Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[ro...]]

Hi Rico:

 

During my nice 17 day window, I was symptom free, except for occasional tinnitus.  When it closed, had sxs return i.e., sweats/cold, headachy,  restlessness, and a little achiness.  My previous window was 12 days, so an improvement there. 

 

Hope you start getting some longer windows.  The wave is also shorter and less intense in the sxs - so a move in the right direction.  Have you noticed any difference in your waves?

 

Angel:  good to hear from you.  I hope your sinus/viral infection clears up before your trip.  And your trip brings many good memories for you.  And the a.m. anxiety dissipates for you and gone forever.  I do feel some low level anxiety after the window closes, but I know it's par for the course.  We're getting there!!  Onward to full recovery and full steam ahead. 

 

V; Ginger; Mtmimi; Zoe; and post benzo peeps:  Congrats on your benzo journey successes!!  This is a big deal to celebrate -- hope you continue to share your experiences and stay in touch with us still in the trenches.  Thanks again for your encouraging posts.

 

Take care,

Rocko

[[mt...]]

Once again Happy Anniversary Vertigo!

I can recall when you stepped off your taper 2 years ago today- and feeling so happy for you and a tad bit envious as I still had a big journey ahead of me before my freedom day would arrive.  How far we have come!  It is so true that in many ways we are stronger, wiser and much more well equipped to deal with the stresses that seem to be a big part of living life than before our benzo experience.  Thank you for all your eloquent, kind and knowledgeable posts over the years.  I know for me and many others your influence and friendship has been ans still is, deeply felt and appreciated.

 

Sending you blessings for much love and peace in your life for all you have given to me and so many here!

Gracias Mi Amigo

Su amiga

Mimi

 

Workin on my spanish these days!! 

[[de...]]

i'll be 5 months free in 3 days.  hoping it's a turning point for the better. 

[[wi...]]

Congrats, Vertigo!

 

As for juicers...I have had a Champion for many years, but had put it away.  Pulled it out a year ago and feel jucing is so important to the healing process.  So glad to hear juicing and blending are helping some of you.  I blend at breakfast, juice in the afternoon.  Love it!

 

Had my first window - two days.  Then the am anxiety, headaches, jitters, night sweats & adrenalin rushes are back full force.  I appreciate the updates from those of you further down the road of this journey.  It helps.  I'm now six weeks out!

 

Has anyone else gained weight in this process?  I've always had a fast metabolism and been slim.  Now, without changing my healthy diet, I've put on 20 lbs in a year.  That's a lot.  I'm at a loss - can't loose even one pound.

 

Onward & upward,

Wish

[[ve...]]

Thanks Mimi, Libby, Ginger, Rocko, OffandRunning, Wish and the rest.  November 12th, 2009 seems like a long time ago.  A ten month taper ended that day, 2 years ago.  I took my last swig of valium on the 11th, but the 12th was the first day since my c/t in summer 2008 that I had not had valium.  Of course it was another three weeks for it to process out of the bloodstream.  So much was going on at the time. My father had only recently been released from hospital after over a month of battling for his life. It was not clear whether he would survive at home with caregivers.  He still had signs of a nasty staph infection and his immune system had been compromised by pneumonia and the ongoing leukemia.  A difficult sibling argued about every little decision, saying caregivers would not work and that my father had to move to a rehab facility near him.  Stress would be an understatement, having to deal with these matters away from my home and family, just days after the taper ended.   After that month away from my family in which I tapered the final quarter milligram, I flew back home for Thanksgiving.  Subsequent to a couple week respit, I turned around and headed back to the West Coast for Xmas and winter break with my wife and son this time.  We threw a Xmas party and celebrated my father's survival.  My father was still weak but we had hope.  A week later, I got hit with Shingles .  If not for that, I think my recovery would have been quicker than 18 months.  There was most likely a compounding impact of finishing the taper in that stressful situation and the Shingles five weeks later.

 

 Two years later and two more chemotherapies under his belt, my father remains in his home with full time help and is expected to turn 90 next year .  I'm back to "my old self" and "into my new self".  WishIdknown, I gained about 15 to 20lbs from the end of my taper to the end of summer 2010 (over 8 months before experiencing a setback that included elevated blood pressure, cog fog, jelly legs and a few other symptoms).  I was not exercising much and food was my best friend in that first half year or so after the Shingles and after my father returned home with full time help.  He ended up in the hospital a couple months later (in February 2010 for two weeks) and I had to fly back out there in April for his chemotherapy.  Eventually (Fall 2010) I embarked on an exercise program and lost the 30 lbs over the course of 3 months, by end of 2010.  It seemed to spike cortisol and I think it was too much weight loss too quickly.  Anxiety got really high and caused some problems.  So much to process and learn from.   So much to be grateful for as Thanksgiving approaches, despite the setbacks along the way.  Most of you all have some family (parents, spouses, siblings or significant others to contend with, some of them elderly).  It's not always easy, but things can work out with a little perseverance, faith and freshly blended juice .  Kidding aside, our health is not to be taken granted for.  We must take better care of ourselves if we are to learn anything from all of this.  Also, not just take care of the physical which is no doubt important in terms of exercise, rest and nutrition.  We must also try to be kinder and gentler with others and ourselves.  We must try to forgive and let go of blame and regrets.  Savor the joy and squeeze not only the juice, but  the love and joy in every moment.

 

All my best,

 

Vertigo

[[of...]]

Congrats to you too Zoe 

 

Are you that sweet helpful Zoe from the BW site?

 

Angel

 

Sweet?  debatable,  helpful sometimes.  yes Angel, I am.

 

thanks for the congrats.  hope you are doing well. xo

[[An...]]

Ok not sweet then 

 

Welcome to BB and thanks for your support to all of us here.

 

Angel xx

[[of...]]

Ok not sweet then 

 

Welcome to BB and thanks for your support to all of us here.

 

Angel xx

 

If not for the benzo community , I some days wonder how I would have ended up.  Thanks for the welcome Angel,  it is an honor to be here.

 

YOu are headed into 7 months free,  well done girl.  love to you zoe

[[gi...]]

Yeah, Zoe, is that you? From BW?? 

I just saw your sig line...thanks for the thanks!

[[ib...]]

Good morning Post Benzo pepes.  2 years off today

 

Vertigo so nice to see that you are still here supporting the buddies. Congratulations on your two-year celebration.

 

I could really use some encouragement, it has been almost 7 months since my last dosage of Valium and I still have not got to the point where I feel myself. Sometimes I wonder if my central nervous system will ever heal or if I have permanently damaged it. I am currently and have been experiencing muscle weakness, morning anxiety, headaches, a little dizziness at times and tinnitus since I completed my taper.  Mornings seem the worse, by early evening s/x seem to be less intense but still there. I don’t mean to sound discouraging, I know I am so much better of today than I was 7 months ago even with these s/x. I am just looking for some validation that this is still part of the healing process and in time this too will pass. 

 

I try to keep my mind busy…still working full time, have started taking line dancing lesson once a week with a co-worker, and trying to maintain somewhat of a social life.

 

Wishing all the buddies a great weekend!

 

ibmom

 

 

 

[[...]]

Ibmom -

 

I understand your concerns and sympathize completely.  I'm almost a total of 6 months off Lorazepam and am dealing with the exact same symptoms you speak of, in addition to insomnia, ear crackling (due to muscle tension in jaw/neck) and a constant sick/general malaise feeling.  I've made numerous posts about my concerns, all very similar to your recent post, and many of the responses I've received tend to center around the fact that healing takes time, it is not linear, and that according to Dr. Ashton, 6 to 18 months is the norm for complete recovery (I really want this to last much less than 18 months ). 

 

I also work full-time and have not taken any time off during this ordeal, but I won't lie - it has been very difficult to carry on in this capacity.  Please know you aren't alone in dealing with symptoms this far out, in addition to being concerned about permanent damage.  There is plenty of evidence that we will recover completely in time.

 

Hoping you feel better very soon, 

 

Rico

[[ro...]]

Hi Ibmom:

 

Good to hear from you.  We are very close in our "off the junk" dates.  I am 7 months off now and you are not far behind me.  

 

While I have had some good and longer windows, I hate it when the window shuts.  My WD sxs are usually the next day after a nite of insomnia with warm/cold feelings and restlessness.  But the tinnitus has been improving the last week or so.  

 

Some WD sxs have also improved recently such as the intrusive thoughts, jaw pain, nausea, and low level anxiety.  

 

Pressing onward to our anniversary in April.  I think we will be seeing more and more improvements in sxs -- it is so darn slow going.

 

Kudos to you for getting into a dance class.  I agree with you that we need to be mind-occupied to reclaim our brain power.  I am going to take some equestrian dressage lessons and am looking forward to it immensely.

 

Best regards to all of us recovering and RECOVERED!

 

Rocko

 

 

[[An...]]

Just a quick update but I should probably have kept my mouth shut as I will jinx this.

 

3 days ago the malaise totally lifted!!  Today is the first day of no headaches.  Morning anxiety was weaker 3 days ago and today, yesterday it was more intense.

 

I still have breathing probs but feel pretty pretty pretty good!

 

I have never had a window lasting more than a week.  Why is it when I get one I feel I won't get slammed again ??!  Then it's worse.

 

Ohh I hope this window is going to be permanent but it probably won't be

 

But it's encouraging all the same.

 

Will keep you posted.

 

Angel

[[of...]]

Yeah, Zoe, is that you? From BW??   

I just saw your sig line...thanks for the thanks!

 

((((Ginger)))) xoxoxoxxoxoxo

[[ve...]]

Good morning Post Benzo pepes.  2 years off today

 

Vertigo so nice to see that you are still here supporting the buddies. Congratulations on your two-year celebration. I could really use some encouragement, it has been almost 7 months since my last dosage of Valium and I still have not got to the point where I feel myself. Sometimes I wonder if my central nervous system will ever heal or if I have permanently damaged it. I am currently and have been experiencing muscle weakness, morning anxiety, headaches, a little dizziness at times and tinnitus since I completed my taper.  Mornings seem the worse, by early evening s/x seem to be less intense but still there. I don’t mean to sound discouraging, I know I am so much better of today than I was 7 months ago even with these s/x. I am just looking for some validation that this is still part of the healing process and in time this too will pass.  I try to keep my mind busy…still working full time, have started taking line dancing lesson once a week with a co-worker, and trying to maintain somewhat of a social life. Wishing all the buddies a great weekend!

ibmom

 

Hi Ibmom.  Thanks for your congrats on the 2 years off.  I'm glad you posted and updated us at 7 months.  Yes, I not only  believe you can but know that you will get past this phase.  I remember that morning anxiety only too well.  In my case, it was still pretty high in months 13 to 15 but part of it was all the low carb weight loss I had done at the time.  Also, some may have been high cortisol and what some others have called "chemically induced" anxiety as the CNS heals.  I also found certain kinds of stress impacted the "anxiety". I know you're back working full time so that probably adds stress.  At the same time, I think being at work and making a contribution will help you in the long term.  Remember, the goal is not to eliminate anxiety but to find better ways to cope with it!.

 

It really can take a year or even a little longer for some symptoms to wane, Ibmom. I know it's not what folks necessarily wish to hear. That being said, I believe not all the symptoms you are experiencing will remain at this level of intensity for a year.  Many will fade and you will likely notice improvements in some areas in the coming days ahead.  That's impressive that you are taking a dance class too.  All that is wonderful to hear Ib, you are out there and finding ways to engage.  The Central Nervous System can take time to heal but I can assure you that it is doing just that.  I remember a buddy posted either on this thread or somewhere else that he had talked to a well known neurologist who assured him that it is very common for it to take up to two years to fully heal a nervous system that has been impacted by strong chemicals such as the benzodiazapenes.  So hang in there and keep the faith.  Most folks are feeling significantly better at a year.  You are more than half way there.

 

God Bless,

 

Vertigo

[[gi...]]

Yeah, Zoe, is that you? From BW??   

I just saw your sig line...thanks for the thanks!

 

((((Ginger)))) xoxoxoxxoxoxo

 

!! How I wish PM still existed here... How have you been? What's your w/d status these days?  Do you still belong "elsewhere"?  I left when "59" got nasty.  My blog is in buddie blogs, look for me there and fill me in on everything. It's a secure section.

 

I have thought of you a lot over this year - so happy to see you here!

 

[[ib...]]

Good Morning Rocko/Rico

 

Thank you so much for your replies. It is so nice to be able to come to the forum get the validation that I am not alone with the on going s/x and that in time we will all heal.  Just knowing that I am not alone, and that others have experienced that same and have healed is definitely a stress relief in its self.

 

Hey V - I see you posted just as I was responding... It is so nice to hear from you. Funny how I was thinking (hoping) that once I finished the taper I would be feeling a 100% better immediately. (wishful thinking) It has been a very stressful few months for me which I am sure is not helping...Since July things have been crazy both in my home and work environment, but both situations are now starting to settle down and I am hoping this will give me some relief that I am looking for.

 

I have to agree this sure is a slow process. We just need to stay strong and move ahead. 

 

Hope everyone has a wonderful stress free day!

 

ibmom

 

[[af...]]

Hey Verti,

 

 

Your 2-yr update brought a big smile to my face. Aren't u glad i prodded u to post somethin'? hehe. Man, u r so good at bringing hope to those still struggling. Thnx and God bless u.

 

Kev

[[Gr...]]

November 12th, 2009 seems like a long time ... 

 

...We must take better care of ourselves if we are to learn anything from all of this.  Also, not just take care of the physical which is no doubt important in terms of exercise, rest and nutrition.  We must also try to be kinder and gentler with others and ourselves.  We must try to forgive and let go of blame and regrets.  Savor the joy and squeeze not only the juice, but the love and joy in every moment.

 

All my best,

 

Vertigo

 

Dear Verti,

 

Thank you for posting your two-year update with an overview of what you went through during taper and after; Pan had mentioned your "Two-Year Update" on her blog (so thank you to her for bringing it to my attention). I do have elder parents and have seen both of them go through major health concerns, including Mom with chemo 12 years ago, who is still going just like your father.

 

Your story and you inspire and inform, and I wish you all the very best in your benzo free life, Verti.

 

With gratitude and many blessings,

Grace~

[[ve...]]

Thanks guys :mybuddy:. I am glad I posted the update Kev .  Grace, glad you're mom has been a cancer survivor like my dad.  It takes a lot out of the patient and the family sometimes.  Hang in there Ibmom.  Happy Thanksgiving to all.

 

 

V

[[ve...]]

Any more post benzo pepes out there who would like to share their experiences?

Whether 2 weeks, 2 months or more out,  how are you doing?

 

[[da...]]

I'm two and a half months off.  It has not been an easy ride.  My physical symptoms are still present every day.

 

*tinnitus

* burning skin pain

*plugged ears

* bouts of vertigo (don't know if it's Menieres or w/d...seems to be too lingering for Menieres)

* inability to articulate

*anxiety

*vivid nightmares

*head pressure/brain zaps

* the inability to sit still alternating with overwhelming fatigue

* lightheadedness

*dry mouth/tooth and gum pain

 

I don't seem to have clear windows like so many others do.  However, I have finally forced myself to do things that would have paralyzed me a few months ago.  I drove over a hundred miles both ways on Sunday to meet a friend....up until then I hadn't driven alone out of my own town in over a year.  I am getting my dental work done.  I try to get out of the house every day, even if it's for a short drive to the store.  I made plans to visit my sons who live across the country after Christmas and plan to keep my promise this time.  Baby steps, I guess.  I still have a horrible time taking a shower and washing my hair...what the heck is that all about!

 

Anyway, BB...tht's how I'm doing.

 

Donna

[[...]]

Welcome Donna - I'm sorry that you are feeling so badly  Congrats on 2.5 months off though - the more time that passes the closer to "completely" healed we get right?!

 

Vertigo - Congrats on 2 years - that is quite an accomplishment! So glad that you shared your story - it gives me hope and you are an inspiration. I'm glad you decided to stay around 

 

Well, I just returned last night from 5 days in Florida: Key West, Miami and Ft. Lauderdale. I was a disaster the day before we left and had plunged into sxs that I hadn't had in about 8 months. It was horrific. The day we left I felt great and was completely sxs free - the next day however was right back to that craziness I experienced the day before I left. I had mild sxs the entire trip, but it was managable after that. It wasn't "fun" per se, but it was better than being home.

 

Today, on my first day home I'm feeling a bit depressed and my head felt funny upon waking this morning and then the head pressure kicked in about 11am.

 

I guess what they say about that month 4 slam is true. :pokey:

[[wi...]]

Donna, To me (and I suspect to some others) a window isn't necessarily clear sailing in these first few months, but it is a day where I feel somewhat better.  What that means exactly differs from day to day depending on what has been going on.  I am only benzo free for 6 1/2 weeks this time, but I have experience with longer times of benzo freedom from two previous attempts to get off.  My longest was just over four months.  There is progress over time, it is just slow.  Unfortunately, I didn't have knowledge of BB back then.  I had no idea what to expect, and doctors told me they had never had patients have trouble going off clonazepam.  They also told me that I needed to stay on it for the rest of my life.  When I was struggling so hard with the withdrawal I was so afraid because I didn't know what was happening to me.  The intense psychological pain coupled with the intense physical stress on the body from the withdrawal took its toll.  This time because of BB I now don't have to give in to the psychological anxiety that tries to get triggered by the physical symptoms.  It is a conscious effort I make many times a day but it is making a difference.  Hang in there knowing you are not alone!  People do eventually recover.  I wish for you and the rest of us that it didn't have to be so hard and take so much time.

 

At six weeks I have been hit hard with much less sleep and more intense pain, cog fog, "cramping" of brain and spinal cord, jittery and nervous.  Onward and upward!  The further away from this drug the more potential for healing!  I will be successful this time.

 

Wish

[[wi...]]

I still have a horrible time taking a shower and washing my hair...what the heck is that all about!

 

Anyway, BB...tht's how I'm doing.

 

Donna

 

I find it fascinating (in a sad way) what various symptoms happen to people as a result of the nervous system damage.  For a while about a year ago I had a real phobia to lying down (just getting horizontal).  I had to sleep in a chair.  Unbelievable.  I'm almost back to sleeping in a chair.  This time it is because lying down is uncomfortable.  It seems to put pressure on my spinal cord and brain.

 

Don't know what the horrible time in the shower is about.  That is the best part of my day.  The hot water feels so good and calms the system while I'm in there.  Most likely these horrible showers will pass in time.

 

Prayers for you,

Wish