Scared to go through this again!!

[[So...]]

I c/t off of xanax on 8/4/13 and went through terrible w/d for the first three weeks. Things started to get better until I was hit with bronchitis.

 

The symptoms that were left were fear of foods, which led to a rapid weight loss, and an elevated heart rate that Was 24/7. I could not take bp meds, since my bp was already low.

 

So, my Dr thought reinstating me would calm my system down. I started with Klonopin, but it didn't agree with me. Now I am on Ativan.

 

Well, I guess the reinstatement has some what backfired. I feel worse now, than before. I now don't feel like eating. I am having some GI issues, eye issues, my hr is still elevated, I don't feel like getting out of my house, and depression is setting in. And, I feel like my mind is half gone.

 

And, now I am facing having to w/d from the Ativan. How did anybody live on this stuff daily? I only took the xanax for sleep, and was never on it during the day.

 

I am now terrified of having to taper, and how it will make me feel.

 

Please tell me it will get better when I start tapering in a few weeks. That getting this drug out of my system will make me feel better.

 

Denise 

[[So...]]

Ummm...bump?

[[fr...]]

All I can think to say is to do what you want to do instead of continuing to listen to this doctor who is not benzo-wise. He has put you all over the map. Time to take control of your own life. You must eat no matter what and not rely on drugs to make you feel okay about eating. Eating is part of getting well. If Ativan is already making you feel worse then the time to start tapering is now.

 

I know it seems 'harmless' to take a drug just for sleep. I used clonazepam for insomnia and Restless Leg Syndrome during sleep. I had no idea what is was doing to me the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. Benzos are always bad news, no matter what you take them for IMO.

[[So...]]

All I can think to say is to do what you want to do instead of continuing to listen to this doctor who is not benzo-wise. He has put you all over the map. Time to take control of your own life. You must eat no matter what and not rely on drugs to make you feel okay about eating. Eating is part of getting well. If Ativan is already making you feel worse then the time to start tapering is now.

 

I know it seems 'harmless' to take a drug just for sleep. I used clonazepam for insomnia and Restless Leg Syndrome during sleep. I had no idea what is was doing to me the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. Benzos are always bad news, no matter what you take them for IMO.

 

Thanks Frus,

 

I will be starting to taper soon. This is no way to live.

 

Denise 

[[Mo...]]

hi Denise,

i can give you hope but i can't go through this for you. i agree with fruss , if your

doctor has not done his research and read the ashton manual or other books on

benzos, he will never be able to help you , because he just won't know how.

 

its incredible, but thats the way it is at the moment.

 

i am 12 months off, had every sx in the book, but i realized the only way to do this

is to push through it. no matter how bad. i am still in a mess but so many sxs have gone and i guess

i have over half the wd time behind me.

 

don't be scared Denise because its temporary and the day will come when

you will be 12 months off as well. you won't regret it Denise,

 

try and eat chicken broth or get some fluid supplement for your body , so you

won't loose too much weight. i lost more than 10 pounds at the beginning and now my

weight is back to normal. i could not eat for weeks and now i can eat everything.

as from month 8 , i started enjoying coffee again.

 

this drug getting out of your system is the best thing you will have ever done in your life

and you will feel good again.

 

don't be scared and sad it does get better , it just takes such a bloody long time.

love from claudia

[[Be...]]

wassup sista sista..

[[OM...]]

Hi SN,

 

If you do a slow taper that your body can handle, you won't risk the shock to your system caused by CT or another situation like this last one. You really want to avoid another CT/reinstatement. There are plenty of people who had to reinstate for various reasons and are now doing a slow taper. They found doctors to be on whole rather unhelpful because their issues were due to the CT and very few doctors are benzo wise.

 

I've read most if now all of your posts, but was never able to really contribute much except for a few. But this is something I know about. Just try to relax and do a slow taper. I know it's long than you wanted but for some, from what I've read on hear, stabilizing on a benzo after going through hell after a CT allowed their body to heal. Generally reinstatements are not good, but for a few, they have stabilized after brutal CTs and then gone on to do very slow tapers that have allowed them to improve along the way. Perhaps not as soon as they wanted, but they are feeling better and now they are tapering at rates where their body can adapt to getting off the benzo. The same will be true for you. Once you begin tapering, just go at the rate your body needs. Don't be in a hurry to get off the drug because it will just make things worse. You might be able to taper more quickly than some. You might not. Just start slowly, like maybe 6% a month and track all of your symptoms. Keep a journal and see if you can discern what your previous WD sx are from the tapering WD. If the 6% is too high drop it lower. If you find from your journal that your symptoms abate within weeks after the cut, then you can try going a little sooner, but do give the first cut a full month so you don't get hit with WD that sneaks up on you.

 

Hang in there, you can make it through this and you will. With a taper your body can handle, you will more than likely begin to feel better. Reinstatements are hard on the body, but I have seen people who with a reasonable taper improve.

 

I hope you feel better and that you heal well and quickly

[[So...]]

hi Denise,

i can give you hope but i can't go through this for you. i agree with fruss , if your

doctor has not done his research and read the ashton manual or other books on

benzos, he will never be able to help you , because he just won't know how.

 

its incredible, but thats the way it is at the moment.

 

i am 12 months off, had every sx in the book, but i realized the only way to do this

is to push through it. no matter how bad. i am still in a mess but so many sxs have gone and i guess

i have over half the wd time behind me.

 

don't be scared Denise because its temporary and the day will come when

you will be 12 months off as well. you won't regret it Denise,

 

try and eat chicken broth or get some fluid supplement for your body , so you

won't loose too much weight. i lost more than 10 pounds at the beginning and now my

weight is back to normal. i could not eat for weeks and now i can eat everything.

as from month 8 , i started enjoying coffee again.

 

this drug getting out of your system is the best thing you will have ever done in your life

and you will feel good again.

 

don't be scared and sad it does get better , it just takes such a bloody long time.

love from claudia

 

Thank you Claudia,

 

This drug just scares me something awful. I haven't felt right since getting on it. I was much better off in my c/t. I eat less now, than before. 

 

I just wish I could get it over with soon.

 

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. They mean a lot to me.

 

Denise 

[[So...]]

wassup sista sista..

 

Hating the benzo!! That's wassup!! 

 

Want off of this crap, but now feel stuck!

 

Denise 

[[So...]]

Hi SN,

 

If you do a slow taper that your body can handle, you won't risk the shock to your system caused by CT or another situation like this last one. You really want to avoid another CT/reinstatement. There are plenty of people who had to reinstate for various reasons and are now doing a slow taper. They found doctors to be on whole rather unhelpful because their issues were due to the CT and very few doctors are benzo wise.

 

I've read most if now all of your posts, but was never able to really contribute much except for a few. But this is something I know about. Just try to relax and do a slow taper. I know it's long than you wanted but for some, from what I've read on hear, stabilizing on a benzo after going through hell after a CT allowed their body to heal. Generally reinstatements are not good, but for a few, they have stabilized after brutal CTs and then gone on to do very slow tapers that have allowed them to improve along the way. Perhaps not as soon as they wanted, but they are feeling better and now they are tapering at rates where their body can adapt to getting off the benzo. The same will be true for you. Once you begin tapering, just go at the rate your body needs. Don't be in a hurry to get off the drug because it will just make things worse. You might be able to taper more quickly than some. You might not. Just start slowly, like maybe 6% a month and track all of your symptoms. Keep a journal and see if you can discern what your previous WD sx are from the tapering WD. If the 6% is too high drop it lower. If you find from your journal that your symptoms abate within weeks after the cut, then you can try going a little sooner, but do give the first cut a full month so you don't get hit with WD that sneaks up on you.

 

Hang in there, you can make it through this and you will. With a taper your body can handle, you will more than likely begin to feel better. Reinstatements are hard on the body, but I have seen people who with a reasonable taper improve.

 

I hope you feel better and that you heal well and quickly

 

Thanks, OMG!!

 

I just feel so much worse being on it, than I did being off of it. It has only been three weeks, I know I need a slow taper now. But, this stuff makes me feel like crap. I have more anxiety on it, than I did in my c/t.

 

So, yeah, I think it is time to get this taper started.

 

Thank you for your kind words and support.

 

Denise 

[[Co...]]

Sophia...my heart just goes out to you....I agree with those who are suggesting a change in physician if you can. I did a very very slow direct taper off of ativan ( 6 months for 1mg). I had some tough days at mid taper and a relatively manageable time throughout after that. Are you still considering some at home health assistance?  Because of RA. I had a home assistant before my w/d,  but found it to be very helpful throughout my taper. My assistant didn't even know I was w../ding from a drug..I just didn't want it on agency paper work. She only came in 2 hours 4 days a week, but her presence was a very big part of getting through my taper. I also had issues with food ( complete loss of appetite)...she would shop for groceries and cook iver nutritious food. Even eating tiny meals of high protein complex carbohydrate will support your body while you get through this....I also found that just the limited presence of another person ( much more than 2 hours would have been stressful for me) was reassuring on difficult days and on good days was a bridge to dealing with my agoraphobia ( I was more at ease about going out if she was with me)....

...........You are having some big challenges...my heart is with you...you really have been all over the map...I hope things settle for you so you can get one plan for a taper and a consistsnt environment and. routine to support your w/d ( I know that seems impossible when dealing with benzos)....I am wishing you better days....and someone to cook nutritious food for you....love and hugs to you Sophia.....cooper

[[So...]]

Sophia...my heart just goes out to you....I agree with those who are suggesting a change in physician if you can. I did a very very slow direct taper off of ativan ( 6 months for 1mg). I had some tough days at mid taper and a relatively manageable time throughout after that. Are you still considering some at home health assistance?  Because of RA. I had a home assistant before my w/d,  but found it to be very helpful throughout my taper. My assistant didn't even know I was w../ding from a drug..I just didn't want it on agency paper work. She only came in 2 hours 4 days a week, but her presence was a very big part of getting through my taper. I also had issues with food ( complete loss of appetite)...she would shop for groceries and cook iver nutritious food. Even eating tiny meals of high protein complex carbohydrate will support your body while you get through this....I also found that just the limited presence of another person ( much more than 2 hours would have been stressful for me) was reassuring on difficult days and on good days was a bridge to dealing with my agoraphobia ( I was more at ease about going out if she was with me)....

...........You are having some big challenges...my heart is with you...you really have been all over the map...I hope things settle for you so you can get one plan for a taper and a consistsnt environment and. routine to support your w/d ( I know that seems impossible when dealing with benzos)....I am wishing you better days....and someone to cook nutritious food for you....love and hugs to you Sophia.....cooper

 

Thanks Cooperten!!

 

Congtats on jumping!! 

 

This really does scare me silly. But, I want off of this crap!!

 

Reading about the tough times everyone has gone through, doesn't make it any easier. But, I guess that you just have to have faith that things will all work out in the end. Everybody heals, no matter which route they take.

 

Did you do the cut and hold method? Or, the daily titration?

 

Denise 

[[li...]]

So sorry for what you are going through .... but a safe, focused taper will get you out of this hell.

In the meantime ....... have your tried juicing?

It really helps .... and rescued me. 

Fresh fruit and veggies will really help your health and stamina.

 

Lizie

[[La...]]

SN:

 

"I am now terrified of having to taper, and how it will make me feel."

 

You should be more terrified of NOT tapering. Really.

[[Co...]]

Sophia...I did the direct cut and hold...cutting was fairly easy all the way down to. 0633..after that I crushed that amount...pushed the dust into a consistsnt 'line '...cut the line in half..discarded half...cut the remaining line in half again dampened my finger...picked up the line on the dampened finger and locked the dust ...( exactly like a junkie...lol) a razor helped with this last 2 tiny cuts helped in getting the cuts as even as possible. ...some people would argue that the last 2 cuts are not precise enough. There is some truth to that. However..for me..I felt that the doses were so tiny at that point that close enough was close enough. The other thing that helped was splitting the bigger cuts into 4 parts and dosing each 4-5 hours...you might already be doing that....Some find the liquid titration to be slower...more precise..and a more even slide down...it takes a little more fussing ...I personally think it is a matter of personal preference...some start with a dry cut and transition to titration as they get further down ...I am only 3 days into recovery but I definitely feel better...and began to feel better in the last 6 weeks of my w/d...although that could change as I get further along in recovery...thinking of you Sophia .....coop...

[[Co...]]

Laser...I agree with you...not tapering is worse....Laser...don't be terrified...I know there is a lot of misery in some of the posts...and w/ding is not easy...and definitely has some tough times, but not every story is a horror story. IMO slow slow tapering helps ease the difficulties. The things that helped me were...distraction distraction distraction...BBs....CBT...trying to maintain a consistant routine...face to face support...pushing through ..destressing my days down to as few responsibilities and commitments as possible ( easier for me because I am retired)... as much rest as I needed....and really really nutritious food. ....And for me ( and I hope for you)...there were good moments and days laced through the tough times

......wishing you a gentle taper Laser...coop

[[So...]]

Thanks everyone!!

 

I agree that tapering slow is very important for recovery. I just meant that I am not looking forward to it, but yet I am so ready to get off of this drug that I never should have been put on in the first place.

 

Just like all of us!!

 

I know that everyone's experience is different. I am hoping for at least a 70% normal life while tapering. Is this a possibility?

 

Maybe I am setting my goals to high. But, I don't know how it feels to taper. I do know how it feels to go c/t!!

 

Denise 

 

 

 

 

[[OM...]]

What people often overlook is that a portion of these horrifying posts are generally because people are tapering faster than their body can handle which leads to terrible WD. Even acute WD. Ashton may have been a pioneer but her taper recommendations are not the last word. The last word is your body. If you taper according to your symptoms (I use Bart as an example because he did this and is doing well and living quite normally as it seems) you can minimize WD so that it is barely on your radar. I have known people who do this. I know someone who came off K recently after a few decades on it. Minimal WD all the way down.

 

The problem as I see it is that people use some of the taper rates put forth as if their body will adapt to them when it is actually that your body will dictate to YOU what your taper needs to be. You must be willing to listen to it and follow its instructions. That is the key. Your body heals at its own unique rate. Now it may be that 10% every two weeks works fine for you. Or it may be that 10% every two weeks lands you in hell for three or more months after three or four cuts. That's why you start lower than 10% because 10% is risky high. And you hold for at least three weeks because with some of the benzos it can take that long for any WD to show up or hit it's worst level. And if you were to cut before the WD showed up then you would be carrying over the WD from that cut into the next so when the WD finally does show up, it's twice as bad.

 

Unless you have a health reason that has proven that you HAVE to get off benzos fast, doing so it far to risky. Fact is your body heals at the rate it heals, on or off the benzos. People think that being on them too long is worse so they get off faster. People think having it in their system is worse so they get off faster. Meanwhile, they end up in terrible WD with horribly debilitating and painful WD that lasts for ages because they didn't trust that they could and would heal during a taper. But we do heal during tapers. I have seen evidence. In fact, I have been focusing recently on tapering to very low doses, well below Ashton's magical .5mg valium or its equivalent and have seen from the ones I know so far that they have not gone into prolonged WD after. A friend I know tapered down to .005 mg K (really .1mg K as .005 was more of a quick stop before stepping off) and that is somewhere around .2mg V - so between .1-.2mg V, much lower than ashton's recommendation. She had a bad time around 3 months then improved vastly and by 8 months it was behind her. Over and done. Even tapering another med because she was so well healed. This just proves to me that we have to give our body time to heal with a gradual taper according to our body. When we don't, the net result is people who are plowing through their taper with some really bad WD. The really bad WD should tell them to hold while they stabilize then slow down. This isn't a race. It's YOUR LIFE. But they push through and my god, the hell I see people in, if I had the power I would erase all the pain and lock down benzo use for medical emergencies only. There is no need to suffer. It's going to fast that does this to most people.

 

So please, taper according to your body and don't rush to start your taper. Your impatience might make it all worse. The question you need to ask yourself is 'do you want to recover well and with minimal WD or do I just want to get off it fast and end up right back where I started.' because that's what it comes down to. I wish it didn't but we all end up having to pay the dues. The question is do you want them to be in the form of a longer taper that is easier on your body mind and spirit or in a shorter taper where you feel like you are in hell during it and even worse when you finally stop because you haven't given yourself time to heal along the way.

[[So...]]

What people often overlook is that a portion of these horrifying posts are generally because people are tapering faster than their body can handle which leads to terrible WD. Even acute WD. Ashton may have been a pioneer but her taper recommendations are not the last word. The last word is your body. If you taper according to your symptoms (I use Bart as an example because he did this and is doing well and living quite normally as it seems) you can minimize WD so that it is barely on your radar. I have known people who do this. I know someone who came off K recently after a few decades on it. Minimal WD all the way down.

 

The problem as I see it is that people use some of the taper rates put forth as if their body will adapt to them when it is actually that your body will dictate to YOU what your taper needs to be. You must be willing to listen to it and follow its instructions. That is the key. Your body heals at its own unique rate. Now it may be that 10% every two weeks works fine for you. Or it may be that 10% every two weeks lands you in hell for three or more months after three or four cuts. That's why you start lower than 10% because 10% is risky high. And you hold for at least three weeks because with some of the benzos it can take that long for any WD to show up or hit it's worst level. And if you were to cut before the WD showed up then you would be carrying over the WD from that cut into the next so when the WD finally does show up, it's twice as bad.

 

Unless you have a health reason that has proven that you HAVE to get off benzos fast, doing so it far to risky. Fact is your body heals at the rate it heals, on or off the benzos. People think that being on them too long is worse so they get off faster. People think having it in their system is worse so they get off faster. Meanwhile, they end up in terrible WD with horribly debilitating and painful WD that lasts for ages because they didn't trust that they could and would heal during a taper. But we do heal during tapers. I have seen evidence. In fact, I have been focusing recently on tapering to very low doses, well below Ashton's magical .5mg valium or its equivalent and have seen from the ones I know so far that they have not gone into prolonged WD after. A friend I know tapered down to .005 mg K (really .1mg K as .005 was more of a quick stop before stepping off) and that is somewhere around .2mg V - so between .1-.2mg V, much lower than ashton's recommendation. She had a bad time around 3 months then improved vastly and by 8 months it was behind her. Over and done. Even tapering another med because she was so well healed. This just proves to me that we have to give our body time to heal with a gradual taper according to our body. When we don't, the net result is people who are plowing through their taper with some really bad WD. The really bad WD should tell them to hold while they stabilize then slow down. This isn't a race. It's YOUR LIFE. But they push through and my god, the hell I see people in, if I had the power I would erase all the pain and lock down benzo use for medical emergencies only. There is no need to suffer. It's going to fast that does this to most people.

 

So please, taper according to your body and don't rush to start your taper. Your impatience might make it all worse. The question you need to ask yourself is 'do you want to recover well and with minimal WD or do I just want to get off it fast and end up right back where I started.' because that's what it comes down to. I wish it didn't but we all end up having to pay the dues. The question is do you want them to be in the form of a longer taper that is easier on your body mind and spirit or in a shorter taper where you feel like you are in hell during it and even worse when you finally stop because you haven't given yourself time to heal along the way.

 

Thanks, Omg!!

 

I would really like to get my wonky heart rate under control, and gain 10 lbs, before I get serious about tapering. But, I also get a little nervous about hitting tolerance before I start my taper. Or, it turning paradoxical on me. It still makes me feel all weird when I take it. Not a big fan of that feeling. But, I will deal with it!! 

 

I am woman, hear me ROAR!! Or, meow, and then watch run away with my tail tucked between my legs. 

 

Denise