Oh this is your blog, yay. I love your picture. 
it sounds like your doing good, I love that project you  doing. Don’t forget to show the after picture. 
im so glad I found you. Now I have to hunt the others down. 
♥️

Jackie my darling girl! Yes, here I am! We're all going to get used to this. I think it will open new doors for all of us—new friends, new ideas for coping and living a better life and hopefully ways to get through this. I'm so glad to hear from you!! I checked out your profile and saw your photos. They're so pretty, I love them! Am always looking for your name Jacky!! 

Hi. Stumbled here after you graciously commented on my question. Beautiful photos! Also, nice to hear of someone doing much better here than I at this hard time. All the best with your blog and I'll look in!

Hi Bulldog,

Thank you for checking in! I'm so sorry things are rough for you. I'm doing better than I was, but still, most days I seem to be in a wave. I'm keeping this chipper just because I'm aiming to re-frame my life and help me think positively; I don't want you to think everything is a rose garden here! That wouldn't be fair or accurate, although things are definitely better than they were by a long shot, and will be for you, too. For months and months there seemed to be absolutely no positives in my life, but that was the benzo lie. Anyway, so nice to see you!

Thanks, Hot! I liked your story, too. I'm not American ( as I guess you are) but my forebears were. 

Here you can see the fat, fluffy cushion to the chair I'm recovering. Also, here is washing machine I broke when I washed Great Aunt Gretchen's fat, fluffy cushion.  Not so brilliant.

I thought I was safe. I'd checked online and found several sites that recommended putting two feather cushions in a washer at a time, for balance.

I removed Great Aunt Gretchen's cushion from the cover, carefully mended any place the stitching looked loose and after inspecting again, put it in the washer with another feather cushion. Made sure the machine was on delicate. Used a gentle natural detergent. Later, I came downstairs to check. The washer had stopped. Good! I thought. It's clean! I opened the lid to a sea of brown water. 

Not good. The cushion had burst open and the water was thick with—stuff. Dirt? I didn't know what to think.

After I took my head out of my hands, I pulled whatever was still in one piece out, dumped it all into a garbage bag and bailed out the washer. It took a long, long time.  I didn't want any feathers going down a drain.  

It didn't even feel like feathers; it felt so insubstantial. More like thick water! And apparently the cushion wasn't feathers, it was pretty much just goose down, which is very, very fine. So I bailed and bailed and bailed. I even wiped the drum dry. It was messy, unending and hard labor. It was exercise and a massive clean-up job all in one. A good task when you're in a wave!

So! Making a new cushion, but not with down! Who can afford down? Not me.

Especially because now I need a new washing machine. 

4 hours ago, [[B...] said:

Thanks, Hot! I liked your story, too. I'm not American ( as I guess you are) but my forebears were. 

That's intriguing! Love to hear about it sometime when you're up to it!

Oh,no! Too bad about the cushion. Well,you did the logical thing by washing it first, hotcold.

Just wanted to pop in to see what you're up to, love your distraction activities, you're very ambitious.  I remember trying to get a laundered couch cushion cover back on when I was recovering, it took me hours but I celebrated when I got it on, we need to feel a sense of accomplishment, anything to push back on the drumbeat of negativity this drug heaps on us. 

So true! I can see you in my mind's eye, struggling with that cushion. I've done that same dance; one inch up this side, 1/2 inch up the other, pant pant pant then do it all over again.

I suppose I am ambitious! I started the project and my husband got inspired to fix the seat on his desk chair. Now his chair is fully repaired and mine is floating in the extra bedroom. I've been breaking it down into smaller tasks, and tell myself just get this done for now. Just this.

Slow but sure wins the race!! Thank you Pamster!!

I'm moving forward on my chair re-covering.  Ever so slowly! I felt very sheepish about breaking the washing machine. My husband was so gracious about it, no complaints, no 'Why didn't you' or silent treatment. We consoled ourselves by realizing the machine was over 20 years old, shook our heads and went out and bought another one.

The appliance people came. They were in the alley, then in the house, measuring this, measuring that.

It wouldn't fit through the door.

When I realized it didn't fit through the doorway, I honestly went into a wave. Burning, anxiety, jitters, all over such a small thing! The next day I was okay, though. I tell you! 

So my husband ordered a different one, opened up the doorway, painted the area and put in nicer moldings before the new machine came. But that one was too tall, said the delivery man. So my husband gamely took down the ceiling tiles and was coming up with a workaround when he found out that the stackable machines came apart and weren't too tall after all.

We're still waiting for them to come back. 

In the meantime, my husband realized his desk chair seat, made of rush, was devilishly uncomfortable, and if his wife could fix a chair, he'd fix his, thank you very much. So he did, with my help. Here is what the chair looked like before, but with the rush seat caved in. And here it is after with a completely different kind of seat cushion system. Much more comfy. 

Very nice work! Kudos! I've tried this myself but I found it difficult. I don't know how you keep motivated in this difficult time. It's tough to even make supper. 

Yay, I was glad to find your blog.  Most blogs are too long for me to catch up on.  Yours looks like fun to follow, and I'm looking forward to it.  SO sorry about your washer.  You seem so composed about it.   I love your all-around optimism, but I won't hold you to it.  I understand the benzo-life. 😊 

3 hours ago, [[B...] said:

It's tough to even make supper. 

Wow, Bulldog, you actually make supper? 😯 That's amazing.  I haven't cooked anything for so long.  

3 hours ago, [[B...] said:

Very nice work! Kudos! I've tried this myself but I found it difficult. I don't know how you keep motivated in this difficult time. It's tough to even make supper. 

You know, I have a list of things I want to do, but I only put things on the list when I'm feeling good and optimistic. Everything seems hard when you don't feel good! I think it's funny that I'm slogging away at a chair and have been for weeks, while my husband finished his in a couple of days. He has the ability to start something and stick to it, but my energy level is way low. I break it down into small tasks. I'm only motivated because I'm afraid of having nothing but an empty life when this is over, so I'm trying to stay in things as much as I can. I'm 11 months post jumping though. I couldn't have done it three months out, or even six!

Hi, Glitter & Hotcold. Yep, dinner is hard to make and becoming more so. I really want to paint a draw but I've had a bad memory for many years, and withdrawal; well, I'm sure you both know what it's like. I really applaud those that can do something at this time. For those that can't- I get it 100%!!!!!

A Little Progress!

It took forever to decide on a fabric. I went back and forth, lighter fabric? Darker fabric? Small scale? I wanted to pull from my cache of fabrics since they're all just taking up space! Well, I decided. I had plenty of second thoughts but that's the way the cookie crumbles. So I finished the cushion for the chair. Slowly worked my way around it, used high density foam because my husband read on YouTube that you should. But since the old cushion was feather, I decided to top the foam with a feather insert. So I emptied a feather cushion into a new cover, shaped to fit the chair.  I decided to do it in inside a white trash bag to keep the feathers in one place.

I thought I'd better not do it in the house with my track record, so I sat outside in the garden. The birds were chirping and I was shifting the mass of feathers from the old cover to the new, sort of on the sly, since a trash bag hid everything from view. I remember realizing these were feathers from . . . a bird. I kind of looked over my shoulder. Did the birds know I was handling some of their compatriot's covering? I felt seriously guilty! Definitely a benzo thing; it grossed me out. I had to put it out of my mind. LOL I felt so bad!! But I finished it. 

So I decided on a large scale fabric. Maybe it was a mistake but it will match a bench I already used some of the fabric for. And there was enough of it. My husband stapled the new jute webbing onto the chair for me (I made the piping for his chair! So we're even!) I was also able to cover the seat of the chair with new batting and some muslin. 

Plenty left to do, though. Here's the progress:

You are so talented and motivated.  I would never have the patience.  Thanks for sharing your projects with us.  I love the cushion; it's such a pretty and calming color too.

Thank you Glitter! It's so kind of you to say so. I work on things in spurts, and for about 20-30 minutes at a time. Things like this distract me and if I get overwhelmed about it, I just walk away. But it takes my mind away and I love that!

Snowflakes in Summer

I found a book that I bought for one of my grandsons a few years ago. Thought I'd give one a shot. It says to use nail scissors—does anyone have nail scissors these days?—so I settled for a hole punch. It took me forever to figure out how to fold the paper. My brain is better, but that told me it's not quite there yet! Here is the first snowflake of the summer:

How cute!  It looks like a snowflake made of butterflies.🦋  It brings back fun memories from school, although ours never looked that pretty. 

I'm trying to get motivated like you but....

Believe me, I"m not motivated! But late at night, when I feel pretty good, I am. Right before bed LOL. Today I worked on the chair and it was hard. Like, staple, staple, staple stop. sit and watch my computer for an hour. Then back to stapling. Took me three times to finish putting in about 32 staples. Honestly I think it's more to encourage my husband, but the nice thing is that it helps me when I feel like I'm not doing enough to justify my existence. I didn't plan it that way, I just stumbled onto it, but maybe God knew I'd need something small to keep me going. It looks complicated but it's not hard to cut fabric and staple it or sew it I you've already done it several times. I'm not attempting to learn the violin, although I've always wanted to play one!  

I don't think you should push yourself at all! That's my thought anyway. I think when we are ready, we start putting out feelers but until then, sometimes what we need is peace and quiet and a low-stress environment to let healing happen.

Right now we have an 18 year old grandson staying with us until he leaves for college next week. Long story but having him here is a mixed blessing. He brings a lot of life into the house. Part of me likes it because he forces me to act as if everything is fine. Part of me hates it because he forces me to act as if everything is fine! I'm exhausted from all this acting-as-if. 

One more week! My husband and I taught him pickleball two days ago and he beat both of us, two against one. First time! Shows my level of playing. My husband took a pic of us playing. I felt good that day, and not good at all since then. But it made me play a lot harder, that's for darn sure!!  I'll attach just for fun.  But I think it started a bit of a setback. Oh well. This too shall pass.

What a nice picture. I know I have to get moving: maybe it'll help. It's really odd how I stabilize in the middle of the night ( as you’ve touched upon) only to fall asleep with this whole nightmare starting again once i wake up. Guess we all go through this. Again, kudos for making an effort (s). : )

Is it a bird, a plane or ?

Still working on that chair and will post the latest in stapling and stretching, and pulling staples out and re-stretching, but first a word from our summer snowflake sponsor:

That's right folks, you heard it here first.  A dragonfly front is coming through!!