Whoa....Fight w/SO, Re-Injury & PMS (??) WORST WAVE

[[An...]]

Feel so lost right now....like my brain is exploding. Was getting physically better, and symptoms were finally almost all the way gone from w/d.....then got re-injured on Thanksgiving (severe abdominal strain re-injury). Then bad fight the next day with husband. All while the weird PMS-ish symptoms started in. Now I feel almost deranged! I guess because I was back to normal? I feel like I'm watching my family as if I'm in some long tunnel and I can't really even get to them. Worse, I can't get up and go do anything to get my mind off it, and everything I think of to do just reminds me how injured I am.

 

Not trying to be pity-party-ish here (believe me, I have a whole journal now, and the overarching theme from each page is, "STOP FREAKING OUT!"). I just have never suffered from depression, not really much anxiety (just a high-energy person) either, and I'm starting to think I'm going crazy here. How can this go away for so long and then come screaming back? Feels like the first week off at this point! Except that I'm too injured to move!

[[An...]]

Please help....anyone.....I don't feel normal these last few days, and I just keep wishing I was dead. I don't want to actually kill myself, but mainly just keep wishing I was just, well, dead.

[[Te...]]

I've found that any time I've had a good period (like I am right now) that I'll tend to overdo things (and arguing with your s/o can be considered overdoing it, stress-wise) and that super-crappy feelings come rushing back in.

 

I'm whistling in the dark right now because I've felt pretty good for almost three days and I'm just waiting for the "other shoe to drop" and for my good feelings to be replaced by a hellacious wave.

 

Benzo recovery seems to be proof of the old adage that for each action there is an equal opposing action. In other words, my life is like a ping-pong ball, bouncing back and forth between good days and bad days. The key is to savor the good days and find the strength to get through the bad days.

 

A re-injury and a fight with your s/o, not to mention PMS? That sounds like overload to me! No wonder you're feeling so bad.

 

Hang in there. The injury will heal and your s/o will come crawling back...when he needs a little lovin' or some affirmation. (We guys are just too damn predictable.)

 

You'll be fine. It just takes time.

 

[[An...]]

Tex, thanks so much, I'm crying I'm so touched by your sweet reply. It's such a lonely feeling! How often are your waves, Tex? Is 3 days a long stretch for a good period for you?

 

Yeah, it was a lot. I finally had gotten the abs healed up enough that I was able to start using the other muscles that are connected, you know, able to drive again (YAY!) and walk right, etc. It was re-injury Thanksgiving afternoon that started throwing me over the edge. Husband's just sick of me being like this, because I have been a bit upset about being this injured. Any setback just seems too much to bear. And I barely did anything!

 

Ugh, I've been staying so positive! Seriously, I've been down (emotionally) so very little lately! Then I got some HOPE with the physical healing, and then BAM. But why did that bring on THIS level of lunacy? Honestly, this doesn't even feel like my brain right now! Is it like this for you, Tex, in a wave? I've had them where I just feel a bit too anxious before, but rarely this bad where my brain feels just positively deranged or something.

 

Just so glad you responded. I started crying, but then husband (who hates crying) came down the stairs, looked at me like he was going to lose it for a solid minute, then went back upstairs. This would be a LOT easier if I didn't keep getting looked at like I'm nuts or doing this on purpose.

[[Wi...]]

My best suggestion is to realize that until your cycle passes you may feel wigged out.  After about 3 or 4 days after your cycle starts, things may well begin to normalize for you.  Don't make any life decisions, don't listen to the crazyness in your brain, just do whatever you can to be gentle with your self and those around you and just get through these days.  The hormones are complicating things a whole lot, this is a very well known phenomena.  Just get through your cycle and then things should  be much clearer.

 

WWWI

[[An...]]

WWWI, thank you so much. I never had much PMS in the past, noticeable, but barely. I did a search here, but nothing popped up. It was there a tad bit before I reinjured. Of course, I KEEP re-injuring, but never THIS bad so far!

 

I'm thinking of not going to PT, and I finally have a doc appt. this week (orthopedist/sports medicine). I don't want anyone to see me like this, but man, did I ever want to jump in the screen and hug you guys when I saw the replies!

 

Ugh....last cycle ended up being almost 6 weeks with 2 weeks of weird wave s/x before it. Let's hope this doesn't drag out. Is that a common problem, too? Cycles going completely nuts? (While taking you with them?) Just as well, I was content to just hide in my house already due to the injury. Ugh. Why can't I just HEAL already? Over TWO MONTHS now!

[[Wi...]]

There are posts on here talking about cycles getting longer, missing cycles, having bad cycles even if they never had PMS before.  I don't know why except that progesterone is crosstolerant with benzos, which in this case pretty much means that as the progesterone levels change this may impact your symptoms.  Also, there is a lot of discussion about HPA Axis dysfunction in w/d and that's directly related to hormone production etc. 

 

Here are some posts that might provide some info:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=28134.msg420921#msg420921

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=22070.msg332482#msg332482

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=13154.0

[[An...]]

WWWI, thank you so much. I thought I had read that, about the progesterone. I am noticing the HPA axis response QUITE A BIT this weekend. After I stopped being way too revved up, it was the 1st thing I noticed. Exaggerated startle response, to start. Freezing cold, nervous stomach, etc. Basic fight or flight symptoms. Which sucks, because I just spent several weeks talking myself down from those symptoms. I had really calmed it down.

 

Thanks for the links. I've never had more than a few hours of PMS symptoms, not since I was a teenager. Not depression either, so this is kind of hitting me a bit harder than it normally might. Thought I was done with this! Silly hormones.