Help - akathisia

[[Wi...]]

I can’t believe this but as I started improving a little I guess I had a reaction to probably dry shampoo and it sent me into hell deeper I had ever known. I smelled it and had a panic attack and ever since (almost 2 weeks ago) I have been getting worse slowly. And everything exploded yesterday. I can’t keep going on like this. New symptoms came on, I am hysterical. I either feel like I am buzzing and on fire, or there are immense pressures in my stomach, chest, throat. Severe vibrations in my chest, stomach. I just can’t. Now it feels like something wants to explode out of my chest. Buzzing, bubbling, tickling. Shortness of breath too. Before that my upper body was stinging and on fire. I am waiting for pacing to begin, really. Never had it before but I seem to be on the right track. I had a short glimmer of hope in April (going out, socialising, many symptoms lifted) and now I am worse than ever. There are currents from my brain too but they have been there for a few months so I kind of got used to them. I cannot believe I fucked myself up again. This will never end. My baby is turning one in two weeks and I am not sure I will make it until then. Omg. 

 

[[PE...]]

Just try to breath! If you can leave the house go out for a walk or do something outside..

 

[[Wi...]]

1 hour ago, [[P...] said:

Just try to breath! If you can leave the house go out for a walk or do something outside..

I am trying with breath work but it does nothing. Anxiety pit in my stomach. It lifted today for 2 hours and started again. I am terrified

[[PE...]]

10 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

I am trying with breath work but it does nothing. Anxiety pit in my stomach. It lifted today for 2 hours and started again. I am terrified

Just hang in there. It has lifted before and will again.

[[Le...]]

you recently quit?

[[Bo...]]

Hi there… Oh, I hate to hear this. Really hope this is short lived for you and will be praying it is. You will come out of this.

I don’t know if it’s the geomagnetic storm that’s going on but my aka is out of control too. And I have to taper mirt so please reach out any time. We have to keep lifting each other up as we go. You’ve had some great functionality and that will be back soon. Hold on, it will come back. Use those coping skills to get you to the window. 
I hate this for us. I don’t and never will understand aka. It is so damn inhumane and we could handle it all if this would leave.

sending love and hugs. So many hugs. Happy mother’s Day- hope you get windows today and you feel the love. 

[[Wi...]]

I seem to be reacting to so many things all of a sudden. Like in food too. WTF! I am bedridden again. It's a load of symptoms again.

[[Wi...]]

I seem to be reacting to so many things all of a sudden. Like in food too. WTF! I am bedridden again. It's a load of symptoms again.

[[Kr...]]

How come I feel hellacious agitation and anger that makes me want to hit stuff.
And I get SI bad when it hits.  

Edited Wednesday at 00:47 by [Kr...]

[[Bo...]]

@[Kr...]Ya this is aka…. Take pillows and hit couch, scream into pillows or in the car, pathetic walks to get the agitation out, throw ice at the side of the house, take showers or bath if that helps- cold works for some, hot works for others, hit an inflatable vat against the couch or bed, but $1 store plates abd throw them in garage with goggles on , find what can release some of the agitation hell and aggression.

I’m so sorry it’s the worst of all this. If you’re tapering slowing down can help a lot. Switching to compound liquid can help even you out if dry tapering.

if you’re off the benzo, use any and every coping tool, talk to benzo coaches if that helps and know that this dies go away. Sometimes gets blockers or clonidine can help people in their worst times with aka but all meds have risks.

it diss eventually go away . It’s horrific and I’m so sorry. Try to also do extra caking things and befitting, grounding etc when you have breaks from it to help baby your nervous system.  It needs to feel safe and the chaos of aka makes all feel not safe so when nkt having it, up the self care a lot!!!

Keep reaching out to people, join benzo warrior fb group. Post on these boards, keep getting thru each day.

[[Bo...]]

@[Wi...]

hoping your days are going better. We are here for you. Hugs and love 

[[Id...]]

My heart breaks for what you wrote. It’s relatable and scaring, I know.
 

On 09/05/2024 at 17:51, [[W...] said:

I am trying with breath work but it does nothing.

When you are in a panic state the “be in the present” “just feel your body” kind of things are simply worse. Because your mind is trying to “run for its life” and getting in the way of it feels menacing. Plus it brings attention on the bad symptoms and your brain wants to dissociate, and that is an healthy coping mechanism!

That being said I don’t know what’s better… maybe find something “dumb” but attention catching, like a confort show even with dimmed light and audio off if physical stimulations are a problem, or a silly simple game that you can do over and over… it depends on your abilities at the moment and what used to bring you comfort.

To be short the opposite of “staying in the moment” because the moment is scary, and you don’t want your mind to remember it and associate wd symptoms with panic.

Before benzo problems I could have written this with neurological correct explanations, now we have to deal with this hippie choice of words, but the concept is the same.

At least this is what I learned experiencing it.

Edited Wednesday at 18:13 by [Id...]

[[Le...]]

i really suggest walking in a controlled manner and counting the steps from 10 down to 0. pause. and again. helped me anyhow. 

[[Cr...]]

On 14/05/2024 at 11:55, [[W...] said:

I seem to be reacting to so many things all of a sudden. Like in food too. WTF! I am bedridden again. It's a load of symptoms again.

The frustrating part about recovery is we don't always know when the bad symptoms are going to resurface. Our brains, out of desperation, try to find a cause to our problems so it can then therefor work on a solution. Brains work like that even for people that aren't in any form of withdrawal.

You mentioned the shampoo. Now what if those symptoms you got were going to happen that day regardless of what you ate, drank, used, or smelled. You may have decided to try some honey that day and those same symptoms may have sprouted, causing you to now associate honey as a bad element that must be added to a growing 'no-no' list.

It is very possible that there may be some chemical in the shampoo that agitated your hyper-sensitive nervous system. Just try not to let yourself fall into the 'guilt by association' trap that plagues many people going through unpredictable waves in recovery. You didn't set yourself back.

Not all waves have an outside trigger, just like not all windows come from you doing something right that day. Don't be hard on yourself by thinking you messed up. 

If the majority of waves were caused by some external factor, then most of the people suffering could find the holy grail to benzo withdrawal (no waves) by looking at what they did on the day they got a window and simply repeat that every day going forward by eating the same food, using the same products (shampoo/toothpaste), and doing the same activities until they are recovered. But that isn't logical and the waves will still come regardless.

When living minute by minute, hearing people say the only solution is 'Time' made me feel frustration amd bitterness. When each minute feels like an eternity, how can you ask me to continue to 'wait'. But it is the only truth and constant in recovery. And when that window comes, you will be thanking yourself for having the patience to wait this monster out.

[[wi...]]

33 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

The frustrating part about recovery is we don't always know when the bad symptoms are going to resurface. Our brains, out of desperation, try to find a cause to our problems so it can then therefor work on a solution. Brains work like that even for people that aren't in any form of withdrawal.

You mentioned the shampoo. Now what if those symptoms you got were going to happen that day regardless of what you ate, drank, used, or smelled. You may have decided to try some honey that day and those same symptoms may have sprouted, causing you to now associate honey as a bad element that must be added to a growing 'no-no' list.

It is very possible that there may be some chemical in the shampoo that agitated your hyper-sensitive nervous system. Just try not to let yourself fall into the 'guilt by association' trap that plagues many people going through unpredictable waves in recovery. You didn't set yourself back.

Not all waves have an outside trigger, just like not all windows come from you doing something right that day. Don't be hard on yourself by thinking you messed up. 

If the majority of waves were caused by some external factor, then most of the people suffering could find the holy grail to benzo withdrawal (no waves) by looking at what they did on the day they got a window and simply repeat that every day going forward by eating the same food, using the same products (shampoo/toothpaste), and doing the same activities until they are recovered. But that isn't logical and the waves will still come regardless.

When living minute by minute, hearing people say the only solution is 'Time' made me feel frustration amd bitterness. When each minute feels like an eternity, how can you ask me to continue to 'wait'. But it is the only truth and constant in recovery. And when that window comes, you will be thanking yourself for having the patience to wait this monster out.

@[Cr...]What wisdom. So glad you’re here ❤️

I feel immediately calmed by your words. 

[[Wi...]]

1 hour ago, [[C...] said:

The frustrating part about recovery is we don't always know when the bad symptoms are going to resurface. Our brains, out of desperation, try to find a cause to our problems so it can then therefor work on a solution. Brains work like that even for people that aren't in any form of withdrawal.

You mentioned the shampoo. Now what if those symptoms you got were going to happen that day regardless of what you ate, drank, used, or smelled. You may have decided to try some honey that day and those same symptoms may have sprouted, causing you to now associate honey as a bad element that must be added to a growing 'no-no' list.

It is very possible that there may be some chemical in the shampoo that agitated your hyper-sensitive nervous system. Just try not to let yourself fall into the 'guilt by association' trap that plagues many people going through unpredictable waves in recovery. You didn't set yourself back.

Not all waves have an outside trigger, just like not all windows come from you doing something right that day. Don't be hard on yourself by thinking you messed up. 

If the majority of waves were caused by some external factor, then most of the people suffering could find the holy grail to benzo withdrawal (no waves) by looking at what they did on the day they got a window and simply repeat that every day going forward by eating the same food, using the same products (shampoo/toothpaste), and doing the same activities until they are recovered. But that isn't logical and the waves will still come regardless.

When living minute by minute, hearing people say the only solution is 'Time' made me feel frustration amd bitterness. When each minute feels like an eternity, how can you ask me to continue to 'wait'. But it is the only truth and constant in recovery. And when that window comes, you will be thanking yourself for having the patience to wait this monster out.

I unfortunately am a setback person. Like I always end up getting worse as time goes by. It's been going on for 21 months now since the setback that threw me into this mess again. This shampoo thing was a clear reaction it seems since some reaction was immediate and I started deteriorating significantly within a few days. But I guess I can improve still, I had a terrible wave in Jan-March and it got a lot better up until recently. It's just so frustrating!

 

When it comes to foods I am not going to obsess, I did have 2 panic attack following eating but it was way too soon (like once while I was eating) to be an actual reaction to what I was eating so it may have been some weird association and fear. 

[[ho...]]

On 15/05/2024 at 17:14, [[W...] said:

I unfortunately am a setback person. Like I always end up getting worse as time goes by. It's been going on for 21 months now since the setback that threw me into this mess again. This shampoo thing was a clear reaction it seems since some reaction was immediate and I started deteriorating significantly within a few days. But I guess I can improve still, I had a terrible wave in Jan-March and it got a lot better up until recently. It's just so frustrating!

When it comes to foods I am not going to obsess, I did have 2 panic attack following eating but it was way too soon (like once while I was eating) to be an actual reaction to what I was eating so it may have been some weird association and fear. 

Low histamine diets can help for some.

[[Pi...]]

On 14/05/2024 at 17:02, [[K...] said:

How come I feel hellacious agitation and anger that makes me want to hit stuff.
And I get SI bad when it hits.  

Bad wave hit me a couple days ago. Dealing with anger and depression at the same time if that makes any sense. At 23 months CT out now symptoms seem to cycle much faster now. Is that good?? At 69 years old I often wonder if I'll ever experience normal again. Beginning to lose touch on what that is.