I Wonder If I'm a Lost Cause

[[Hu...]]

I have been thinking these few weeks that is there really help for me even after the taper. I know all who have waited through benzo taper somewhat got better or at least are getting etc..

Of course I have had minor waves, big waves, long waves, all kinds of waves and short or even pretty large windows there. I have been thinking about something else too besides benzos that I may have even worse problem with and history. And the question to myself is.. "Have I already damaged myself with SSRI so bad that there is nothing that can help me after benzo taper.?"

Why have I been asking this ? Well, I NEVER had any problems with benzos before that ONE time 1.5 years ago when I quit SSRI (Lexapro) fairly fast too. Because I didn't like all the "SSRI is dangerous and damaging your body etc etc etc...." stuff I read everywhere in internet. So I quit it not too fast but pretty wrong (10 to 5 and stay 1month then 5 every other day 1 month and then quit) I didn't have ANY SYMPTOMS that I have now before that and I even got rid of my brain fog completely after SSRI.

I was still taking Klonopin 0.75mg morning / 1 to 1.5mg night. Then after 3 months I got some major burnout or whatever. I started to have all the nerve pains, muscle pains, headaches, tooth aches, anxiety, stomach problems, all kinds of nerve pains.. you name it. It got so bad that I didn't want to live anymore and I didn't even know why I was having these. I did 2500-3000$(€) worth of tests during many months. All kinds of nerve study, MRI, lyme disease tests, they ruled pretty much EVERYTHING out. Then I started SSRI again and stomach problems calmed and some anxiety calmed down etc etc.. but to this day the nerve pains and muscle pains are pretty bad. I blame benzos all the time and I'm sure at least 50% it's cause of 10 years benzo use. BUT... a big BUT, What if quitting SSRI DURING benzos somewhat triggered all the side effects and tolerance whatever problems. And what if the SSRI did some irreversible damage to my nervous system. (It can do that much I have learned).

 

My question to you guys, anyone else have even had slightly similar story with their meds or am I alone with it. I'm not sure I'm alone but is there anyone here with same situation. Cause my question these past weeks have been this.. Am I screwed even if I taper the benzos successfully because of the SSRI.

And I have been having one of the longest and worst wave I ever had these 2 weeks and question everyday if it's all even worth it.

 

 

[[In...]]

I took SSRI's for nearly 20 years.

 

Eventually each of them stopped working, so they'd switch me every 6 or 7 years. In 2012 my most recent one had stopped working. Over the course of the year they tried me on 9 or 10 different psych meds in a row. I had near immediate side effects after starting each and every one. Some of them made me feel like I was going insane. After all that they started me on benzos to calm down all the damage that had been done. After 1-2 months I knew klonopin was also making me sick, but there was nothing left for me to try. I was scared to not be on anything, but finally after 6 months on klonopin I stopped cold-turkey.

 

Now I don't take anything. I am healing very,very slowly. I don't believe SSRI or benzos damage us for life. I do believe it can take a really long time for us to heal.

 

Now I go forward on hope and faith that I will be well again some day. I don't have any other options. If you are able to taper off the drugs you should be able to heal like the rest of us.

[Guest [Ob...]]

22 years SSRIs and then some here. Benzos are the mess here more than anything. You're still tapering and so am I. I feel frigging hopeless right now too - it's the benzos. We'll get through this and we will heal. I believe that.

[[...]]

Same here. I started with Prozac in the '80s then switched to several others in an attempt to lessen the s/x. The worst one to get off of was Effexor. I thought that was hell until benzo withdrawal. Now, looking back, it was a walk in the park compared to this.

[[Hu...]]

Thank you guys for responses ! I really appreciate it 

 

What I tried to explain is that when I quit SSRI:s 1.5 years ago but still took benzos.. and the problems began at the same time too. So my theory is that when I didn't have ssri there to "mask" these benzo WD:s, what happened was that they somehow intensified or something. And even when I started those SSRI:s again they didn't go away only maybe 35%. maybe this is true maybe not. It seems to me like what happened.

So, now I'm not only getting anxiety about the whole benzo withdrawal, but quitting SSRI too after benzo so it really makes me scared at times.

 

 

[[Iw...]]

I'm wondering if  you could of started having tolerance wd? All that stuff can happen in tolerance to benzo. 

[[Hu...]]

I'm wondering if  you could of started having tolerance wd? All that stuff can happen in tolerance to benzo.

 

Yes, that could be the case too. I found some paper where I actually had written down some major drug changes back in the day and days when something happened.

5/1/12 I quit SSRI, 41 days after that I started to have nerve pains first time. I was taking 1.75mg Klonopin at that time. Never really tapered that down It was at 1.75mg very long time.

So, the SSRI had wore off somewhat and maybe tolerance WD kicked in.

7/19/12 I did my first actual taper of about 10% Klonopin. AND 7/24/12 I've written that I had very horrible pains, panic attacks and stuff. And I actually started to take SSRI again 4 days later so 7/28/12.  This all adds up perfectly..

Iwant2befree You might be right with the tolerance wd

 

[[Iw...]]

How is your taper going Humanpincusion?

[[An...]]

Hi

I was on SSRIs for 25 years. I tried many times over the years to get off them but always ended up on my back too dizzy to get up by the weeks end. Every time the same withdrawal pattern. In June 2011 I tried again to reduce my dose from Zoloft 100mg to 75mg, this time I got dizzy plus about 20 other symptoms including a nerve like sensitivity through all my body and head. I tried reinstating to the original amount, going up in dose, I couldn't relieve any of the symptoms. After 6 months my GP gave me 2mg of valium to try, I took one and noticed nothing. On one of my next visits he gave me 5mg valium script and said to try it again. I took the first dose and had to sleep for an hour. When I woke up I had about a 50% decrease in most if not all my symptoms. I went back to him weeks later and then he told me that benzos were one of the most addictive drugs out there and that I could develop tolerance very quickly, I said 'it can't be any worse than what I'm already going through' ( I have still have no idea why he  offered them to me in the first place if he knew that).!  I crossed to prozac as it was thought that the longer half life might make it easier to withdraw. I didn't tolerate Prozac well it made me anxious, felt crazy, increased head pressure  and have very intense rage. I was taking higher doses of valium to counter the Prozac effects. I had to get of the Prozac quickly, 2months to taper 20mg. All the way I had all the original symptoms, the worst being intense  pressure, nerve like agitation that felt like it was in my brain. I also had the 'brain zaps' for a few months. After stopping the Prozac these head symptoms peaked at 5 to 6 weeks and over the coming 6 months slowly reduced in intensity, I reduced the valium over this period accordingly. The maximum I ever took was 15mg as that would put me in bed and over 6 months I reduced to 4mg. At this point it was a year since the symptoms first appeared and apart from the brain zaps I still have all the symptoms, but a lot have eased. The "unclear" part is that there is the crossover with a lot of the withdrawal symptoms of ssri's and valium being the same. I, like you have questioned whether I will have any permanent damage from the ssris especially after reading books by Peter Breggin and various other medical specialists. What I do is reassure myself that my symptoms did begin to ease the longer I was off the a/d's. I also have read of many people recovering after long term use. I also know how much harder it has been post two c/t's to get of the benzos after being so close the first time. The other thing is that most of my symptoms began within that week of the SSRI taper.  I see that as having reached tolerance and if I had any permanent damage than I wouldn't have gone from perfectly normal to severely effected within one week. I look at the a/d withdrawal as I do the benzo withdrawal and it is going to take time for the balance to be restored. A/d withdrawal shouldn't be underestimated, it can be as difficult as benzo withdrawal and there are the support sites for that reason.  Please try not to worry, there is no way you will ever know whats causing what. This is the hardest thing I have ever been through, and the only way I can keep going is by reinforcing regularly that I will recover like the majority do and to take each day or hour at at time.

 

Just focus as best you can on being completely well again one day soon,I hope for you.

 

[[No...]]

Hi,

 

I was just reading these story,s and some same things going on, after my benzo taper , i,am now of for 7 months, i taperd my ssri.

I did both i a short time, oxazepam 40 - 0 in 5 weeks and 6 weeks after that citalopram 20 mg-0 in 5 weeks....

 

When i was 5 weeks of the ssri, i got this really bad restless legs, nerve pain in my legs, muscle pain, and my symptoms got wors.....the nerve pain in my legs is still here today.......

 

I saw that others mention that to......

 

So it must be connected?

 

I think the ssri masked the benzo withdrawal a bit, or it,s a hard one to kick on it,s own......

Guess best of both worlds 

 

Sandra.

[[Hu...]]

Thanks for the replies,

 

I'm supposed to taper 9% again in like today but going to do it at Sunday or something.

This month have been one of the worst taper months. 5 day bad 1 day okay. Something like that.

Lot's of muscle tightness and pains. It's weird too.. I had like 5 very bad days in a row.. but 2 days ago I had NO SYMPTOMS whatsoever. The whole day was perfect. Didn't even think about the whole stuff. Weird stuff this tapering.

 

Hpc