Lost some hope

[[Sh...]]

I could really use some help u guys x I’ve lost so much hope in the last couple of weeks. I’ve developed really scary ectopic heart beats, I know they are common but these are so hard I’m only able to get 2-4 hrs sleep in the last couple of weeks. Lack of sleep makes them worse. I can’t believe I have to do this again. I even have had dry retching and cortisol surges and I haven’t had them in a very long time. When I lay down and deep breathe they calm down but I can’t do that all day. I am going to go and see a cardiologist but really I don’t see the point because I went to hospital the other night because they were making me lightheaded and they said everyone gets ectopics and not to worry about it. 
I’m so tired of fighting for my life today. I need my buddies 😢

[[Kr...]]

@[Sh...]🫂🙏❤️

[[Sh...]]

😭

[[Sh...]]

I think I just had a panic attack. I feel a little bit better since. I think the thought of being sick again really scared me x 😖 I’m ok xx 

[[Bu...]]

Oh, @[Sh...], I'm so sorry.  This just sucks sometimes!  But we're all here for you. ❤

How are you feeling now?

[[...]]

I’m hoping the best for you Shayna. Those morning dry heaves with the cortisol surge are horrible. I still get them from time to time. My god to just wake up and stretch feeling good would be be an awesome thing to experience again. 

[[ja...]]

Hi Shayna.   I know this is just a blip in the radar.... you have seen some amazing progress,  so I'm sure your symptoms will pass.   I recently went thru days of waking with a jolt to the adrenalin sweats... body vibrating like I was in acute.... I'm 2.5 years post.   It triggered me too.  It seems like I'm getting better... (  know I am).... but physical exertion and excitement/stress can bring me back to the beginning. 

 

[[Sh...]]

It’s so hard you guys. I’m struggling today. I’m at work tho, just faking my way thru. 
to be back here again is hard. Thanku for helping me thru ❤️

[[tr...]]

Shayna....just saw this. going to contact you. If I remember you near my age ( abit younger??) Anyhoo....perimenopause hormonal fluctuations can bring back some symptoms....I'm there myself. Yes it freaks you out at first but once you know what it is you calm down. 

No more hard workouts that raise cortisol, just walk and some weights. Get rid of alcohol or caffeine( I say that bc some of us semi healed ppl have tried to tolerate some of that stuff again). Keep stress low. 

I'm making an assumption I know, but its very likely. Hugs.

[[Sh...]]

Thanku beautiful Trina x I know there’s something at work for sure this has happened out of the blue and hit me like a sledgehammer. 
wtaf! Ugh. My heart feels like a floppy fish today and everything’s revving hard 🥺

[[Sh...]]

8 hours ago, [[B...] said:

Oh, @[Sh...], I'm so sorry.  This just sucks sometimes!  But we're all here for you. ❤

How are you feeling now?

Thank u burn. I really appreciate your reply. It’s really hard. I was so close to the end too so to get sucked back in by stress really hurts. 
I strangely calmed down after the panic attack or whatever it was. Then I was able to go to work but it was hard. I was very jittery all day and heart was all over the place. Now I kinda feel like my body temp is up? Just don’t feel right if that makes sense. 
I hope u are having a better day than me ❤️

[[Sh...]]

[[Sh...]]

5 hours ago, [[j...] said:

Hi Shayna.   I know this is just a blip in the radar.... you have seen some amazing progress,  so I'm sure your symptoms will pass.   I recently went thru days of waking with a jolt to the adrenalin sweats... body vibrating like I was in acute.... I'm 2.5 years post.   It triggered me too.  It seems like I'm getting better... (  know I am).... but physical exertion and excitement/stress can bring me back to the beginning. 

Oh Thanku honey for normalizing this for me. I’m sorry u are still having hard times too. Right now I’ve got this wierd low grade fever and my skin is clammy. Kinda tingly skin?  So wierd. Yeah I felt like I was in acute this morning! I have been taking on too much stress but seriously u think this far out u will be ok. Tonight I am going to take a unisom coz I need to sleep. These short nights are really hurting me. 
How is ur sleep now janiceh? I know how hard this symptom has been for u to overcome too ❤️It’s a beast

[[be...]]

hang in there. we are all going through this too. 

[[La...]]

18 hours ago, [[S...] said:

I could really use some help u guys x I’ve lost so much hope in the last couple of weeks. I’ve developed really scary ectopic heart beats, I know they are common but these are so hard I’m only able to get 2-4 hrs sleep in the last couple of weeks. Lack of sleep makes them worse. I can’t believe I have to do this again. I even have had dry retching and cortisol surges and I haven’t had them in a very long time. When I lay down and deep breathe they calm down but I can’t do that all day. I am going to go and see a cardiologist but really I don’t see the point because I went to hospital the other night because they were making me lightheaded and they said everyone gets ectopics and not to worry about it. 
I’m so tired of fighting for my life today. I need my buddies 😢

Shay 🥰🤝🤗 it will be alright. Things will calm down again. These symptoms are known to circle back around. I’ve had a couple of them do that to me as well. One of those had been gone for 2 years. But it did come back much milder and short lived. This is usually the case when this happens so I hope that helps you to make peace with it. It came, it went…it’s back, it WILL go away again. I know it’s frustrating but you are an amazing strong woman. Use your coping skills and tell yourself that you are ok because you are. I’m here for you…u know how to reach me sweetheart. 

[[...]]

8 hours ago, [[S...] said:

I know. What does that feel like to wake up at a normal time and feel refreshed? It’s just blowing my mind that I’m here right now. Honestly the way I felt this morning felt like 3 years ago pacing and crying and retching. It’s bullshit. 
how are u doing buddie? 

Wish I could say I was doing great but unfortunately I can’t. I’m pretty much on the same boat and need some more hope but it’s getting harder and harder to find it. All we can do is keep fighting and hope for the day that life goes back to normal. 

[[An...]]

 

13 hours ago, [[t...] said:

Shayna....just saw this. going to contact you. If I remember you near my age ( abit younger??) Anyhoo....perimenopause hormonal fluctuations can bring back some symptoms....I'm there myself. Yes it freaks you out at first but once you know what it is you calm down. 

No more hard workouts that raise cortisol, just walk and some weights. Get rid of alcohol or caffeine( I say that bc some of us semi healed ppl have tried to tolerate some of that stuff again). Keep stress low. 

I'm making an assumption I know, but its very likely. Hugs.

Yep, no more HIIT type exercising for me anymore either.

Edited June 11 by [An...]
delete duplicate

[[Th...]]

Sorry you are experiencing 2-4 hours of sleep right now, BUT your current sleep is TEMPORARY.  It will pass.  There's no rhyme or reason to any of this and "late" waves, symptoms and setbacks seem to hit most from time-to-time.  I'll be 8 years off in August and I still get some waves or bouts of insomnia.  Most of them are one-off nights, but sometimes they last a few weeks.  From 18 months to about 6.5 years off, some of them lasted up to almost 2 months.

The good news is that CBD sleep gummies (Lazarus brand) and/or Unisom (Doxylamine) 25mg, work for those one-off nights.  Even at 3 years off, they never worked for me and now they do.  

Hold onto the fact that you've slept a lot longer (in the past) and were sleeping much better than you are now.  If that happened before, it WILL happen again for sure.  Hang in there.

Peace!

[[Sh...]]

Thanku everyone x I took a 1/2 unisom last night and slept fairly well so I’m greatful for it. I just don’t want to take anything tho u know? I just want to be able to sleep. It’s so crazy to me that I was sleeping 6-7 hours a night a year ago and now it feels like I’m back to square one. It’s so frustrating. I was doing so well. 
I appreciate u guys normalizing for me. It helps me so much. It has been a rough couple of months to be sure. Im so glad I had a better night tho my gosh. It was getting scary 

[[Sh...]]

I’ve slept well the last 3 nights. I’ve been taking unisom but my heart rate is much better so I am greatful. I’m just going to keep things as they are for a bit and get some sleep, seems my body remembers those 2-4 nights and freaked out. Massive trauma response. That’s why I don’t believe u can truly go back to normal, the memory of how awful it was is always lurking. 🥺

[[...]]

52 minutes ago, [[S...] said:

I’ve slept well the last 3 nights. I’ve been taking unisom but my heart rate is much better so I am greatful. I’m just going to keep things as they are for a bit and get some sleep, seems my body remembers those 2-4 nights and freaked out. Massive trauma response. That’s why I don’t believe u can truly go back to normal, the memory of how awful it was is always lurking. 🥺

That’s my biggest fear is that the intensity and duration of this recovery is so bad that we will never be able to get past it. All it will take is one bad night to cause a cascade of symptoms to come back. Which means I will  never be able to fully enjoy life again. That’s also why I will never be able to forgive the doctor that did this to me.

[[ka...]]

Just means body needs more time 💕❤️💙

[[Sh...]]

I agree xray. It’s so hard to put it behind you when it flares up every now and then. I feel terrified right now, too scared to go to gym, worrying about what I eat again because I can’t go back to that. I feel a bit like I’ve escaped from jail and I could be captured and dragged back at any moment. It’s awful. 
you are right kanoba more time for sure but I was so close at one point now to have it ripped away feels so unfair. Dusting off and trying again after such an epic battle is exhausting I am bone tired. 

[[Ca...]]

Yes, that's rough to take So sorry it got to a panic level. I'm running way low on hope myself. I've not seen an up word trend, in downward since 2019. I'm terrified and incredibly depressed. I feel grief, guilt and inner torment about the past and for having a lousy attitude and for not having found a better way, interpersonally. Feel responsible for, at least my perception but I can scarcely get out of bed. Recently broke my ankle so that doesn't help. My wife and I did get out to eat recently at a nice little place in town which was nice. I rarely go out anymore but it was a Birthday thing. We can't afford it anymore to do anything. I've had to face giving up playing instruments anymore, first off from the Benzos, secondly injuries, final nail, I've developed arthritis in hands. I've lost lot of the music stuff to pawn so I finally shut the studio down for good. Never got to use it. I'm terribly stressed too about the trajectory of life on planet Earth and it's heartbreaking. I live in mental anguish and exhausted and feeling demoralized. I'm 66 and I guess I'm just hanging in there for my wife and my cat. Sorry for the downer -

[[Co...]]

Catto and others, your shared pain is not a downer in that others, like myself, can identify and not feel as alone. I too was a professional jazz pianist for many years, am 62, and lost my business and 20 year marriage to a combination of bad meds/doctors, which ultimately led me back to alcohol after 15 years of sobriety. The depression was overwhelming and I just wanted to feel better.  I now have a year and 4 months clean and sober, and am down to 5.5 mgs of Valium from 30 mgs. I am also tapering Seroquel and Gabapentin, and normal,life chores seem genuinely impossible. Right now I am way behind on getting groceries and need to pick a refill of Gabapentin and try to find something to make for dinner for my 88 year old Mom and stepdad, who I visit regularly and cook for on Saturday night. It is 2:15pm here, and I just got managed to crawl out of the bed, and eat the last piece of leftover Mexican, put in a load of laundry, and have a cup of coffee brewed, which will give me a tiny boost to hopefully get to the grocery and back, shower, and make it to my Mom’s by 4:30pm. I am absolutely terrified at the prospect of all of this but cannot let my Mom down. I have been bawling crying since I got out of bed at the sight of my wrecked house and life in general, so just know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. The fact that we are experiencing this means our brains are healing. We must trust the process and be as brave as we can in the meantime. I struggle immensely with anger/resentment toward the doctors whose irresponsible behavior put me in this place where I don’t recognize my life at all, but try to also own my portion. I miss my wife and our dogs so much every day, but trust I will be able to care for a dog of my own some day. Just hold on as best as you can, and each day that ends with us above ground goes in the win column.