scary thoughts

[[la...]]

I only used benzos regularly for a short time. I started with ativan after a hospital visit for pvc's. I ran out of those and was super anxious about my heart so a friend gave me a bottle of xanax .25mg. I took these for 3 or 4 weeks. Sometimes breaking them in half then I got used to that and thought I was getting anxious everyday and started taking them whole. Then for the last few days I realized I needed to take 2 to feel better. I figured out that what I perceived as anxiety every day was my body feeling the start of withdrawal. I realized I was getting addicted and I took a half a xanax last Thursday and decided that was my last. By saturday I was a mess physically. Shaking. Sweating. My upper body muscles hurt more than I ever thought possible and my throat felt so weird and tight like I couldn't swallow. I had also just previously been reading books about mediums and the afterlife and now my brain has been flooded with scary thoughts and deep thoughts that I don't normally think, like existential thoughts about life and what is the point and what happens and I get so scared something bad is going to happen to me. Driving on the highway this week was a huge task I couldn't believe I did it.  That is not normal for me at all. Everyday I'm like wow I made it thru another day and I'm ok I'm still here and I'm like happy but amazed. I dont know why i feel so paranoid something bad is going to happen to me.The first few days I was too scared to leave my house. I've been too scared to go to the gym and I had been training for fitness competitions before this. I am hoping I can talk to people who felt these things and and can offer so me support.

[[In...]]

For as crazy as your experience has been, it is perfectly normal while in benzo w/d. Most of us here have all these symptoms. It's amazing the harm as little as 2 weeks of benzos can cause us. Distracting yourself from these sensations the best you can and letting time pass are the keys to healing. Take care 

[[la...]]

Thank you for responding. I was so curious wondering if anyone else gets these bizarre thoughts. I think that has been the worst part of it.

[[In...]]

I had all kinds of scary and paranoid thoughts. Mostly my thoughts for many months were I was going to die at any moment. I'm still alive, never did die, and slowly getting better. You will too