Valium/Diazepam Support Group

[[ed...]]

Dear SandP,

 

Congratulations! I love your attitude.  And you're not wrong; you're going to survive these last couple of cuts and sail into the sunset.  Great job!

 

Best,

Ed

[[so...]]

Ed,

 

Thank you!! Look at you under 2 mg! Woo hoo!

 

We are getting there! I honestly haven't completed many things in my life. I used to be a bit of a quitter. Big plans. All talk, no action. But this journey is just about done and it's blowing my mind. It went by SO fast.

 

I honestly can't wait till my doctor appt in Feb so I can tell him that I did it and I'm done. This feels like the biggest accomplishment in the world. We should get a medal for getting through the mental anxiety of this process! Lol

[[fr...]]

  Blue and all others, Thanks for the info on the LTheanine and also the Vit D.  Yes I also am very sensitive to supplements but I have the burning tingling feet and ut, tongue area.  I will try this and see if it helps.  Better than starting gabapentin which I am on the verge of since I can't take the pain much longer.  Solace and ED, you are both doiing so well.  Congrats and thanks again to all.

[[Ka...]]

Stayed up way past my bedtime (past midnight) to see the Chicago Cubs win the World Series for the 1st time since 1908.  Actually slept without a sleeping pill or Nyquil.  Just regular meds.  Up at 6:30am and although extremely tired decided to get up.

 

Today is day 2 since starting my liquid V detox.  Using 200ml of milk & I found instead of crushing the 20ml of V I just dropped it into the jar with milk, shook well and refrigerate overnight.  Shook again this morning and withdrew and threw away scheduled amount.  It may seem like I'm going fast, but I plan to slow down once I get back down to around 18mg on the V.

 

Start 20mg V

Day 1 - 19.6

Day 2 - 19.2

 

OMG!  I can see the sun!!!  That's inconceivable in Northern Illinois.  Must be in celebration for the CUBS!  Off to cut some fabric for a beautiful tool tote bag I'm making.  Really hurts my head thou the way the instructions say to lay out fabric to cut.  I'm terrified I'm going to make a mistake so torture myself.  Got the main fabric cut yesterday and once I get the lining cut (hopefully this morning) I an start quilting the pieces.

 

Kass

 

Like I said, I wanted to start out with 20 to have an exact dose.  However, I was holding at 17.25 (approx.), but couldn't seem to dry cut without having withdrawal sx's.  Once I get down to around 18mg I'll try cutting the taper by half and if that's too fast, even slower.  As my endocrinologist said "what's the rush.  Holding on the .5 Klonopin.

[[Le...]]

Left:

Always valium? 20 plus yrs? Or were there other benzos too? I'm curious wht my dr seems to think v is so much easier to get off than klonopin.

Blue, I was prescribed Xanax XR, Klonopin, regular Xanax, Valium, and rarely Ativan. I think that's everything. I've been on Valium for 4 to 6 years, not to sure.

 

Here's a link to Ashton that explains the reasons for a valiun taper http://www.benzo.org.uk/ashvtaper.htm

[[bl...]]

Left;

How much klonopin? Probably there's a kindling effect, right? I got off k 10 yrs ago when I had my kids and was pretty much fine minus sleep issues--which is why I was so surprised that it was so awful this time. I guess 10 years and God knows how many pills later adds up. I also had no clue that 1 mg k was equivalent to around 20 mg valium. I was shocked by that. 1 mg sounds so benign. Right! I also took Ativan (for sleep) before the klonopin and had TERRIBLE tolerance from that (in my early 20's----numb legs and feet--headaches, etc). Anyway, it's a long road--I've been on this junk for 20 yrs----You are making progress. You should feel really good about that.

[[Ka...]]

Saw my psych doc today and told him my detox plan using titration of 200ml milk and 20mg Valium tossing xxx ml each day using a spreadsheet.  I toss a little bit more and more everyday.  He didn't seem to have a clue how it works, but is still going to support me.  He wants me to get down to 15mg on the V and then hold and switch to getting off the .5 Klonopin.  Said having the 15mg V would give me a bigger cushion getting off the K.  I didn't tell him I was dividing my dose into 3rds so he thinks I'm taking it all at night.  But I was honest about where I'm at, which is 18.4mg V and today is day 3.

 

So I guess I enlightened him today.  Please please please let this work so he'll learn a new way to get off these horrible benzos.  Dry cutting wasn't working.

 

Once I get below 18mg V I don't know how slow to toss each day.  Any advice or should I just go by symptoms?

 

Start 20mg V

11/2/2016 - 19.6

11/3/2016 - 19.2

11/4/2016 - 18.4  Decided to make a bigger cut today as I had been down to 17.25 (approx.) and wanted make a bigger cut today.

 

Kass

 

[[Ge...]]

Saw my psych doc today and told him my detox plan using titration of 200ml milk and 20mg Valium tossing xxx ml each day using a spreadsheet.  I toss a little bit more and more everyday.  He didn't seem to have a clue how it works, but is still going to support me.  He wants me to get down to 15mg on the V and then hold and switch to getting off the .5 Klonopin.  Said having the 15mg V would give me a bigger cushion getting off the K.  I didn't tell him I was dividing my dose into 3rds so he thinks I'm taking it all at night.  But I was honest about where I'm at, which is 18.4mg V and today is day 3.

 

So I guess I enlightened him today.  Please please please let this work so he'll learn a new way to get off these horrible benzos.  Dry cutting wasn't working.

 

Once I get below 18mg V I don't know how slow to toss each day.  Any advice or should I just go by symptoms?

 

Start 20mg V

11/2/2016 - 19.6

11/3/2016 - 19.2

11/4/2016 - 18.4  Decided to make a bigger cut today as I had been down to 17.25 (approx.) and wanted make a bigger cut today.

 

Kass

 

Congrats on effectively getting him on your team!!! .. not always easy with Doctors.

[[bl...]]

For what it's worth, I found taper easier once I was off the Klonopin--I just jumped at .25 and updosed Valium to compensate until I was stable. Then I began valium taper. May not be good for everyone--but in my case--the klonopin was making me feel sicker.

Blue

[[fi...]]

Saw my psych doc today and told him my detox plan using titration of 200ml milk and 20mg Valium tossing xxx ml each day using a spreadsheet.  I toss a little bit more and more everyday.  He didn't seem to have a clue how it works, but is still going to support me.  He wants me to get down to 15mg on the V and then hold and switch to getting off the .5 Klonopin.  Said having the 15mg V would give me a bigger cushion getting off the K.  I didn't tell him I was dividing my dose into 3rds so he thinks I'm taking it all at night.  But I was honest about where I'm at, which is 18.4mg V and today is day 3.

 

So I guess I enlightened him today.  Please please please let this work so he'll learn a new way to get off these horrible benzos.  Dry cutting wasn't working.

 

Once I get below 18mg V I don't know how slow to toss each day.  Any advice or should I just go by symptoms?

 

Start 20mg V

11/2/2016 - 19.6

11/3/2016 - 19.2

11/4/2016 - 18.4  Decided to make a bigger cut today as I had been down to 17.25 (approx.) and wanted make a bigger cut today.

 

Kass

 

Isn't this a great feeling? I see two Dr's in regards to my taper - the one who originally put me on it and is helping me get off (he has been good - after a rough start, he's been supportive and open minded) and another who I just consult with once every 3 months - He's just a cushion because I worry about what would happen if my relationship with my original dr were to deteriorate at some point - this other guy doesn't prescribe - just tracks me in my taper - I took him my spreadsheet and instruction sheet - he looked at it and at first didn't understand the dilution part - then once he saw that part, he scratched his head and said very slowly......"This is amazing. I think this will work for you and I'm really impressed by it"

 

I'm planning on starting the micro taper in about a month.  I won't see this Dr again until February  - He specifically asked me to update him via email when i begin.  He isn't a big Benzo dr. bc his specialty is children (i know i know - the horrors of medicating children) but bc of this he has proven to be a safe place for me to vent (because he doesnt prescribe many of these drugs, he isn't defensive or offended)........when I left he said "I learn from my patients all the time and I think this is a great plan....."  So they aren't all bad......I left feeling more confident than I have in ages.

[[ed...]]

  Blue and all others, Thanks for the info on the LTheanine and also the Vit D.  Yes I also am very sensitive to supplements but I have the burning tingling feet and ut, tongue area.  I will try this and see if it helps.  Better than starting gabapentin which I am on the verge of since I can't take the pain much longer.  Solace and ED, you are both doiing so well.  Congrats and thanks again to all.

 

Thank you, Free. I'm still praying for you.

 

Ed

[[ka...]]

Me too Free Me too!!  count me in with Ed and others on your behalf precious friend. You are enduring and persevering with great intensity. I stand... sit amazed. You are terrific and an inspiration for many

[[fr...]]

  Thank you all so much.  I don't feel that way, I actually am weak, scared and in so much pain it is very hard.  I will keep praying for all and myself that God leads us where we should go.  God bless you all. 

[[Le...]]

Left, how are you splitting them into eighths? I need to do that at my next cut and I was sort of thinking about just crushing up whole pills and distributing the powder over eight days. I have a great pill cutter but I can't imagine it doing more than quarters!

 

I'm continuing to keep up with everyone's updates here and just want to send support and good vibes! It seems like many have hit a rough patch just now.

 

I'm doing very well with this cut so far. I'm only going into the third day of it but day two is usually a rough one and it wasn't. The only symptoms I am having are the usual muscle tension and some ear pain. It's sharp yet tolerable, if that makes sense. The ear pain from Ativan WD was horrible, so this is a walk in the park. No tinnitus.

 

Still dealing with minor vertigo upon getting up or lying down, but it's not affecting my days at all. In fact, I got out and visited family on my birthday this past Monday! I drove! At night even! I made up my mind that I'm not going to fear having a vertigo attack or panic attack in public anymore. So what if I do? Why is that so bad? Who cares what anybody thinks? And odds are, it won't happen anyway. I'm tired of not living my life. I made up my mind that I'm done hiding. And when I make up my mind, I really make up my mind.

 

Still not talking about my health anxiety and it's awesome. I think this was my fourth day not doing that and I am blown away by how much not talking about it really has changed my thoughts. I can't believe I willingly did that to myself daily for something like five years. I dedicated the first half of my 30s to it. Unreal. I just refuse to do it anymore.

 

When the chemical anxiety hits, it is what it is and I just have to let it pass. But the other kind? I do that to myself. It is a choice. I've been through enough and I won't abuse myself like that any longer. Easier said than done, I know, but when it comes down to habitual behavior, there is a choice involved. The anxiety may still happen without the behavior, but at least I won't be exacerbating it.

 

When I'm not working, I'm watching TV or even playing games on my phone which is something I never do. Fun stuff! Occupying my brain with silly things is so much better than the "serious" stuff that felt so important. Worrying about things never accomplished anything.

 

I remember as a child, hearing my family talk about stress and I very distinctly understood how pointless it was. I vowed to never grow up and indulge that idea of stress. Boy, did I ever do the exact opposite! But it's not too late to turn around.

 

As determined as I am, it's not all sunshine and roses, of course. I feel like all my usual issues that existed pre-benzos are a bit exacerbated right now. Anything that usually hurts just hurts even more. I have a feeling that the second hit of this cut (typically day eight for me) is going to be a doozy mentally. Just a gut feeling. I'm really getting to the home stretch here. But I went through that with my last cut and I survived it. I feel strong enough to brave it. I hope I'm not wrong.

Sorry SandP for not responding sooner. With a few exceptions I've been offline for a few days, and am trying to catch up. 

 

That's awesome you are doing so well, you have a great attitude and that is a huge part of the battle. Congrats on feeling well enough to celebrate your birthday with your family and on the driving. I love your outlook towards both the health anxiety and the chemical anxiety. You're going to make it to that finish line and go on to lead and long and beautiful life. 

 

OK, the pill splitting... I use my hands instead of a pill cutter to break them up. For some reason I get more precise cuts that way. My generic Valium is pretty hard so it doesn't disintegrate when I break the pill up. First, I split the 2mg pill into quarters. Now I have 4 little pie-shaped pieces of V each of which is .50 mg. I hold one of the .50 mg pieces between my thumbs and pointer fingers, with the pointy part facing away from my body and the round part facing towards my body. Then I very carefully break the piece down the middle using the pointy part as my guide. I get a fairly precise cut this way and end up with two tiny pieces of Valium. I hope this makes sense...

 

Left 

[[Le...]]

  Thank you all so much.  I don't feel that way, I actually am weak, scared and in so much pain it is very hard.  I will keep praying for all and myself that God leads us where we should go.  God bless you all. 

Free, you are never far from my thoughts and are always in my prayers. 

[[so...]]

Left, how are you splitting them into eighths? I need to do that at my next cut and I was sort of thinking about just crushing up whole pills and distributing the powder over eight days. I have a great pill cutter but I can't imagine it doing more than quarters!

 

I'm continuing to keep up with everyone's updates here and just want to send support and good vibes! It seems like many have hit a rough patch just now.

 

I'm doing very well with this cut so far. I'm only going into the third day of it but day two is usually a rough one and it wasn't. The only symptoms I am having are the usual muscle tension and some ear pain. It's sharp yet tolerable, if that makes sense. The ear pain from Ativan WD was horrible, so this is a walk in the park. No tinnitus.

 

Still dealing with minor vertigo upon getting up or lying down, but it's not affecting my days at all. In fact, I got out and visited family on my birthday this past Monday! I drove! At night even! I made up my mind that I'm not going to fear having a vertigo attack or panic attack in public anymore. So what if I do? Why is that so bad? Who cares what anybody thinks? And odds are, it won't happen anyway. I'm tired of not living my life. I made up my mind that I'm done hiding. And when I make up my mind, I really make up my mind.

 

Still not talking about my health anxiety and it's awesome. I think this was my fourth day not doing that and I am blown away by how much not talking about it really has changed my thoughts. I can't believe I willingly did that to myself daily for something like five years. I dedicated the first half of my 30s to it. Unreal. I just refuse to do it anymore.

 

When the chemical anxiety hits, it is what it is and I just have to let it pass. But the other kind? I do that to myself. It is a choice. I've been through enough and I won't abuse myself like that any longer. Easier said than done, I know, but when it comes down to habitual behavior, there is a choice involved. The anxiety may still happen without the behavior, but at least I won't be exacerbating it.

 

When I'm not working, I'm watching TV or even playing games on my phone which is something I never do. Fun stuff! Occupying my brain with silly things is so much better than the "serious" stuff that felt so important. Worrying about things never accomplished anything.

 

I remember as a child, hearing my family talk about stress and I very distinctly understood how pointless it was. I vowed to never grow up and indulge that idea of stress. Boy, did I ever do the exact opposite! But it's not too late to turn around.

 

As determined as I am, it's not all sunshine and roses, of course. I feel like all my usual issues that existed pre-benzos are a bit exacerbated right now. Anything that usually hurts just hurts even more. I have a feeling that the second hit of this cut (typically day eight for me) is going to be a doozy mentally. Just a gut feeling. I'm really getting to the home stretch here. But I went through that with my last cut and I survived it. I feel strong enough to brave it. I hope I'm not wrong.

Sorry SandP for not responding sooner. With a few exceptions I've been offline for a few days, and am trying to catch up. 

 

That's awesome you are doing so well, you have a great attitude and that is a huge part of the battle. Congrats on feeling well enough to celebrate your birthday with your family and on the driving. I love your outlook towards both the health anxiety and the chemical anxiety. You're going to make it to that finish line and go on to lead and long and beautiful life. 

 

OK, the pill splitting... I use my hands instead of a pill cutter to break them up. For some reason I get more precise cuts that way. My generic Valium is pretty hard so it doesn't disintegrate when I break the pill up. First, I split the 2mg pill into quarters. Now I have 4 little pie-shaped pieces of V each of which is .50 mg. I hold one of the .50 mg pieces between my thumbs and pointer fingers, with the pointy part facing away from my body and the round part facing towards my body. Then I very carefully break the piece down the middle using the pointy part as my guide. I get a fairly precise cut this way and end up with two tiny pieces of Valium. I hope this makes sense...

 

Left 

 

Thank you so much for the reply! I'm actually out right now at a relatives house and fighting through the anxiety! Not easy, I feel kind of awful to be honest, but it's better than hiding out. I'm not being antisocial posting this right now lol, they're taking care of something in the kitchen so I just popped in for a sec to see what was going on here.

 

Thanks so much for taking the time to tell me how you cut your pills! You must have some brand other than Mylan because mine just about turn to powder at the point of cutting them into quarters, but I will try this anyway! You never know!

 

Thanks again and hope you are having a good Saturday!

[[Le...]]

I take the Activis brand, its a solid pill that splits easily, it must be the binders they use. I've used Mylan and they do tend to crumble.

 

Hoping the anxiety passes soon, and you can enjoy the rest of your evening.

[[Ho...]]

I take the Activis brand, its a solid pill that splits easily, it must be the binders they use. I've used Mylan and they do tend to crumble.

 

Hoping the anxiety passes soon, and you can enjoy the rest of your evening.

 

That is interesting about your Actavis left, it's the same that I use.  I'm impressed that you can break the quarters into halves with your hands.  When I split my 2 mg pills into quarters, the quarters are so tiny I'm not sure how I'll split them further.  I think I'm going to have to do the nail file and scale thing when I want to make smaller cuts.

[[Le...]]

I take the Activis brand, its a solid pill that splits easily, it must be the binders they use. I've used Mylan and they do tend to crumble.

 

Hoping the anxiety passes soon, and you can enjoy the rest of your evening.

 

That is interesting about your Actavis left, it's the same that I use.  I'm impressed that you can break the quarters into halves with your hands.  When I split my 2 mg pills into quarters, the quarters are so tiny I'm not sure how I'll split them further.  I think I'm going to have to do the nail file and scale thing when I want to make smaller cuts.

It's one of my newly acquired skills...although I don't think it would read well on a resume 

[[Ho...]]

[quote author=Left Behind :laugh: link=topic=96753.msg2251045#msg2251045 date=1478387289]

I take the Activis brand, its a solid pill that splits easily, it must be the binders they use. I've used Mylan and they do tend to crumble.

 

Hoping the anxiety passes soon, and you can enjoy the rest of your evening.

 

That is interesting about your Actavis left, it's the same that I use.  I'm impressed that you can break the quarters into halves with your hands.  When I split my 2 mg pills into quarters, the quarters are so tiny I'm not sure how I'll split them further.  I think I'm going to have to do the nail file and scale thing when I want to make smaller cuts.

It's one of my newly acquired skills...although I don't think it would read well on a resume 

 

Lol well maybe I can employ you when it comes time for me to make smaller

Cuts 😂

[[Ma...]]

Is this wrong.  I only have 5 mg pills.  I cut into 4 pieces. And file until each piece is the weight is  1mg per piece  Is that ok?

[[Le...]]

Magnolis, I don't quite understand the question. I'm plagued with the benzo brain. Can you elaborate?

[[Ma...]]

I have 5 mg valium pill. Cut the 5 mg into 4 pieces. Each piece is now over 1 mg.  Want only 1 mg. So i have weight if 1 mg.  So i use a nail file to fill off extra amount til I get to 1 mg weight on each of 4 pieced

[[bu...]]

I have 5 mg valium pill. Cut the 5 mg into 4 pieces. Each piece is now over 1 mg.  Want only 1 mg. So i have weight if 1 mg.  So i use a nail file to fill off extra amount til I get to 1 mg weight on each of 4 pieced

  Now even I'm confused.

 

Your 5mg tablet probably actually weighs about 130-150 mg.  So if you cut it into 4ths, each 4th will weigh about it 32-37mg.

 

And if you cut a 5mg tablet into 4ths, each piece will contain approx 1.25mgs of actual diazepam.  How are you "weighing" them to get 1mg each.

[[ed...]]

I have 5 mg valium pill. Cut the 5 mg into 4 pieces. Each piece is now over 1 mg.  Want only 1 mg. So i have weight if 1 mg.  So i use a nail file to fill off extra amount til I get to 1 mg weight on each of 4 pieced

 

5mg is the weight of the Valium in the pill. Your pill, due to binders and fillers, will weigh more than 5mg. You need to weigh out 10 pills at once and divide by 10 to get an average weight. Then, once you have that average weight, every 20% of that weight will contain 1mg of Valium.

 

Best,

Ed