Brain damage? SERIOUSLY, folks.

[[kl...]]

So my first job ever was cashiering, and I was awesome.  I memorized all the buttons and items and rocked it. For the next ten years or so I had all kinds of jobs and always did awesome.  Now that I've been benzo free awhile though I'm really struggling.  After my year or so in hell with benzo withdrawal I'm finally getting back on my feet, but I'm starting at the bottom (washing dishes at a neighborhood cafe).  I'm doing an awesome job and they want me out front hosting etc, but I'm really struggling.  I can't even memorize VERY simple things on the register!  What is going on?  Is my brain permanently fried?  While I ever be able to take on more challenging tasks?  It's REALLY frustrating.  I need some encouragement- I don't want to be stuck in a dead end job forever.

[[gi...]]

It's just sleeping. I can't tell you when it will wake but it will.  The k put mine to sleep for over 10 years.  When I went off 15 months ago it was the first and only sx that has gotten maybe 70% better. People will drive with me now. I can spell again. I started Thi Chi and can remember the moves. I wish my physical sx were 70% better. Keep moving foreward and be patient.  You have no choice on the time thing.  It is what it is. It will get better.

[[OM...]]

It's probably some level of cognitive fog. I just started doing games on luminosity.com which is a site meant to help improve brain functioning and cognitive thinking. I started yesterday and I was SHOCKED at how badly I did. I felt like an idiot. Truly. But I did them a lot last night and today and my thinking is clearing up. This has led me to believe that WD can cause cloudy thinking and slow down brain processes and working our minds can help to improve them. There are studies that show that in general we have to work our minds - sort of a use it or lose it thing. And I suspect that due to the nature of WD we don't use our brains as much. We are so busy coping to get through it that we don't engage in things that will keep our minds active and processing. For some, this is not an option as their WD is so bad that cognitive abilities are very limited along with feeling incredible pain so that it is nearly impossible to focus on mental tasks, but as soon as we feel able and ready, I think doing different kinds of things to work our brain - memory and cognitive puzzles of different types, it will improve our memories and cognitive abilities a great deal.

 

In the two days I've been doing these puzzle/games I've seen a marked improvement in my ability to do certain ones. And my mind feels much clearer as I do them. So that might be the sort of thing that you might be interested in doing - looking for things that can help you improve your memory and cognitive brain functioning.

 

Edited to add, I love your avatar - it sums up how most of us feel!

[[Fl...]]

I wish I had more answers for you but unfortunately I am in the same position- waiting and hoping that one day I will recover significant cognitive function so I can return to life as I used to know it.

 

As it stands I am faced with the same dilemma. I wouldn't be able to work a job that requires focus, concentration, organization, memory, creativity, the ability to follow more than basic instructions or basic learning. In other words the only thing I am really capable of right now is brainless manual labor. I wouldn't even be able to cook or wait tables at a restaurant and even a retail sales job or a warehouse position that requires keeping track of multiple things probably isn't an option.

 

I think it is just a matter of time though. I have had windows where pretty much all of my cognitive function has returned (although usually not at the same time) so it stands to reason that if it can switch back on for an hour or a week it's probably going all going to come back eventually.

 

 

[[Sv...]]

This is something I'm working on already. Have you tried Lumosity?  I'm finding it very helpful to improve memory and cognition.

 

As for brain damage, I know I've taken pretty much every brain test and scan possible. All have come back clear.

 

Give lumosity a try....

[[Ja...]]

I don't think your brain is permanently fried. I feel really stupid and can't remember things when I taper too fast. When I slow down, it gets better. To me that means it will heal in time. I am a teacher (of 180 students total) and I called one student by his brother's name which I have never done before or all school year, and I had his brother 4 years ago. I said to a student, "You can go to the bathroom when dinner gets back." Dinner?? I didn't even believe I said that until several students verified it. It definitely gets worse when I am stressed as well. The brother incident happened when my supervisor was in there, I was nervous and it showed by making a dumb mistake. Don't worry. It will get better in time. 

[[pr...]]

doing puzzles and juggling both help to have brand new brain cells form. i also think playing Bach on piano can do that too since one hemisphere is doing the total opposite that the other hemisphere is doing. i think it's good when you can get both hemisphere's working simultaneously 'cause that's a lot of energy in the brain. lotta lights lighting up.

[[Fl...]]

doing puzzles and juggling both help to have brand new brain cells form. i also think playing Bach on piano can do that too since one hemisphere is doing the total opposite that the other hemisphere is doing. i think it's good when you can get both hemisphere's working simultaneously 'cause that's a lot of energy in the brain. lotta lights lighting up.

 

They say that juggling can help with this. I don't know though.....for me it doesn't feel like anything helps. I either have it or I don't. When it isn't there (which is most of the time) it almost hurts to try to do anything too "strenuous" with my brain, but when the lights come back on everything is effortless. It seems that everything is still there but I am missing the framework to connect things together. It just doesn't feel like exercising my brain does much good without having that framework of dopamine or seratonin or whatever it is that allows things to work in sync.

[[De...]]

At least you have a job. My thinking is so clouded I can't even get past the interview stage..

[[Ja...]]

At least you have a job. My thinking is so clouded I can't even get past the interview stage..

 

I probably wouldn't have been able to either but I have had this job since before benzos. I'm sure it will get better in time.