When will this end?

[[sa...]]

:'(  I have had so much grief and loss and change in the last year, that a perfectly "normal' athletic, non drug using person would even be down but add the benzo withdrawal, monkeying around with a/d's-the side effects that go along with some of them, a mom with cancer, and you've got a real mess on your hands.

I feel totally hopeless, ill, awful. I pray for when I can go to sleep to have some relief and then each day have to wake up and go through it again. I do have some good days.

I have to look back at my blog to when I had really great "windows" and see what I was doing then because whatever I am doing now is NOT working.

I feel for all of you going through this.

With love and support, Steph

[[pa...]]

Hi Steph!

You've been off your meds for 8 months, June right? Unfortuantely having symptoms that last that long isnt uncommon. Having good days is a great sign! Some dont have any for months on end. Hold those days close and know that one of these days that's all you'll be having.

 

So sorry to hear about your mom. I hope she's doing well.

 

Hang in there.

 

Amanda

[[Ho...]]

Hi Steph, I'm sorry you're not feeling well

 

The good days are definetly signs that you are healing. I know it may seem like it will never end, but it will. Are you on a good diet with exercise? One of the safest things you can do for depression is take Omega fish pills. I take ones that have Omega 3, 6, and 9, and they work great for the depression. They almost act as a mood stablizer for me, and I have heard many other's say the same. Also, I don't recommend St. Johns Wort, but I take 1 50 mg 5-htp capsule at night and it definetly helps as well.

 

In time, you will see your good days slowly increasing. I know how hard it is to deal with sick parent's. Both of my dads parents died of very bad cancer, and my mom's mom had alzheimers. I had to watch my parent's deal with so much stress and agony, but the pain goes away with time.

 

Hang in there, and keep us updated.

[[Li...]]

w/d symptoms or not, anyone going through/haven gone through all you experienced would be depressed. Best wishes for you, there will surely be brighter days.

 

Lizzie

[[...]]

Hi Steph,

 

It seems like you do have some added stress in your life right now, and I do feel your pain. Though let me share with you a bit of an information about my own recovery. Back in Dec 08 I c/t from lorazepam, and did see relief at the 4-5 month mark. It was a wonderful window I couldn't be happier. When a wave hit me harder than ever, and nothing seemed to work, I reminded myself what was told to me over and over again, that it will pass. I woke up one morning and it was GONE.  Than I had a few milder symptoms which I thought will never go a way. I accepted it, when one day I woke up in the morning and it was completely GONE.

Steph, I couldn't believe it to a point where I would 'test' my thought process to see if my mind is strong. Gone was my OC thinking, even though I would 'test' it over and over again. lol My brain wasn't fazed by it, as it finally healed.

Don't let this wave scare you, let it pass and know that your mind is working hard to heal. At times, the harder it works and the more difficult the wave is, the closer you are to reach complete healing.

 

 

Warmly,

 

Shelly

[[mi...]]

great post Shelly

[[Js...]]

Steph, I too am struggling with depression and depressive thoughts as I go thru withdrawal post taper. I saw from one of posts in Oct. that you had decided to go on to an AD. Did that not work for you? it is something I am considering too,

 

Jim

[[ma...]]

I did not taper and although I am now taking Klonopin; it is nothing like being on 12mg of xanax along with 3mg of klonopin....I think forgot to put that on my signature.

 

I cant stand these symptoms and I want to go back on Xanax and taper.

 

I don't have forever to wait around for things to get better.  I certainly cant work.  Why isn't this think linear, instead if this odd pattern

 

I am tired of crying every day.  It will be 60 days on the 15th of Feb.

 

I don't want to go backwards, I know all the xanax is out of my system, so why this nightmare.

Anyway I am rambling, but I don't want to keep going feeling like sh*t.

 

Mary :'( :'( :'(

[[mi...]]

Mary you're on Klonopin now?  I tapered with Valium - crossed to it from a high dose of Xanax.  I think all of these benzodiazepines cause depression - Ashton says they do and most of us on forums get depression from them if we've been using them long enough and/or tapered them.

 

60 days come the 15th since you stopped Xanax?  Sorry if I am not clear on that.

 

Mike

[[ma...]]

Sorry, I really need to fix my signature line. Originally, I was taking xanax xr and xanax sublinquil and  klnopin and ambien all at the same time.  The last time I took xanax or ambien was on Dec 8th and I got out of detox on Dec 15.  I am now on 6mg of klonopin and feel horrible.

 

what finally got me into detox----On one ER visit they spoke of intubating me due to respiration.

 

I finally realized that I needed help

 

So it has been almost 60 days so why don't I feel better

 

I tremble allot.  I have anxiety. I am dizzy ---- Maybe, I need an a/d for depression and anxiety.

thanx for caring

Mary

[[mi...]]

Mary I am not sure why.  I've seen people who cold turkey take longer to heal and some seem to heal sooner.  No reason I can put my finger on.

 

Hang in there.

 

Mike

[[ma...]]

Your picture of agony is very inspiring!!!!!

Mary

:)