18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[dr...]]

I have about one cup in total a day. It gets my cobwebs out and helps but I'm wondering if it's hurting me too.  I was only able to handle it post jump.  It does help w my bad headaches. No easy answers. 

 

 

[[pe...]]

Wow, Nova! You sure do seem to be fulfilling the two year plan. So glad you're on a good streak as you near the two year mark.

 

Peace2

[[je...]]

Hi all,

Wanted to check in with everyone... Well I haven't been all that great the last few weeks-- very tired with low energy, mood is a little blah again, head pressure. I lost my motivation, and i want it back! It felt so great to actually be accomplishing things and having the energy to do it. So I guess I've been in a wave, but I'm trying not to let it get me too down. It's always sooo difficult to feel bad again after a good streak of feeling great. I guess the difference for me now is I'm more functional even while in a wave, I'm not as beat down as I used to get. I read a few pages back and was excited to read HH is still doing great, so that is encouraging.. Hope your all doing well tonight - jenny

[[dr...]]

Hi Jenhy,

 

Glad you checked in but I wish it wasn't because you're wavy.  You are so close!  Yes, after feeling good going back into a wave sucks.  I had almost two weeks of lighter symptoms and now I'm back in it. The first few days are the toughest. Hope you're back out of this soon 

[[No...]]

Hi Peace ... good to hear from you ... yep ... 2 years Oct 23 ... time flies when something has your attention and decides not to let go for a while ...

 

The more of this that I experience, the more I believe that this healing process speaks to our resilience and to the qualities of our bodies that can heal this stuff ... and that so much of this process is a day to day wrestling match between doubt and trust ...

 

Hope you are feeling the healing and that you can "see" that you will come out of this journey whole and vibrant ... and I know that some days that "seeing" is masked by the many "fogs" of this process ...

 

Be Well ... 

[[No...]]

Jenny ... good to hear that you are feeling more and more that you are getting better ... the ups and downs sure do wear on us ...

 

And I hear you when you say the downs are not as deep as they used to be ... it will continue to get better and better ...

 

Stay in touch as you can ... it is good to hear from folks we have walked these many days with ... 

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... feeling bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning ...

 

I can feel my days expanding and shining brighter ... it has been a long, long time coming ... I know the feeling that comes when that blanket of doubt smothers us each day ...

 

And there are still remnants of it scattered around for me ... I still find myself holding my breath a bit sometimes ... watching to see if this is all going to collapse back into the morass ... tip-toeing around this cheerfulness ...

 

As with everything else on this journey ... it is what it is until it isn't ...

 

Hope we all have the best day we can ... it does get better ... 

 

 

[[Sk...]]

Hi Everybody !

 

I am trying to catch up with the thread, but it's impossible !

 

SO, what I did, was update my ticker, yesterday it was 23 months since I CT.

 

I would celebrate, but this month was really tough for me.

 

I have even gone back to the hot/cold  night sweats. LIke in acute.

 

YOu know, you are sweating but freezing at the same time ?

 

Anyway, so it just dawned on me that next month will be two years since this thing started. And I am not no way near as  healed as I hoped to be.

 

I had some bad days, so try to bear with my negativity.

 

I sort of hoped to have got more of my cognitive habilities back and not have to depend on mR SKy to figure things out.

 

I was hoping to start my own website with blog, but even the simplest instructions are way beyond me.

 

It feels bad when you can't trust your brain, it's really hard to explain.

 

ANd it's unpleasant to not understand things about the sale of our house.

 

Anyway, there are some burocratic issues which are slowing down the process, so the day of the deed has been postponed.

 

So, until then, I will not have my own Internet, and  some days it's really hard to  give lessons with public wifi, it is slow here.

 

This is how my life is in a nutshell.

 

I was very very sick in the last days, now it's better, even though it might not sound like it ! 

 

Beulah, I think said, this is not us healed, it's our healing.

 

I like that, I totally agree with it.

 

I have started to think I will be protracted as far as my cognitive abilities are concerned. So,f rom 3 to 5 years of being a bumbling idiot dependent on her boyfriend. 

 

I have never read of somebody being protracted mostly for this, I do believe there is a higher level of misery involved, but who knows ?

 

My situation, my ct was so odd and insane, I might be just the lucky exception.

 

I am sorry to be so negative today. But I have complained so little in these years here, I think I am allowed to whine a little.

 

It does not help to be cut off for days on end from the thread !!! 

 

Everybody, I hope you have some sunbreaks coming on.

 

I am sending healing thoughts your way and hope some sunshine will come back here too  :) :)

[[dr...]]

Good morning hopefully all....

 

Nova-keep it up buddy

 

Sky-I am truly sorry.  Please remember two years is where most people see improvement. 

Baylissa took 26 months.  Not saying this to cheer you up just maybe give you some perspective.  It can change at any moment for any one of us here.  Latly, vent away as much as you want.

 

I am at 17 months today.  Haven't summarized my thoughts about it yet.  My disconnected feeling from reality is gone although I feel a bit hungover and am wary today. 

[[Si...]]

Yeah, sky thinking about you now. Hopefully it passes soon. Go ahead and vent away as much as you need. We're all here to help whatever way we can. Sorry your Internet is spotty. Doesn't make it easier. When a storm knocks ours out at home, I'm left trying to find thing to do to entertain myself.

 

I'm right behind you drew as always, nearing my 17 month marker. Wave slightly diminishing. Every day gets a little less. Hopefully it will peter out soon.

[[dr...]]

I took off my ticker as I am now trying not to count the days passed and put undue pressure on myself on when I should be healed     

[[sa...]]

Sky -- You won't be protracted. Don't think like that. The way this goes, the sxs you have could all start pealing away tomorrow and surprise, you're healed. Look at how Nova is doing. The wave is talking for you. I always get to thinking that I will be in this much longer than everyone else when I get hit by a wave. We will all pull out of it soon. These late month waves are bad and demoralizing, but at some point the wave you feel will be the last and that will be it.

 

Keep hanging on until then. It's tough. I know my family is losing patience with me, but we are in the zone where most people make huge progress. It's coming to us in the next few month. I can feel it in my bones.

 

 

[[Se...]]

" ... and that so much of this process is a day to day wrestling match between doubt and trust ..."  (quoting Nova).

 

Yes.  Isn't that the truth!

 

The Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde routine... grows tired very quickly. 

 

Hugs and love to everyone. 

 

 

[[so...]]

I look at Nova and wrap myself in his warm blanket of zen and healing.  We will all get there, Sky.  You have one main symptom and, when it's gone, you are home free!

[[be...]]

Hi all,

Wanted to check in with everyone... Well I haven't been all that great the last few weeks-- very tired with low energy, mood is a little blah again, head pressure. I lost my motivation, and i want it back! It felt so great to actually be accomplishing things and having the energy to do it. So I guess I've been in a wave, but I'm trying not to let it get me too down. It's always sooo difficult to feel bad again after a good streak of feeling great. I guess the difference for me now is I'm more functional even while in a wave, I'm not as beat down as I used to get. I read a few pages back and was excited to read HH is still doing great, so that is encouraging.. Hope your all doing well tonight - jenny

 

Jenny, you're getting there. Yes, it's very hard to have a break from symptoms and then they return, it's the nature of the beast.

I have had several good breaks and thought it was all over...but not so.

I'm riding out a nasty wave now and I hope behind it is more healing.

 

Time is on our side.

[[be...]]

Good Morning ... feeling bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning ...

 

I can feel my days expanding and shining brighter ... it has been a long, long time coming ... I know the feeling that comes when that blanket of doubt smothers us each day ...

 

And there are still remnants of it scattered around for me ... I still find myself holding my breath a bit sometimes ... watching to see if this is all going to collapse back into the morass ... tip-toeing around this cheerfulness ...

 

As with everything else on this journey ... it is what it is until it isn't ...

 

Hope we all have the best day we can ... it does get better ... 

 

Nova, you are sounding so good. It is what it is until it isn't...you are so right.

[[be...]]

Hi Everybody !

 

I am trying to catch up with the thread, but it's impossible !

 

SO, what I did, was update my ticker, yesterday it was 23 months since I CT.

 

I would celebrate, but this month was really tough for me.

 

I have even gone back to the hot/cold  night sweats. LIke in acute.

 

YOu know, you are sweating but freezing at the same time ?

 

Anyway, so it just dawned on me that next month will be two years since this thing started. And I am not no way near as  healed as I hoped to be.

 

I had some bad days, so try to bear with my negativity.

 

I sort of hoped to have got more of my cognitive habilities back and not have to depend on mR SKy to figure things out.

 

I was hoping to start my own website with blog, but even the simplest instructions are way beyond me.

 

It feels bad when you can't trust your brain, it's really hard to explain.

 

ANd it's unpleasant to not understand things about the sale of our house.

 

Anyway, there are some burocratic issues which are slowing down the process, so the day of the deed has been postponed.

 

So, until then, I will not have my own Internet, and  some days it's really hard to  give lessons with public wifi, it is slow here.

 

This is how my life is in a nutshell.

 

I was very very sick in the last days, now it's better, even though it might not sound like it ! 

 

Beulah, I think said, this is not us healed, it's our healing.

 

I like that, I totally agree with it.

 

I have started to think I will be protracted as far as my cognitive abilities are concerned. So,f rom 3 to 5 years of being a bumbling idiot dependent on her boyfriend. 

 

I have never read of somebody being protracted mostly for this, I do believe there is a higher level of misery involved, but who knows ?

 

My situation, my ct was so odd and insane, I might be just the lucky exception.

 

I am sorry to be so negative today. But I have complained so little in these years here, I think I am allowed to whine a little.

 

It does not help to be cut off for days on end from the thread !!! 

 

Everybody, I hope you have some sunbreaks coming on.

 

I am sending healing thoughts your way and hope some sunshine will come back here too  :) :)

 

Sky, Rant On!!  We are all tired of this crap and want our lives back, we have every right in the world to rant and rave as much as we want.

 

This is our healing life..not our healed life.

[[be...]]

I took off my ticker as I am now trying not to count the days passed and put undue pressure on myself on when I should be healed   

 

Good for you..we heal when we heal...we don't need the added pressure of timelines.

[[Si...]]

Like the new monkey avatar drew.

 

I'm at home now. Bunch of people from work went to a work sponsored event. They are going out to eat and then to the event. Too bad I always feel like crap. It would have been nice to go.

[[dr...]]

Same deal here Siggy....my old boss, who is a friend, is in town and I bailed on meeting him today.  Hopefully we can do fun things soon but I used to be the "fun" guy.  Now, everybody stopped asking.

 

Earlier in the day I was just having a conversation wh my business partner and my head symptoms got painful.  It literally hurts when I have to think or pay attention to something closely.  Anyone get this?(this has pretty much replaced th anxiety and panic rushes I got for the first year)

[[Si...]]

Yeah my head is killing me right now. The headachy stuff seems to have gotten worse for me lately. I use to go hang out all the time with coworkers. It was especially good to hang out with my boss. Now no one asks me to hang out at the bar after work. Really really sucks. I wouldn't even care about that much if I could just stop feeling so bad all the time.

[[dr...]]

Hope your head is better siggy. 

 

 

Ugh!  No more wandering the boards when in a wave.  I read a post about people w head symptoms not doing well far out. I had no idea it was all protracted posts.  Scared me. 

[[Si...]]

Yeah the protracted boards scare the crap out of me too. Head is a little better. Took some aspirin this time.

[[Mi...]]

Drew and Siggy, I am with you there!  Even when I am not in a wave the protracted board scares me! I read one thing on there and literally needed a paper bag to breath in!    But, really stay off there for sure when you are in a wave!  You have to remember when in a wave you have to be kind to yourself and you don't need any more stress added to your wave!  They are stressful enough they don't need help!   

 

I promise you both a few months back I never ever thought my head sx would end!  Headaches, vertigo, constant stoned feeling, ear ringing!  I promise they fade!  I would say once or twice a day it comes on but usually diminishes right away! Sometimes hangs on for 20 minutes but that's it!  And I had it 24/7!    I am not sx free!  My brain swapped spots with my belly!  And now mainly physical sx! Constant  belly problems accompanied by this horrid closing of the throat sensation.  Anxiety still high and this flushing of the face and chest accompanied by my body feeling as if it were on fire and just no energy and pain, everything hurts, Everything feels tense!  But on a good note once my head stuff for the most part went away I now sleep 8/10 hours a night with usually a nap during the day!  I am hoping that's a sign of some major healing going on! And even though this health anxiety gets the best of me when my body feels as if it's being invaded it truly is a little easier to deal with when my head is clearer!

You are both healing! I know it's so hard to believe but you are!  And tomorrow when you wake up your just another day closer in this journey! 

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... well ... my window has closed ... disappointing but not discouraging ... it was a very good run for 12 days ... I got a lot done ... and most importantly, it gave me a sense that there really is a "place" we are all moving towards ...

 

After many months of those "doldrums" ... that on again off again cycle of symptoms ... there does exist an end to this process ...

 

So ... focussing on two things ... this nasty little wave that arrived last evening ... and ... hanging on to what I have brought back into my life these past few days and not letting go of it ...

 

Last night and this morning are pretty lousy ... and I have moved a heck of lot closer to where I want to be ...