An experience like no other

[[lu...]]

I'm new here on benzobuddies but thank you so much for your story of hope. lukewinterhttp://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/Smileys/standard/smitten.gif

[[...]]

Okay, Patty, I'll venture a guess.  Will your pen name be Tara York? -  in honor of that precocious little girl who loved to wear her cowgirl boots with the red stars on them while she enjoyed playing the wonderful piano concertos composed by her favorite composer, Mozart?

 

It took Margaret Mitchell three long years to finish her manuscript for "Gone With the Wind" - so be patient, and don't give up.  If you have a dream to write a novel, keep that dream alive through hard work, determination, and dedication.  Many things are possible if we believe.

 

Take care.

 

pj

 

 

[[...]]

I'm new here on benzobuddies but thank you so much for your story of hope. lukewinterhttp://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/Smileys/standard/smitten.gif

 

Hi lukewinter,

 

Welcome to this unique place.  I hope you will find it as helpful, and inspiring as thousands of other folks have.

 

The very best to you.

 

pj

[[pr...]]

I'm new here on benzobuddies but thank you so much for your story of hope. lukewinterhttp://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/Smileys/standard/smitten.gif

 

i see you are still not able to find the little yellow smily's and post them correctly?

[[pa...]]

Okay, Patty, I'll venture a guess.  Will your pen name be Tara York? -  in honor of that precocious little girl who loved to wear her cowgirl boots with the red stars on them while she enjoyed playing the wonderful piano concertos composed by her favorite composer, Mozart?

 

It took Margaret Mitchell three long years to finish her manuscript for "Gone With the Wind" - so be patient, and don't give up.  If you have a dream to write a novel, keep that dream alive through hard work, determination, and dedication.  Many things are possible if we believe.

 

Take care.

 

pj

 

Hi PJ,

 

Yep, you have the pen name just right!  Oh, you developed that wonderful spirited character, what a spirit with her huh? 

 

Patience... dear God, this is the one lesson from this journey that one and all learns, no matter what side of the fence they are on.

I'm in no hurry... One day at a time, one paragraph or etc at a time....  Just let it flow when it may.... the teacher of patience.  Who knows where that will lead... just the joy of beginning and letting it flow is the most important, no matter where that goes.

 

Thanks to my buddie PJ, who opened those gates....

 

Best to you PJ.... Patty

[[...]]

Hey Patty,

 

Guess what ... If you have a book published, you owe me 10% of the royalties.  Just Kidding! 

 

Don't feel hurt or discouraged if you receive lots of rejection letters in the mail from various publishing houses; you will be in good company.

 

Margaret Mitchell, Harper Lee, J. K. Rowling, Stephen King, William Faulkner - on and on - Just about every writer who eventually got a book published received multiple rejections, some as many as fifty.  One publisher even stated that The Diary of Anne Frank was "scarcely worth reading."

 

Enjoy the rest of those wonderful, waning days of Summer.

 

pj 

[[...]]

We will never forget the many, thoughtful souls that we have encountered on this unique site.  We will never forget all the laughs or all the tears that were shed by ordinary people, who, under such unordinary circumstances as benzo withdrawals, remained so strong. 

 

We will never forget all the goodness, the kindness, and the compassion that ordinary folks possess that makes them, in their own special way, so unique and so extraordinary. 

 

We will always remember the goodness of ordinary people ... who so lovingly and so unselfishly opened their arms and their hearts to give comfort and compassion to a stranger ... who when they first found this site, were so overwhelmed by all the confusion, the pain, the uncertainty, and the indignity that had befallen them ... because of a chance encounter with benzos.

 

Sometimes there are certain people with whom we cross paths with during our life - who's memory leaves an indelible mark upon us that is not easily erased or washed away.  Many of the folks we have met on Benzobuddies are such people.  They have shown us what it means to have humility, compassion, understanding, and courage in the face of extreme adversity.

 

Some folks may have grown leery, and somewhat weary of me always saying that they are going to heal One-Hundred-Percent ... but I believe so strongly that we all do recover completely ... that I will keep on saying it until the most skeptical among you are healed One-Hundred-Percent.

 

Don't forget to take time out to pamper and to nourish the most important person in you life right now - YOU.

 

pj 

[[tu...]]

Hi PJ:

 

Thought I would drop a quick hello.

 

Have decided to go back to working at the schools (the hospital job just wasn't for me).  Still the experience of working there showed me that even with my few remaining symptoms I can muddle through.  I am proud of the person and employee I was while there.  It was challenging.  I worked with a lot of nice people, I just really miss working with kids and in education.  Insurance and medical jargon just is not what I am built for.  Getting to this decision was a stressful one for me especially as my CNS is not fully healed.  Took more of a toll on me physically than it should have.  But, onward and upward, right.

 

Hit 18 months off yesterday and while I am so very much better, I am still dealing with an oversensitive system that acts up.  I hope in time this too evaporates and I can be who I was before this whole experience began.  Sometimes I get frustrated that I am still dealing with this after so many months.  I have to remind myself of how much more functionable and better I am than even 6 months ago.  Still when the symptoms act up so does the fear.  I try to remember what you and many others who have healed have said.  That eventually, it will ALL go away.  I pray you are right.

 

Thanks for being here and continuing to offer your support.  You and Patty are two of my mainstays.  Your encouragement has been a light post on this scary road that I never dreamed I would travel.    I can't wait until I am where you both are and can visit this site to offer support rather than need it.

 

Hope all is well in your world.

 

Warmly,

Turtlegirl

[[...]]

Hi turtlegirl,

 

It's so nice to hear from you again. 

 

Working in a setting where one is constantly dealing with the type of insurance that is overwhelmingly devoted to all that medical jargon is probably not the best fit for someone like you, who in the past has worked with children, and has felt the warmth, and the sense of accomplishment that a teaching environment encompasses.

 

Go back to working with kids if that is your dream and your desire.  Richard Dumb, who really wasn't so dumb ... when he said: "Don't follow your dreams; chase them."

 

He was so right.  If you want something, chase after it, and don't look back and second guess yourself or you may stumble and miss your chance at happiness.

 

As I have mentioned to you on previous occasions, turtlegirl; if you did not have any major anxiety issues before your world caved in on you, because of the Ambien, there is no reason to doubt that you will not be the confident person you once were. 

 

I gather that you are very sensitive to drugs like Ambien, so it undoubtedly disrupted your CNS enough to where it was forced to go ever so slowly ... taking it's own sweet time in repairing itself ... but it will repair itself, and when it is finished with the repairs, you and your Central Nervous System will both be as contented as two peas in a pod.   

 

You must remember that a certain amount of anxiety and stress is inescapable in our lives.  There are times when we just have to say to ourselves; "that's life", shrug our shoulders and do the best that we are able to, which is all we can, and should ask of ourselves. 

 

All is well in my world.  Thank you for asking. 

 

You are a very nice person, turtlegirl.  You were blessed with a gentle soul and a warm, kind heart 

 

pj

[[pa...]]

Hey Patty,

 

Guess what ... If you have a book published, you owe me 10% of the royalties.  Just Kidding! 

 

Don't feel hurt or discouraged if you receive lots of rejection letters in the mail from various publishing houses; you will be in good company.

 

Margaret Mitchell, Harper Lee, J. K. Rowling, Stephen King, William Faulkner - on and on - Just about every writer who eventually got a book published received multiple rejections, some as many as fifty.  One publisher even stated that The Diary of Anne Frank was "scarcely worth reading."

 

Enjoy the rest of those wonderful, waning days of Summer.

 

pj

 

Gosh PJ.... I had been thinking 25%, you short changed yourself!!! :laugh:

 

Hey, this will be slow going, but that's ok, its just to enjoy and see where it unfolds.  If this all comes to fruition, I know where all the proceeds go...  For children...  I will take the name Hanna said the children's home was... the pictures/murals will be of horses and countryside.... the story of what we all shared...  That was the gift I received from joining that with you both, the creative visual and seeing it unfold.  So.... no getting discouraged ever on my part... guess I have too much spunk to let it go, if I think I have something really good...  Though, the end result is what I mentioned above. 

 

That wonderful place would be in "honor" of the wonderful love of bbs I have seen and shared...  Though, there would be Hanna's name for it (have to go back on the story and get that).

 

I know you let the 10% or 25% go for something so wonderful....  LOL about that, huh? .   

 

Of course, if all of this truly came about, my vision.... most definitely, you and Hanna would have to be there..  No excuses on that one. We'd have to divulge who we are in truth to each other...  Maybe meet on horseback in a meadow to surprise each other, huh?

 

My best to you always.  Patty

[[...]]

You have a kind, and giving heart, patty.

[[...]]

To all the valiant folks who are engaged in what is most likely one of the hardest, longest running, and most confusing battles you will probably ever encounter in your lifetime; never give in ... never give up ... never surrender yourself to the benzo beast. 

 

The benzo beast will try to torment you with every evil withdrawal symptom that he has packed into that tiny pill to get you to capitulate, to cry uncle ... to give up. 

 

He will brainwash you into thinking that there is no hope, that you will never heal, that you are destined to fail.

 

With each new symptom he throws at you, he is mocking you ... because he knows that the only way you can defeat him is by acceptance.  And he knows that acceptance is so hard to do when you are in so much agony.  Mock him right back by telling him that you are on to him and his evil ways, and that you accept whatever he throws at you, because each new symptom brings you that much closer to your being healed.

 

He knows that if you accept your symptoms as part of the healing process ... do not dwell on them, and go about your life in a most normal way as possible -  you will win the battle.  He knows that if you understand that acceptance, patience, and time, are what it takes to defeat him ... he becomes weaker, you become stronger.

 

Withdrawals from benzodiazepines are just plain horrible.  No amount of sugar-coating or feel-good phrases can alter that fact.  But with the right attitude, your strong desire to be free, and with a little encouragement from your benzobuddies friends ... you are going to make it.

 

just me ... pj 

 

 

 

 

 

[[Su...]]

Things can sometimes get much too serious on forums such as this one, so I came up with a silly story to take your mind off of withdrawals for just a little bit. 

 

I used past, and present member's usernames throughout this - 'totally makes no sense' - nonsense story. 

 

The usernames are in (parantheses).  As you can see, through the years, folks have come up with some pretty unique usernames.

 

This is all in good fun, folks.  It's good to take your mind off of withdrawals for awhile. So I hope no one objects to me using their usernames.  If you do, you can put me in a (straight jacket), and cart me off to the looney bin or to the Fischer Nut Company.

 

 

It was the dead of winter.  The roads were snow-covered, and dangerously  slippery.

 

Dressed, (4everinbluejeans), (Sunny girl) was looking quite (Sassy) driving her (51 chevy) to her large, rustic cabin in the Adirondack Mountains in Upstate New York to celebrate Christmas with friends and relatives.  She brought along a (rubberduck) to give to ( babyrex). 

 

She was (innadaze) from trying to control the constant fishtailing, slipping, and sliding girations that were messing with her (silver) colored, (51chevy).  She had many (sleepless nights) during the restoration of that 'one of a kind' car.  She did not want to damage it. " I should have put the chains on the rear tires," she muttered to herself.  She was (Trying hard) to (staycalm) and not  (Lose control) of her car on that (Snow Flake) covered road.

 

She had a long way to go, but she was  (gettingthereslowly). 

 

She had to be (gettingthere) before Christmas, she just had to. 

 

(Sunny girl) was beginning to get terribly hungry.  "I wish I had some (morechocolate) or a (Snickers) bar, she thought to herself. 

 

With her (Eaglevision) she spotted a large (snoball) the size of a small (cedartree) a mile up ahead. She slowed down, managed to avoid hitting that huge snowdrift, and continued on her (Mary) way, happier than (RingoandJayJay).

 

"(Am I going crazy)" she thought to herself when came upon a very tall, and a very thin (baglady) who was wearing knee high purple boots, and dressed in (pink pajamas).  She wore (Black Mascara) beneath her beautiful blue eyes. 

 

She was pushing a grocery cart, that contained, among other items, a (bigyellowbird) sitting in a (big red chair).

 

"What's your name?", asked Sunny.  "My name is (Flip),"  the tall lady with a models figure answered. " My friends sometimes call me (Bean pole)."  "You look pretty smart, so I imagine you can see why they call me that", she said, with a big smile on her pretty, oval-shaped face.

 

"Do you want a ride, ( Bean pole )?" ( Sunny girl ) asked (Flip).  "It's a dirty (DogGoneShame) for you to be out in this weather" she said, as she proceeded to pull over, and stop the car.  "You need snow tires on that cart", laughed (Sunny girl).

 

Somewhat (miffed), (Flip) greatfully accepted a ride.  She rode shotgun in the front seat.  Her grocery cart with the (bigyellowbird) sitting in the (big red chair) rode in the backseat.  "Nice car, girl."  "Thanks (Sunny girl) replied".  "I named her (Mrsguppy).

 

"Would you like a slice of (Apple pie)? baked by (sarafina), she asked (Sunny girl).  "It's really delicious".  (sarafina bakes the best pies, even better than Mrs. Smith."  (Flip) reached into her cart, and handed Sunny a piece of (apple pie), the size of half a dinner plate.  The pie was( Bitterly Sweet) and so delicious.

 

"Look! ... look! ...  my (best friend)," shouted (Flip) to (Sunny girl)  "Look- up in the sky. 

 

"See the (7starsaroundthemoon)."  "There's a belief among the mountain folks in Appalachia, that portends a person who sees the (7starsaroundthemoon) will discover a ( black swan) under the (augustmoon) before the (Autumn leaves) begin to fall."

 

(Stillbelieving), and happy that she did the right thing in offering (Bean pole) a ride, Sunny smiled, and kept on (JustTryingToMakeItThru) the raging snowstorm.  She was still feeling a little (miserable) because she was an (animal lover) who had recently lost her beloved dog.

 

(Flip) started dancing, and jumping around like a (Wildbug) when she heard  (walzingmatilda) playing on the car's radio.

 

" I'm (worriedgirlfriend), (Sunny girl), remarked to (Flip), a big smile on her face.  "How can a( baglady) who lives out of a grocery cart be so darn happy?"  "I'm (tryingtounderstand) (what happened to me)."  "I have a cabin in the Adirondacks", and you're happier than I am"

 

"Well, my whimsical (Windtalker), you, like a lot of other wonderful folks have got too  (wrapped up) in living your life society's way -- a life that has lost it's true meaning." 

 

"It leaves folks (Spinning around) like a (Sparrow), caught in a downward (spiral) during a rainstorm."

 

"I know who you are!, (Flip)", shouted (Sunny girl).  "You're (Revolutionary Blue)", the famous model, and advocate for the homeless." 

 

"That's right, my (tired girl) -  that's who I am, I'm Veronica Blue, also known as (Revolutionary Blue).  I am (Very anxious), and very dedicated in being a (hopeseeker), who wants to make a difference in the lives of the homeless folks - in this (LostMeFindMe), (upsidedownworld). 

 

When they got to their destination, (Flip) and (Sunny girl) pushed the loaded grocery cart through the open cabin door towards the lyrical sounds coming from a very old, and well-tuned oak piano. 

 

"Hi ya, (pianogirl)", shouted (Sunny girl) --" meet Veronica Blue, the girl who's seen wearing those (pink pajamas) on all those billboards from the (eastcoast) to the West Coast."

 

It was now midnight.  All the guests, having met Veronica Blue, were gathered around the Christmas tree, singing a rousing rendition of "Jingle Bells."

 

There was (Pattylu), (hanna), (turtlegirl), (pan), (jaso) (purple panda), (Hope), (Redeemed), (teacher2), (magrita), (Betsy), (rennysdream), (mplgirl), (redeven), and (vancouvergirl), happily singing their hearts out.

 

Veronica Blue wished them all a very merry Christmas, and gave to each of them, a silver pin in the shape of a grocery cart to take with them -  to wear, wherever they went - so the homeless folks would not be forgotten.

 

That crazy (pj) who was in charge of the guest list, and since he cannot count past fifteen, he was unable to mention many of the guests.  In no way does that lessen their importance.  He admires them, one, and all, for their courage, their strength, and their kindness toward others, who are going through those doggone withdrawals.

 

Forget about all those drugs, folks.  Laughter is still the best medicine, and Mother Nature will always be the best therapist.

 

Happy trails to you, til we meet again. 

 

 

 

 

 

Mr pj...................Is there a movie in the making ?   I would love to play the part of Sunny girl !

 

And so it is summertime...and my days have been very busy taking care of a garden (was I crazy) ...along with mowing my yard....brushing my cats hair....picking peaches.  Do I have to tell you how good a peach cobbler tastes ?  Ohhh!!!....and strawberry pie ?  Burger King has the best ice cream cone for 50 cents....and YES...my stomach is better ! I have enjoyed the humming birds, and so has my cat. Just kidding !  She has enjoyed several other birds who dared to wander by her turf, though.  I call her 'Bad Kitty'....but I know that is only nature for cats.

I hope that your summer has been pleasant.

 

I am trying very hard to keep a positive attitude, and live my life as normal as possible.

In your special way...you always find the right words to encourage us, and give us hope that healing does happen.  Thank you !

 

Write a book....pj ! 

Sunny girl

 

 

 

 

[[...]]

Hi PJ - it is wonderful to see your little ministry on here.  this site has been a huge blessing to me.  I always mean to come on more to give the hope that was given me but at over 2 years off now I am busy trying to get back into life.

I still think about how I feel every second tho  I am hoping that goes away.  and I wake up so shaky.  I focus all the time on how far I have come tho.

I taught high school English for most of my wd and now taking months off to rest my cns and get off high bp med.  I hope it all works out with money etc.  I think God is making a way

I fancy myself a writer too.  I wrote a book on hope.  one of those dailies.  have all 357 entries;  just need to edit it.

back in graduate school again for mental health coun. I want to open a place for people to get off benzos. I hope one day for us to meet there.  colin esp.  maybe pamster .  my dream.  made a dvd of me in wd;  need to edit that and get it out and ask for money.  I am pretty goal oriented so I think it will all work out.

you and I go way back together on here .  not sure if you remember me.

giving hope on here is so important;  there is nothing like this process.  takes so long.

God Bless you PJ. 

[[...]]

Things can sometimes get much too serious on forums such as this one, so I came up with a silly story to take your mind off of withdrawals for just a little bit. 

 

I used past, and present member's usernames throughout this - 'totally makes no sense' - nonsense story. 

 

The usernames are in (parantheses).  As you can see, through the years, folks have come up with some pretty unique usernames.

 

This is all in good fun, folks.  It's good to take your mind off of withdrawals for awhile. So I hope no one objects to me using their usernames.  If you do, you can put me in a (straight jacket), and cart me off to the looney bin or to the Fischer Nut Company.

 

 

It was the dead of winter.  The roads were snow-covered, and dangerously  slippery.

 

Dressed, (4everinbluejeans), (Sunny girl) was looking quite (Sassy) driving her (51 chevy) to her large, rustic cabin in the Adirondack Mountains in Upstate New York to celebrate Christmas with friends and relatives.  She brought along a (rubberduck) to give to ( babyrex). 

 

She was (innadaze) from trying to control the constant fishtailing, slipping, and sliding girations that were messing with her (silver) colored, (51chevy).  She had many (sleepless nights) during the restoration of that 'one of a kind' car.  She did not want to damage it. " I should have put the chains on the rear tires," she muttered to herself.  She was (Trying hard) to (staycalm) and not  (Lose control) of her car on that (Snow Flake) covered road.

 

She had a long way to go, but she was  (gettingthereslowly). 

 

She had to be (gettingthere) before Christmas, she just had to. 

 

(Sunny girl) was beginning to get terribly hungry.  "I wish I had some (morechocolate) or a (Snickers) bar, she thought to herself. 

 

With her (Eaglevision) she spotted a large (snoball) the size of a small (cedartree) a mile up ahead. She slowed down, managed to avoid hitting that huge snowdrift, and continued on her (Mary) way, happier than (RingoandJayJay).

 

"(Am I going crazy)" she thought to herself when came upon a very tall, and a very thin (baglady) who was wearing knee high purple boots, and dressed in (pink pajamas).  She wore (Black Mascara) beneath her beautiful blue eyes. 

 

She was pushing a grocery cart, that contained, among other items, a (bigyellowbird) sitting in a (big red chair).

 

"What's your name?", asked Sunny.  "My name is (Flip),"  the tall lady with a models figure answered. " My friends sometimes call me (Bean pole)."  "You look pretty smart, so I imagine you can see why they call me that", she said, with a big smile on her pretty, oval-shaped face.

 

"Do you want a ride, ( Bean pole )?" ( Sunny girl ) asked (Flip).  "It's a dirty (DogGoneShame) for you to be out in this weather" she said, as she proceeded to pull over, and stop the car.  "You need snow tires on that cart", laughed (Sunny girl).

 

Somewhat (miffed), (Flip) greatfully accepted a ride.  She rode shotgun in the front seat.  Her grocery cart with the (bigyellowbird) sitting in the (big red chair) rode in the backseat.  "Nice car, girl."  "Thanks (Sunny girl) replied".  "I named her (Mrsguppy).

 

"Would you like a slice of (Apple pie)? baked by (sarafina), she asked (Sunny girl).  "It's really delicious".  (sarafina bakes the best pies, even better than Mrs. Smith."  (Flip) reached into her cart, and handed Sunny a piece of (apple pie), the size of half a dinner plate.  The pie was( Bitterly Sweet) and so delicious.

 

"Look! ... look! ...  my (best friend)," shouted (Flip) to (Sunny girl)  "Look- up in the sky. 

 

"See the (7starsaroundthemoon)."  "There's a belief among the mountain folks in Appalachia, that portends a person who sees the (7starsaroundthemoon) will discover a ( black swan) under the (augustmoon) before the (Autumn leaves) begin to fall."

 

(Stillbelieving), and happy that she did the right thing in offering (Bean pole) a ride, Sunny smiled, and kept on (JustTryingToMakeItThru) the raging snowstorm.  She was still feeling a little (miserable) because she was an (animal lover) who had recently lost her beloved dog.

 

(Flip) started dancing, and jumping around like a (Wildbug) when she heard  (walzingmatilda) playing on the car's radio.

 

" I'm (worriedgirlfriend), (Sunny girl), remarked to (Flip), a big smile on her face.  "How can a( baglady) who lives out of a grocery cart be so darn happy?"  "I'm (tryingtounderstand) (what happened to me)."  "I have a cabin in the Adirondacks", and you're happier than I am"

 

"Well, my whimsical (Windtalker), you, like a lot of other wonderful folks have got too  (wrapped up) in living your life society's way -- a life that has lost it's true meaning." 

 

"It leaves folks (Spinning around) like a (Sparrow), caught in a downward (spiral) during a rainstorm."

 

"I know who you are!, (Flip)", shouted (Sunny girl).  "You're (Revolutionary Blue)", the famous model, and advocate for the homeless." 

 

"That's right, my (tired girl) -  that's who I am, I'm Veronica Blue, also known as (Revolutionary Blue).  I am (Very anxious), and very dedicated in being a (hopeseeker), who wants to make a difference in the lives of the homeless folks - in this (LostMeFindMe), (upsidedownworld). 

 

When they got to their destination, (Flip) and (Sunny girl) pushed the loaded grocery cart through the open cabin door towards the lyrical sounds coming from a very old, and well-tuned oak piano. 

 

"Hi ya, (pianogirl)", shouted (Sunny girl) --" meet Veronica Blue, the girl who's seen wearing those (pink pajamas) on all those billboards from the (eastcoast) to the West Coast."

 

It was now midnight.  All the guests, having met Veronica Blue, were gathered around the Christmas tree, singing a rousing rendition of "Jingle Bells."

 

There was (Pattylu), (hanna), (turtlegirl), (pan), (jaso) (purple panda), (Hope), (Redeemed), (teacher2), (magrita), (Betsy), (rennysdream), (mplgirl), (redeven), and (vancouvergirl), happily singing their hearts out.

 

Veronica Blue wished them all a very merry Christmas, and gave to each of them, a silver pin in the shape of a grocery cart to take with them -  to wear, wherever they went - so the homeless folks would not be forgotten.

 

That crazy (pj) who was in charge of the guest list, and since he cannot count past fifteen, he was unable to mention many of the guests.  In no way does that lessen their importance.  He admires them, one, and all, for their courage, their strength, and their kindness toward others, who are going through those doggone withdrawals.

 

Forget about all those drugs, folks.  Laughter is still the best medicine, and Mother Nature will always be the best therapist.

 

Happy trails to you, til we meet again. 

 

 

 

 

 

Mr pj...................Is there a movie in the making ?   I would love to play the part of Sunny girl !

 

And so it is summertime...and my days have been very busy taking care of a garden (was I crazy) ...along with mowing my yard....brushing my cats hair....picking peaches.  Do I have to tell you how good a peach cobbler tastes ?  Ohhh!!!....and strawberry pie ?  Burger King has the best ice cream cone for 50 cents....and YES...my stomach is better ! I have enjoyed the humming birds, and so has my cat. Just kidding !  She has enjoyed several other birds who dared to wander by her turf, though.  I call her 'Bad Kitty'....but I know that is only nature for cats.

I hope that your summer has been pleasant.

 

I am trying very hard to keep a positive attitude, and live my life as normal as possible.

In your special way...you always find the right words to encourage us, and give us hope that healing does happen.  Thank you !

 

Write a book....pj ! 

Sunny girl

 

 

Sunny girl -

 

You sure know how to torture a poor boy with your sweet talk of peach cobbler!   Tantalizing thoughts of enjoying a big ol' slice of peach cobbler served beneath the shade of a gigantic maple tree on a slow-movin' summer afternoon - is the stuff of which dreams are made of.

 

I am so glad that your stomach is better.  I know from my past experience that stomach troubles can make life totally unbearable.  We never, ever want to have H-pylori again, that's for sure.

 

Yes, ma'am - "A Bag Lady Don't need no Pink Pajamas" ... the title of my non-existent play, will definitely feature you in the starring role.  Folks, we're not crazy or delusional - we are just havin' some fun; no such play exists - or does it? 

 

I've had a very pleasant summer, sounds like you did, too.

 

It's always nice to hear from you, Sunny girl.  Keep that positive attitude workin' for you and you can't go wrong.

 

The Hummingbirds have been more active than usual around the feeder this past week.  Perhaps they are anticipating an early Fall, and want to build up their reserves before they have to get out of dodge and embark on their long journey to Southern Mexico.

 

All the best to you, Sunny.  You're a good sport, and a 'Peach' of a person.  I'm happy that you are feeling better.  I hope that all the other good folks are, too.

 

pj   

[[...]]

Hi PJ - it is wonderful to see your little ministry on here.  this site has been a huge blessing to me.  I always mean to come on more to give the hope that was given me but at over 2 years off now I am busy trying to get back into life.

I still think about how I feel every second tho  I am hoping that goes away.  and I wake up so shaky.  I focus all the time on how far I have come tho.

I taught high school English for most of my wd and now taking months off to rest my cns and get off high bp med.  I hope it all works out with money etc.  I think God is making a way

I fancy myself a writer too.  I wrote a book on hope.  one of those dailies.  have all 357 entries;  just need to edit it.

back in graduate school again for mental health coun. I want to open a place for people to get off benzos. I hope one day for us to meet there.  colin esp.  maybe pamster .  my dream.  made a dvd of me in wd;  need to edit that and get it out and ask for money.  I am pretty goal oriented so I think it will all work out.

you and I go way back together on here .  not sure if you remember me.

giving hope on here is so important;  there is nothing like this process.  takes so long.

God Bless you PJ. 

 

Hi pan,

 

Thank you.  I never thought of it as a ministry, although I do occasionally  tend to preach to folks.  That's because I want the best for them.  I want to see them healed and happy.  I want to see you healed and happy because that's the way it should be.  You being healed and happy, living out your dreams and ambitions to the fullest without having to constantly worry about withdrawals, your health, money, and the million other things that complicate a person's life.

 

I do remember you, pan.  I remember most of the names that I have gotten to know since I first became a member here.  When I log on now, the names that I recognize have dwindled to just a few. 

 

Perhaps it is a sign for me to be on my merry way also, but as long as I can encourage one more person to stay the course, and not give up on their struggle to be free from benzos and begin a new life, the little time that I spend here has meaning, and is rewarding.

 

I know that it has been quite a struggle for you, and I sincerely hope it keeps on getting better and better for you.  You have had more than your share of withdrawals and all that goes with it.

 

If you keep the faith, stay strong, and do not waver from what is in your heart,  you can accomplish more than you ever thought was possible.

 

God bless you too, pan.  Remember that being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect.  It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections -- unknown

 

pj

[[ge...]]

Hi PJ, I hope you stick around. Sometimes it is hard to find positive stuff on BB, and I know I can always get it here. It's been priceless during my recovery, so I hope you decide to hang around. I am still struggling quite a bit at 12.5 months. It's easier, no question, but it can be very trying still...

 

Best,

GT

[[tu...]]

PJ:

 

Having a tough couple of days here.

 

I am trying to chock it up to a pretty stressful month (job change and oldest daughter leaving home for college).  I am emotionally and physically exhausted.  All of the changes are good ones, yet still they have left me feeling very fragile.

 

Anxiety, insomnia, the boaty/dizziness are all very ramped up and it spooks me.  In addition, and I am not sure if they are related or not, horrible headaches the last few days that only make me more off kilter.  It is tough to deal with my new job and surroundings knowing this is something I will have to muddle through (though I will - I dealt with it at my last job - only with my last job I started from a much calmer/rested place emotionally).  Before taking the medical job in May, I was feeling pretty decent.  Not healed mind you, but close.  After the stress of this job, finding a new one and the changes in our household I feel a bit skiddish and it scares me.

 

Just need a bit of bolstering today.  Need to hear that this is normal.  I get discouraged when I have had some good days/weeks only to revisit the yucky stuff at 18 months off.  I truly thought I would have posted my success story by now.  It makes me feel bad.

 

You often have good perspective for me on this and can help me get my mind in a better place.

 

Thanks!

TG

[[...]]

Hi PJ, I hope you stick around. Sometimes it is hard to find positive stuff on BB, and I know I can always get it here. It's been priceless during my recovery, so I hope you decide to hang around. I am still struggling quite a bit at 12.5 months. It's easier, no question, but it can be very trying still...

 

Best,

GT

 

Hi gettingthere,

 

Nice to hear from you again.  Sounds like you are doing much better these days.

 

Since it has been over twelve months for you now, and many folks have healed around the fifteenth month mark - I am going to make a prediction that by Thanksgiving you will have something to be very thankful for ... you will be completely healed; healthy and happy.

 

pj 

 

 

[[...]]

PJ:

 

Having a tough couple of days here.

 

I am trying to chock it up to a pretty stressful month (job change and oldest daughter leaving home for college).  I am emotionally and physically exhausted.  All of the changes are good ones, yet still they have left me feeling very fragile.

 

Anxiety, insomnia, the boaty/dizziness are all very ramped up and it spooks me.  In addition, and I am not sure if they are related or not, horrible headaches the last few days that only make me more off kilter.  It is tough to deal with my new job and surroundings knowing this is something I will have to muddle through (though I will - I dealt with it at my last job - only with my last job I started from a much calmer/rested place emotionally).  Before taking the medical job in May, I was feeling pretty decent.  Not healed mind you, but close.  After the stress of this job, finding a new one and the changes in our household I feel a bit skiddish and it scares me.

 

Just need a bit of bolstering today.  Need to hear that this is normal.  I get discouraged when I have had some good days/weeks only to revisit the yucky stuff at 18 months off.  I truly thought I would have posted my success story by now.  It makes me feel bad.

 

You often have good perspective for me on this and can help me get my mind in a better place.

 

Thanks!

TG

 

Hi TG,

 

When a child leaves for college, it can open up the floodgates to one's emotions, just like on that day when they went off to Kindergarten or to first grade.  You have raised your daughter from infancy, and watched her grow to adulthood. 

 

You were always there to watch over her and to protect her.  Now she is gone, not from your heart, but from your home, and it's a little bit scary for you, and a little bit lonely not knowing first hand how she will cope and adjust to her new environment.

 

You want her to be safe.  You want her to be happy, because a mother's love is like no other kind of love. 

 

You are feeling just like many mothers have felt since the beginning of time when a son or daughter left the nest and struck out on their own.  How many mothers have not cried a river of tears or had a boat load of anxiety when their siblings took flight to explore new horizons?  Not very many.

 

I doubt if there has ever been many mothers who have not felt like you are feeling right now.  Because of your already fragile CNS caused by the Ambien, you are getting hit especially hard.  You are worried that you are going back in time because what you are feeling now, feels just like it did when you were in the midst of withdrawals.

 

Worrying about your new job, and sending your child off to college ... it's no wonder that you are anxious, and cannot sleep.  Accept the fact that what you are feeling is all very normal when you have so many changes taking place in your life.   

 

You will be okay and you daughter will be okay.  Take a deep, relaxing breath,  brew yourself a cup of your favorite beverage, and take comfort in the knowing that you are a wonderful mother who raised a wonderful daughter.  You don't have to be in a hurry to write your success story here, because I am sure that you have had many success stories in all aspects of your life.

 

I hope you have a very nice weekend.

 

pj     

 

 

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Many times I have read posts where someone mentions how depressed they are. 

 

They are often told that it is just the benzos causing their depression, and that it will go away, along with their other symptoms.  Often that is the case.

 

Withdrawing from benzos can definitely cause depression, but if it is that deep, dark, the world is ending, "I want to die kind of depression" that someone is suffering from,

 

we, as responsible members of BenzoBuddies, need to inform that person that perhaps they need to see a doctor or a Psychiatrist, because the depression that they are experiencing could very well be not caused by benzo withdrawals,  but caused by other unexplained, past or present, unresolved issues in their life.

 

We must never suggest that it is okay for them to discontinue taking a drug that was prescribed for them by their doctor to treat depression, because we do not know anything about what is going on in their life or what is really the cause of their depression. 

 

We can, and we should, offer encouragement and support - til' the cows come home - but we should never suggest to them that all doctors and Psychiatrists are uncaring and unfeeling - highly paid, no nothings, so they should not be listened to or trusted. 

 

Severe, unresolved, unrelenting depression, the kind not related to benzo withdrawals, can have dire repercussions if that depression is not treated by someone in the medical profession.

 

We all want to be 'the good guy' and tell someone want they want to hear, but to be truly helpful, and for their health and well - being, sometimes we have to tell folks what they do not want to hear.

 

I don't mean to come off as a sanctimonious know it all, because I really don't know that much about anything, except that withdrawals can make a person's psyche very fragile, so we must take care not to give folks advice that may harm them or prolong their recovery.

 

A dear person once called this thread a ministry ( I think she meant it in a nice way, because she is a very nice lady) ... so I will conclude with today's sermon, bid good day to you all, and begin preparing for my next sermon which the topic will be -

 

Why The Notre Dame Football Team Will Beat The Alabama Football Team This Year. .

 

pj

 

 

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"Grown men can learn from very little children, for the hearts of the little children are pure.  Therefore, the Great Spirit may show to them many things which older people miss." --- anonymous Native American quote

 

 

To all you wonderful mothers who are raising little kids or big kids while going through withdrawals; you are indeed very special, especially if you are raising teenagers, because that can be like nailing jelly to a tree. 

 

Even though you may often suffer, and struggle through many long, weary days when you have had very little sleep, and you hurt all over, you still find the patience and the strength to care for those kids. 

 

You women are supermoms.  Next to you, Superman is not so super.

 

Do not feel guilty if you cannot devote as much time to your kids in the same way that you did before those nasty withdrawals knocked all the starch out of you, and left you feeling like a worn-out dish rag - because when kids experience some hard times and adversity in their young lives, it often makes them a more compassionate and understanding adult.

 

They will love you with the same unconditional, no strings attached kind of love, that you have for them ... no matter what. 

 

Kids should know that all drugs are not bad.  They need to realize that many drugs actually help people.  Use this time as a teaching opportunity to explain to your young kids about the good, versus the bad drugs that are out there. 

 

Kids need to have answers to their questions, and reassurance about their concerns.  Let them know what kind of drug you are taking or what kind you took, how you are taking it, and why you are taking it, or why you took it. 

 

Let them know that you are not always going to act or feel the same way that you are feeling now, and that it will take awhile, but you will be the same mom that you used to be, and that you love them in the same way as you have always loved them. 

 

Reassure them that when you are feeling better you will do many of the fun things that you used to do with them.

 

I hope everyone is feeling a little bit better today than you did yesterday, and that tomorrow you will feel even better ... a whole lot better.

 

pj

 

 

 

 

[[pa...]]

Dearest PJ....

 

Your words of wisdom you so eloquently express tug at each and everyone's heart. Lots of  always to you.

 

Patty  

[[...]]

Dearest patty,

 

Your words of wisdom you so eloquently express tug at each and everyone's heart. Lots of  always to you.

   

 

Thank you for your very kind words.  I gave them back to you, because you are more deserving of them than I am.

 

pj

[[...]]

Since January 1st of this year, over 2400 people have added their name to the introduction section of this forum. 

 

That number is absolutely astounding!  But, what is even more astounding is the probability that there are thousands upon thousands of folks out there who do not know about this site who are facing withdrawals all alone, not knowing anything about tapering, the consequences of going cold turkey or the fact that benzos, and drugs like Ambien, are to be taken for only a couple of weeks.

 

Just like those folks, many of us were caught completely off guard.  We had no idea how powerful or menacing benzos could be, so when we reached tolerance or wanted off of these drugs, all hell broke loose.

 

We didn't understand why we were unable to fall asleep or why our muscles began to ache or why bright lights became unbearable or why we were suddenly afraid to be alone or why we were cold all the time or why the slightest noise, even the meowing of a pet cat sounded like the roaring of a wild lion.

 

All of our senses became hyper-vigilant, making us more alert, and more paranoid than a junk yard dog guarding a pile of rusted cars that were destined for the scrap pile. 

 

Many days were like living our lives a top a scrap pile, because we felt like a piece of used iron, incapable of having feelings or showing emotion - left out in the rain to turn to rust - because no one believed us or understood us when we mentioned the word withdrawals. 

 

Withdrawals were something that junkies had, not someone who was given drugs by a doctor.   

 

Because of the depersonalization, and derealization that silently crept into our lives, like a thief in the night, and stole from us any semblance of who we used to be - we would look into the mirror, and question who that person was that was looking back at us.   

 

It was as if we were watching - in slow-motion, our life go by in a one-act play - through a cloudy, dusty, dirty window - because everything appeared distorted and unreal.  Our sleepless nights, our endless pain, our intrusive thoughts, and our lack of motivation, turned that one-act play into a three-act play, because everyday seemed longer and longer, and every night seemed to never end.

 

You can forget about most of what you have just read, because when you have healed, your life will be like a dream come true. 

 

You will have no more pain, no more nightmares, no more wondering who you are or where you are going. 

 

Instead of watching your life through a tiny, clouded window, your body tormented with pain - you will be looking through a window that is clearer than an Autumn morning, and big enough to watch a parade from. 

 

Leading that parade will be you - healed and happy - marching to the beat of a different drummer - marching to the happy song that is in your heart. 

 

pj