How do I go on?

[[be...]]

Friends,, i need your help. I am having terrible, terrible thoughts, horrible anxiety and nervousness and depression. I was taking about 2 mg of ativan for about three months during my cancer recurrence scare this past fall, had no idea it as addictive. I started tapering about a month ago and got down to 1.5 mg, but was very, very, very unstable. I switched directly over to valium, at 15 mg, and am now even more unstable. I am having terrible thoughts, like I can't go on. I don't know what to do. If I go to urgent care or the emergency room they'll just likely give me more benzos for teh anxiety. I am desperate. My wife and I are sitting here right now just totally desperate, I'm feeling like I am not going to make it. I also have this terrible paradoxical effect - when I take the benzo niow it causes more anxiety (ativan AND valium). Should I not have just crossed over immediately? Ashton and others seem to suggest that if you are taking 1.5 mg or less of ativan that you can switch right over to 15 mg of valium. my psychiatrist told me that, as well. Well, he's my former psychiatrist. I've seen five psychiatrists now in the past 4 months and none has really known anything about tapering down off benzos. I live in California, is this benzo buddies board mostly based in the UK? It seems doctors thre are far more knowledgable and willing to help you get off these drugs than they are in the states. docs keep prescribing more drigs they tell me will help with the side effects and sleep. none has helped. They've tried neurontin, seroquil, riseridone, trazedone (for sleep), vistoril, and more. Have you heard of pointofreturn.com? or The Road Back? These are organizations that try to help you get off benzos, with nutrition, etc. There's another one called neurogenesis.com, it's lesser known. I'm just curious if anyone out there as tried these? I am truly desperate, at the end of my rope and need advice on what to do. Please help with any advice, strategies for anxiety and depression, is my taper the right way to do it, etc?

[[Be...]]

Hello again, beachboy78. 

 

I really don't know if that immediate substitution of valium for ativan could be contributing to your ongoing distress.  When did you make the switch?  I do know that many members have been unable to crossover to valium because of the depressant effect. 

 

If you've seen 5 psych docs in 4 months and tried the meds they've described without relief, I'm not sure what to suggest.  I do know that everyone I know who tried The Road Back and Point of Return programs said that the supplements provided little if any help and were way overpriced.  I haven't heard of neurogenesis.com before.

 

Depression is a tough nut to crack.  I joined BenzoBuddies because I was on the brink of electroconvulsive therapy for long-standing severe depression myself.  When I found out that benzos could contribute to depression, I decided to delay the ect and taper off ativan (lorazepam).  I also went on an anti-depressant before I started tapering and I believe it has helped as well but in my experience it is hard to find the right one and the right dose.  There are some threads on the Anxiety and Depression boards with suggestions for coping.  And have you considered talk therapy?  I found a compassionate therapist when I started the A/D and met with her every week or two throughout my taper and she helped me hold it together until the depression started to lift.  I'm so glad your wife is understanding and supportive but she really can't substitute for a good therapists imo.

 

 

[[el...]]

Hi Beachboy,

 

Substituting one benzo for another is best done in at least a few steps.  Ativan will leave your body quickly, in a day or so, while Valium can take up to two weeks to reach an adequate level. This could be why you are feeling badly.

 

Also, for some people, Valium has a tendency to be very depressive. It does for me. This may even out as your blood levels of Valium build though. Not sure how long ago you made the switch. 

Hang in there. I think you will start to feel better, especially as you start tapering.

[[Be...]]

Hi Beachboy 

 

I'm new to this group too and have recently started my own dry cut taper off of klonopin (adjusted thanks to the sound advice gleaned from this group)

 

As I'm new and in the learning phase myself, I don't have much insight into the whole taper thing as I haven't crossed over to Valium.  But I just wanted to offer you my support and encouragement to hang in there...you CAN do this and you WILL come out on the other side with a new zest for life.  You have beaten cancer so I know you can beat this!

 

I too am suffering from severe depression and HIGH anxiety since taking this evil poison so I know exactly how you feel.  My husband, like your wife, has been a rock for me and it breaks my heart that we have to live through this hell...it's bloody hard!!  And I too have moments where I wonder how I can go on and fear losing it altogether...but we will go on because we have too.  And with all of our support, you will make it though this.

 

I have just been onto itunes and downloaded some Cd's on meditation and mindfullness stress relief.  I also ordered some suntheanine tablets, thanks to a recommendation I received yesterday, as they can help some with the anxiety during this rough phase.  I would also recommend reading 'Hope and Help for your nerves' By Claire Weekes.  It's a wonderful book, if a tad dated but it defiantly offered some excellent advice regarding anxiety and depression.  Therapy, as already recommended, may help...I'm having some, but it's a tad sporadic for my tastes (one session per month  Thanks Kaiser..lol)  But give it a go.  I know I haven't offered much, but know that if you ever need to chat, I'm here 

 

 

[[en...]]

Please don't give up,please give yourself another chance,we really are more resillient than we think and whatever you do do not go cold turkey,let the people on here help you with your tapering plan,I know it's dark now and soooo scary,remember you did not know how addictive the Ativan is,your psych.should have known when he gave you these pills,the least they can do now is to help you with the correct tapering,if you are too weak,let your wife insist they help you!!!In the meanwhile,BB is here to help you.....

[[sp...]]

Hang in there - benzos are downers and for me I was really depressed and suicidal on them and better when off.  I came straight off ativan, rather than crossing over so cant talk about that, but know others who crossed over to valium and then tapered did pretty well.  Just need to hang on there through the c/d until valium up in system.  If really depressed, you can go back to ativan and slow taper off that directly.  harder, but doable!

Know that you are not alone in this - depression goes hand in hand with these meds for some.  I found I got bouts of depression once off the meds, that came and then went out of the blue!  Now get them a lot less so grateful - it will get better

Hang in there

Spring

[[...]]

Hi beachboy,

 

I sent you a message on another thread just a minute ago.  Have you considered an anti-depressant?  Just a question for now...not a recommendation.  I have had great success with lexapro recently, however; just so you know where I am coming from.  Feel free to write and ask me any questions you have.

 

My heart goes out to you ! ! ! ! !

 

Rumi

[[ma...]]

I tend to agree with the above response you mentioned feeling suicidal, well maybe you should try a/d why do we all need to be off of everything while w/d or immediately?

 

Anyway, I am not trying to be difficult since it seems the majority do not feel the same way.

 

I don't know what to say just know you have my support.

 

It is not my goal to "stir the pot" and straight a squabble with long discussions

 

just my two cents

 

Mary