Anyone? Remorse about parenting. Does it end?

[Guest [wi...]]

Since starting my taper, I'm experiencing feelings of terrible remorse about taking Clonazepam while parenting my two, who are now, teenagers.  My husband says I'm beating a dead horse...and, you can't undo the past.  I seem to have difficulty not dwelling on this.

 

I didn't realize, until August, the terrible impact the medication had on my energy levels, anxiety and depression, health and memory impairment.

 

Once recovered, does this remorse fade?  Now, this long taper and I'm aching to have my children back.

[[Pa...]]

For me I think the guilt comes in from feeling I was not "there" enough for them, I know I had days were I just wanted to check out, and be alone, but I also know I did everything I could to my best ability (at that time). Kids a very resilient ! I just didn't want them to also have to go thru what I was feeling, and hid it the best I could. We are just parents and our babies are going up! That in itself sucks!

[Guest [wi...]]

Thanks for the support.  I have put on a brave face despite the pain.  My children have no doubt I love them unconditionally.

 

Thank you PanicZ

 

Hugs, WILLDOIT

[[ci...]]

This is something that will fade when you come to grips with it.  However, why did you get on the benzos in the first place?  Perhaps the anxiety, or depression, or physical ailment that got you on them would have made your interactions with your kids even harder than not being on them.  I think we all need to learn to be a little easier on ourselves.  But I go through these pangs of guilt too.

[[gi...]]

Since starting my taper, I'm experiencing feelings of terrible remorse about taking Clonazepam while parenting my two, who are now, teenagers.  My husband says I'm beating a dead horse...and, you can't undo the past.  I seem to have difficulty not dwelling on this.

 

I didn't realize, until August, the terrible impact the medication had on my energy levels, anxiety and depression, health and memory impairment.

 

Once recovered, does this remorse fade?  Now, this long taper and I'm aching to have my children back.

I agree with your husband,  l think. You now have a second chance to be the mom you think you should have been,  even if you don't feel like it . Act it out, you won't regret it.

[Guest [wi...]]

Gizmo, cirecrem, et al.  Thank you for your support.

 

Originally, I was prescribed Clonazepam for GAD during a severely traumatic time in my life.  It helped for awhile...the medical piece is at the same time I was having intractable migraines.  The most severe variety.  Docs were hesitant to stop prescribing anti-anxiety meds thinking they were helping to control migraine disease.  I learned the hard way, nothing could be further from the truth.  Beginning May 1, 2013, I started having another episode of intractable migraine.  Once I started dropping my benzo dosage, my migraines stopped.  Medication overuse headaches (MOH) was DX as the cause of my migraine illness.  Benzodiazepines made them worse.  This taught me to take absolute control of my health to the best of my abilities.

 

Again, love and hugs to my BB friends.

 

WILLDOIT

[[ci...]]

but, it sounds as though you went on the benzos for a reason (GAD) as well as severe migraines.  Although there could have been other ways to handle those issues, you did what you thought was best.  Imagine parenting if you had not taken the benzos and the anxiety had continued to worsen (which it usually does) and the migraines had kept getting worse (if the benzos didn't help).  I guess I am saying that being on benzos might not have been ideal, but neither would the alternative and may have been worse.  You never know and there is no sense beating yourself up over your choice!!!  Have a great day.

[[OM...]]

Thanks for the support.  I have put on a brave face despite the pain.  My children have no doubt I love them unconditionally.

 

Thank you PanicZ

 

Hugs, WILLDOIT

 

In the end, this is all that matters.

 

My dad was kind of not except for certain things. My mother was never there. Within the years before my dad's death I knew he loved me unconditionally. When he died, that is what got me through it. I was left with a mother who doesn't care about anyone but herself. Truly. But my dad, even though he wasn't really 'there' most of the time, he loved me and I knew it. It made a huge difference and he is always dear in my heart for it.

[Guest [wi...]]

Hi OMG,

 

I think my children know I'm there for them, despite this whole benzo thing.  I didn't realize how much I "went through the motions" until recently.  Until w/d they saw a very athletic and active mom.  I am home every day when they get home from school.  I dwell so much on thinking I wasn't there for them during benzo years, I work myself into a panic and need others to reassure me that I wasn't a zombie and didn't ruin my children. My spouse, mom, therapist and sister remind me of how I've gone out of my way to let my child know how much I live then.  This benzo w/d things makes me think I neglected my children...despite never having done such a thing. 

 

Having said that, I appreciate your words of comfort. I do know that my children will always love me even if my mind was scrambled during benzos.

 

Peace,

 

WILLDOIT