6-12 month thread....

[[...]]

Yes, me too SFD.  I'm paying primarily with my heart also.  My cardiovascular responses are just fak'd.  My poor heart doesn't know what to do half the time. I really can't describe the amount of fear, for my heart specifically, I've had over it. 

 

 

btw, sorry for all the coarse language.  I'll try and stick to using 'alternate' spellings and crap like that. 

 

edit:  also sorry for the terrible grammar and spelling in my posts lately.  I used to go over my posts and re-read them and fix stuff here and there, but lately .....  IDGAF  =P

[[...]]

Sofa

 

I was going through the list of support groups looking for a 12-18month thread ( geesus, when I was planning my taper I never thought I'd be looking for a thread with that title ) and noticed you started one.

 

 

I just finished reading your second post where you give a run down of your health problems.  I....  I don't know what to say.  I .... like  ......  wtf!!!!!!????  I'm getting the fluttery feeling in the stomach that's caused by fear response.  Seriously, I think I'm getting a little choked up here.  I can't even articulate how I feel about that..... 

 

Holy Fucking Hell it's literally a miracle you're still here and talking to us!!!!    you were without vitals!  as in, dead???!!!!  Or did you mean something else by 'coded'?

 

I'm sorry I don't want to rehash that for you,  but I can't even describe how shocked I am reading that!

 

I'm grateful your still here and talking to us, with a sense of humor no less.  An experience like yours could easily break someone.  You are incredibly strong.  If my doctor told me post-op that I died, and was brought back, you'd probably never get me back into a hospital again.

 

I'll be joining you in the 12-18 thread in a few weeks.    Your my new hero

[[...]]

ugh, last night was dreadful.

 

I haven't had ear ringing like that since I was in acute.  Still so palpy.  Crap loads of muscle twitching kneck, face, thighs, hands, pecs.    sitting in bed in the wee hours of the morning I felt like I had this horrible buzzy bad energy feeling.

 

Like if we all ran of power adpaters that plugged into the wall,  mine would be making that signature faint buzz that signaled it's going bad. 

[[so...]]

G33k,

 

Yeah, life's been a f*cking party these past two years.  Coded, as in my heart fluttered and BP went to almost nothing.  The anaesthesiologist had this happen on one of his cases before and told them to roll me over on my side.  They did it and my heart started again.  Apparently the the doctor pumped the gas for the laparoscopic gallbladder surgery inside me too fast and it seeped into some scar tissue and went to my heart.  It's CO2 and it sucked the oxygen out of my heart like a vacuum.  Weird huh?  All the doctors and nurses kept coming into the ICU asking me if I had a near death experience.  No such luck!  They saved me so I could go through WD.  Grrrr.

 

Although it's a bummer you're still in this and you are graduating to the 12-18 month thread, I'll keep the home fires burning for you.

 

Love, Sofa

[[Si...]]

Hi everybody!

 

Just wanted to swing by and give some hope. I was in the 12-18 month group and then graduated to the 18-30 one. I'm nearing my 20 month off now and have started to see some rapid improvements in the last two weeks. Only about a month ago I was planning ways to off myself. While I may get hit again and all my symptoms aren't gone, I feel an improvement and some hope again that this will end at some point. So just hang on. My insomnia has seemed to waver (at least for now). I've been falling asleep almost as soon as I hit the pillow and sleeping most of the night without waking. Anyone that's read my posts know that my insomnia was HORRIBLE. I went for months only sleeping every other night. Had stretches where I didn't sleep for two or three nights straight. The main symptoms I have left are head pressure / headaches and mild tinnitus in the morning. Most of the burning I had is gone and haven't had an episode of akathisia in about 6 weeks. Sorry everyone is feeling so bad. Just try and distract and get through each moment the best you can.

[[...]]

Siggy

 

Thanks for that.

 

I love hearing that.  We are all pretty optomistic about our recovery times.  There seems to be far too many of us in this past the 1 year mark if you ask me.

 

Wow, your sleep issues give me hope.  My sleep has been such a frustrating battle so far.

 

I obsess over it.

 

-geek

[[Si...]]

Siggy

 

Thanks for that.

 

I love hearing that.  We are all pretty optomistic about our recovery times.  There seems to be far too many of us in this past the 1 year mark if you ask me.

 

Wow, your sleep issues give me hope.  My sleep has been such a frustrating battle so far.

 

I obsess over it.

 

-geek

 

Yeah me too. I actually get somewhat sleepy now too, which hasn't happened for a long time other than when I missed a full night. It will get better at some point, just takes so damn long. Not sure how much this has helped me or not. I started taking my daily multi-vitamin every day. I started taking krill oil capsules twice a day for the omega-3 (couldn't stand fish oil, but tolerate the krill just fine). I also take tart cherry extract twice a day. I figure none of that stuff can realty hurt me, and if it helps then even better. Good luck buddies!

[[MT...]]

Siggy, that's so encouraging to hear that you've turned a corner. You're someone I really follow because you've been through the fire and stayed in it. You're amazing and a good reminder that however long and ugly the wd insomnia is that I can survive it. Thanks for the update. Be well.

 

MT

[[so...]]

Siggy,

 

FINALLY! I'm so so happy for you!!!!  You give me hope too!

 

Love, Sofa

[[He...]]

Hello ...... today marks my six month anniversary of being free from Klonopin.  I have graduated to the 6-12 month thread.  My main issue in my recovery is mornings.  They are just so stinking hard.  At night, my optimism for life comes back and I go to bed thinking that the next morning will be fine, but unfortunately, I wake up every morning at 5:30 a.m. (no matter how late I go to bed) and I just feel awful.  I have terrible morning shakes, dread, hopelessness, but it does lift in the late afternoons.  Just wondered if anyone else is experiencing this or if you had in the past, if/when it went away.  Merry Christmas to everyone.  This is one tough holiday this year. 

[[Lo...]]

Hi Herckie ,

 

Yes this has been what its like for me since i pulled out of my last wave. Symptoms seem to be more manageable with the soreness and fatigue being the most prominent . The DR and anxiety seem to have taken a back seat with only a twinge of them here and there during the day. From about 6pm i get a window where all the symptoms dont seem as bad and i go to bed thinking maybe ill wake up normal. Next day wake up feeling like i have been hit by a bus and the cycle continues.........

 

 

[[He...]]

Lockie, thanks so much for responding to my post.  I know you and I are pretty much at the same time frame of coming off of the benzo.  I know you have suffered greatly with fatigue.  I had fatigue badly for about a month and then it went away.  I am so hoping the "morning dreads" will go away for both of us soon.  It is like groundhogs day for sure.  I know this time of year is tough for anyone going through this post-benzo craziness.  I don't know about you, but I honestly feel the next couple of months will show lots of improvements for us.  I keep holding on to the "6-18 months for healing."  We are finally in that range, albeit just at the beginning of it, but we are in the healing range nonetheless.  Hope nothing but the best for you.  Please keep me updated on your healing progress.

[[Lo...]]

No worries Herckie , ill be around here or on the fatigue support page. Feel free to PM me if you want.

 

It does feel good to be in the 6-18 month zone and definitely holding onto hope of healing soon . I was only on 2mg of valium for a few months before my taper but i suffered horribly for some reason. Hopefully the small amount i was on and short period contributes to healing sooner

[[ne...]]

Hi All

 

I `m hoping you`re all doing better, I haven`t been here for a week or so but I`ll go back and read your posts.

 

I wondered if any of you seemed to get worse about 8 months? 

 

I `m having just about every sx dear Heather Ashton described but some did lessen there for a while. Now they`re all back with pain in my lower back, which moves to my left butt and becomes bloody painful. 

Neck and shoulder pain again, anxiety, dizziness, intrusive thoughts, bad dreams, headaches, sore eyes-----basically the works.

 

And I really can`t socialize at all.. I`ve tried but even talking on the phone to friends send my sx crazy.  I`m pretty much housebound although on a `good` day I manage a short walk in some woodland behind our house.

 

Over Christmas things were better, the sx lifted thank God, I thought at last.  They were still there but bearable ....then bam it all caved in again and I feel like I`m back in acute.

 

Anyone have all this? Please tell me this is `normal` or as normal as this hellish ride can be.

 

I wish us all a Happy, Healthy New Year and thanks in advance for any help. Some how we`ll get through this but wish it wasn`t such a long process. 

 

 

[[...]]

Just wondering if this is normal at 10 and a half months full Turkey streaming weakness seems to stay and I always feel like I'm walking down a hill where my posture is a little bent over.  pain seems to get better one day and then worse the next but it's the extreme weakness that scared the s*** out of me

[[Lo...]]

Wow CT off 5mg, damn! I jumped at 0.5mg of diazepam and thought i was gonna die for 8 weeks straight. The fatigue is normal for diazepam this has been my worst symptom along with anxiety. Sometimes i felt that weak and fatigued i honestly couldnt believe my heart was still beating. Its a scary feeling thats for sure. 

[[Si...]]

Hi never, yes it's pretty typical for people to have a bad down turn in the late first year to early second year. It doesn't happen to everyone, but is common enough to be considered "normal". I got hit hard at month 10 after feeling nearly 100% for 5 months. Just hang in the best you can. I'm starting to see some slow improvements now at 20 months off.

[[Sa...]]

Ddd,

 

You described my posture exactly! Back bent like going down hill!

We both Ct'd at the same time. 

I also took a turn for the worse after being able for a few months.

I think i am getting better again.  Knock on wood, so scared to jinx this thing.

Hang in there, according to many people here month 14 might be a big turn around for us.

I would stay away from anything acidic to ward off pain.  Try it for a few days and see if it makes a difference in your pain levels and try to keep track to see when the days you have pain you had anything acidic or sulfur the days before.

Hugs

S

[[Co...]]

Yes to both. I also walk over bent, and try really hard to stay upwards, and I also got hit with worst wave ever. Seems that there is some kind of line in it after all?

[[Si...]]

The hunch over in the back is called Kyphosis. I had these even before benzos. Poor posture plus a desk job. There are exercises to try and help the problem. Plenty of videos on YouTube. It's similar to scoliosis. Just a different direction.

[[He...]]

Wow!  It is just amazing that you can feel better for a while and then be slammed 9, 10, 11 months out.  This whole process just doesn't make sense.  My latest symptom is INSOMNIA

[[He...]]

Sorry, I hit a wrong key and it posted before I was finished.  Anyway, I am now starting to battle insomnia and my legs are kicking all night long.  Didn't sleep at all last night and ended up taking today off from work.  Been in bed all day which is so incredibly depressing.  I wish everyone well and hopefully sooner than expected.

[[so...]]

Herkie,

 

RLS is common in WD.  I had it in months 4-11 and wore tight therapeutic socks all day and night which got rid of the symptom.

 

You'll be okay, sweetheart.  I kept getting slammed by withdrawal steadily for a year withou relief.  At almost 14 months, I'm seeing an easing of symptoms.  They are still with me.  Just to a lesser degree, except for the 4am cortisol alarm, which is still brutal.

 

Hang on.  It gets better.  We all heal.

[[Sa...]]

Sofa,

 

I'm so happy to read you are having an ease of symptoms. 

Remember our pm with each other a while back about what i told you about 14 months? So happy of you, now let the am cortisol vanish and then we can move on to the next phase plus moving towards summer is always better.

 

[[...]]

I was feeling pretty crumby up until the 23rd in a wave that peaked on the 22nd.  miraculously I woke up on the 24th not feeling bad.  That has started a window.

 

I am not completely symptom free but I will say this:

 

This is the first window that has done away with the toxic energy in the morning.

 

I used to wake at 4 am then, 5 am, then 6am, then get out of bed shortly after that.  I used to lay in bed in the early hours with that horrible bad energy feeling. 

 

Starting dec 24th I woke once at about 6.  then woke again at 8.  I've been feeling groggy when I wake up.  As I could easily go back to sleep.  (unfortunately my todler and puppies make sure I'm out of bed at 8 ish anyways, but all monring I'm left with that dozey feeling where I could just go lay down and sleep all morning.

 

This is a huge change and I welcome it gladly.    Been feeling definitely more rested. 

 

I still have pots'y symptoms sometimes, but not always. 

 

It continues as I write this.  I'm so glad my body is showing me that it can reverse the rushy crap in the am.