Feel like I’m in prison

[[Al...]]

18 hours ago, [[L...] said:

I’m 15 days CT and it’s getting worse and worse. Work is bad and I cannot even have a conversation with out feeling like I sound dumb, very little concentration, my daughter’s graduation from high school and I cannot feel joy or excitement. No emotions. I’m reading post that this can last months to years which I don’t have. Scared at night due to no sleep, my appetite is gone as well as my appearance. I’m avoiding family at all cost because I feel like they see me as a junkie. I’ve never played around with pills before, I miss drinking and laughing and enjoying life instead I’m hiding from everyone. No one understands this but thinks it’s all in my head and say I’m my worse enemy. Money is bad right now with work slowing down. Seems like there is no happiness anymore. 

Did your doctor force you to CT?  Just curious what your exact situation is.

[[...]]

@[Lu...] we all know what it feels like, the shock and impotence of this injustice done to us. It's like you've been hit by a truck and the driver and everyone who witnessed it don't care.

It seems like you need some time to let it all sink in. The only thing that might help you is knowing that it will pass. Try to simplify your life as much as you can, the priority now is for you to heal and rest as much as you can.

[[Th...]]

I quit CT after 6 months of Benzo use, I was actually on 4 different Benzos including Xanax.  This is not permanent.  I said the same thing, "I'll have to wait a year or more to feel better?"  I was lucky in that I started feeling better after about 10 months.  Recovery is very nonlinear, very up and down and has no rhyme or reason.  Symptoms can fade and then return again.  But eventually you WILL heal.  I'll be 8 years off in August and there were many times I thought I was permanently broken and would be stuck for life.  Not true. 

As others have said, acute withdrawal usually lasts anywhere from 2 and up to 12 weeks or so depending on the person.  My symptoms really started to kick in around month 3 after my CT.  I completely recovered about 6 years ago.  Just do your best to get through each minute, hour and day.  Eventually you'll cross the finish line, but it most likely won't be easy.  It wasn't for me and thousands of others, but we all managed to make it through.  Peace.

[[Js...]]

On 14/06/2024 at 11:02, [[L...] said:

I’m 15 days CT and it’s getting worse and worse. Work is bad and I cannot even have a conversation with out feeling like I sound dumb, very little concentration, my daughter’s graduation from high school and I cannot feel joy or excitement. No emotions. I’m reading post that this can last months to years which I don’t have. Scared at night due to no sleep, my appetite is gone as well as my appearance. I’m avoiding family at all cost because I feel like they see me as a junkie. I’ve never played around with pills before, I miss drinking and laughing and enjoying life instead I’m hiding from everyone. No one understands this but thinks it’s all in my head and say I’m my worse enemy. Money is bad right now with work slowing down. Seems like there is no happiness anymore. 

I know how you feel @[Lu...] Unfortunately I did not find this website in time. My duration was 3 years of Xanax. I am 19 days sober with strange waves here and there. I could only afford a two week taper. 

I really did like Brighterdays and Crono's posts. I hope you try some of it to alleviate some this nightmare.

 

On 14/06/2024 at 18:27, [[L...] said:

I do really appreciate all of the help but hearing that this could last months maybe even years and permanently damage I cannot accept. There should be a class action lawsuit this is poison. I cannot work function as a father and provider. This was not mentioned to me as a permanent side effect for the rest of my life gives me more anxiety than I can handle. 

I think you should take a step back and focus on yourself and daughter only. Try to simplify things. First celebrate and count your blessings. Lastly, we do not know how each person feels. Some people can feel normal after 30 days, some people take longer. I think finding peace with the fact that it's unknown is the first step, second step taking actions to making it smoother. 

1. You made a leap of faith to be sober. Regardless of how you did it, you did it. 

2. You kept your job. Things would be a lot worse if you had no income. Imagine trying to interview in the current state - not fun, but that does not mean its impossible to find work. 

3. Yes, a lot of people will not understand. That's okay, this is about you and not them. 

4. Record your progress. As Brighterday stated, can be a journal. For me its voice memos or practicing in the mirror speaking. If I fall, I tell myself this too shall pass.

A man that raised me said "If I lost everything today I would know what to do tomorrow." Life is hard, this economy can be cruel.

I do believe you can be the light when it feels dark, I do not believe this is permanent. Who is to say you will not feel great in a few months?

Stay positive. Anything you read is not guaranteed.

What is guaranteed is your fortitude if you choose. Thank you for being honest, you give me strength as well.

[[jo...]]

On 14/06/2024 at 15:17, [[L...] said:

Can’t get outta of my head. I can’t believe that I have to do this. No sleep, work is bad, family events starting to happen and I feel emotional detached, no emotions. Waiting for bad things to happen. Wtf this is nuts how this happened and how no one is accountable for this. 

That's a good way of describing this. You feel trapped.

[[Ca...]]

I feel much the same - lot of anxiety with it. I've tried to fighting, running, refocusing, sitting still, reasoning, faith, etc. - nothing. In fact, I feel I can't squeeze through this sort of 'glue' in my head to do anything with it. So I'm left with - [I don't know anything, at all.] I think it fits the definition of prison perfectly. I'm afraid I'm a lifer too.