Very depressed.. feeling like running away and just isolating myself:(

[[Mi...]]

Hi everyone-

 

I am new to this site and have been on Ativan for 6 months. 2.5 is  my current dose. I started at .5 just in the evenings. I am feeling so alone and depressed. I had two good days and today was not so good. The crying and alone feeling has totally overcome my being. Please help as no one understands. I am suppose to be crossing over to valium in a few weeks. I just dont know what to do. The reason the crossing over is in a few weeks is because I have had thyroid issues as well that need to be stable. They are stable, but want to keep it that way for a few weeks. Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated. I just feel so alone and lost:(

 

Thanks again,

 

Michelle

[[Ni...]]

Hi Michelle,

 

I'm so sorry you are feeling depressed. It's really hard to feel like you're alone, we're here for you. I find that getting myself distracted helps me not feel alone. You will get to know many members here and I think that will help you cope with all that's going on.

 

How are your symptoms doing? You can ask any questions that you want to, we're understanding, as we've all gone through so many of the things you are going through.

 

 

[[Mi...]]

Thanks so much for your reply! It means ALOT! Well... The last two days were actually good. No crying, or depressed feeling. I actually thought yesterday that even if I wanted to cry, I couldnt!! Felt great. Then today, a different story. Just crying, feeling alone, sad, angry, tired. Not sure if its my body telling me it wants me to up my Ativan:( I've felt the withdrawls and those werent pretty. Arms burning, insomnia, fast heartrate, brain fog, depression, crying etc etc... Just not sure what to do as my psych is not avail on the weekends. I had my thyroid out in March of 08. Just found out my meds were too high. So we lowered the dose and my labs came back looking good. So I got the green light to crossover to valium soon. Im terrified. I have two small children that I care for daily. School, homework, playtime, playdates, cooking, cleaning, etc.. You get my drift:) I just feel like I'm driftig away. Feel like there are days I only exist, and not actually living. My poor husband is helpless. Ive been on the Ativan for 6 months. I dont know if I'm ready to come off of the meds. Maybe Ativan isnt working. I have 30 years of therapy I am currently going through. Just too much to handle. So sorry to be a Debbie downer!! Just telling my story and feeling so lost and alone. Even with a house full of people, I feel all by myself. :'(

[[Ni...]]

Hi Michelle,

 

I know exactly how you feel. Even when we have understanding family, it's not always easy because we want to put up a front that everything is okay.

 

There is a really good book by Bliss Johns, called Benzo-Wise, I bought it and shared it with my family. They understand that this is hard and takes time to recover.

 

You are benzo-wise now, so you will not be drifting away. I know the feeling of days of only existing, but your feelings will come back to you. I'm very glad you are getting the thyroid issues straightened out because it's got to be hard to be dealing with tapering a benzo, plus thyroid problems. I think you've got a strong determination to work through this. Don't worry about being a downer, we've all been there. You'll find many here that have been through benzo withdrawal and thyroid problems. We're here for you.

[[Mi...]]

Thanks again! Looking forward to this site and finding alot of my strength here! Have a good night:)

[[fi...]]

Hi Michelle,

 

Hope you're doing better.  I also am on Thyroid Medication and tapering from Klonopin.  I know about the alone feeling, but keeping busy, even if it's just staying on the BB forum, has really helped me out a lot.  Unfortunately, with Benzo withdrawal some days are definitely better than others days.  Of course, that's one reason this forum exists.  Hang in there.  Wishing you much success!

[Guest [Si...]]

The depression from this is wicked and dark! It is horrible.

One evening I woke up with such cruel depression.. I almost called 9-11, and tell them I had a Kidney Stone just to get a shot of Morphine to put me out at that time. I cannot hold my valium dose too long.. I get depressed badly.

I have had depression before but not to the extreme like this Benzo (Valium) causes.. I believe they all pretty much cause depression.

 

Hang in there.

 

 

 

[[fi...]]

Sigma,

 

I was just wondering if your depression was worse on Klonopin or Valium?  The reason I ask is if I decide to crossover to Valium.

 

Thanks!

[Guest [Si...]]

Sigma,

 

I was just wondering if your depression was worse on Klonopin or Valium?  The reason I ask is if I decide to crossover to Valium.

 

Thanks!

 

Well, Klonopin caused more of a foggy depression, but tolerable.

 

Valium just causes a depression that is Amnesic and horrible.

 

I wished I had just stayed on the Klonopin and tapered sometimes.. but then again.. klonopin caused more anxiety tapering it than valium.

 

Ashton says Klonopin has the most adverse side effects, she is not kidding.

 

But to me, the Valium has its own set of effects too, and both are kind of equal, really.

 

Hard to compare.

[[Mi...]]

Thanks for reaching out!

 

Sigma- I'm just scared to even start the crossover. I'm suppose to start this week. I don't know if I should taper or crossover. My negative mindset is not helping the cause! I have two small children I need to care for. I'm a stay at home mommy. Maybe hire help through this?? I'm so lost. Ive tried to talk myself out of weening all together and I know that's wrong. Holidays are around the corner and I want to enjoy them as we travel back home to Chicago.

 

I'm blessed to have found you all!

 

MK

[[Mi...]]

Fishing guy- have you found that the tapering process has interfered with your thyroid in any way? Do you have a thyroid? I don't and that's another "woulda coulda shoulda" for me. Change my life!! Being hyper or hypo can definitely mimic w/d symptoms as well. Thank you for your input! I pray I can get through this.

 

MK

[Guest [Si...]]

Thanks for reaching out!

 

Sigma- I'm just scared to even start the crossover. I'm suppose to start this week. I don't know if I should taper or crossover. My negative mindset is not helping the cause! I have two small children I need to care for. I'm a stay at home mommy. Maybe hire help through this?? I'm so lost. Ive tried to talk myself out of weening all together and I know that's wrong. Holidays are around the corner and I want to enjoy them as we travel back home to Chicago.

 

I'm blessed to have found you all!

 

MK

 

MK,

 

Listen, don't let my experience with valium scare you.

I remember when I first c/o, the valium did make me feel better.

I slept better, as it was sedating.. that it is.

I was scared too, believe me.. I was on edge.

BUT when I crossed over, I found that it was not as bad as I thought.

The valium will cover the ativan.

If it can cover klonopin, it can def. cover ativan.

I functioned very well.. I c/o to 45mg!! That is a large dose.

IMO, I think you will be okay.

The only reason I am having some bad sx's is because I cut 10mg in two months..

Plus I am at 15mg from 45mg, I'm getting there.

 

You will be okay. 

[[Mi...]]

Sigma- it's not your story that scares me.. It's all the Valium ones I've read. I'm going thru tolerance w/d as we speak and I'm too damn stubborn to updose. Last night I had the tremors, a little heart palls and some anxiety. I breathedpv b m deeply and fell asleep. Its now 7am and my body feels slightly sore from the tremors and muscles twitching. I've had a headache too. I'm just scared. I have no thyroid and petrified. Can ask whats the difference between titrating, crossing over and just plain old tapering? I'm afraid of the Valium. Also, what does a detox center do differently? Right now my psych wants me to take my Ativan of .5 3 times a day, then Valium at bedtime. Thats one week.. Second Valium when I wake up one Ativan .5 in day then Valium at night. I feel this is too fast or is it me? Maybe I'm not ready? But are we ever? If I didn't have a family, I'd take this by the horns and suck it up.but I do have two small children and a house to run. Just scared. And not to mentioned.. I left my psych a vm and email Friday with my concerns and he has yet to reply.

[[Ni...]]

Sigma- it's not your story that scares me.. It's all the Valium ones I've read. I'm going thru tolerance w/d as we speak and I'm too damn stubborn to updose. Last night I had the tremors, a little heart palls and some anxiety. I breathedpv b m deeply and fell asleep. Its now 7am and my body feels slightly sore from the tremors and muscles twitching. I've had a headache too. I'm just scared. I have no thyroid and petrified. Can ask whats the difference between titrating, crossing over and just plain old tapering? I'm afraid of the Valium. Also, what does a detox center do differently? Right now my psych wants me to take my Ativan of .5 3 times a day, then Valium at bedtime. Thats one week.. Second Valium when I wake up one Ativan .5 in day then Valium at night. I feel this is too fast or is it me? Maybe I'm not ready? But are we ever? If I didn't have a family, I'd take this by the horns and suck it up.but I do have two small children and a house to run. Just scared. And not to mentioned.. I left my psych a vm and email Friday with my concerns and he has yet to reply.

 

Hi Michelle K,

 

It can feel scary to taper off of a benzo and we're here to support you through this. I hope you and your doctor are working closely together on the cross-over to Valium. Have you read about crossing over to Valium in the Ashton Manual yet? Here is some information from the manual, you may want to take the manual to your doctor and discuss it with them:

 

http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzcha02.htm

 

It's very important to listen to your body and go at a pace that's comfortable for you. Some detox centers taper patients at a pace that's faster than they are comfortable with. I also hope your psych doctor is working together with your medical doctor as you have a thyroid condition. We do have taper sections at BB where members share what has been successful for them and  helpful tips on how they have coped with their withdrawal. Going slow can help minimize your withdrawal symptoms and we're here for you. 

[[Wh...]]

Thanks for reaching out!

 

Sigma- I'm just scared to even start the crossover. I'm suppose to start this week. I don't know if I should taper or crossover. My negative mindset is not helping the cause! I have two small children I need to care for. I'm a stay at home mommy. [b]Maybe hire help through this?? [/b] I'm so lost. Ive tried to talk myself out of weening all together and I know that's wrong. Holidays are around the corner and I want to enjoy them as we travel back home to Chicago.

 

I'm blessed to have found you all!

 

MK

 

Yes to your question about hiring help, especially with the children.  You may not need it right now but it is definitely best to get this organized in case you need it.  Hopefully you are in a good financial position that you can hire help.  Not everyone becomes incapacitated by benzo w/d but I have seen lots that do.

[[fi...]]

Hi MK,

 

I do have a Thyroid but have Hypothyroidism.  I haven't noticed any negative effects from the medicine in regards to my K taper.  Hope this helps.  (By the way, I'm on Levoxyl).

[[fi...]]

Thanks for the info., Sigma.

[[fi...]]

MK,

 

You may want to do some research on detox centers.  I have gone to two and left in much worse shape physically than I was before I went in.  In fact, I am still recovering from the last 5-day detox over 7 months ago and had to go back on my original dose of Klonopin.  Detox centers, at least in my experience, hurt me worse than they helped.  I personally think working with your doctor and doing a slow taper is the best way to go.  Of course, whether you do a dry cut taper, c/o to Valium or Librium, or titration, that's for you and your doctor to decide.  Just my opinion, but listen to your heart.  Best wishes ....

[[Mi...]]

Thanks sigma ! I see my psych and decided to move forward and bite the bullet and do this without a treatment center. I'm scared, but determined. I WILL rid myself of this nasty little pill:) I was actually having interdosing w/d yesterday and went outside, hung with my neighbors and had a great night. I will not updose. Letting my body feel a little of the w/d. Sounds weird huh?

[[Mi...]]

Thanks fishing guy! I'm on Synthroid and cytomel. The joys of having no thyroid;) So happy to hear you've had no issues. Gives me great hope! Be well:)

[[Ho...]]

Hi Michelle,

 

Sorry you are feeling down. I too am feeling down right now.

One thing that should give you hope is that people find their depression begins to lift as they taper down their benzo.

Think of it this way: your depression is simply being cause by the benzo, but as you begin your crossover and taper you will find that it slowly lifts.

 

 

[[Mi...]]

I'm having a very hard day:( Just found out my thyroid doc wants to run another set of labs to make sure my labs are ok. We just did them two plus weeks ago. Now she and my psych have to wait for the results, next week. I'm interdosing as we speak and I have no idea what to do. If they aren't stable, then no ween. Talk about my depression kicking up ten notches. I was taking my .5 every 6 hours, now were at 5.. now what?? Every 4?? I'm so upset:( I know they're being cautious, I want to start this process now. Ativan isn't helping anymore. I need relief if these thyroid labs come back unstable. This can take 4 weeks to 4 months. I know this drill all too well....

[[fi...]]

Hope everything works out, MK.  I have a close friend that had her thyroid removed and she is also on Synthroid (although I'm not sure if she is on Cytomel or not).  She seems to be doing great, however.  In fact, she's a professional counselor.