Valium/Diazepam Support Group

[[Le...]]

HI Leftbehind, you don't know me ,but I mostly post in the long hold support group. I wanted to ask you relative to your long hold..... How many months did it take befor you started to feel better? I'm in the basket case department right now, a month into a hold after a 1/4 mg cut of V . I'm just getting worse this last week and don't know what to do. I've barely started my taper , but was never really stable on the 10 mg V I started out on after my cross from K. I don't want to up dose, not at this early stage. I guess cutting is not an option right now, I just feel so doubtful that I will get better holding...

Thank you for any encouragement !

MiYu

Hi MiYu, my first long hold was 6 months. After a CT and reinstatement I was not allowed to stabilize, and had to cut right away...bad idea  It took about 3-4 months into my hold before I noticed improvements...they were so gradual I didn't notice them at first. Then one day I realized the pain wasn't as bad, and the other sxs had quieted down to a tolerable level. It takes time and a lot of patience to hold...but for me it was well worth it.

 

Be patient, give it more time, I think you will feel much better in the long run. Look at the hold as an investment in you...in your health and piece of mind.

 

Left

[[Le...]]

Hello MIYu

I am very sorry for your suffering.  I am in a similar situation and have posted a few times about it.  Much like you I was not stable after crossing over to V from Ativan.  My doc did not cross over at an equivalent.  It looks like your doc did, but if you were in withdrawl prior to crossing, maybe you needed more valium.  Not sure.  For me, my crossover was not withdrawl hell like yours even though my equivalanet was low.    I actually felt way better than I did on the Ativan, but looking back I realize I was still in some amount of withdrawl which made every cut difficult.  I did not wait the 2 weeks to stabalize.  Pdoc wanted me to start cutting right away.  It finallly all caught up to me after too many cuts too fast (per her instructions) and a bizarre interaction with 2 OTC meds that messed up my taper as well.

 

Anyway, I have been holding  a little over 6 weeks now.  See signature.  My symptoms are not as intense as the first 4 weeks (which was almost constant withdrawl - I think acute).  At the 4-6 week mark, I had some days that were better with 3-4 hour windows.  Then back to withdrawl.  Other days, sx were still pretty constant.  Symptoms started shifting to other symptoms.  I am exhausted from the ordeal.  The last 2 days, have been better.  Thanking God for that!  Longer periods of relief and milder symptoms.  In fact, tonight is the first night, my head has not been feeling like a blown up balloon all fuzzy with blurry vision.  Had that for over a month.  So I'm seeing improvement, but I would say I am far from stable and ready to cut again.  I would need to feel like I did today or better for at least another couple of weeks.  Then I'm cutting tiny.  I still think of updosing, when I can't take it anymore, but really want off this drug sooner than later.  Now with 6 weeks into holding, I wouldn't even know what to updose to and if I did and it did nothing to help, then I'd have to go up more and well .... I'm sure you have thought of all of that.  It's maddening!

 

I have determined that there are some supplements I was taking that caused some problems throughout.  Are you taking anything other than the Valium?  I am also super sensitive so feel everything and have had lots of interactions with the Valium.  It seems, for me, I easily get up or down regulated by supplements or OTC med which makes tapering harder.  It crosses the same liver pathways as many other meds and supps.  from what I have learned.

 

All in all, it is very rough to cut when you were never stable to start.  In hindsight, I wish I would have updosed at the 2 week point when I was first considering doing so and avoided the suffering.  But what's done is done.  I never thought it would be this long of an ordeal.

 

It is a hard decision whether to updose after a long hold.  Most pdocs don't know how to advise on that.  Mine sure doesn't. 

She left me hanging with, "It's impossiple to be in withdrawl longer than a month.  You are the only patient I've had that hasn't been able to keep cutting and be off by now.  I don't know what to tell you.  Maybe you should see an addiction specialist."  Then she goes on vacation while i'm still suffering.  I go to see an addiction specialist.  Old school who runs the hospital in and out treatment program.  12 step and all.  Says Ashton Method is a nice thought, but doesn't believe in it.  He could have cared less about my withdrawl.  When I told him, it was debilitating for me, he said, "You're not debilitated.  You have two legs and you can walk can't you?"  Said I could cut the whole .8 today and nothing serious would happen.    Just a window into what the detox program is like. 

 

Stay in touch and let us know how things go. 

 

Sharkie

Hi Sharkie, the same thing happened to me...my pdoc didn't give me enough time to stabilize. Most of them don't know how to safely taper us off this stuff. He made me cut too fast and then couldn't  believe I was sick from a too rapid taper. He too told me to see an addiction specialist. Addiction doctors are not what we need...we need doctors who understand that we have an iatrogenic physiological dependence...we are not addicts in the traditional sense.

 

I know you don't want to updose and completely  understand. Have you thought about checking out the Hold Support Group?

 

I haven't forgotten that I owe you a PM.

 

Left 

[[Ma...]]

Jackson.

 

For an idiot dr to say that to you is par for the course.  He is afraid of malpractice so just say something horrible to the patient and get rid of them. GIVE IT NO POWER.  YOU WILL GET BETTER.IT WILL TURN UP LIKE IT TURNED DOWN.  unpredictable . But please don't give this a.    Hole.  Any power.

[[la...]]

Hi all...have not posted here in a long time...

 

I tried the long hold (5 months) and it made no difference whatsoever...but that's me...its worth a try because it does help some

 

I am in constant battle...tortured in my mind and body

 

I definitely have some other things going on in my body but the benzo by far has been the worst thing ever

 

the chemical anxiety is completely ridiculous

 

I wake every single morning for years now with cortisol rushes to beat the band

 

honestly but by the Grace of God and my faith I so would have ended this a while back. God will not allow me to do that so I wait and pray and beg for mercy

 

here are my symptoms that have just escalated

 

1. anxiety

2. dizzy/woozy/off balanced

3 spaced out weird head feeling

4. Neck pain

5. gut issues (ever since having H-pylori and SIBO in 2013...never been the same since)

6. tinnitus

7. migraines with aura

8. overall feeling of complete and utter malaise, fatigue

9. body aches (was dx with fibro,,,believe its benzo)  not often though

10. can not stay asleep and wake to early

11. burning/dry/ blurry eyes

 

I look like crap now...even my family sees it because I can not hide it any longer...dark circles . sullen skin...hair loss...

 

I am seeing a naturopath who wants to treat me for Lyme even though tests say I do not have it...she says its clinical dx... scared I am chasing after butterflies

 

She started me on homeopathic supplements 2 1/2 weeks ago to try to build my immune system and settle my adrenals down ..so far no change whatsoever...on Nov 14th she wants me to start treatment for Lyme....UGHHHHHH

 

I do know that C&H is the easiest but I am going to have to cut much smaller amounts or I will drop dead at this point.

 

sorry for this long rant...I am so sick and sad...I pray that God will deliver me...

[[Ka...]]

Hi,

 

This is my 1st post to the Valium Support Group (I think).  I've been on Klonopin more years then I can remember, mostly 3mg for many years.  Couldn't get any lower then 2.5mg without having withdrawal symptoms.  So August 6th took the Ashton Plan and showed it to my psych doc and he agreed to let me use the Valium to get off the Klonopin.  However, he wouldn't give me more then 15mg and told me to take it all at night.  Have got the K down to .5mg, but in October due to stress I increased my V up to 25mg for a week or so.  Was able to get the V lowered doing dry cuts to around 17.5, but was symptomatic. 

 

So the reason I'm switching to the Valium Support Group is starting today I'm doing a liquid (milk) titration to get my Valium lowered.  I have my 100 and 250ml glass cylinders (see how long until I break one) and am starting with 20mg V mixed with 200ml milk to have an exact amount.  H made me an Excel spreadsheet based one of the ones I found on here, but couldn't seem to make changes to.  I'm going to try and get down to 18mg fairly quick and then slow it down depending on how I feel.  Going to hold on the .5 K for now.  I'd like to get down to 10mg on the V and then switch over and detox off the remaining .5mg K.

 

Made my milk/Valium solution last night and stored it.  This morning I withdrew .4ml using the 10ml syringe the pharmacy gave me.  Then divided the remainder into 3 small baby jars.  Plan to take doses at noon, 5pm and bedtime.  Take the .5mg K at bedtime.

 

So here I am.  I'm probably driving the Board here crazy as I started with the K2 Support group and they were great, but feel if I'm working on the V I need to be here for now, hope it's ok.  I've read thru many posts and they have been a big help, but this is a very large support group, will continue to read to make sure I'm getting all the info I can.

 

Thanks,

Kass

[[ed...]]

Hi Kassidy,

 

I just want to welcome you to the Valium support group.  This thread waxes and wanes as far as activity goes, but there are a lot of good people on board. I'm not a real math guru, but there are a couple here who will no doubt check over your math to make sure your headed down the right path.

 

Welcome and best of luck.

 

Ed

[[...]]

HI Leftbehind, you don't know me ,but I mostly post in the long hold support group. I wanted to ask you relative to your long hold..... How many months did it take befor you started to feel better? I'm in the basket case department right now, a month into a hold after a 1/4 mg cut of V . I'm just getting worse this last week and don't know what to do. I've barely started my taper , but was never really stable on the 10 mg V I started out on after my cross from K. I don't want to up dose, not at this early stage. I guess cutting is not an option right now, I just feel so doubtful that I will get better holding...

Thank you for any encouragement !

MiYu

Hi MiYu, my first long hold was 6 months. After a CT and reinstatement I was not allowed to stabilize, and had to cut right away...bad idea  It took about 3-4 months into my hold before I noticed improvements...they were so gradual I didn't notice them at first. Then one day I realized the pain wasn't as bad, and the other sxs had quieted down to a tolerable level. It takes time and a lot of patience to hold...but for me it was well worth it.

 

Be patient, give it more time, I think you will feel much better in the long run. Look at the hold as an investment in you...in your health and piece of mind.

 

 

Thank you Left.....   I'm going to trust and hold for as long as I need to and hopefully stabilize

 

MiYu

[[...]]

Hi Miyu:

I think I need to check out Long Hold support group as I am in your boat. Taper off K was hell and once I got down to .25 I just lost it. Crossover from 1 mg k to 10 mg v was okay but as I've been cutting down on V my symptoms won't let up--aching feet and hands--blurry vision---no matter how long I hold. Last few days I've had a few windows (am now at 6.5 v) so fingers crossed. I'd say don't rush it. For whatever it's worth--

Blue

Hi Blue, glad to see you in the LH support group. Windows is a great sign! I hope you get lots more

I'm going to continue holding , even though it goes so against the grain of our minds wanting off ASAP

MiYu

[[...]]

Sharkie I relate

I am at 1mg v

Was ok two weeks ago

But kindled from last year

Now holding in agony and also debilitated

Doctor wants to get rid of me and said he's never seen this before

I'm the worst case he's seen and he has nothing to tell me

Said I might not make it through what? What does that mean

I have to make it

My heart is pounding and I am in full blown terror. I am in acute like feeling

You?? Do u have the chest pain burning terror

Fatigue?

Those are my symptoms

I think I will need something like neurontin to endure this

It's unmanageable

I can't drive or go out of do anything

I was active and quite normal just two weeks ago. This thing slams you out of the blue. I know ppl say hold but this whole taper was a waste

I should have let me GABA heal last year after cold turkey. Or fast taper. I should have just done it

Now I feel 100 times worse

 

Jackson, I'm so sorry your doc was such an idiot , how can someone in that profession be so lacking in compassion. It blows my mind. Well I guess they are in it for the money, it's bullshit.

Of course you will make it. I agree with what someone else said , try not to be so hard on yourself. We make the decisions we can at the time , I have some regrets too , but it really doesn't help to beat yourself up.

I too have really bad burning , difficulty walking .... Fear .

You are nearly there at 1 mg V!  There's someone in the long hold group around that amount who has been holding for over two months and is starting to feel really good again after a very difficult time.

Hang in there, I'm new to long holds so can't advise you well on that , but others can.

MiYu 

 

[[Le...]]

Hi all...have not posted here in a long time...

 

I tried the long hold (5 months) and it made no difference whatsoever...but that's me...its worth a try because it does help some

 

I am in constant battle...tortured in my mind and body

 

I definitely have some other things going on in my body but the benzo by far has been the worst thing ever

 

the chemical anxiety is completely ridiculous

 

I wake every single morning for years now with cortisol rushes to beat the band

 

honestly but by the Grace of God and my faith I so would have ended this a while back. God will not allow me to do that so I wait and pray and beg for mercy

 

here are my symptoms that have just escalated

 

1. anxiety

2. dizzy/woozy/off balanced

3 spaced out weird head feeling

4. Neck pain

5. gut issues (ever since having H-pylori and SIBO in 2013...never been the same since)

6. tinnitus

7. migraines with aura

8. overall feeling of complete and utter malaise, fatigue

9. body aches (was dx with fibro,,,believe its benzo)  not often though

10. can not stay asleep and wake to early

11. burning/dry/ blurry eyes

 

I look like crap now...even my family sees it because I can not hide it any longer...dark circles . sullen skin...hair loss...

 

I am seeing a naturopath who wants to treat me for Lyme even though tests say I do not have it...she says its clinical dx... scared I am chasing after butterflies

 

She started me on homeopathic supplements 2 1/2 weeks ago to try to build my immune system and settle my adrenals down ..so far no change whatsoever...on Nov 14th she wants me to start treatment for Lyme....UGHHHHHH

 

I do know that C&H is the easiest but I am going to have to cut much smaller amounts or I will drop dead at this point.

 

sorry for this long rant...I am so sick and sad...I pray that God will deliver me...

Lainey,  you started homeopathic supplements two weeks ago and now you feel worse.  Is it possible the supplements are the cause? I  know many people can't take supplements during withdrawal. I've tried two different brands of Vitamin D, they revved up my sxs. My next attempt will be Vitamin D drops for babies.   I'd be leary about the Lyme diagnosis too.

 

You're having a terrible time of it and am sorry you are struggling so.

 

Left 

[[Le...]]

HI Leftbehind, you don't know me ,but I mostly post in the long hold support group. I wanted to ask you relative to your long hold..... How many months did it take befor you started to feel better? I'm in the basket case department right now, a month into a hold after a 1/4 mg cut of V . I'm just getting worse this last week and don't know what to do. I've barely started my taper , but was never really stable on the 10 mg V I started out on after my cross from K. I don't want to up dose, not at this early stage. I guess cutting is not an option right now, I just feel so doubtful that I will get better holding...

Thank you for any encouragement !

MiYu

Hi MiYu, my first long hold was 6 months. After a CT and reinstatement I was not allowed to stabilize, and had to cut right away...bad idea  It took about 3-4 months into my hold before I noticed improvements...they were so gradual I didn't notice them at first. Then one day I realized the pain wasn't as bad, and the other sxs had quieted down to a tolerable level. It takes time and a lot of patience to hold...but for me it was well worth it.

 

Be patient, give it more time, I think you will feel much better in the long run. Look at the hold as an investment in you...in your health and piece of mind.

 

 

Thank you Left.....   I'm going to trust and hold for as long as I need to and hopefully stabilize

 

MiYu

That sounds like a plan 

[[bl...]]

I'm sensitive to supplements but the one that benzo wise dr suggested, and that I have found helpful, is called L Theanine. It's calming and helps with nerve function, which, due to the physical nature of my s/x--has helped a bit. It's worth a try?

blue

[[Ge...]]

I was on Xanax for 20 years and switched to Ativan earlier this year at my doctor's request (I decided about that time I would work to get off the benzo train)..  I had terrible insomnia on Ativan that has been helped by switching some doses to Valium.  A little valium seems to go a long way for me. So far I am doing well but I remain unsure how I will proceed.  I have always taken Xanax/Ativan in little doses all day long..  But I can't handle even a small dose of valium during the work day (right now anyhow).  So, I'm not sure what my next cut will be.  I may have to try different things.  I like reading everyone's different taper methods.. it opens my mind to possibilities.  It also makes me realize... I don't need to a have plan set in stone and know my jump date 9 months in advance.  I am really appreciative that you guys have shared your different experiences.

[[fr...]]

  Good idea about the Vit. D.  I am severely deficient level is 8.1 so Dr gave me a script for 50,000 mg. once a week.  I read the side effects and said no thanks so he said try 1000 mg a day but it would take a long time to get it up.  I tried it and it ramped up anxiety so maybe could try baby supplements.  Also interested in the L Thianine but I'm scared as my system is so sensitive but hoping it might help my burning.  How much do you take?  Thanks for the info. 

[[bl...]]

I take 2 capsules (125 mg) a day. I don't find any negative side effects which I did with mag and folic acid and vitamin d. So far, it's helped calm things---just a bit---but sometimes that bit can make the difference for me.

[[sh...]]

I'm sensitive to supplements but the one that benzo wise dr suggested, and that I have found helpful, is called L Theanine. It's calming and helps with nerve function, which, due to the physical nature of my s/x--has helped a bit. It's worth a try?

blue

 

Hi Bluepill,

So you have been take the L-Theanine with the Valium?  I seem to be sensitive to everything I add in with valium.  Do you take it a certain time apart from the V?

 

Sharkie

[[Le...]]

Thanks Blue, I'll look into the L Theanine. I had problems with magnesium, but found a brand I can tolerate (InnovixLabs Advanced Magnesium). I also found a pharmaceutical grade Vitamin C that works for me (Quali-C Vitamin C ultra fine powder).

 

[[bl...]]

I take Suntheanine L-Theanine in morning. 2 caps--125 mgs each. I think it may help with sleep a bit too--I just notice I am slightly less anxious and it seems to have a slight calming effect on CNS. Could be psychsomatic but was recommended by benzo wise dr so I think it's okay. The only other supp I take is one Mag64 Magnesium Chloride b/c my extremities are totally trashed and it helps a bit. All other Mag supps have been problematic but this one ok and at least I am not waking up with dead feeling arms and hands. ugh! And yes, I am taking these along with my 6.5 Valium (which I take at night before bed). I feel like I am ready to cut but am very nervous b/c I really don't like idea of updosing if it's awful--although I know this is not a race but an end game and however long --and by whatever means necessary--I'll get there--I hope! I do find valium taper not quite as bad at klonopin which was deathly--BUT, i do worry about what's waiting as I go down. At .25 K I was completely not functioning. I am not exactly sure where that is in terms of Valium equivalency but I sense I am closing in on it so that makes me nervous.

[[Le...]]

I take Suntheanine L-Theanine in morning. 2 caps--125 mgs each. I think it may help with sleep a bit too--I just notice I am slightly less anxious and it seems to have a slight calming effect on CNS. Could be psychsomatic but was recommended by benzo wise dr so I think it's okay. The only other supp I take is one Mag64 Magnesium Chloride b/c my extremities are totally trashed and it helps a bit. All other Mag supps have been problematic but this one ok and at least I am not waking up with dead feeling arms and hands. ugh! And yes, I am taking these along with my 6.5 Valium (which I take at night before bed). I feel like I am ready to cut but am very nervous b/c I really don't like idea of updosing if it's awful--although I know this is not a race but an end game and however long --and by whatever means necessary--I'll get there--I hope! I do find valium taper not quite as bad at klonopin which was deathly--BUT, i do worry about what's waiting as I go down. At .25 K I was completely not functioning. I am not exactly sure where that is in terms of Valium equivalency but I sense I am closing in on it so that makes me nervous.

Blue, according to Ashton .25 K is equivalent to 5 mg of V.  http://www.benzo.org.uk/bzequiv.htm This is more of a guideline, the equivalents vary from person to person.

 

Don't worry about what might happen as you go lower. Some people actually feel better the lower they go. I encourage you to make sure you're stable before cutting again...especially since you don't want to updose.

 

BTW, I wake up to numb arms and hands too. Heck my left hand is numb as we speak 

[[bl...]]

Thanks, Left. Right--so, I was not great but managing before the .25 cut--which is why I am so scared to go down. Really, it was so bad--We were in Tahoe with family and I was freaking out!! Terrified I was dying. The hand stuff is just awful and vision issues too. BUT, the foot stuff is better--not gone but better. Maybe our arms/hands will improve too. I don't know why it helps to know I am not alone--but it does! I remember one amazing woman on this site had serious hand/joint issues and swelling and she had 100% recovered. That made me feel so much better. Thanks for words of hope. I just worry this is a lifetime sentence sometimes. But I know it ill just take time.

[[Le...]]

Thanks, Left. Right--so, I was not great but managing before the .25 cut--which is why I am so scared to go down. Really, it was so bad--We were in Tahoe with family and I was freaking out!! Terrified I was dying. The hand stuff is just awful and vision issues too. BUT, the foot stuff is better--not gone but better. Maybe our arms/hands will improve too. I don't know why it helps to know I am not alone--but it does! I remember one amazing woman on this site had serious hand/joint issues and swelling and she had 100% recovered. That made me feel so much better. Thanks for words of hope. I just worry this is a lifetime sentence sometimes. But I know it ill just take time.

Have you thought about starting a microtaper when you are ready? It sounds like the .25 cuts are too big for you.

 

This stuff plays some serious mind games with you. Once you rule our any true illness, remind yourself it is  only wd and you are healing. I have dozens of sxs on any give day..and they change. One sx may disappear only to have another new sx pop up. Have you read Parker's Post on What is Happening in your Brain. It's an excellent description of why sxs come and go and how that is tied into healing.

 

It gets better in time. That's the hard part having the patience and faith that you will heal...and you will. 

[[bl...]]

Thanks, Left. I'll check that out. Part of reason I did c/o was b/c it seemed like easier to do dry cuts w/ 2 mg tabs valium. The .25 k was DEFINITELY too much for me and I was feeling crappy about having to cross over and updose but it's what I needed to do. I've done all the tests--MRI's, etc...but, of course, a year later there is always that nagging feeling that maybe something more serious would show up now--that it was dormant then. Such mind games.  i'm grateful dr is hanging in with me for time being and that he seems to know about all this stuff--esp since neurologist told me what i needed was MORE klonopin! As if!!!!! Eventually this will all be out in open. There was a good story about Adderall in NY Times. I hope someone writes a similar story about benzos.....

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/16/magazine/generation-adderall-addiction.html?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&clickSource=story-heading&module=mini-moth&region=top-stories-below&WT.nav=top-stories-below&_r=0

[[Le...]]

OK, that makes sense. Cutting 2mg Valium should be much easier than the Klonopin. I can split my 2mg pill into 8ths. At some point I'll have to start microtapering, but that's a worry for a different day. I too had so many tests done it was exhausting, They didn't find anything wrong. My neurologist said I would never get off the drug, that I had been on it too long  I have every intention of proving him wrong. Benzodiazepine dependence is getting a lot of press in the UK, we can only hope that the US starts to take a look at this problem with fresh eyes soon.

[[bl...]]

Left:

Always valium? 20 plus yrs? Or were there other benzos too? I'm curious wht my dr seems to think v is so much easier to get off than klonopin.

[[so...]]

Left, how are you splitting them into eighths? I need to do that at my next cut and I was sort of thinking about just crushing up whole pills and distributing the powder over eight days. I have a great pill cutter but I can't imagine it doing more than quarters!

 

I'm continuing to keep up with everyone's updates here and just want to send support and good vibes! It seems like many have hit a rough patch just now.

 

I'm doing very well with this cut so far. I'm only going into the third day of it but day two is usually a rough one and it wasn't. The only symptoms I am having are the usual muscle tension and some ear pain. It's sharp yet tolerable, if that makes sense. The ear pain from Ativan WD was horrible, so this is a walk in the park. No tinnitus.

 

Still dealing with minor vertigo upon getting up or lying down, but it's not affecting my days at all. In fact, I got out and visited family on my birthday this past Monday! I drove! At night even! I made up my mind that I'm not going to fear having a vertigo attack or panic attack in public anymore. So what if I do? Why is that so bad? Who cares what anybody thinks? And odds are, it won't happen anyway. I'm tired of not living my life. I made up my mind that I'm done hiding. And when I make up my mind, I really make up my mind.

 

Still not talking about my health anxiety and it's awesome. I think this was my fourth day not doing that and I am blown away by how much not talking about it really has changed my thoughts. I can't believe I willingly did that to myself daily for something like five years. I dedicated the first half of my 30s to it. Unreal. I just refuse to do it anymore.

 

When the chemical anxiety hits, it is what it is and I just have to let it pass. But the other kind? I do that to myself. It is a choice. I've been through enough and I won't abuse myself like that any longer. Easier said than done, I know, but when it comes down to habitual behavior, there is a choice involved. The anxiety may still happen without the behavior, but at least I won't be exacerbating it.

 

When I'm not working, I'm watching TV or even playing games on my phone which is something I never do. Fun stuff! Occupying my brain with silly things is so much better than the "serious" stuff that felt so important. Worrying about things never accomplished anything.

 

I remember as a child, hearing my family talk about stress and I very distinctly understood how pointless it was. I vowed to never grow up and indulge that idea of stress. Boy, did I ever do the exact opposite! But it's not too late to turn around.

 

As determined as I am, it's not all sunshine and roses, of course. I feel like all my usual issues that existed pre-benzos are a bit exacerbated right now. Anything that usually hurts just hurts even more. I have a feeling that the second hit of this cut (typically day eight for me) is going to be a doozy mentally. Just a gut feeling. I'm really getting to the home stretch here. But I went through that with my last cut and I survived it. I feel strong enough to brave it. I hope I'm not wrong.