Not again

[[An...]]

Thanks for the reminder. I have read that many times. Your positive attitude reminds me of myself a few months ago. I have lost that, completely, and need to regain it. I'm glad you are able to still see the silver linings and give everyone a little hope.

[[In...]]

Thanks for the reminder. I have read that many times. Your positive attitude reminds me of myself a few months ago. I have lost that, completely, and need to regain it. I'm glad you are able to still see the silver linings and give everyone a little hope.

 

Your positive attitude will come back. Mine has come and gone countless times during this ordeal. It even fluctuates during a day. Who knows, I might be back on here in despair in a couple hours. 

[[An...]]

LOL....I know the feeling. You're giving me hope, Innadaze. That might not count for much, but if it does for anything, I just figured I'd tell you. 

[[Sv...]]

How is today coming along Daze?  Any better?

 

I hope so my friend!

[[In...]]

How is today coming along Daze?  Any better?

 

I hope so my friend!

 

Overall better today Svenhoak, thanks for asking! Day started off with EXTREME anger, irritablity. Absolutely no patience for anything. Went to counseling for the first time in several weeks. Some interesting discoveries, he's still getting to know me. I might be too much of a people pleaser. I like everyone to get along and spend too much time being a peacemaker. Instead of that being a good thing it could be hurting me by taking on too much causing added stress and anxiety. He would like me to speak my mind more often as the goal the next couple weeks. And instead of getting overwhelmed, break down my tasks into smaller bits and go step by step to get things done. Felt pretty good for several hours after the appt! Later the heavy, heavy fatigue came back. Better than yesterday, I'll take it!

 

How has your day been buddy? Thank you as always for your support! 

[[ed...]]

stress can fuck you up trust me. I thought I was ready to work again. Worked 2 days , feeling pretty good, then crashed out. Layed 1 week in my bed depressed as fuck.

Take it easy bro /nohomo

[[Sv...]]

Being a people pleaser is very common for folks with anxiety Daze. We want everyone to like us, and we avoid conflict like the plague. I know I struggle with this big time, and need to learn to be more assertive and confident.

 

Really what all these things come down to is self esteem. That's the underlying issue for most people with anxiety. On the outside we have everything going for us, but on the inside we "crack the whip" on ourselves.

 

These are all things I work on daily.

 

I'm doing alright, thanks for asking. I had a pretty good day keeping busy shopping for Xmas gifts. Traffic and crowds basically have little or no effect on me. It just feels like I'm so close. I still feel very spacey and have that "where am I, who am I" feeling but I don't let it control me.

 

Other than that I leave town for the funeral tomorrow and will be gone for a few days. 300 miles of driving ahead of me just to get there!

 

Stay warm my friend!

[[In...]]

stress can fuck you up trust me. I thought I was ready to work again. Worked 2 days , feeling pretty good, then crashed out. Layed 1 week in my bed depressed as fuck.

Take it easy bro /nohomo

 

Thanks edenhazard! I don't "think" I feel stress, but my body reacts to it so it really does mess me up. Even when I feel calm this stuff can cause problems if not dealt with correctly, and some of this w/d stress is physical so you have to endure it. That's great you were feeling well enough to work, that is a good step to at least feel it. Unfortunately the body and mind were not up to the task yet? In the coming weeks and months your endurance should continue to build and you'll be back at it for 5 days!

 

I'm sure it was disappointing for you to have that setback. Lick your wounds and try again soon, you will get there! Take care! 

[[In...]]

Being a people pleaser is very common for folks with anxiety Daze. We want everyone to like us, and we avoid conflict like the plague. I know I struggle with this big time, and need to learn to be more assertive and confident.

 

Really what all these things come down to is self esteem. That's the underlying issue for most people with anxiety. On the outside we have everything going for us, but on the inside we "crack the whip" on ourselves.

 

These are all things I work on daily.

 

I'm doing alright, thanks for asking. I had a pretty good day keeping busy shopping for Xmas gifts. Traffic and crowds basically have little or no effect on me. It just feels like I'm so close. I still feel very spacey and have that "where am I, who am I" feeling but I don't let it control me.

 

Other than that I leave town for the funeral tomorrow and will be gone for a few days. 300 miles of driving ahead of me just to get there!

 

Stay warm my friend!

 

Since you used the word "us", I assume you are confronting this people pleaser issue as well. Or you've already confronted it and are making some changes.

 

I'd have never, ever thought talking to someone about what was pissing me off would make me feel better, but today it did. I'll never be one to pick fights and upset people for fun, but being a little more vocal even if it causes a few ripples might be good for me (and you) moving forward.  I have a feeling this is just the tip of the iceberg of some of the changes I'll need to make. Figured counseling was all about past traumas and bad childhood. My childhood was great! My parents were great, I had plenty of friends, smart in school, great at sports, etc.... Figured, what is this guy going to be able to uncover..... Turns out it was merely my view of the world and how I reacted to it and interacted with people was the root issue.

 

Look at that, I'm rambling on again. Why am I even telling you this    Maybe it will help you also, or maybe you already know. We seem to have a bit in common Svenhoak.

 

I'm happy to read you are feeling so close to being back. Maybe that final switch will flip and it'll be 100% again. That would be a great way to end the year. In the meantime sounds like you are enjoying yourself and keeping very busy. Did you say you'd begin work in the New Year? Hope that distractions carries you through to the finish line. Safe travels for the funeral. Sounds like quite a drive in the snow! We might finally get the first flakes within hours, kids are out of their minds looking forward to some snow. If we don't see you around for a few days good to know the reason. Take care buddy! 

[[Sv...]]

Thanks for the well wishes Daze!

 

Oh yes, I mean "us" with reference to your message

 

I believe anyone who was ever put on a benzo for anxiety issues has the basic characteristics that I mentioned earlier. It's not a criticism. These "weaknesses" towards anxiety, such as being a people pleaser, make us that much more effective in relationships for example. We work that much harder at our jobs because we are concerned about what others think and we want to please them. The list of our positives is lengthy.

 

The trap that I personally got into Daze was that I was so busy pleasing others, I ignored my own self and lost sight of what I wanted in life. As such, the midlife crisis.

 

The bottom line is that we are now working on these issues in order to get healthy, whereas before I just took my benzos to mask the symptoms. This present struggle will make us much stronger and happier in the long run. I think the fact that we are even having this discussion rather than just complaining about our respective withdrawal symptoms is proof that we are recovering!

 

Anyway, I'm babbling!  I'm really glad you're figuring things out. Yes the way we think, view the world, and react needs a bit of a tuneup. It's all possible though and we can be thankful for it.

 

Rest easy my friend and feel better tomorrow. 

[[In...]]

Thanks for the well wishes Daze!

 

Oh yes, I mean "us" with reference to your message

 

I believe anyone who was ever put on a benzo for anxiety issues has the basic characteristics that I mentioned earlier. It's not a criticism. These "weaknesses" towards anxiety, such as being a people pleaser, make us that much more effective in relationships for example. We work that much harder at our jobs because we are concerned about what others think and we want to please them. The list of our positives is lengthy.

 

The trap that I personally got into Daze was that I was so busy pleasing others, I ignored my own self and lost sight of what I wanted in life. As such, the midlife crisis.

 

The bottom line is that we are now working on these issues in order to get healthy, whereas before I just took my benzos to mask the symptoms. This present struggle will make us much stronger and happier in the long run. I think the fact that we are even having this discussion rather than just complaining about our respective withdrawal symptoms is proof that we are recovering!

 

Anyway, I'm babbling!  I'm really glad you're figuring things out. Yes the way we think, view the world, and react needs a bit of a tuneup. It's all possible though and we can be thankful for it.

 

Rest easy my friend and feel better tomorrow. 

 

Great message Svenhoak. I will have to come back and reflect on this. My brain doesn't feel alive enough at the moment to type a response.  Awoke at 6am with the kids for snow and aluminum can collecting. Got in several hours of sledding and WAY TOO MUCH COFFEE            That caffeine killed me, and I know better. Very jittery, anxious and filled with irrational fear still hours later, and it's my own fault 

 

Hope your day is going well or you're having a nice drive on your trip. Take care!

[[Sv...]]

Glad to hear you got out for a sled ride Daze!  The fact that you are getting out and braving many cups of coffee are good things. Excellent exposures to diminish your fear of the symptoms.

 

I'm even further up north than usual right now. Temps are -46 I think. It's going to be cold at the cemetary today. It's difficult not having benzos as a safety net for emotional days like this. The fear sets in and makes me wonder if I'll go crazy in church half way through the ceremony. We had a short service last night which was tough.

 

One day at a time right!  Just trying to control the thoughts, and stay positive while fighting off that crushing feeling of impending doom!

 

Take care

[[In...]]

Glad to hear you got out for a sled ride Daze!  The fact that you are getting out and braving many cups of coffee are good things. Excellent exposures to diminish your fear of the symptoms.

 

I'm even further up north than usual right now. Temps are -46 I think. It's going to be cold at the cemetary today. It's difficult not having benzos as a safety net for emotional days like this. The fear sets in and makes me wonder if I'll go crazy in church half way through the ceremony. We had a short service last night which was tough.

 

One day at a time right!  Just trying to control the thoughts, and stay positive while fighting off that crushing feeling of impending doom!

 

Take care

 

Wow, that is some seriously cold weather. Please keep warm at the service. I attended a funeral a month or two ago and had to excuse myself about 30 minutes in. Was able to catch my breath, regroup and join the visiting afterwards. You'll do great Svenhoak, if you need to take a minute for yourself for some deep breathing and to re-focus keep that in mind! Funerals are difficult when feeling our absolute best. You've done well to make the drive and already attended one of the functions.

 

I'm off for some Xmas shopping with my wife. Kids are with their grandparents. Should be fun, we'll see how my body reacts today and if I can keep things fairly under control. Another good test!

 

I hope you get a window where you don't have to struggle with symptoms while mourning today. Take care! 

[[Sv...]]

Thanks Daze. Just back from the funeral. It was a test. On a normal day my DR is so crushing I'm sitting there saying "who am I, where am I, am I alive, what is life, etc.". When you're at a funeral those types of thoughts carry so much more meaning.

 

Feeling pretty rough and it's to be expected I guess. Just hoping for a good night sleep tonite!

 

How's you're day coming along?

[[fl...]]

Innadaze

Just posted how things are getting better for me although I think there is a reaction subconsciously that reacts to stressful situations although I am better managing them consciously.  It may sound weird but even when you feel like cap if you push on your subconscious is healing when you don't know it. Then after a while you start to see the healing in your conscious mind. Feel better and have a good Christmas buddie.

 

Fg

[[In...]]

Innadaze

Just posted how things are getting better for me although I think there is a reaction subconsciously that reacts to stressful situations although I am better managing them consciously.  It may sound weird but even when you feel like cap if you push on your subconscious is healing when you don't know it. Then after a while you start to see the healing in your conscious mind. Feel better and have a good Christmas buddie.

 

Fg

 

Thanks Flash, so nice to read of you getting better and better! I am pushing almost every day! Realize now that the amount of exercise I attempted last week was too much, too soon so easing back and will try to build up again. Thank you and hope you have a great Christmas as well! 

[[In...]]

Thanks Daze. Just back from the funeral. It was a test. On a normal day my DR is so crushing I'm sitting there saying "who am I, where am I, am I alive, what is life, etc.". When you're at a funeral those types of thoughts carry so much more meaning.

 

Feeling pretty rough and it's to be expected I guess. Just hoping for a good night sleep tonite!

 

How's you're day coming along?

 

Yes, attending a funeral made all of my anxiety and DR skyrocket to their highest levels. I'm glad you made it through this, a huge test of just how far you have come over the past 9 months! If you drove home already, all the better. If not, safe travels for tomorrow.

 

My day was a success. 9 hours of Christmas shopping + dinner out with my wife. Started the trip off with a peppermint mocha but only 1/2 the caffeine (learned from yesterday). During all the shopping the physical feelings of anxiety were quite low for the most part. DR raged all day, but the intensity level went up and down. There were some hard moments, but I rolled with it and made it through. Sitting for dinner was very difficult in the restaurant. Felt like getting up to leave on several occasions but managed to remain seated and kind of enjoy about half the time there. Wiped out now, but another day of pushing forward and my body and brain only partially revolted.

 

Have a good night sleep Svenhoak, I hope you are able to grieve and recover peacefully. 

[[Sv...]]

Thanks very much Daze!  I'm glad to hear you're pushing yourself harder and getting out more. It's so hard to gauge "how we are feeling" but we can observe what we are doing. I think if we both looked back at the last nine months we've come a long way. It doesn't feel like it sometimes!

 

I can't wait for symptoms like the head pressure to go away. I now realize why in medieval days people used to drill holes in their heads!

 

Rest easy today my friend after having such a busy day yesterday. I'm just packing up my truck and getting ready to make the long drive home.

 

Take care

[[Te...]]

Hey Sven and Daze,

 

I hope you two have a great Christmas. My son is flying in on Tuesday for three days, so I'm probably not going to be online much after tomorrow. I saw both of you right above me, so I wanted to wish you well.

 

Innadaze, I think my "second-worst wave" has finally pretty much passed. Today I was able to go for a morning walk. For a couple of days there it was just too much. I think I walk too much and it's finally catching up with me. I'm not as young as I used to be, dang it!

 

So, after some rest, I feel a bit better.

 

I forgot who's interested in the results, but the lipoflavanoids seem to really be helping reduce my tinnitus. It's still there, it's just not a roar. I take one 1,000 mg. caplet in the a.m. and one in the p.m., both with meals.

 

OK, I hit seven months on Thursday, so hopefully I'll not fall into another wave until my son has left and life returns to its normal boring state...

 

Best to everyone!

 

[[Sv...]]

Merry Xmas Tex!  And happy month 7 anniversary. I had a nice window on my drive home today for a few hours. Followed by another annoying wave. That's how it goes I suppose!

 

Take care and all the best!

[[In...]]

Tex, I'm so glad your wave is letting up just in time for all the festivities! Sounds like you will be very busy. Do your best to pace yourself and get some good sleep so by the time New Year's rolls around you aren't much worse off than now. Not trying to be negative, just realistic that we might not be feeling our best after all these activities. And that's ok as we are still healing. Maybe we'll come out the other side feeling great, another test of how far we have come! Happy 7 months, we'll catch up after the rush is over I'm sure and compare notes 

 

Sven sounds like your days are like mine, broken up into good and bad parts. Sure beats those days of all bad. You've had a pretty stressful weekend, maybe a good night sleep will get you back into a window just in time for Santa! 

 

I spent the day at home with my wife frantically wrapping gifts. Watched a football game. The whole day had that raging, uneasy anxiety sitting in my chest. A real nervous and restless feeling paired with a headache for a good part of it. Seems to be dying down finally after about 10 hours straight. Take care!