Knackered Seeks Serenity with Benzos

   Hey there.  Knackered here.  Around the time that the US Selective Service was offering me a one way, fully paid trip to Southeast Asia (Viet Nam war), a film came out that left a huge impression on me and inspired a classical phrase that is still bantered about.  “Catch 22”, released in 1970, was based on a 1961 novel of the same name by Joseph Heller.  The film is a dark, satirical, comedy that takes place on a base in the Mediterranean during WW II.  The protagonist is a disillusioned pilot who is tired of death and wants to go home.  The plot revolves around his futile attempts to qualify for discharge.  His attempts always fall short and he loses out due to some rule or another that prevents his departure.  Hence the name for ongoing and meaningless attempts that don’t yield success and are referred to as “Catch 22’s”.  The name stuck and still lives on in conversation to this day.

  Wherever you are and whatever you’re currently dealing with, you’ve, no doubt, experienced this type of thing numerous times. We’re still receiving the same form letter requesting ‘more information needed’ from the IRS every three months.  We’ve called, written documented, and been told that more information is coming from them.  Yet every three months we get the same form letter requesting the same from us.  Catch 22??  There’s no way out.

   I’ve been without a medical provider for four months now.  The previous one said ‘good bye’ shortly after Christmas.  I was told a new one was on schedule to arrive in early February, March, and again now, in April.  When my repeated calls for an appointment with another practitioner fell on deaf ears, I was told to schedule with a different doctor as they had none available. I actually did so, but was told that I was Dr. Shopping, a practice illegal in our area. When I got so sick in early February that I had to up dose, I called the nursing triage and carefully recounted what I had done and why.  They thanked me and assured me all was well. Later, I called requesting more pills because I had run out early and was labelled medically noncompliant.  Further requests on my part went unheeded as the receptionists had no record of having talked to me.  Catch 22???

   Getting the run around is not my friend and when pressed to the outer limits (another old TV show that came on after “Twilight Zone”), I need to channel that frustration somehow and somewhere.  No one wants to listen to whiners these days.  We’re not popular and everyone has problems.  This is about the time I yield my favorite gardening tool, the hori-hori, and stomp around the front yard stabbing the ground and cursing under my breath.  There are kids in the neighborhood so I have be careful to do this during school hours.

   In the end, of course, we all know that we can’t react like nut cases (at least not in public), nor can we take more medication.  That’s what got us into this mess in the first place.  And so, we need to seek a calmer and more appropriate means of release before we tear the lawn completely apart.

   Believe it or not, one thing that emergency centers suggest on help lines is to wash your face and wrists with cold water.  It’s supposed to “trigger your mammalian diving reflex which slows your heart and breathing.”  (@“Very well Mind”).  And as for breathing, all of us have experienced panic in one form or another and been lectured on deep breathing techniques, postures, etc.

   “Psychology Today” tells us to change the scene around us by either going in, out, or moving to a different location.  Exercise (for those of us who can still do it) works as well.  Mindfulness and meditation are things that take practice but work well.  (At least for me). Tiding up around the house is supposed to be therapeutic and calming as long as you don’t start throwing things  through windows and such.  Journalling and napping (after you’ve calmed down I guess) are also on the list of frustration wellness.

   If all else fails, try to recall that old “Seinfeld” scenario where Frank Costanza listens to self help recordings in order to lower his blood pressure and calm down.  The advice he receives instructs him to scream ‘SERENITY NOW’! when he feels like he’s reached his emotional limits.

   I haven’t tried it yet, but combined with my hori-hori and done while the kids are all in school, it might just provide the relief I need.  While you taper on, just remember:  “SERENITY NOW”!!!