Valium/Diazepam Support Group

[[Ho...]]

Great job healingme. You're doing a great taper. Edzo-- Havent seen you around since the  msg incident. Wondering how things are with you?

 

I was just wondering about Edzo too.  Great minds think alike 

[[Te...]]

Hi everyone, just thought I'd post again that I've started my MT. I'm on day 6. Feeling very excited and happy to finally start after all these years. As this is a support thread, I'd hoped to have some support and maybe an "atta girl" from someone. I am very isolated, live away from my home and have no one to talk to here. I have gone through life hell these past 6 years and am still very transitional. I believe that what I'm doing is phenomenal considering. But it's always nice to get the support I keep reading about on here. I do give support to others, daily. Aloha, HM

 

 

Atta Girl!!!    we all are here for you,  You are not alone,  This forum is my support, even many are not here anymore,  but I came back here,  I'm 2 months benzo free,  95% healed,  working and going to parties,  but very careful on my foods.  have some acid reflux coming back.

 

This will pass!!! 

 

TEX

[[ka...]]

I wanted to pop in to check on Edzo.... I was concerned too about him. Hopefully we can learn something soon and he is doing ok!

[[Ho...]]

I wanted to pop in to check on Edzo.... I was concerned too about him. Hopefully we can learn something soon and he is doing ok!

 

Edzo is fine. He is traveling but will be back pretty soon. He told me is holding his taper until he gets back but is looking forward to resuming his taper. I was worried too so I sent him a quick message.

[[fr...]]

  Thanks for letting us know, so happy he is doing well.

[[ka...]]

Dito with Free - thx for the update on Edzo

[[Ju...]]

It wiped out my symptoms for 3 weeks,

then hit symptoms hit hard.

It was my Pdoc's idea to use depakote ER.

He says I can set my own pace.

Not sure how to continue.

any help appreciated,

J-man

 

[[so...]]

WD symptoms are finally really kicking in. Moods swinging, ears ringing. At the same time, I'm dealing with a lot of chaos in my personal life, and adding these mood swings to the mix, I'm afraid I'm destroying the few relationships I have in life. I can see so clearly now that I'm less drugged up how much my life really needs to change, and the frustration of that just gets to me and sets off this deep sadness mixed with rage. Later I'm laughing and optimistic again. I understand that this is all normal, but can my loved ones tolerate it for however long it takes? I don't know.

[[Ki...]]

Your taper plan sounds like its really catching up with you. Im barely at half your speed of cutting and feel like its a little fast sometime. Do you think slowing down might benefit you? Or holding for just a while till you feel a little better? Im sorry you are having those problems....

[[...]]

It wiped out my symptoms for 3 weeks,

then hit symptoms hit hard.

It was my Pdoc's idea to use depakote ER.

He says I can set my own pace.

Not sure how to continue.

any help appreciated,

J-man

 

J-Man, I thought the big cuts might catch up to you some day (I'm sorry they did). As we have talked about in the past our biological makeup are very similar. I am finding long holds are working best for me 3-4 weeks. You have been on benzos a long time as have I and from my prior taper attempts from V I have found the longer I am on benzos the harder it becomes to taper so the slower I have to go. You said your Pdoc will let you set your own pace so I would stay where you are for at least 3 weeks. You should feel a big drop in symptoms by then. My logic says the longer you've have been on benzos the longer your taper should be. I don't start to stabilize until 18-25 days. If you feel good in 3 weeks maybe make a 5-10% cut every week instead of the huge cuts you've been making. Or Just hold longer but you might suffer for a week or so. Or do both smaller cuts and longer holds.  BDJA     

[[Ju...]]

It wiped out my symptoms for 3 weeks,

then hit symptoms hit hard.

It was my Pdoc's idea to use depakote ER.

He says I can set my own pace.

Not sure how to continue.

any help appreciated,

J-man

Words of wisdom, BD.

I'm going to hold at 24mg/day for a bit. I just don't know when to continue,

because I'm a 'hit tolerance-taperer' , I haven't felt ok since January, generally speaking.

The depakote also affects how the Valium metabolizes, and I can't

find anyone who can explain what that means in plain english.

I started a thread, no replies.

Anyway, I'm caught up on sleep.

I hope you have been doing ok!

-J-man

J-Man, I thought the big cuts might catch up to you some day (I'm sorry they did). As we have talked about in the past our biological makeup are very similar. I am finding long holds are working best for me 3-4 weeks. You have been on benzos a long time as have I and from my prior taper attempts from V I have found the longer I am on benzos the harder it becomes to taper so the slower I have to go. You said your Pdoc will let you set your own pace so I would stay where you are for at least 3 weeks. You should feel a big drop in symptoms by then. My logic says the longer you've have been on benzos the longer your taper should be. I don't start to stabilize until 18-25 days. If you feel good in 3 weeks maybe make a 5-10% cut every week instead of the huge cuts you've been making. Or Just hold longer but you might suffer for a week or so. Or do both smaller cuts and longer holds.  BDJA   

[[ed...]]

First off, congrats to Arcade for getting off the benzos!  Great job!

 

Secondly, how are you doing Shamo?

 

Thanks for those of you who expressed concern over me in thoughts or print.  After the nasty MSG incident, I held at 3.8mg as long as I could, but things became unbearable and I had to bump back up a tiny amount to 4mg. Not a big bump, but deflating nonetheless. I'd love to report that the bump up made me feel much better, but that would be a lie.  My stomach burned for weeks and intense nausea stuck with me for a while.  Looking back, I think it wasn't simply the MSG. The day I ate my poison meal occurred on a day that I had driven for nearly 11 hours straight. I realized after the fact that I was munching on crystallized ginger the whole drive. Turns out that I ate nearly 3/4 of a pound of the stuff. I'm sure all that sugar blew my system out in addition to the MSG. Combine that with the CNS stimulation of driving over 700 miles and ....there you go.  So yeah, I suffered greatly.  Nasty neck pain began to develop over the course of our travels as well. I'm pretty sure that the fact that I drove over 4,000 miles during our 6 week travel didn't help matters.

 

As of a few days ago, my wife and I returned back to Pennsylvania and it feels GOOD to be home. I'm so happy to be back in my little cocoon with everything I need at my finger tips. While traveling, we often had to pay 3X as much for a hotel just to stay in a room equipped with a stovetop or oven.  So anyway, 2 nights ago I cut down to 3.75mg which is an all time low for me. I don't feel great, but I'm really pleased to be moving in the right direction again. Days 3 and 4 are usually the worst, so I am going to get in a bit of excersize today before I'm bedridden.

 

I hope all are getting by, if not thriving.  Glad to be back on the boards. You guys and gals are awesome!

 

Best,

Ed

[[Ju...]]

Your taper plan sounds like its really catching up with you. Im barely at half your speed of cutting and feel like its a little fast sometime. Do you think slowing down might benefit you? Or holding for just a while till you feel a little better? Im sorry you are having those problems....

Hi Kittkbb ! Your supplements list caught my eye, "Taking taurine, inositol,dopa boost, tyrosine, magnesium, melatonin, advil pm and unisom." as it's hard to find people who are taking supplements DURING their taper. I tried a small amount of inosital (some take like 12 grams a day!) and it made me a bit more anxious. I will look into dopa boost, never heard of that one. How much tyrosine do you use in a day, or as needed?

Thanks, I need all the help I can get. You're right, I started to fast, trying to sprint through a marathon 'cause I hate to run.

J-man

 

[[...]]

For the record, I took a lot of supplements during my taper and felt that some helped moderately. Inositol didn't do anything in my case and Gingko biloba made me worse.

I recall a lot of people who found some benefit in supplements

 

Bart

[[Ju...]]

For the record, I took a lot of supplements during my taper and felt that some helped moderately. Inositol didn't do anything in my case and Gingko biloba made me worse.

I recall a lot of people who found some benefit in supplements

 

Bart

Hello Bart;

Can you recall which supplements were helpful?

J-man

 

[[so...]]

Your taper plan sounds like its really catching up with you. Im barely at half your speed of cutting and feel like its a little fast sometime. Do you think slowing down might benefit you? Or holding for just a while till you feel a little better? Im sorry you are having those problems....

 

I think this was probably directed at J-Man but I don't want to ignore it in case it was a response to my message. In my case, my pace is doctor-dictated, which I'm not happy about but it honestly hasn't been bad so far other than the mood swings and some minor tinnitus.

 

Thankfully, my loved ones do seem to understand that this is part of the process. I just fear that it will get to a point where I'm really not in control of my own words. I have a lot of resentment and anger about certain situations in my life (beyond warranted, believe me) but I'm trying to treat these situations with patience and optimism. These benzos may put me into more of a "tough love" mental space but I don't think this is the time for that.

 

The last couple of days, every time my mom drops by, I treat her as if I'm terribly angry with her, and I'm not at all! On the other hand, I'm beyond frustrated with my partner, but I manage to stay pretty positive. It's paradoxical.

 

I don't want to become intolerable! But I guess I just have to be as patient with myself as they are being with me.

[[ed...]]

Your taper plan sounds like its really catching up with you. Im barely at half your speed of cutting and feel like its a little fast sometime. Do you think slowing down might benefit you? Or holding for just a while till you feel a little better? Im sorry you are having those problems....

 

I think this was probably directed at J-Man but I don't want to ignore it in case it was a response to my message. In my case, my pace is doctor-dictated, which I'm not happy about but it honestly hasn't been bad so far other than the mood swings and some minor tinnitus.

 

Thankfully, my loved ones do seem to understand that this is part of the process. I just fear that it will get to a point where I'm really not in control of my own words. I have a lot of resentment and anger about certain situations in my life (beyond warranted, believe me) but I'm trying to treat these situations with patience and optimism. These benzos may put me into more of a "tough love" mental space but I don't think this is the time for that.

 

The last couple of days, every time my mom drops by, I treat her as if I'm terribly angry with her, and I'm not at all! On the other hand, I'm beyond frustrated with my partner, but I manage to stay pretty positive. It's paradoxical.

 

I don't want to become intolerable! But I guess I just have to be as patient with myself as they are being with me.

 

Hi SandP!  My advice to you would be to sit down with your mom and partner and view a couple of videos on YouTube by LittleMissPerfect that do a great job of explaining what is going on. She's even made a video dedicated to the loved one's of people like us.  I also find myself lashing out for no reason and instantly regretting it.  At first my wife's feelings would really be hurt, but now I can see it in her eyes that just as she is about to be hurt, she recognizes what is going on and can read in my eyes how sorry I am for my behavior.  More often than not, she'll come over to me and we'll hug it out.  But check out those videos...good stuff.

 

I hope your taper is going ok for you. It is relatively fast paced and I ran into some problems right where you are now.  I guess we all just have to grit our teeth and bear it.

 

All the Best,

Ed

[[Ju...]]

Your taper plan sounds like its really catching up with you. Im barely at half your speed of cutting and feel like its a little fast sometime. Do you think slowing down might benefit you? Or holding for just a while till you feel a little better? Im sorry you are having those problems....

 

I think this was probably directed at J-Man but I don't want to ignore it in case it was a response to my message. In my case, my pace is doctor-dictated, which I'm not happy about but it honestly hasn't been bad so far other than the mood swings and some minor tinnitus.

 

Thankfully, my loved ones do seem to understand that this is part of the process. I just fear that it will get to a point where I'm really not in control of my own words. I have a lot of resentment and anger about certain situations in my life (beyond warranted, believe me) but I'm trying to treat these situations with patience and optimism. These benzos may put me into more of a "tough love" mental space but I don't think this is the time for that.

 

The last couple of days, every time my mom drops by, I treat her as if I'm terribly angry with her, and I'm not at all! On the other hand, I'm beyond frustrated with my partner, but I manage to stay pretty positive. It's paradoxical.

 

I don't want to become intolerable! But I guess I just have to be as patient with myself as they are being with me.

Thanks for writing. I hope your doc allows for some flexibility. How are your symptoms? Your plan from 10mg down is the same as the Ashton one I think my doc is letting me follow. under 10mg, I'm going to cut 1 mg every 1-2 weeks , probably 2 weeks. I've been on this stuff for 25 years. If you turned me inside out I'd probably look like a Smurf.  The basic point is, if you go too fast, your symptoms might scare someone from continuing. If you go too slow, . .you have lost nothing. You probably suffered less. More time for the body to heal.

All the best,

Justaman

 

[[so...]]

Ed, thank you, I will do just that! You are obviously doing quite well despite any setbacks, so congrats to you. We're getting there, aren't we?

 

Justaman, the only thing my doctor really said regarding any difficulties was that if I had any trouble, I'd have to see a psychiatrist to get off slower, but he is extremely encouraging and believes I can do it, and his positive attitude has been easy to pick up myself regarding this! I'll be at the halfway mark on August 1st!

 

I would hope that if I really hit a snag, that he'd let me slow down for a sec (last time I was there, he said we were headed in the right direction and that's what's important, and he was very happy to see that I was doing well). I didn't want to ask him up-front what we'd do if it got too hard, because I already know him well enough to know that he'd tell me not to plan for things to go badly. Which isn't bad advice! My counselor said the same about my anxiety. Hoping for the best has been really helpful.

 

Things aren't so bad that I'm wanting to slow down. I'm actually feeling relatively normal 80% of the time. It's that 20% that makes me question my strength, but it passes so quickly that I can't be TOO scared of it.

 

Tonight, I apologized for my outbursts over the last couple of days and thanked them both for being so understanding. It probably helps that my mom just went through this with her sister (who almost needed to be committed at one point), so she's seen worse than me and she knows it doesn't last forever.

 

I'm awful to them at times right now, but I'm grateful for their patience and I'm trying to quiet this crazy brain!

 

[[cr...]]

I had never heard of little miss perfect, so went to YouTube and watched a couple.  I don't get it.  Is there a particular one that helps explain why we act angry and impatient sometimes or have I misunderstood?  Thank you.  Cross

[[ed...]]

Hi cross,

 

I think the video TIPS FOR LOVED ONES: FROM A BENZO SURVIVOR does a good job of explaining what it is that many of us go through on a daily basis. While it may not specifically state that "Ed gets impatient or lashes out because of x,y, z.", I feel it does a good job of explaining the issues with which we deal.  From there, it's a pretty logical conclusion as to why we get impatient or lash out from seemingly nowhere.

 

Tips for Loved Ones link:

 

This is her latest video.  If anyone would like to see the mental and physical transformation that has occurred as she has healed, this is her first video that was done while still tapering. Pretty radical difference:

 

Ambien to Ativan and Tapering

 

I've watched a number of her videos and have used them as a source of guidance and inspiration as my taper has progressed. They've also helped my wife and close friends get a feel for what I've gone/am going through.

 

Your mileage may vary.

 

Best,

Ed

[[cr...]]

Thanks Ed, that didn't come up on my google search, just some silly songs.  Will go back and watch it. Thanks so much for responding.  Cross

[[ed...]]

My pleasure. I hope you enjoy them.

 

--Ed

[[so...]]

Whew, rough day. Nausea to the point that I had to quit work early. I medicated the nausea with my medical marijuana and that worked well, but it hit me a little too hard on an emptier-than-usual stomach and I ended up having one of those lovely derealization/depersonalization experiences (ugh). I'm OK now and actually feeling pretty confident about my strength through that, because when it happened during my Ativan taper, I was a total mess.

 

I'm going on a semi-vacation for two weeks beginning tonight (basically we're house sitting and dog sitting and I'll be doing maybe half my normal work schedule on the laptop since I can't afford to actually take the time off, sigh). I'm a little stressed about the time off because non-workdays are when I tend to freak out more. I have a hard time relaxing.

 

Next cut Monday. The good news is that my doc is on vacation so they actually called in my prescription this month and I get to skip what would have been this Tuesday's appointment. I technically only need to see him one more time for one more prescription, unless he wants to see me at the very end of the taper just to check in. I technically likely have enough pills right now that I don't need to see him at all, but I want to at least look like I'm following the schedule even though it's slightly modified and will take one month longer than he thinks it will.

 

Well, I guess that's about it. Just doing my best to get through. Monday is the halfway mark for me, and I'm trying not to let that freak me out because that's where my Ativan taper went bonkers. Gotta stay strong through whatever happens next.

[[ed...]]

SandP,

 

Keep hanging in there!  You're doing great thus far. Try not to concern yourself with past taper experiences.  You're better prepared this time and know what you're up against. I can relate to the nausea; it can be debilitating. Lots of remedies in a thread called Stomach Healing Place (or something like that).  Good luck to you! We're all rooting for ya!

 

All the Best,

Ed