Horse Power in the Hood with Benzos

   Hey there, Knackered here.  My phone app tells me that our stint of sunny days is coming to an end, soon to be replaced by the Ides of March.  With limited time I decided to make the plunge:  I was leaving the house on foot.  Don’t get scared now, I didn’t plan to talk to strangers or do any jogging.   No, the real reason I’m on the move is not to hear the warbling of songbirds or the sweet breezes through the cherry blossoms, although there’s that too.  The real reason I’m wobbling through the hood on my benzo cane is to check out the newest power equipment on display as homeowners up and down the block do weekend warfare with their lawns.  

   I’ve come to the conclusion that real homeowner self worth these days is measured in gas powered accessories to turn your turf into something carpet worthy.  I realize there are still a few individuals out there who own disgraceful corded and battery powered fare, but those at the top of the ladder will settle for nothing less than small engine horsepower; and, the louder the better.  I must confess that I am one of the ninnies who stills owns just one operational corded tool. That being the aged hedge trimmer I am no longer allowed to handle.  Don’t ask ,but there was that unfortunate incident and trip to the ER shortly after I began my taper. 

   We won’t get into that, but I did notice that while the competition used to be amongst only the males, many ladies around the block have taken on the challenge.  Wearing the turbo charged Suzuki backpack air blower and equipped with sunglasses, a covid mask (nowadays to keep the pollen out) and ear cups to mask the sound of the motor, they are indeed a force to contend with. The numbers of equipment are usually lying in the driveway on display: edgers, 2 or three types of shrub trimmers, the occasional chain saw, the lawn mower, and of course, the gas powered leaf blower.  Now mind that many of these folk are god fearing Americans who drive a Prius or Nissan Leaf, have installed solar panels on their roofs (it rains 95% of the year around here) and compost more than their weight as a family, when it comes to who reigns, it comes down to horse power. Let’s leave these folks to lean on fences, have a Bud, (no you cannot drink that stuff so don’t even go there) and discuss the logistics of noise regulations regarding all of this.

   While it’s true that most lawn warriors will limit activities to the required hours from eight AM to eight PM, the lady on the corner obeys no man (or woman for that matter).  She rules the roost when it comes to sheer destructive power.  Owning the only ‘John Deere 5.2 horse turbo flow jet power washer’, on the block, she commands respect and bends to no noise pollution nonsense.  She has taken quite a hit on the local social media feeds as she has been known to crank that baby up as early as 6:30 on Saturday morning and ruin many a garage sale or BBQ as late as nine or 10 in the evening.  While complaints are frequent, no one messes with this gal. When she is operational, her machine can debark any tree, drill mortar out of her brick retaining and scour the sidewalks in front of her home germ free. I never walk by her place when it’s under siege. I assumed she’s unaware or just doesn’t care, though I found out recently she’s legally blind. Quite frankly the attitude she displays may help me to survive this nonsense that continues to keep all of us slightly knackered.  Power on friends.