My most feared side effect. Anyone? Long gone treasured memories.

[Guest [wi...]]

I had a scary experience today regarding trying to recall some old memories, i.e., 10 odd years ago...4 years before benzo use.  There seems to be a lot of research regarding about how benzodiazepine negatively effect anterior grade memory...the memories from when you started benzodiazepine.  How about trying to recall memories before starting benzodiazepines (retrograde memory).

 

Today,  I was looking at old pre-school pictures of my now teenagers and couldn't recall the name or location of the pre-school, the name or how old my son was when he attended.  The memory started coming together when my husband jogged my memory.  Then, I started trying to recall so many memories that seemed to have gone to mush.  I am so upset and devastated.  I hope this is a side effect of long-term benzo use and w/d.

[[mr...]]

I don't know for sure if all memory comes back, but when I keep reminding my mom of what she did while on benzo's, she would gradually remember it again.

She wasn't off benzo's long enuf to reach full recovery, but her old self was back.

I would say, keep finding ways to job your memory and this will create new cns pathways.

 

[[Be...]]

when I cant remember stuff, I just quietly dwell on it, I dont let myself get upset, and sooner or later it surfaces, its not that I flat cant remember it, its more that I just cant bring it up when i want too... at first it upset me a lot, which made it impossible to remember, how I just let it happen... if it dont, I dont worry about that either...

[Guest [wi...]]

Thanks Benzy.  Are you having trouble retrieving memories from pre-benzo days?  I do like your philosophy. 

[[Be...]]

yes, kind of like I start to think about something, and the informations just not there, though I know I should know it.... but, I do the same thing now, try to call someones name that obviously I know, and just draw a blank......so its not just past memories...

as long as I dont get stressed about it, it usually pops in my head later

when I first noticed it, it made me crazy, of course the harder I tried to remember, the worse it got...

so, I started "MAKING" my mind work, if I thought of something, but couldn't remember, I would stop what I was doing, sit and quietly dwell (dwell's not the best word to use here but you know what I mean) until it came, I made my mind do it, as opposed to just forgetting it or asking someone else....it usually works, just stop if you get upset, that does no good....

[[Be...]]

ps. If i cant remember, I just say thats ok too, its probably not crucial anways, usually

[[Co...]]

Hi willdoit,

 

Since I have been in w/d my memory is greatly impaired. My short term memory especially. It is frightening. It is not that I cannot remember names as much as I cannot remember conversations I have had or people that I have met. It is a big problem. My long term memory is so acute that it just makes the rest of it all the more noticeable. I would like to think that it will get better. If it makes you feel any better...I have talk to others here that have the same issues. I feel like I need an exorcism to rid myself of the many sx that have swallowed me up.

 

I hope you are feeling better.

[[da...]]

Willdoit, take it from someone who's two years off the drug...your memories will come back in full force.  Although I was dead from the neck up for years, the past came back like a freight train once I started to heal.  Just yesterday, I recalled a red sweater  I wore in a Christmas pageant MANY years ago and it made me smile.

 

Your treasured memories are still there...they're just taking a nap.

 

 

[[sp...]]

In my experience, people who have never taken benzos don't actually remember most things all that well either. Human memory is kind of a trick to me, you feel like it's a lot more reliable than it really is.

[[Sn...]]

I sent this in a separate longer personal message but thought this part might be good to post here as well:

 

Ah, I’m sorry you had a tough day - no fun - dunt do dat, huh? (like we can help it, eh?) It’s okay not to remember things; I do that all the time; maybe not 100% as bad as during the horrible first failed taper and the horrible weeks following, but it still happens. Things I know that I know and just can’t access them; so far nothing important ;-) They’ll all come back once our brains heal; they are not lost, just inaccessible at times. Not your fault, no blame, no guilt allowed! 

 

I don’t know if it will work, but one thing I used to do when I could not remember something was to put it to task in my brain just before bed and sure enough I’d awake either in the middle of the night knowing the answer or have it the next morning. Not sure if that is an option with our BenzoBrains just yet though. 

 

Cheerio,

SnapDragon

[[Di...]]

In my experience, people who have never taken benzos don't actually remember most things all that well either. Human memory is kind of a trick to me, you feel like it's a lot more reliable than it really is.

 

So true.

 

Even before I was ever on a benzo, if I want to remember stuff, I had (have) to write it down. 

[Guest [wi...]]

I had a great memory before benzos.  That's what troubles me.  Pre-benzo, my friends and family noticed what a great memory I had.  I didn't even have to write things down.  I still don't have to write things down, I'm having trouble recalling events before I started taking benzos, when my memory was great.  I guess that's the big difference.  It's hard to describe.  It's like a fuzz on my memory. 

[[ci...]]

My memory has always been bad but even worse on benzos.  However, I have been doing EMDR with a therapist and as part of it you close your eyes and just let memories flow.  After a few times I noticed ones that I thought were ling gone came up.  Stuff I never would have remembered if I was forcing it.  I think they are there.

[[Co...]]

I was out and about a week ago and someone asked me my phone # and I could not remember it. It has happened before. I felt like an idiot. I was with a GF and she is well aware of what I am about these days. She was GREAT. She sed,'Oh don't you hate it when you change your number? It is such a hassle. ' Then she told them my #. I thought I was losing my marbles at first but have read enough posts to realize it is just another friendly benzo w/d reminder. :brickwall:

 

[Guest [wi...]]

Thank you Cire.,

 

I think you "get" my issue with memory retrieval before I started benzodiazepines.