Return of morning depression

[[St...]]

Hi, all.

 

I'm stuck in my lorazepam taper at .25 mg, 3 x per day (down from 1 mg 3 x per day for years) and I am trying to figure out what the return of my old "friend" -- morning depression -- means for me.

 

I don't understand why the depression lifts in the afternoon/evening (like flipping a switch) if this is from the benzo withdrawal ... it happens even if I put off my 3rd dose until much later than usual.

 

All morning and afternoon, I am just kinda not there, not enjoying anything, can't remember that I ever did enjoy anything, can't believe I ever will, got that monotone voice, can't be friendly very long, no energy, etc.

 

Then, bingo, 5:00 or so and I am FINE. Totally fine, can't really remember what was so horrible about the rest of the day when everything seems hunky dory now! So I make plans, get excited about things, etc. and then it starts all over again the next day.

 

The thing is, this is my depression pattern, and I have had two bouts with major depression. This is always the pattern, and I know I am getting better when the lift comes earlier and earlier in the day. It was antidepressants that got me out of it both times, and I am still taking those.

 

So, trying to understand if this is antidepressant "poop-out" and return of depression symptoms, or part of the benzo withdrawal. Of course I know it is probably all of these things, but any insights would be appreciated.

 

S

[[Pa...]]

I usually hear members talk about morning anxiety that lifts in the afternoon, but I'll bet they're related.  I'll point them to low blood sugar in the morning or high cortisol levels, do you think these could be playing a part in your depression?

[[St...]]

Thanks, Pamster. I'm sure it's all entwined, but this doesn't feel like anxiety. It feels like absence of feeling. Gone.

 

And then when I feel better later in the day, I have my regular emotions back.

 

The mood swings are hard on me, but harder on my family I think.

 

Off to the doc on Friday, so we'll see if she has any ideas.

 

S

[[Pa...]]

The only way to get past feeling dead inside is to get past the benzo's.  My feelings all came back when I healed, I felt joy again, I hope you can keep moving forward with your taper.

[[Ho...]]

I think I'm starting to get this morning depression too. The minute I open my eyes, all I hear in my mind are horrible negative thoughts and I can barely even get out of bed. It's always been the case for me that I start to feel better around 4 or 5 pm.

[[Be...]]

The mornings are very bad for me too Stone. I too feel better in the late afternoon. Not fine like you, but better. There must be a hormonal component for all of us as Pam insinuated. This has to be it.

[[as...]]

My benzo withdrawal caused morning depression, as well. It's definitely par for the course.

[[...]]

I completely relate with the depression lessening as the day moves on.  It is true that depression festers through sleep, but I think there is a cognitive level to it.  This is something I have been thinking about a lot.  I think the pressure of the days are a factor - facing the hours and the responsibilities so I am working on developing strong self talk and ways to create peace of mind early on.  "the world is safe" , "i can do this", "not so bad"  "depression - ok - so what"  "i am stong, healthy and happy", "everything is fine" -"i am healing" -  nothing momumental. you get the idea.  this is definitely interesting.

thanks for your honesty, courage and hope

[[ga...]]

Just came across this on the boards.  It is has been an issue with me on and off for quite some time.  Now causing me some issues.  Been off the Ativan for 6 weeks and finding mornings are filled with negative thoughts and depression.  Don't feel like doing much but I do push myself to exercise and go to work.  Just hoping this eventually ends.  Any thoughts?

[[An...]]

I am in the same boat too and it drives me mad 

[[Ho...]]

Same here.

[[ga...]]

Are you able to push yourself or is that impossible at this time.  I know how hard it is to do but there may be times you might surprise yourself.

[[...]]

I am right there right now I have to trying to push myself stage