XANAX Support Blog: If you're tapering Xanax/alprazolam, join in the discussion!

[[th...]]

Hi all,

 

I can see the low-dose, short-term, intermittent users are getting congratulated again for their mild to moderate withdrawal symptoms.  I too would like to congratulate those that have had a relatively easy time. 

 

However, many long term users experiencing severe withdrawal have no such luxury.  I've done my time on the Xanax thread, and sad to say, most posters simply disappear due to pressure of not meeting "expectations" prescribed on this thread. 

 

As I grow stronger, and I will,  I will give voice to the silent majority who do not have the strength to stand up for themselves.

 

 

I was congratulated and I have been in hell for years, had a brutal taper for the last yr and still am not done. I am in utter hell all the time! Maybe some of us who have brutal tapers aren't voicing our pain bc we don't feel the need to and it has nothing to do with strength. Not voicing does not equal weak.

 

Grinch

 

Hi Grinch,

 

I've read some of your posts and know you've had a tough time of it.  This post was not intended for you. 

 

I bought the whole "we heal on the way down", hook, line and sinker.  It did not get better for me, in fact, I got much worse.  I am approaching 2 full years of bedridden hell.  That's correct, I have severe brain and CNS damage.  Would it be better if I lied to you? 

 

Because guess what? I felt I was lied to here!  And I had no one to turn to.  Is BenzoBuddies sanitized?  Of course!  While the sugar-coating does help some, it didn't for me.

 

My advice to you...just keep cutting.  That's what I did.  I promised myself no matter how bad it got, I would just keep shaving those pills. But I was fortunate.  My husband had a mild/moderate withdrawal and was able to be my caregiver. 

 

It all depends on how badly you want off this crap.

 

 

I to got the same info about the lower the dose the better I ll feel, however I also read other posts and really researched and found there is no absolute. Some lower doses did make things worse for people. There was no rhyme or reason as to why really. I hoped that when I got under 1mg I would have some relief, but when it didn't (now I am at .5mg and still have not have any relief) happen I understood we are all different. These poisons affect us all different depending on our brain chemistry, past hx and health. If people had relief going slow and in the lower doses than I am happy for them regardless of my experience, which again I will tell you has been very brutal. Bedridden just as you for years, unable to work, at times unable to shower alone...sick sick sick. I was a very independent woman and now am completely dependent on my husband. But I don't blame any of the bbs for this. Everyone is just following what their personal journey is and will be, even if mine is a rougher ride than some, it's fine. They can only give me what they know. And yes, I am cutting every week without holding back. Maybe not the best choice but it's mine to make. I will accept the repercussions of this solely on my own in the event there are any. And when it's all said and done I ll prob have different advice for new bbs based on the outcome.

 

Sorry you are in so much agony after so many months off, your story is a true tragedy. I am still tapering so I do not know what my future holds. It might be awful and it might be ok....I don't know what to expect.

 

G

[[ro...]]

Grinch,

I agree with you, you said it, nailed it,

 

I thought I'd  feel better too, but with my age, duration on med, stressors, variables...I have not had a smooth, easy taper.

I struggle energy day and night,,

No sleep, depression, thoughts, anxiety, and iim going relatively moderate , slow by some guidelines.

 

I have stayed in bed, tried other meds, therapists..

I have to get out to take care of mom, be present for her surgeries..

And on zero sleep at times.

I'm afraid I'll have an accident, I slmost have.

My taper with tolerance wd to begin with, then this, every single day, it's been awful, but as you say it is what it is.

I pray that I get better once off, I just have to hope ..

I hope your story has a great ending, G, you deserve it..

Rose

[[th...]]

Grinch,

I agree with you, you said it, nailed it,

 

I thought I'd  feel better too, but with my age, duration on med, stressors, variables...I have not had a smooth, easy taper.

I struggle energy day and night,,

No sleep, depression, thoughts, anxiety, and iim going relatively moderate , slow by some guidelines.

 

I have stayed in bed, tried other meds, therapists..

I have to get out to take care of mom, be present for her surgeries..

And on zero sleep at times.

I'm afraid I'll have an accident, I slmost have.

My taper with tolerance wd to begin with, then this, every single day, it's been awful, but as you say it is what it is.

I pray that I get better once off, I just have to hope ..

I hope your story has a great ending, G, you deserve it..

Rose

 

:smitten:

 

G

[[Bl...]]

Babyrex

 

A few thoughts have come to mind. Some may speak to you, others not.

 

Your taper failed you, but that does not mean you, as a person, is a failure.

 

No one intentionally lied to you. Your response to tapering off a high dose of Xanax was atypical and horrible beyond words. I am so sorry this happened to you.

 

My gut says there is hope of recovery.  Your brain is capable of making new pathways. I am comparing this to those that have suffered a stroke. Those that could not speak, relearned. And those that could not walk, also relearned. http://www.stroke.org/we-can-help/survivors/stroke-recovery

 

I do not blame you for being angry and feeling betrayed. You put your trust in the knowledge and experiences of those that had tapered before you, but your taper did not follow the same path. Again, it is not your fault, but...it is not theirs either.

 

Thank you for sharing your own unique experiences. There is somebody out there that needed to hear it. Nobody should be alone during a nightmare such as this.

 

At the risk of being shot down, I am still going to tell you that there is love and well wishes in my heart for you today and always.

 

Blue

[[ba...]]

Babyrex

 

A few thoughts have come to mind. Some may speak to you, others not.

 

Your taper failed you, but that does not mean you, as a person, is a failure.

 

No one intentionally lied to you. Your response to tapering off a high dose of Xanax was atypical and horrible beyond words. I am so sorry this happened to you.

 

My gut says there is hope of recovery.  Your brain is capable of making new pathways. I am comparing this to those that have suffered a stroke. Those that could not speak, relearned. And those that could not walk, also relearned. http://www.stroke.org/we-can-help/survivors/stroke-recovery

 

I do not blame you for being angry and feeling betrayed. You put your trust in the knowledge and experiences of those that had tapered before you, but your taper did not follow the same path. Again, it is not your fault, but...it is not theirs either.

 

Thank you for sharing your own unique experiences. There is somebody out there that needed to hear it. Nobody should be alone during a nightmare such as this.

 

At the risk of being shot down, I am still going to tell you that there is love and well wishes in my heart for you today and always.

 

Blue

 

Awww Blue,

 

Thank you for validating my experience as best as you are able.  And I would never shoot you down; I've had to avoid and not interact as my experience here has been met with scepticism and outright denial.  I have been told that long-term users in severe withdrawal are a teeny tiny minority.  That seizures and hallucinations are exceptionally rare.  That severe brain and CNS damage are caused by aggressive/insipid tapers..."  The list is endless.   

 

 

And it's all crappy advice, including mine.  But there is one anecdotal overlay that I come away with.  Most who are high-dose, long term users have great difficulty getting off these poisons.  (If they ever get off at all).  Even my own 'doctor' does not believe it is possible long-term. 

 

 

You guys know me well enough that I will never take these poisons again.  In fact, I now wear a medic-alert to show I am "allergic".  However, not everyone can go through the hell I have been through the last two years.  It concerns me greatly that those who should be at least conciliatory instead choose to brag about how tapers get so much easier in the final stages.  This point of view is condescending and abrasive. 

 

Blue, thank you for at least trying to understand.  It has been horrific, but I am now noticing small signs of improvement.  I am experiencing days of 30-40%.  Then, back to hell.  But the healing will continue.  No matter how long it takes. 

 

 

 

[[Ch...]]

Babyrex

 

A few thoughts have come to mind. Some may speak to you, others not.

 

Your taper failed you, but that does not mean you, as a person, is a failure.

 

No one intentionally lied to you. Your response to tapering off a high dose of Xanax was atypical and horrible beyond words. I am so sorry this happened to you.

 

My gut says there is hope of recovery.  Your brain is capable of making new pathways. I am comparing this to those that have suffered a stroke. Those that could not speak, relearned. And those that could not walk, also relearned. http://www.stroke.org/we-can-help/survivors/stroke-recovery

 

I do not blame you for being angry and feeling betrayed. You put your trust in the knowledge and experiences of those that had tapered before you, but your taper did not follow the same path. Again, it is not your fault, but...it is not theirs either.

 

Thank you for sharing your own unique experiences. There is somebody out there that needed to hear it. Nobody should be alone during a nightmare such as this.

 

At the risk of being shot down, I am still going to tell you that there is love and well wishes in my heart for you today and always.

 

Blue

 

Awww Blue,

 

Thank you for validating my experience as best as you are able.  And I would never shoot you down; I've had to avoid and not interact as my experience here has been met with scepticism and outright denial.  I have been told that long-term users in severe withdrawal are a teeny tiny minority.  That seizures and hallucinations are exceptionally rare.  That severe brain and CNS damage are caused by aggressive/insipid tapers..."  The list is endless.   

 

 

And it's all crappy advice, including mine.  But there is one anecdotal overlay that I come away with.  Most who are high-dose, long term users have great difficulty getting off these poisons.  (If they ever get off at all).  Even my own 'doctor' does not believe it is possible long-term. 

 

 

You guys know me well enough that I will never take these poisons again.  In fact, I now wear a medic-alert to show I am "allergic".  However, not everyone can go through the hell I have been through the last two years.  It concerns me greatly that those who should be at least conciliatory instead choose to brag about how tapers get so much easier in the final stages.  This point of view is condescending and abrasive. 

 

Blue, thank you for at least trying to understand.  It has been horrific, but I am now noticing small signs of improvement.  I am experiencing days of 30-40%.  Then, back to hell.  But the healing will continue.  No matter how long it takes. 

 

 

Uh oh.  I think that finger's pointing at me.  I apologize if I've come off as cavalier...that is how the end of my taper went.  It was horrendous from .25 on down and it didn't really matter when or how much I cut...I wasn't getting any new or worsening symptoms, I was done with tapering and out of patience.  I knew any symptoms would show up by three days so I kept cutting every three days to get it done.

 

This is a support forum and its strength is in many voices of experience.  I'm sorry my voice came across as cavalier.  I don't feel that way.  I feel like I escaped with my life.  If my 10,000 posts over the last couple of years were looked over, I didn't spend much time talking about my symptoms so there's not much of a record.  I'm going off memory and as the time goes by, I can remember it was the second worst experience of my life, but I can't feel the pain anymore.  Like childbirth, I guess.

 

It was powerful enough that I'm still here.  I don't need support.  I know the importance of helping people get through this.  And I'll take this as a 'check' and not let it happen again.

 

Love ya, Baby...

 

Chal 

[[mr...]]

Hello gang,

 

I thought I would briefly "chime in" on my experiences as well

 

I microtapered for just shy of two years, from a small starting dose of 0.25mg (5mg valium equivalence). The first year of my taper was symptomatic, but manageable. The second year of my taper, unfortunately, was not easy. I experienced just about every symptom I've read about, short of seizures, spontaneous bleeding, vomiting, or passing out. I've had tachycardia go as high as 180s for a bpm, been hospitalized overnight, and been unable to walk up a flight of 5-10 stairs (let alone walk around the block) -- I am 32 years *young* and in perfect health. I was terrified of traveling outside of town, showering, the sound of airplanes flying overhead, eating certain foods, the sound of my landlord cutting our grass, rainstorms, "scary"/dramatic/action-packed/heartfelt/inspirational movies/news/conversations, doctors, and grocery shopping. To name only a few. I've had intrusive thought so cruel they'd try to convince me that I was no longer a child of God, that I was doomed, and much much worse. I've had anxiety so harsh that it had me sitting in the parking lot of the local psych ward, deciding whether or not I was going to walk through their doors that day. I've had fear so intense that I'd just shake and cry underneath my covers for hours.

 

My experience has been a far cry from "easy" or "mild". It is easy to read my signature line and assume that because I've moved "slow", that my experience "couldn't" be as "harsh" as others...that it must be "mild"... I've even, on a rare occasion, been somewhat 'chastised' or even mildly 'discarded' because: "how can your experience be as bad as mine, when you've tapered so much slower than me, from a much lower dose than me?" Man, I do GET IT -- I understand the feelings of skepticism and having my experience being a bit "denied"!

 

Its aaaiiight with me, though Heck, I'm even a bit skeptical and in denial of it all myself...and I'm the one it happened to! I think the skepticism & denial might come from the fear of it happening. You know what I mean, right? Its like the act of acceptance of it means you also recognize it as a possible outcome for yourself..which is scary to consider, for many...so skepticism or denial of it might just be a "defense mechanism", making it then feel like less of a possibility.

 

My apologies for the ramblings; it is getting late, and I am certainly getting tired...so ramblings tend to commence... Babyrex, Blue, and Challis -- oh, how I miss you all so. I ache for the companionship of you all, as you were my sisters from when I first became a part of this website. It is good to hear from you all, and I hope to do so again soon. Vangogh, and all the others a part of this thread now -- from the bottom of my heart, KUDOS to you if your taper has been gentle or lowly symptomatic. I surely hope it stays that way, and that you never know a horrible withdrawal. That is, after all, the hope and goal of every taper, right? So may it be, and may it continue, for you all

 

Love to you,

 

Mrs.

[[Ch...]]

How can you miss us if we're still here?

 

[[mr...]]

How can you miss us if we're still here?

 

 

You know what I mean!! The whole "gang", together again...I miss that. But I know that we all move on with time, and that things change -- as they should! I just get a lil nostalgic from time to time

 

G'morning, BTW!

 

Mrs.

[[ch...]]

Hi guys! Xanax is a pain to get off of. So glad to find fellow Xanax users on Benzo Buddies!

[[ch...]]

Anybody successfully tapered using Valium?

[[va...]]

Babyrex

 

A few thoughts have come to mind. Some may speak to you, others not.

 

Your taper failed you, but that does not mean you, as a person, is a failure.

 

No one intentionally lied to you. Your response to tapering off a high dose of Xanax was atypical and horrible beyond words. I am so sorry this happened to you.

 

My gut says there is hope of recovery.  Your brain is capable of making new pathways. I am comparing this to those that have suffered a stroke. Those that could not speak, relearned. And those that could not walk, also relearned. http://www.stroke.org/we-can-help/survivors/stroke-recovery

 

I do not blame you for being angry and feeling betrayed. You put your trust in the knowledge and experiences of those that had tapered before you, but your taper did not follow the same path. Again, it is not your fault, but...it is not theirs either.

 

Thank you for sharing your own unique experiences. There is somebody out there that needed to hear it. Nobody should be alone during a nightmare such as this.

 

At the risk of being shot down, I am still going to tell you that there is love and well wishes in my heart for you today and always.

 

Blue

 

Awww Blue,

 

Thank you for validating my experience as best as you are able.  And I would never shoot you down; I've had to avoid and not interact as my experience here has been met with scepticism and outright denial.  I have been told that long-term users in severe withdrawal are a teeny tiny minority.  That seizures and hallucinations are exceptionally rare.  That severe brain and CNS damage are caused by aggressive/insipid tapers..."  The list is endless.   

 

 

And it's all crappy advice, including mine.  But there is one anecdotal overlay that I come away with.  Most who are high-dose, long term users have great difficulty getting off these poisons.  (If they ever get off at all).  Even my own 'doctor' does not believe it is possible long-term. 

 

 

You guys know me well enough that I will never take these poisons again.  In fact, I now wear a medic-alert to show I am "allergic".  However, not everyone can go through the hell I have been through the last two years.  It concerns me greatly that those who should be at least conciliatory instead choose to brag about how tapers get so much easier in the final stages.  This point of view is condescending and abrasive. 

 

Blue, thank you for at least trying to understand.  It has been horrific, but I am now noticing small signs of improvement.  I am experiencing days of 30-40%.  Then, back to hell.  But the healing will continue.  No matter how long it takes. 

 

 

Uh oh.  I think that finger's pointing at me.  I apologize if I've come off as cavalier...that is how the end of my taper went.  It was horrendous from .25 on down and it didn't really matter when or how much I cut...I wasn't getting any new or worsening symptoms, I was done with tapering and out of patience.  I knew any symptoms would show up by three days so I kept cutting every three days to get it done.

 

This is a support forum and its strength is in many voices of experience.  I'm sorry my voice came across as cavalier.  I don't feel that way.  I feel like I escaped with my life.  If my 10,000 posts over the last couple of years were looked over, I didn't spend much time talking about my symptoms so there's not much of a record.  I'm going off memory and as the time goes by, I can remember it was the second worst experience of my life, but I can't feel the pain anymore.  Like childbirth, I guess.

 

It was powerful enough that I'm still here.  I don't need support.  I know the importance of helping people get through this.  And I'll take this as a 'check' and not let it happen again.

 

Love ya, Baby...

 

Chal 

 

Challis, you've never seemed "cavalier" to me.  In fact, reading some of your posts early on when I first came here really helped me, more than you can know.  You and Charlie and Blue and a few others.      I'm just trying to pay it forward now to others.

 

I know I haven't been around as long as some of you, but I'm glad I found this place.  I think sometimes I trivialize my symptoms because I try to ignore them and just push through.  Since I already had many of them long before I ever took xanax, I was already dealing with them, so I don't know, maybe my experience is unique in that regard.  I also wasn't on it as long as some people, about 1 1/2 years when I started tapering.  And I decided to cut regularly every 10 days or so, never more than 2 weeks apart, and now that I'm cutting lower doses I'm cutting every week.  I sometimes wonder if the people who do really super slow tapers don't make their symptoms worse by dragging it out.  I'm not saying this is true, I just wonder. Especially if they were on a very low dose to begin with.  Maybe that's what they need to do.  We can all only answer for ourselves and what we think we need as individuals.

 

Sometimes my tinnitus is so loud it almost drives me to tears, it drives me insane, especially if I also haven't slept for a couple of days, so I do things to distract myself and it works for me.  Insomnia is something I've had since high school, but it was much easier to manage when I was younger and stronger.  In the past, (way past), I used cocaine, and I would go on 5-7 day binges with no sleep, doing a ton of coke.  Not proud of it, but it's something I did.  I hit bottom and CTd and got clean, and have remained clean since 1989.  During my early recovery, I saw many people go back out and die.  I've watched people die from overdosing and also almost die, but then come back.  I have a dark past with drugs, but that past has made me who I am today, and frankly I believe it's made me a much stronger person.  I honestly believe that has helped me cope better with what I'm going through now, and it's helped me keep a positive attitude.  And while it's important to share what's going on with your symptoms, I think it's more important to keep your sense of humor and to share what coping mechanisms you use that help you, because then it can help others.  I believe in the power of thought, and what it can do, both positive and negative.

 

Sometimes, when I'm really exhausted and haven't slept for a long time, some of the symptoms I had when I CTd for 5 days start to come back - the obsessive thoughts, the hallucinations (not bad ones, but enough), but I know they aren't real and they will go away once I have some sleep.  If it doesn't work that way for others, I feel for you.  We're all different, and these drugs affect us more powerfully than any other drug out there, I know, I've done most of them at one time or another.  It's criminal that these drugs are so widely available and prescribed so easily while there are illegal drugs that are much safer and actually could be doing some good for some people.  And the thing is, I actually asked for them because I was going through a severely stressful time.  I was in an abusive, dysfunctional relationship, and I'm also not well and I have to take care of my aging mother and sister, and every day it gets more difficult.  On top of all this, I know at any time I could develop some of the other symptoms that people have that I have yet to experience.  I hope not, but I realize it's a possibility.  I don't stress about it though, because I know if I think about it too much I can actually cause it to happen.  Again, thoughts are powerful that way.

 

My sister is also on xanax and she has seizures, and my mother is also on it and she can't walk from one end of the house to the other without hyperventilating because her lungs are in such bad shape, and I'm afraid she's going to keel over and die sometimes.  My sister also get the shakes really bad and drops things and breaks them, and stutters and can't talk when she runs out.  And every month she runs out.  So I honestly do understand how differently this drug affects different people.

 

I understand how fortunate I've been so far.  I know what I went through when I CTD for 5 days and it was scary as hell.  I felt like I was going insane.  (this is in my tagline)  But I have to stay focused on the positive if I want to heal and get well.  I can't focus on the negative all the time or I would make everything worse.  If this upsets some people, I apologize for upsetting you, but I won't apologize for how I deal with my recovery.  I've been through recovery before, and this is what works for me.  I only try to impart to others what works for me, what I've learned over the years with regard to recovery, perspective and attitude, and I can only hope that it might help some people along the way in their journey too.  If that seems trivial to some, well, I'm sorry but that's your take and not mine.

 

I hope I haven't ruffled any feathers here as that was not my intent.  For those of you who are new, or who are having a hard time, my heart goes out to you.  If there is ever anything I can do to help you, all you have to do is ask.  My way isn't going to work for everyone, but it will work for some people.

 

Namaste.

 

~K   

[[ma...]]

So here I am 12/8/14 and I am at 0.1875 FINALLY!!! I never thought in a million dreams I would be where I am at right now.I had such a struggle getting to where I am now. There were times I thought I would never feel better,well I am here to say it does get better. I have you all to thank for the help you have given to me. I am though at a place where I am not sure how to proceed i got down to 0.1875 a day i take two in the late afternoon and one in the evening.

 

I do tend to get some WD feeling BUT only after i take my first does of the day. I no longer have sleeping issues,I NO longer have the shake,I NO longer have a anxious feeling. I DO have a tingling in my tongue somedays and I have a lil bit of a uneasy feeling,most days i dont even need to take them but i do. I still have the seizure phobia in my head just a little bit.

 

I started back to work after we made our move and that has helped tremendously,I am fearful of taking that last dose VERY fearful.I am wondering what you all might suggest in the way of tossing these things forever. I am excited but also scared.

 

I do however had alot of anger i get anger VERY QUICK,I have no intimacy intentions at all,i have lil emotions and I just wonder what that may be? something to do with the xanax or yet another issue. My marriage is in the balance here my husband has been a great supporter but i give him no affection or attention and I love him more then the world. I dont know what is wrong with me,could it be the xanax that has done this to me? I have been this way for months now and just want to get better.

 

Any suggestions would be great and i guess i will just keep tapering at my own pace.

 

Thank you all for all you have done for me you all hold a special place in my heart

God Bless

[[Ch...]]

These posts make me sorry we can't all meet for coffee and talk for hours.

 

 

[[Ch...]]

Anybody successfully tapered using Valium?

 

I think many people have, cheeker, however this group is all Xanax, I think, though anyone's welcome to post.  Most dry cut, there may be a few doing titration, I'm not sure.

 

[[Ch...]]

So here I am 12/8/14 and I am at 0.1875 FINALLY!!! I never thought in a million dreams I would be where I am at right now.I had such a struggle getting to where I am now. There were times I thought I would never feel better,well I am here to say it does get better. I have you all to thank for the help you have given to me. I am though at a place where I am not sure how to proceed i got down to 0.1875 a day i take two in the late afternoon and one in the evening.

 

I do tend to get some WD feeling BUT only after i take my first does of the day. I no longer have sleeping issues,I NO longer have the shake,I NO longer have a anxious feeling. I DO have a tingling in my tongue somedays and I have a lil bit of a uneasy feeling,most days i dont even need to take them but i do. I still have the seizure phobia in my head just a little bit.

 

I started back to work after we made our move and that has helped tremendously,I am fearful of taking that last dose VERY fearful.I am wondering what you all might suggest in the way of tossing these things forever. I am excited but also scared.

 

I do however had alot of anger i get anger VERY QUICK,I have no intimacy intentions at all,i have lil emotions and I just wonder what that may be? something to do with the xanax or yet another issue. My marriage is in the balance here my husband has been a great supporter but i give him no affection or attention and I love him more then the world. I dont know what is wrong with me,could it be the xanax that has done this to me? I have been this way for months now and just want to get better.

 

Any suggestions would be great and i guess i will just keep tapering at my own pace.

 

Thank you all for all you have done for me you all hold a special place in my heart

God Bless

 

Wow, look at you go!  A few more cuts!  We've been kicking around the 'heal as you go' theory and it seems to be working that way for you.  Wonderful!

 

At that point I cut another .0625, which left .125. Then I cut another .0625, and another and done. 

 

I would hazard a yes, blame it on withdrawal as far as libido goes. 

 

Yay, marley... almost done.

 

[[th...]]

So here I am 12/8/14 and I am at 0.1875 FINALLY!!! I never thought in a million dreams I would be where I am at right now.I had such a struggle getting to where I am now. There were times I thought I would never feel better,well I am here to say it does get better. I have you all to thank for the help you have given to me. I am though at a place where I am not sure how to proceed i got down to 0.1875 a day i take two in the late afternoon and one in the evening.

 

I do tend to get some WD feeling BUT only after i take my first does of the day. I no longer have sleeping issues,I NO longer have the shake,I NO longer have a anxious feeling. I DO have a tingling in my tongue somedays and I have a lil bit of a uneasy feeling,most days i dont even need to take them but i do. I still have the seizure phobia in my head just a little bit.

 

I started back to work after we made our move and that has helped tremendously,I am fearful of taking that last dose VERY fearful.I am wondering what you all might suggest in the way of tossing these things forever. I am excited but also scared.

 

I do however had alot of anger i get anger VERY QUICK,I have no intimacy intentions at all,i have lil emotions and I just wonder what that may be? something to do with the xanax or yet another issue. My marriage is in the balance here my husband has been a great supporter but i give him no affection or attention and I love him more then the world. I dont know what is wrong with me,could it be the xanax that has done this to me? I have been this way for months now and just want to get better.

 

Any suggestions would be great and i guess i will just keep tapering at my own pace.

 

Thank you all for all you have done for me you all hold a special place in my heart

God Bless

 

Wow, look at you go!  A few more cuts!  We've been kicking around the 'heal as you go' theory and it seems to be working that way for you.  Wonderful!

 

At that point I cut another .0625, which left .125. Then I cut another .0625, and another and done. 

 

I would hazard a yes, blame it on withdrawal as far as libido goes. 

 

Yay, marley... almost done.

 

 

Yay Marley!!! 

 

Grinch

[[va...]]

So here I am 12/8/14 and I am at 0.1875 FINALLY!!! I never thought in a million dreams I would be where I am at right now.I had such a struggle getting to where I am now. There were times I thought I would never feel better,well I am here to say it does get better. I have you all to thank for the help you have given to me. I am though at a place where I am not sure how to proceed i got down to 0.1875 a day i take two in the late afternoon and one in the evening.

 

I do tend to get some WD feeling BUT only after i take my first does of the day. I no longer have sleeping issues,I NO longer have the shake,I NO longer have a anxious feeling. I DO have a tingling in my tongue somedays and I have a lil bit of a uneasy feeling,most days i dont even need to take them but i do. I still have the seizure phobia in my head just a little bit.

 

I started back to work after we made our move and that has helped tremendously,I am fearful of taking that last dose VERY fearful.I am wondering what you all might suggest in the way of tossing these things forever. I am excited but also scared.

 

I do however had alot of anger i get anger VERY QUICK,I have no intimacy intentions at all,i have lil emotions and I just wonder what that may be? something to do with the xanax or yet another issue. My marriage is in the balance here my husband has been a great supporter but i give him no affection or attention and I love him more then the world. I dont know what is wrong with me,could it be the xanax that has done this to me? I have been this way for months now and just want to get better.

 

Any suggestions would be great and i guess i will just keep tapering at my own pace.

 

Thank you all for all you have done for me you all hold a special place in my heart

God Bless

 

Wow, look at you go!  A few more cuts!  We've been kicking around the 'heal as you go' theory and it seems to be working that way for you.  Wonderful!

 

At that point I cut another .0625, which left .125. Then I cut another .0625, and another and done. 

 

I would hazard a yes, blame it on withdrawal as far as libido goes. 

 

Yay, marley... almost done.

 

 

Yay Marley!!! 

 

Grinch

 

Right on Marley!  You are almost at the finish line! 

 

~k

 

These posts make me sorry we can't all meet for coffee and talk for hours.

 

 

 

I hear you!  That would be awesome!  Perhaps one day we will. 

 

~K

[[Mo...]]

So here I am 12/8/14 and I am at 0.1875 FINALLY!!! I never thought in a million dreams I would be where I am at right now.I had such a struggle getting to where I am now. There were times I thought I would never feel better,well I am here to say it does get better. I have you all to thank for the help you have given to me. I am though at a place where I am not sure how to proceed i got down to 0.1875 a day i take two in the late afternoon and one in the evening.

 

I do tend to get some WD feeling BUT only after i take my first does of the day. I no longer have sleeping issues,I NO longer have the shake,I NO longer have a anxious feeling. I DO have a tingling in my tongue somedays and I have a lil bit of a uneasy feeling,most days i dont even need to take them but i do. I still have the seizure phobia in my head just a little bit.

 

I started back to work after we made our move and that has helped tremendously,I am fearful of taking that last dose VERY fearful.I am wondering what you all might suggest in the way of tossing these things forever. I am excited but also scared.

 

I do however had alot of anger i get anger VERY QUICK,I have no intimacy intentions at all,i have lil emotions and I just wonder what that may be? something to do with the xanax or yet another issue. My marriage is in the balance here my husband has been a great supporter but i give him no affection or attention and I love him more then the world. I dont know what is wrong with me,could it be the xanax that has done this to me? I have been this way for months now and just want to get better.

 

Any suggestions would be great and i guess i will just keep tapering at my own pace.

 

Thank you all for all you have done for me you all hold a special place in my heart

God Bless

 

 

That's Awesome Marley!    Just a few more cuts and you will be there.  All of the feelings you have are probably due to withdrawal.  Once you finish your taper, your body should start healing and you will feel better. 

 

[[ba...]]

Thank you for all the replies!

 

You all sure told me what the definition of severe withdrawal is.    By golly, thanks for that!  I'd like to think you all mean well, but let's face it, you want to outdo each other in your successful tapers.  It does take someone truly special to beat the odds of painful withdrawal, and for that you should be commended.

 

Just a quick question; while you were going through simple partial seizures, hallucinations, severe auditory and visual processing, akasthia, vomiting, diarrhea, screaming tinnitus, migraines,  total body rash, extreme hair loss, vertigo, burning skin, ungodly dp/dr, horrific gross and fine motor impairment,  speech impediment and so on.... How were you able to work?  I think it's a fair question.  I guess I'm just a freaking coward as I had to lay in a fetal position for almost two years. 

 

But that's just me.

 

This next part is for the souls who have traversed this blog...do not give up hope!  Ever!  I believe the worst is behind me. I will be entering my third year of hell, but it is starting to get better.  I can leave the house for a few hours a day.  Yes, I still wear sunglasses as any kind of light sends my mind into pre-seizure activity.  I can't drive.  Social interactions confound me as most people don't miss my bobbing head, twitches and jerks.  Sitting down in a restaurant with my family is almost laughable.  My aging father will ask me,  (from what appears to be the end of a long, dark tunnel), "IS THIS ONE OF YOUR EPISODES"?   

 

 

I'm laughing and crying as I write this.  It does get better, folks.  But many of  you will need to fight for your lives.  Do not give up!

 

 

 

[[th...]]

Thank you for all the replies!

 

You all sure told me what the definition of severe withdrawal is.    By golly, thanks for that!  I'd like to think you all mean well, but let's face it, you want to outdo each other in your successful tapers.  It does take someone truly special to beat the odds of painful withdrawal, and for that you should be commended.

 

Just a quick question; while you were going through simple partial seizures, hallucinations, severe auditory and visual processing, akasthia, vomiting, diarrhea, screaming tinnitus, migraines,  total body rash, extreme hair loss, vertigo, burning skin, ungodly dp/dr, horrific gross and fine motor impairment,  speech impediment and so on.... How were you able to work?  I think it's a fair question.  I guess I'm just a freaking coward as I had to lay in a fetal position for almost two years. 

 

But that's just me.

 

This next part is for the souls who have traversed this blog...do not give up hope!  Ever!  I believe the worst is behind me. I will be entering my third year of hell, but it is starting to get better.  I can leave the house for a few hours a day.  Yes, I still wear sunglasses as any kind of light sends my mind into pre-seizure activity.  I can't drive.  Social interactions confound me as most people don't miss my bobbing head, twitches and jerks.  Sitting down in a restaurant with my family is almost laughable.  My aging father will ask me,  (from what appears to be the end of a long, dark tunnel), "IS THIS ONE OF YOUR EPISODES"?   

 

 

I'm laughing and crying as I write this.  It does get better, folks.  But many of  you will need to fight for your lives.  Do not give up!

 

 

I haven't been able to work since 2011....bedridden most of the time since. Laying in a fetal position wanting to die is very familiar to me. But I refuse to let it win or destroy my soul. That's just me.

 

Grinch

[[ba...]]

Thank you for all the replies!

 

You all sure told me what the definition of severe withdrawal is.    By golly, thanks for that!  I'd like to think you all mean well, but let's face it, you want to outdo each other in your successful tapers.  It does take someone truly special to beat the odds of painful withdrawal, and for that you should be commended.

 

Just a quick question; while you were going through simple partial seizures, hallucinations, severe auditory and visual processing, akasthia, vomiting, diarrhea, screaming tinnitus, migraines,  total body rash, extreme hair loss, vertigo, burning skin, ungodly dp/dr, horrific gross and fine motor impairment,  speech impediment and so on.... How were you able to work?  I think it's a fair question.  I guess I'm just a freaking coward as I had to lay in a fetal position for almost two years. 

 

But that's just me.

 

This next part is for the souls who have traversed this blog...do not give up hope!  Ever!  I believe the worst is behind me. I will be entering my third year of hell, but it is starting to get better.  I can leave the house for a few hours a day.  Yes, I still wear sunglasses as any kind of light sends my mind into pre-seizure activity.  I can't drive.  Social interactions confound me as most people don't miss my bobbing head, twitches and jerks.  Sitting down in a restaurant with my family is almost laughable.  My aging father will ask me,  (from what appears to be the end of a long, dark tunnel), "IS THIS ONE OF YOUR EPISODES"?   

 

 

I'm laughing and crying as I write this.  It does get better, folks.  But many of  you will need to fight for your lives.  Do not give up!

 

 

I haven't been able to work since 2011....bedridden most of the time since. Laying in a fetal position wanting to die is very familiar to me. But I refuse to let it win or destroy my soul. That's just me.

 

Grinch

 

Hugs Grinch.  I know you've been through a lot. 

 

You've seen hell and know what it's about. 

 

Now keep cutting. It's shitty advice, but it's the best I have...

 

[[th...]]

Thank you for all the replies!

 

You all sure told me what the definition of severe withdrawal is.    By golly, thanks for that!  I'd like to think you all mean well, but let's face it, you want to outdo each other in your successful tapers.  It does take someone truly special to beat the odds of painful withdrawal, and for that you should be commended.

 

Just a quick question; while you were going through simple partial seizures, hallucinations, severe auditory and visual processing, akasthia, vomiting, diarrhea, screaming tinnitus, migraines,  total body rash, extreme hair loss, vertigo, burning skin, ungodly dp/dr, horrific gross and fine motor impairment,  speech impediment and so on.... How were you able to work?  I think it's a fair question.  I guess I'm just a freaking coward as I had to lay in a fetal position for almost two years. 

 

But that's just me.

 

This next part is for the souls who have traversed this blog...do not give up hope!  Ever!  I believe the worst is behind me. I will be entering my third year of hell, but it is starting to get better.  I can leave the house for a few hours a day.  Yes, I still wear sunglasses as any kind of light sends my mind into pre-seizure activity.  I can't drive.  Social interactions confound me as most people don't miss my bobbing head, twitches and jerks.  Sitting down in a restaurant with my family is almost laughable.  My aging father will ask me,  (from what appears to be the end of a long, dark tunnel), "IS THIS ONE OF YOUR EPISODES"?   

 

 

I'm laughing and crying as I write this.  It does get better, folks.  But many of  you will need to fight for your lives.  Do not give up!

 

 

I haven't been able to work since 2011....bedridden most of the time since. Laying in a fetal position wanting to die is very familiar to me. But I refuse to let it win or destroy my soul. That's just me.

 

Grinch

 

Hugs Grinch.  I know you've been through a lot. 

 

You've seen hell and know what it's about. 

 

Now keep cutting. It's shitty advice, but it's the best I have...

 

 

Cutting is all I have at this point. It's the only thing that keeps me going. If I quit cutting every week I would surely turn to ash 

 

G

[[ba...]]

Thank you for all the replies!

 

You all sure told me what the definition of severe withdrawal is.    By golly, thanks for that!  I'd like to think you all mean well, but let's face it, you want to outdo each other in your successful tapers.  It does take someone truly special to beat the odds of painful withdrawal, and for that you should be commended.

 

Just a quick question; while you were going through simple partial seizures, hallucinations, severe auditory and visual processing, akasthia, vomiting, diarrhea, screaming tinnitus, migraines,  total body rash, extreme hair loss, vertigo, burning skin, ungodly dp/dr, horrific gross and fine motor impairment,  speech impediment and so on.... How were you able to work?  I think it's a fair question.  I guess I'm just a freaking coward as I had to lay in a fetal position for almost two years. 

 

But that's just me.

 

This next part is for the souls who have traversed this blog...do not give up hope!  Ever!  I believe the worst is behind me. I will be entering my third year of hell, but it is starting to get better.  I can leave the house for a few hours a day.  Yes, I still wear sunglasses as any kind of light sends my mind into pre-seizure activity.  I can't drive.  Social interactions confound me as most people don't miss my bobbing head, twitches and jerks.  Sitting down in a restaurant with my family is almost laughable.  My aging father will ask me,  (from what appears to be the end of a long, dark tunnel), "IS THIS ONE OF YOUR EPISODES"?   

 

 

I'm laughing and crying as I write this.  It does get better, folks.  But many of  you will need to fight for your lives.  Do not give up!

 

 

I haven't been able to work since 2011....bedridden most of the time since. Laying in a fetal position wanting to die is very familiar to me. But I refuse to let it win or destroy my soul. That's just me.

 

Grinch

 

Hugs Grinch.  I know you've been through a lot. 

 

You've seen hell and know what it's about. 

 

Now keep cutting. It's shitty advice, but it's the best I have...

 

 

Cutting is all I have at this point. It's the only thing that keeps me going. If I quit cutting every week I would surely turn to ash 

 

G

 

I totally understand.  It's what kept me going as well.  As bad as it was, every cut reminded me how much I needed to get off this crap.  It does get better, I promise you. 

 

[[Bl...]]

Just a quick question; while you were going through simple partial seizures, hallucinations, severe auditory and visual processing, akasthia, vomiting, diarrhea, screaming tinnitus, migraines,  total body rash, extreme hair loss, vertigo, burning skin, ungodly dp/dr, horrific gross and fine motor impairment,  speech impediment and so on.... How were you able to work?  I think it's a fair question.  I guess I'm just a freaking coward as I had to lay in a fetal position for almost two years.

 

I feel almost ashamed that of the above list, I only had the tinnitus and once and awhile , an ocular migraines. My burning skin sensation was limited mostly to my scalp. It is only the last year that I have been able to work, and that is only part time.

 

Blue