doses it helps as a sleep aid, and for me my appetite got better and the morning cortisol rushes too.  Now, I was very skinny, and couldn't eat for months, the Remeron has helped that part a little too much, I've gained almost 20 lbs!  BUT, the benefits, for me, outweigh the negatives.  I also know once I have knee surgery, which is preventing me from exercising, I'll be able to work on the weight.  This low dose also helps my mood too.

 

Anyways, I did try Trazadone too and it did nothing but make me dizzy as well as melatonin!

 

I hope your feeling and sleeping better and if not, give the Remeron a go.

 

Rach

[[Rh...]]

Oh and one more thing regarding updosing...and everyone is so different and has their own opinions, but i have updose twice and both times it helped me and I was able to continue with my taper after I stabilized.  It is a very personal decision and doesn't always work, but I took the risk both times and it helped.

 

PM me with any questions!

 

Rach

[[dr...]]

Thanks GL and Rach

I stopped the trazodone and have had 7.5 Mirtazapine 4 nights and it does help sleep.  Not good sleep but better than before. Holding at 3mg diazepam  I really have to admire the courage of BBs who have to do this alone.  That said, even though my wife is in and out I still feel so isolated.  I have isolated myself from everyone.  I'm in bed most of the time now with a struggle to walk out once a day for 20 minutes.  I'm not physically disabled so much as extremely mentally disabled with anxiety and depression.  The chest pain, heart pounding, panic, dread...fear..agoraphobia just does not stop! My voice is so weak...from not speaking?? I can't watch TV, listen to music...see anyone..nothing.  Never experienced anything like this level of Hell in my life.  I feel like I need to be hospitalized and put out of my misery but I've been there and so sad to know that they only made things worse for me there.  Also doubting my whole approach to this.  Valium has made depression worse and I just updosed like a crazy person!  Pray that I can stabilize.  Sorry for such a negative vent but it's all I got...thks for listening. Wish you the best!

DB

[[Rh...]]

Drummerboy-

 

Don't doubt your switch to V but know it is more of a depressant for many people.  I had horrible depression and anxiety till about 2.5 mg's and it has gotten better, but I also started Remeron around them as well.

 

Bedridden is very common and I was there as well too!  I forced, well actually my kids, force me to be up.  I have to take care of them as they are 9 and 11 so I guess that is good.  This too shall pass, you have to tell yourself that.

 

Don't be ashamed about updosing, I had to do it twice and it saved me. I stabilized and could then taper again. Holding has never worked for me so I don't do it more than a week.

 

How are you tapering, dry cutting, compound, liquid microtaper?

 

This is hell on earth, I'm sorry your in it too.

 

Rach

[[dr...]]

Was doing Liquid Micro Taper.  After no sleep disaster last week, updosed back to 3mg and now holding for 11 days in pure hellish anxiety.  I don't see the point in continuing like this.  7.5mg Mirtazapine(Remeron) helps sleep but still feel horrible with constant heart pounding anxiety, dread, fear, panic 24/7....  I must do something.  May have to try trazodone again...crap!  Don't know how much longer I can Hold and just wait to stabilize.  what if this??  what if that??  This is the worst I have felt in 3 years.  Just want to stay in bed and die.

[[ga...]]

DB, Have you tried a beta blocker like propranolol for the pounding heart?  A low dose of 10 - 20 mg is sufficient and many benefit from it.  Sometimes it can help a tiny bit. 

 

It seems like you were surviving until recently on your liquid taper.  I wonder if you got to going too fast....or perhaps you just hit a wall. 

 

I'm not much help but perhaps builder will chime in.  Have you PMed him?  He's very knowledgeable and has good judgment.

[[ga...]]

Had a bit of a window yesterday but it's gone now.  Back to rapid shallow breathing, depression and anxiety today.  Will cut to 1.40 mg tonight.  I'm SO ready to be done with this!!

[[dr...]]

Thx Garden.......wishing us all more windows.  Only had a couple in last 3 years.  I PMed builder but no reply yet.  Not sure how to tell if it went through. Don't see my outbox? is there one?

[[ga...]]

Thx Garden.......wishing us all more windows.  Only had a couple in last 3 years.  I PMed builder but no reply yet.  Not sure how to tell if it went through. Don't see my outbox? is there one?

Yes.  Check Sent Messages

[[Va...]]

I’m officially part of this group as of today.  Woo hoo!  —V

[[Ol...]]

Yay congratulations!! I'm pretty new here too.. feels good!

[[ga...]]

I’m officially part of this group as of today.  Woo hoo!  —V

Hey VU!  So glad you are back on this thread! 

[[Va...]]

I’m officially part of this group as of today.  Woo hoo!  —V

Hey VU!  So glad you are back on this thread!

Thanks gardenlady.  It’s nice to be here “officially” now lol. —V

[[ga...]]

I'm starting to get windows and waves while tapering which seems very odd.  Does that mean that I'm starting to heal even though I'm not off yet?  I was in a partial window yesterday, but today am worse than I've been in awhile.

 

I'm at 1.28 mg valium and cutting at .03 mg per day.  I should be at 1 mg on Dec 14 and if I can keep this up, I'll jump mid January.  But, that's a big if.  Is anyone else nearing completion and jumping around the same time?

[[Ol...]]

I am, I have been cutting .5mg every 7-10 days, so I should be done around January as well, though I may jump off at .25 just to be safe, so that would put me right around your timeline GardenLady! Yes I have definitely experienced windows and waves while tapering. I like to think that I am already healing!

[[bl...]]

Hi All;

Nice to see some familiar names. I'm at 3mg! Yay--except every time I try to go down I hit a wall, hard. Terrible pain in feet and more so, hands. It's awful. I guess I will hold here for a while. Anyway, just checking in. Hope everyone doing okay--

Blue

[[Ol...]]

Welcome Blue!

It feels good to get into this fancy club, doesn't it? It's always helpful to have goals. Now we're on the home stretch!

[[Rh...]]

Wow, I'm down to 1.5 mg's V and have hit a wall!!!  Sick day in and day out...it seems in some people's signatures they just cut and cut till they are off.  I want off too, but don't know if I could go as fast as others.  Oh, and holding does not help me at all.  I've tried it many times and it never helps. 

 

Question-  Those of you that cut .5 mg every 7-10 days, are you pretty much sick all the time and just push through?

 

Thanks!!!

[[ga...]]

I am, I have been cutting .5mg every 7-10 days, so I should be done around January as well, though I may jump off at .25 just to be safe, so that would put me right around your timeline GardenLady! Yes I have definitely experienced windows and waves while tapering. I like to think that I am already healing!

Olive, you sound pretty upbeat and chipper, which is great! I'm not, unfortunately, and am feeling awful today.  It makes me scared I'll have to slow down and have to drag this process out even longer.  I still have a Cymbalta taper to tackle after this, so I won't be home free after this by any stretch of the imagination.  Some people say that Cymbalta is harder to get off of than benzos.

[[bl...]]

Thanks, Olive! I'll be following closely. I just hope I can get to a place where I can go lower without the extremity issues. Total wall at 3mg. I do hear it's harder the lower we get. Do most people do liquid here? I've been doing dry cuts w/ long holds.