Anyone out there..de-realization or memory lapses. Panicking again.

[Guest [wi...]]

Hi,  I can't seem to figure out if this is de-realization yet.  Still very distressing and could use advice support from people who may have experiences this side effect.

 

I guess I've tried to describe the nature of my memory loss or derealization to BB.  Kind of trying to figure out if this is a normal side-effect.

 

I look at my kids and I feel like I don't know them.  I look at pictures from their childhood and feel so disconnected and my memory suddenly lapses again, then I panic.  I have pictures and their artwork all over my house, now every time I look at those pictures, I panic, and it triggers another bout of anxiety about this issue.  These lapses in memory are retrograde in away, they are memories that are fuzzy pre-benzo use.  Is this another symptom of the insidious nature of this drug.  Is this symptom especially intense for mom's, I just don't know.

 

I've been on benzos for about six years.  I started noticing these lapses while on benzos, they became worse, then during w/d wham.  I didn't use drugs or alcohol during that time.

 

Need reassurance, comfort.  I don't want to go to a neurologist and have him/her tell me I'm psychotic, which I'm not and never have been.

 

Thanks, WILLDOIT.

[[Ca...]]

Hi Willdoit,

  I do not think this is uncommon. We are in such a heightened state and any amount of stress can escalate into panic. The description of your children not being familiar is something I also feel. I look at my family and feel separate from them...as if I am in a different plane. The memory lapses are not unusual with benzodiazepine use and they themselves can trigger anxiety/ panic. I find it helpful to keep reminding myself these symptoms are present only because of benzodiazepine withdrawal and that they are temporary. Post it notes of this nature are on my walls and mirrors. I need constant reassurance it is the drug not me.

  You are not alone. We walk with you,

Carita

 

[[al...]]

What you are experiencing is absolutely a withdrawal symptom from benzos. I had it. There are others on this forum that have complained of it. Barbra Gordon who wrote "I'm dancing as fast as I can" (partially an account of her w/d from valium) complained of this type of symptom. 

 

It is a horrible , scary feeling to feel disconnected from the world and the people you love. Arguably it's the worst w/d symptom there is. It isolates us even more. It cuts us off from humanity and is soul crushing.

 

However, it does go away! You will feel connected to your children and the world again. It's gonna take some time. I know that sucks to hear , I know the feeling of desperately wanting it to end NOW , but unfortunately your gonna just have to give it some time till your brain normalizes again. It will happen.....dont give up

 

 

Warm regards, allen

[[Sn...]]

Hello WillDoIt,

 

I agree with Allen and have experienced this myself. Both the depersonalization and memory problems (both short and long term). It comes and goes and is worse when I have "hit the wall" from overdoing during any given day or part of a day. You mentioned trying to find someone locally who has been there; you may or may not be able to find someone within arms reach who has actually been there; if you can, way cool and that would be great. A good friend who has not been there but that you can confide in and be there (in person) for you can be a great asset. There are times when you just need, even if you may not want, someone there in person, to hold you, reassure you, help out with chores, etc. Distance prohibits that for most of us here on BB, but we are all here for you and care, immensely.

 

Also agree with Clarita - post it notes - I'd never make it without my lists and notes all over the place.

 

Another thought; while I know you are not big on 12 step programs, if you can find an open minded NA group, this may also offer a place to go for both emotional as well as in person support. Just a thought.

 

Hang in there . . . this too shall pass, eventually 

 

LAH 

SnapDragon

[Guest [wi...]]

Oh you all, thank you for your support on this cold and panicky day for me.

 

Love, WILL DO IT.

[[Wo...]]

Hi,  I can't seem to figure out if this is de-realization yet.  Still very distressing and could use advice support from people who may have experiences this side effect.

 

I guess I've tried to describe the nature of my memory loss or derealization to BB.  Kind of trying to figure out if this is a normal side-effect.

 

I look at my kids and I feel like I don't know them.  I look at pictures from their childhood and feel so disconnected and my memory suddenly lapses again, then I panic.  I have pictures and their artwork all over my house, now every time I look at those pictures, I panic, and it triggers another bout of anxiety about this issue.  These lapses in memory are retrograde in away, they are memories that are fuzzy pre-benzo use.  Is this another symptom of the insidious nature of this drug.  Is this symptom especially intense for mom's, I just don't know.

 

I've been on benzos for about six years.  I started noticing these lapses while on benzos, they became worse, then during w/d wham.  I didn't use drugs or alcohol during that time.

 

Need reassurance, comfort.  I don't want to go to a neurologist and have him/her tell me I'm psychotic, which I'm not and never have been.

 

Thanks, WILLDOIT.

 

Hi WILLDOIT

 

All normal im afraid, read my posts under my profile if you need further assurance or examples of DP or DR.

 

Best Wishes

 

Woofs