I'm not sure if this is ever going to go away, I'm over run

[[st...]]

I really don't think I'm going to live to make it to recovery. Not that I'll play a part in it, I love my life and family but I think the symptoms are too much for my body and that with the stress it is causing me will take me down in some way, perhaps with a illness that stems out of being under so much stress from this all the time. I've had so many tests and Dr's visits and some aren't always without a finding. In Dec I have to have Upper and lower GI scopes down and that from all the GI's problems I'm always having. Thankfully in Sept my Heart palps where found to be the type that are considered annoying but not dangerous to me. Over the summer I dropped to much potassium and that was the reason for being so light headed, least that was discovered, and now Im more careful to include more potassium foods daily.

Nearly fainted last weekend do to INTENSE stomach pain that almost dropped me, but the ER didn't find anything wrong so that got me the ticket for the GI tests. It just doesn't seem to stop

 

I thought maybe today  a window would come but I was wrong and the symptoms of anxiety, wild thoughts, worry and a pressure and jittery feeling never left and at times kicked it up a notch here and there. My BP is rising and its been good for a while, I hope its wave related.

 

I haven't had a window in a long time and wonder if its ever coming back. This is just getting to be too much and I'm only off 4 months, I eally thought I'd be a lot better and I'm not and worry that I'l never be much better and back to normal seems like just a dream 

 

Ann

Not Still Stuck anymore..Benzo free forever for 4months

[[OM...]]

Hi still,

 

I know how awful you must be feeling. I was acute WD for many many months a year ago. Because the gaba receptors that the benzos hit are throughout our entire body we often end up with some truly unbelievable symptoms that appear during tapers and when we stop the drug. They most always correct themselves but it does take some time.

 

Jumping from .125mg of K is a bit high dose wise due to it being very potent so that might be why you are feeling extra horrible and why your body is having so much going on right now. But it will begin to adapt and it will heal over time. The most important thing is to not get really scared about it because the body does heal. It is going to do whatever it can to return to how it should be before the benzo.

 

Just hang in there. 4 months off is a long time and no doubt you are feeling the strain of it but also it means that you've had 4 months of healing. That is a good thing. The longer you are off the drug the better you will feel. At first though it can get pretty rough for people and I think time wise you are in that area that would be considered acute WD which is the worst of it. But over time you'll start to feel better and improvements will happen as healing continues. Hang in there. All sorts of symptoms and pain can be attributed to the benzo WD but generally most of them are not permanent things. They are generally just part of the healing process as the body returns to how it was before the benzos changed it.

 

I am sorry you are not feeling well. I wish you all the very best and quickest healing possible.

[[Te...]]

Wow, I am really sorry that things are so bad for you. I really wish you could find some restful music and focus on that to decrease your anxiety. It just seems to be that you are so inner-focused that whatever anxiety you have is just exacerbated by you mindf**king everything so much.

 

You are ONLY at four months out. You've done great, but not everyone heals fast (I know I didn't!), so you just have to accept that it is what it is, and go with the flow.

 

The best advice anyone gave me was to stop fighting the symptoms, because that gives them power over you and robs you of much-needed psychic energy. Try and just lay back and let whatever is happening wash over you. What is your greatest fear? That you'll go crazy? Let yourself go crazy, then!

 

My biggest fear was that the emotions I had would cause me to get up and scream and run around the neighborhood screaming until the paramedics came and took me to a psych unit. So, I let my worst feelings just wash over me. You know what? I remember feeling the emotions come up, and they were intense, and then they dissipated in the atmosphere. I didn't begin to scream. I didn't run around the neighborhood and get hauled away. If anything, once the emotions had fully washed over me I was exhausted and took a deep, deep nap.

 

You will be fine. This is just your benzo-numbed brain trying to start working again. You should be glad this is going on. If nothing were happening, that would mean that no healing is taking place. I went through a period of 6-7 weeks where there was just "emotional flatness." I knew no healing was happening. Now, I am back in a wave and as scary as that it, I am glad it's here because that is a sign that somewhere inside my brain SOMETHING is struggling to resume working!

 

Hang in there! You WILL BE OK! I am two months ahead of you and hit six months on Tuesday. Month 4 was pretty damn bad for me. But I got through it, just as you WILL.

 

 

 

[[fr...]]

The human body is amazing in the amount of stress it can take and survive. I've watched my sister parent a disabled child for more than twenty years. Her life every day is extremely stressful. Never a moments peace. In all that time she has not had any serious illness, just lots of flues and colds. I have often wondered how much I can take too, but being a survivor of severe CFS has taught me that when I feel like I'm dying, I am not anywhere near it. You need to give up worrying about your health. It doesn't help, only hinders. One day we will all die - that is a given. In the meantime, do your best to be at peace and celebrate being four months off.

[[st...]]

Thank you for the replies.

 

I'm trying to "go with the flow" and accept this but at times I'm just afraid and my mind begins to wonder and race about me just not being here anymore, like I don't see my self in the months to come. I've never had any other time in my life that I'vehad these feelings, could be DR? I don't know. It just scares me and then to see my BP go up, I have a condition that makes me BP tricky and can indicate that I have a problem but I'm not do to have that checked until March. But I get worried when I see high number and with racing thoughts I begin to think something is going wrong, today my BP is much better and so I'm relieved on that and will now resist my urges to re-check it.

 

My stomach so far is ok, but that can shift for no good reason. I hope they find something that can be fixed on the scopes for now I live on Rx levels of Pepcid

 

Jitters this morning and I still am hoping that a window will come back, its been a while now since I've had one.

 

Thank you all for helping me through a difficult part, I really can't say it enough, but Thank you

 

I'll try to remember when in the grips of the strangest of feelings and thoughts that I'll get through this.....I have a little boy who really wants to grow up with his Mommy around who loves him to the moon and back, I'm not ready to leave this world right now. The Withdrawal syndrome is scary and asmonths go by I do loose my faith I'll try my best to keep it and to be strong.

 

Ann

[[ma...]]

Hi Stillstuck,

 

I am almost three months out.  I have often felt as you do.  I am in my 60's and trying to do this is a horrific challenge. It is the hardest thing I have every had to do in my life.  When I decided to taper I had no idea what was ahead of me.  If I had known I would have prepared more, assistance with bathing, help with the house cleaning, help with food preparation before I started.  The sad thing is we don't really know how it will impact us. Some days I feel like my body just can't take it any more.  What gives me hope is that others my age have come off the drug with very minor symptoms.  It just takes a little longer for some of us, so hang in there.  Try to focus on the success stories. 

 

Blessings to you,

~Mama2

 

 

[[Re...]]

I felt the exact same way. It'll get better, it just takes time.  I thought I'd be like that forever but I feel good now.

[[os...]]

I feel this way every minute of everyday.  I have other health problems that are becoming overwhelming, plus withdrawal. Not sure how im going to last either.  Cant imagine not being here and cant imagine living in this kind of misery either.

[[st...]]

Thank you everyone,

 

Just knowing that I'm not alone in this journey is a help. I want us ALL to feel better soon.

 

Today I think I'm heading into a window and what a relief. I don't know if this link is allowed but I'll post it (sorry if the moderator removes it) its from Bliss John's and she offers answers (scroll down the page a little) on many of the questions that we all ask. She has been through Benzo withdrawal and is the founder of Recovery Road.

 

I hope reading her page helps you it has helped me and along with all your thoughtfulness I feel less over run today  still time is the healing path that in the end will cure us all.

 

http://benzowithdrawalhelp.com/2012/09/15/answers-from-bliss/

 

[[OM...]]

This is a lovely link from Bliss Johns

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1g1MK9OhLkg

[[st...]]

Thank you OMGWTH

 

Bliss Johns is very helpful.

 

Today was so hard, now I have a bad head cold on top of everything.

 

I swore I opened a separate post, maybe it was too similar to this one and they deleted it or I just can't find it.

 

Oh well, hard such a evening an snapped at my husband (very rare for me) as he was just not understanding my concerns. He can't and that is just the way it is, this is another part of this recovery that is SO hard. No one can relate to this except you guys here. But its hard and its lonely sometimes and it all makes me wonder. But I DO dream of when my windows will last forever but for now its just not that way.

 

I hope my cold and stomach issues are better tomorrow, and well my stomach will be checked out on the 10th and I hope they find something so that it can be treated and resolved, and pray that its not Crohns

 

these last two months haven't shown me much for progress its so frustrating

 

((HUGS)) to everyone who needs one tonight

Ann