Those First Ninety Minutes

[[aw...]]

Hi:

I'd be interested to know what people do for the "benzo blues" in the morning, when you wake up and just really wish you could fast forward directly to ninety minutes from now.  The aching joints, the sadness covering you like an uncomforter...and then it starts to get worse. Or not. For me, the morning malaise varies a lot; here's what I do:

 

~400 mg of Magnesium right away...before I brush my teeth! I take it as Epsom Salts in warm water, but the main thing is get it in there.

 

Excersize: the suggestion from hell, but it works. Even 3 minutes can make a real difference. And it doesn't have to be formal excersize, anything that gets you moving and stretching counts. Yoga counts double.

 

Mini-breakfast: I loath breakfast, but a 150 cal bar and a cup of mint tea seems to help.

 

Supplements: I always take Vit C, if only for the proven placebo effect. I've tried Ashwagantha, L-Theanine and the other common anti-cortisols. Never noticed much effect; I was probably too cautious with my dose.  Alpha lipoic acid seems to help.

 

So, that's what I do that seems to work. How about you?

 

Aweigh

[[Ma...]]

I force myself downstairs because my dogs are hungry.  I do drink coffee so I start a pot of coffee as I stumble through feeding the pups.  Then I sit down because I'm so dizzy I feel faint.

 

I sit on the couch and experience how crappy I feel and tell myself how unbelievable it is.  Then, I get up again and get a banana.  I pour a cup of coffee and sit back down.

 

I do this up-down-up-down routine for about two hours.  Up: open the door & let the dogs into the yard.  Down: couch.  Up:  Put toast in the toaster.  Down: couch with iPad.  Up: Get toast.  Down: Couch, with toast & iPad.

 

Does this count as exercise?

[[aw...]]

MamaShoshanna:

 

Yes. It makes me tired just to read about it  I wish it were funny...does it go away after two hours?

 

Aweigh

[[Be...]]

Funny? It's hysterical, I was laughing my ass off reading that..

Sounds just like me, but I go back to bed in between everything!

(I've got 12 dogs, 14 horses, and a new very demanding stray cat, when I get through feeding, it's time to do it again, I feel like that old doughnut commercial, "it's time to make the doughnuts? I already made the doughnuts"..)

[[Ma...]]

It starts to dissipate gradually.  The first hour is total cog-fog & pain all over.  Useless as a human.  The second hour is like emerging from the deep, in which I start to feel human.  The third hour I feel  like I can face life, with the energy I had after natural childbirth (meaning: none).

 

But that's not all the time.  This is right now, in a wave.

[[or...]]

Yes it's hard to get out of bed when you feel blah. But a routine helps.

 

First of all, I have to feed my cats. They're yelling for breakfast. One is even in my face. I get up, put on lots of warm sweats, put NPR on the radio, and go out to the kitchen. Feed the cats. Start my coffee. Make my lunch (I have to drive to the next town 4 days a week to meet with clients) and pack it into my travel bag. Make my breakfast and bring it into my office. Start my computer. Check my e-mail. Answer my e-mail. Get on BB for about an hour. Sit quietly in my office waiting for nature to call. Have a shower. Dress. Get out of the house.

 

This routine helps me a lot. If I had the option of staying in bed where I would no doubt dwell on my present symptoms, and wonder what new ones I would have that day, would be crushing. I try to put them out of my mind and tell myself: "You CAN function. Today may be a better day". And often it is. I record my day's symptoms later in the day, when I take my valium.

 

I don't know if that helps.

 

I do know that when I have unstructured time I fall into the pit of despairing about my symptoms. At times like that I pull out my log and try to note down ANYTHING that seems to be getting better. That seems to help me.

 

Hope the above has been of use to you. Or will be of use to someone. I guess I'm saying routine is the key for me.

 

Wishing us all a good 90 minutes . . . and more.

 

Okatz

 

 

 

 

[[Ne...]]

Well, well, well...I have found myself a fellow clutch of NMPs (Not Morning People).  My mornings are so icky that I don't dare make an appointment until at least 1pm, and even that is pushing it. The other day I had to be somewhere at 9:30 a.m. (oh the inhumanity of it all!!). It is fragging FREEZING where I live right now. Even with a quartz space heater in my bedroom (caution: space heaters attract every dog in the house at night), I still wake up and my bedroom feels like a fridge.

 

My first task is to get socks on while staying under the covers. Then throw the covers off and make a dash for the big pile of polar fleece clothes I doffed the night before...triple layer polar fleece with hood over top of PJs. Do I care that my bladder is ready to rip a seam at this point ... nope...one singular thought drives me..."M u s t  G e t  W a r m t h". 

 

When I do manage to stumble to the toilet I eye that seat with disdain because I know how fershlappting cold that thing is going to feel, but Bladder is really demanding to be noticed about now. Ugh...first contact on the ice throne sends shivers up my back.  Once I wrap myself up, then it's facing washing my hands in lovely ice cold water. Does it ever end? When am I going to get warm?

 

I then grab my iPad that's been charging overnight and get into the kitchen tv room area and make a beeline for the thermostat, then listen with satisfaction to the furnace kicking in. Dogs are clamoring for breakfast, so I oblige or they will be relentless. They have a rule - no iPad until we have been fed. Fair enough since they are clearly in charge around here and I know a chain of command when I see one.

 

My next stop is the Tassimo for hot tea.  Disk, cup, push button.  I found out that if you miss the middle step (the cup part), things don't work out quite as you hoped.  So I have my mantra "disk,

CUP, push button".  Then drink tea to warm self some more, grab iPad, move to couch.

 

Another day started. Oh goody.

 

[[Co...]]

MamaSho....your post is too funny...I so recognize my morning life tor the past 18 months ( my mornings were exactly like this before I began tapering....I would say a few months into 11/2 mg ativan prescribed for vertigo...didn't ' know it was the medication). I also have a dog and live in a condo...no fence so I have to get up and take him for a walk....I would wake upvfrom sleepless sleep with crushing sadness and intrusive thoughts about life and death..I could have become a dark ages philosopher in the months I spent contemplating the meaninglessness of life and the hopelessness of death in the godless hours of 4 and 5 in the morning...( exaggerating a little...but not much)  . I would have to will myself up because my dog was the only living beingvthat I could relate to ...as talking made me dizzy...and I couldn't afford to alienate him with indifference.  Somehow going outside for 15 minutes began the slow lifting of morning depression and crying and nausea...it took aboutva couple of hours to let go of me...but if I took a nap later it would be exactly the same as the morning wake up. I also drank coffee but switched to decaf! ...and forced down 1/2 a piece of toast and peanut butter and orange juice...my life was exactly like that movie...21 Dates...or Loving ( someone?)..... where the character keeps living the same day endlessly......

........but here is why I am posting...  THINGS ARE GETTING BETTER.... I am at my last cut ( .0312 A once a day in the morning). I have Bern holding at this dust for about 3 weeks..and have decided to continue the hold until after the holidays....I have had some mornings of waking up with NO depression NO sadness...NO anxiety...whoop! whoop!!!....I know I haven't even begun into recovery yet as I still haven't jumped yet....BUT ..it helps me stay encouraged for recovery..I just don't think I can. do 2 years of misery in recovery...so hoping for the best....

.........wishing everyone windows....and speedy recoveries......coper

[[Ma...]]

Well, well, well...I have found myself a fellow clutch of NMPs (Not Morning People).  My mornings are so icky that I don't dare make an appointment until at least 1pm, and even that is pushing it. The other day I had to be somewhere at 9:30 a.m. (oh the inhumanity of it all!!). It is fragging FREEZING where I live right now. Even with a quartz space heater in my bedroom (caution: space heaters attract every dog in the house at night), I still wake up and my bedroom feels like a fridge.

 

 

 

My first task is to get socks on while staying under the covers. Then throw the covers off and make a dash for the big pile of polar fleece clothes I doffed the night before...triple layer polar fleece with hood over top of PJs. Do I care that my bladder is ready to rip a seam at this point ... nope...one singular thought drives me..."M u s t  G e t  W a r m t h". 

 

When I do manage to stumble to the toilet I eye that seat with disdain because I know how fershlappting cold that thing is going to feel, but Bladder is really demanding to be noticed about now. Ugh...first contact on the ice throne sends shivers up my back.  Once I wrap myself up, then it's facing washing my hands in lovely ice cold water. Does it ever end? When am I going to get warm?

 

I then grab my iPad that's been charging overnight and get into the kitchen tv room area and make a beeline for the thermostat, then listen with satisfaction to the furnace kicking in. Dogs are clamoring for breakfast, so I oblige or they will be relentless. They have a rule - no iPad until we have been fed. Fair enough since they are clearly in charge around here and I know a chain of command when I see one.

 

My next stop is the Tassimo for hot tea.  Disk, cup, push button.  I found out that if you miss the middle step (the cup part), things don't work out quite as you hoped.  So I have my mantra "disk,

CUP, push button".  Then drink tea to warm self some more, grab iPad, move to couch.

 

Another day started. Oh goody.

 

 

I thought "yes! Yes!" When I read that you don't scheduke anything till 1:00 p.m.  Time slots don't exist for me before that.  Except......once a month I have a meeting at 9:00 a.m. on a Saturday AND it nearly kills me.

 

Love love love that someone else is normal, like me.

[[Ma...]]

MamaSho....your post is too funny...I so recognize my morning life tor the past 18 months ( my mornings were exactly like this before I began tapering....I would say a few months into 11/2 mg ativan prescribed for vertigo...didn't ' know it was the medication). I also have a dog and live in a condo...no fence so I have to get up and take him for a walk....I would wake upvfrom sleepless sleep with crushing sadness and intrusive thoughts about life and death..I could have become a dark ages philosopher in the months I spent contemplating the meaninglessness of life and the hopelessness of death in the godless hours of 4 and 5 in the morning...( exaggerating a little...but not much)  . I would have to will myself up because my dog was the only living beingvthat I could relate to ...as talking made me dizzy...and I couldn't afford to alienate him with indifference.  Somehow going outside for 15 minutes began the slow lifting of morning depression and crying and nausea...it took aboutva couple of hours to let go of me...but if I took a nap later it would be exactly the same as the morning wake up. I also drank coffee but switched to decaf! ...and forced down 1/2 a piece of toast and peanut butter and orange juice...my life was exactly like that movie...21 Dates...or Loving ( someone?)..... where the character keeps living the same day endlessly......

........but here is why I am posting...  THINGS ARE GETTING BETTER.... I am at my last cut ( .0312 A once a day in the morning). I have Bern holding at this dust for about 3 weeks..and have decided to continue the hold until after the holidays....I have had some mornings of waking up with NO depression NO sadness...NO anxiety...whoop! whoop!!!....I know I haven't even begun into recovery yet as I still haven't jumped yet....BUT ..it helps me stay encouraged for recovery..I just don't think I can. do 2 years of misery in recovery...so hoping for the best....

.........wishing everyone windows....and speedy recoveries......coper

 

Cooperten: Ground Hog Day here.....every morning same thing.....same routine, same crap.

 

BUT!  Last night I took 2000 mg. Of Vitamin C because I read somewhere on here to do that.  And ai added 1000 mg. of evening primrose oil.  And....call it a coincidence....but I woke up without pain.  It was eerie.  I actually woke up feeling kind of normal. 

 

Could be I coincidentally happened upon a window the same time I took those supplements OR perhaps they really did make a difference?  Needless to say, I'll do it again tonight!

 

Loved what you wrote.  I love HOW you write.  My dogs are also the only living things that get me.  But they don't even really get me, they just are there and adorable, and that's healing for me.

 

MamaS

[[La...]]

I just try to accept that I feel like crap and put one foot in front of the the other. Repeat until days end. Seriously. Accepting how I feel makes a huge difference and knowing that I CAN get through the day, even if it isn't a good one is somewhat reassuring.

 

And ibuprofen for those bad bad headaches.

[[sp...]]

I tend to lie in bed in some state of wakefulness for 1-2 hours; usually I'm awake at least once by 730 or 8, but then I may not get up until 10. That cushion helps a lot.

 

I guess it sounds a little hedonistic when you put it this way, but in general I gravitate towards doing pleasurable things in the morning. Hot showers, hot coffee, physical intimacy, and being unhurried. I usually take at least 5-10 minutes on top of all that to pet one of the cats before I walk out the door. If I can schedule things such that I don't have to feel rushed or be worried about schedule, everything is easier and I can usually eat food and not think about it. Being stressed out or in a rush can really mess me up.

[[Co...]]

MamaSho....I think it very well could be the vitamin C....I. had an upper respiratory virus 3 weeks ago and began drinking EmergenC 2x a day...one of those being at bedtime. It was following my virus that things started to ease up. Like you it could be coincidence...or the C is helpful.I read another BB 's post awhile ago ( can 't remember who)  and she..or..he said adding quality. C helped. I have also added vitamin D ( 600 iu each day )....I am just holding on for dear life as I know this could disappear in an eyeblink and I will be back in benzo jail...but at least I know that healing is possible....and I probably don 't have any of the 200 imaginary life threatening illnesses that I keep running to my doctor for ( everything is always fine...except my mind)..its a wonder that she still sees me.

......Birdman posted an interesting article about oxytocin for calming anxiety. I think it is on the Community Forum...I think I am going to ask my doctor for a script for bad days...doing some more research on it....I love your sense of humor MamaSho....it is so good to come on here and find something to laugh at...so many stories of suffering ( justifiable stories).

.......take care MamaSho....wishing you better mornings...glad you can still drink coffee..me too I figure " I already feel crappy ..might as well have some coffee...I have given up everything else" We will both get there MamaSho....our worst days are behind us...better days right in front of us....cooper

[[Ca...]]

Dar Friends,

  What a great thread. I have tremendous respect for all of us going through this mess. The fact you can keep your humor is a tribute to the human spirit. Thank you for the funny descriptions. It feels so good to laugh.

 

My mornings are dismal. I was always one to greet the day with gratitude and eager anticipation...now after waking with panic, a painful body and depression I have to pull myself from the covers. I have found it beneficial to exercise immediately after rising. I make tea and have a protein rich breakfast after yoga. Then I take my dog for a long walk. This routine breaks the panic cycle and I am able to get a few things done. I too can not schedule morning appointments. I have postponed my dental cleaning for a year and a half as she only has early hygiene appointments. I am so eager to feel joy in the mornings again. It is hard to embrace the day when you wake feeling sick, mean and nasty. Luckily my hubby doesn't take it too personally and my dog loves me regardless.

 

Best to all...this WILL get better.

Carita

 

 

 

[[Ma...]]

MamaSho....I think it very well could be the vitamin C....I. had an upper respiratory virus 3 weeks ago and began drinking EmergenC 2x a day...one of those being at bedtime. It was following my virus that things started to ease up. Like you it could be coincidence...or the C is helpful.I read another BB 's post awhile ago ( can 't remember who)  and she..or..he said adding quality. C helped. I have also added vitamin D ( 600 iu each day )....I am just holding on for dear life as I know this could disappear in an eyeblink and I will be back in benzo jail...but at least I know that healing is possible....and I probably don 't have any of the 200 imaginary life threatening illnesses that I keep running to my doctor for ( everything is always fine...except my mind)..its a wonder that she still sees me.

......Birdman posted an interesting article about oxytocin for calming anxiety. I think it is on the Community Forum...I think I am going to ask my doctor for a script for bad days...doing some more research on it....I love your sense of humor MamaSho....it is so good to come on here and find something to laugh at...so many stories of suffering ( justifiable stories).

.......take care MamaSho....wishing you better mornings...glad you can still drink coffee..me too I figure " I already feel crappy ..might as well have some coffee...I have given up everything else" We will both get there MamaSho....our worst days are behind us...better days right in front of us....cooper

 

 

Oxytocin??  That's the bonding hormone that women feel while nursing their babies or men and women feel after sex.  Hell yeah, let me know if you can find any doctor who will write a script for that.  I think not.

 

 

 

 

[[aw...]]

MamaS: So sorry to hear that. Ever since it happened to me, I keep a 3 day supply of those meds I'd really be in trouble without in a secure "undisclosed location". And my wife knows where the box is  I trust you'll have no trouble replacing them. Then, when you find the missing bottle, you'll have your back up!

 

What a gas! I seem to have tapped into a mother lode. I never imagined there would be this much energy around "morning sickness", but it kinda figures if you think about it. I've never, ever been a morning person, but this isn't about being a morning person. It's about being disabled. It's about no morning appointments--that's been a real problem. No morning anythings. Plenty of times, I won't answer the telephone or the door. "Daves not home".

 

Since my AM sx vary so much, I wonder what might affect them. I know that bad sleep or bad behavior the night before definitely flares them up. Would 'good behavior' lessesn sx? I'm very much a "take a pill" person, so the vit c appeals to me, but I've got to wonder what I can do about it. That's why I go for mild excersize, nothing strenuous.

 

I'll be real happy when I get my mornings back, and anything that would make them more tolerable until then....mmmm...

 

Aweigh

[[Ma...]]

Aweigh Dave,

 

That's a great idea.  I knew it was bound to happen because I carry my meds in my purse wherever I go.  Along with everything else a person could possibly need (ask my husband to describe my purse.....ha ha).

 

We decided we don't have to answer the door or phone EVER if we don't want.  But, especially mornings.  I'm doing people a favor by NOT answering the door before 1pm.  It's not a sight any human should be subjected to before then.

[[Co...]]

This thread is great. I have a really bad bone pain in both my shoulders when I wake up. I used to bounce out of bed. I am a complete morning person. I would get up at 4:00. Run 7 miles and 10 on a good day. Literally rip through the first 2 or 3 hours I was awake. Then go to work.

 

Fast forward to Nov. 2013  What.the.hell.has.happened.to.my.life? Entertainment is turning on the electric blanket so I do not freeze.

 

I get it.

[[sp...]]

Oxytocin??  That's the bonding hormone that women feel while nursing their babies or men and women feel after sex.  Hell yeah, let me know if you can find any doctor who will write a script for that.  I think not.

 

You don't need a script, it's not presently controlled or treated as a drug. It can be bought all kinds of places, including the internet. Personally I have steered clear of it because I deeply enjoy cuddling and I don't want to mess with that transmitter system with an artificial drug :-S

[Guest [Sa...]]

I LOVE the fact that many of us get up and push ourselves for our pets! How wonderful to read that our furbabies are helping us all get through this. They are indeed a special gift! :> 

 

Peace

Sarah Hope

[[aw...]]

Hi, Spengler:

It's pretty unbelievable that anyone can buy oxytocin nasal spray and swap it out for your Aftrin because they think it's an aphrodisiac. Check out some of the advertising. My dad's generation had "Spanish fly" (genuine cantharidan is incredibly toxic), mine had MDA (the 'love drug'; uhhh...no), the millenials? had Viagra (LT side effects?); maybe oxytocin will be the next Big Thing  .

 

As you suggest, it has all kinds of interactions with critical systems, neural and otherwise. Wikipedia has a decent ariticle. I can't imagine messing with it.

 

Aweigh

[[aw...]]

Yeah, it's a nice thread...but I do believe it's been buried alive.

 

aweigh

[[vi...]]

Hello Aweigh,

 

I found that getting up and soaking in a hot bath for an hour or so was the best thing for me. When I was able, I'd just lay there and read a book. This, I think, did 2 things. One, it helped relax my muscles and eased the pains in my legs and abdomen. Two, reading would take my mind off of everything.

My wife would bring me a cup of coffee, I'd drink it and read for awhile, and the next thing I knew,

I was usually in much better shape.

Don't know if this would work for you, are if you are able to do it, but I figured I tell you what worked for me.

I pray you will heal quickly!

 

Clyde

 

Keep the Faith1

[[aw...]]

Hi, vickerscd,

 

That's a very good idea, and actually doable as so many things are not, right after awakening. For me it would be a cup of Epsom Salts, but to each their own.

 

I'm wondering about your opiate regimen; as you can see, I also take them although I haven't included the doses in my sig. About the same dose of morphine, but you were also taking ~20 Vicodins/day, or is that a typo? And you quit all that cold turkey OW! It turns out that wd from opiates while taking benzos makes the opiate wd sx worse. And you did it both ways...take a bow.  What was that like; I don't mean the gory details...more like how it felt inside. If that makes any sense.

 

aweigh