Needing Support and Reassurance

[[Su...]]

Bit of a back story, I was cold turkeyed off of an antidepressant and antipsychotic last year in August. My GP was then trying to put me back on different antidepressants and I was experiencing extreme panic attacks. She then told me to use 1mg lorazepam daily for these issues and I used them for 5.5 months whilst we tried. In this time I noticed that I was experiencing interdose withdrawals and went to her about it and she told me to just stop taking it. It has now been 67 days since my CT. A week ago, I started taking pregabalin (I know it is not advised, but I was at the point where I couldn’t take it anymore). I need some advise, have you ever heard of or had these symptoms before? Feeling like you are living the same say over and over, 24/7 dejavu, feeling severely disconnected from reality, extreme brain fog, brain constantly bringing up old memories and flashbacks and telling you, you can’t do this, you will never get better, etc, also feeling like nothing is real? I feel so disconnected from myself and my old life and I am absolutely terrified that this is permanent brain damage and I am so scared. I’m only 27 and I feel like my life is over. I don’t know if this is benzo withdrawal or chemical damage from all of the antidepressants. I just want to know that someone else had these same symptoms so I don’t feel like I am going insane 😢

[[Pa...]]

Helo @[Su...], welcome to BenzoBuddies,

You’re not alone, what you’re feeling is very common for those us of withdrawing and recovering from benzodiazepines.  Your situation may be complicated by the fact that you’re also dealing with recovering from other serious medication withdrawals but I have no doubt you can recover from all of this.

We seem to only be able to access negative emotions, with fear being one of our worst symptoms, we call these thoughts benzo lies because, you’re right, they tell us we’ll never recover but we can.

You’re young and your chances are very good for returning to a full and normal life but this process can take awhile and be very discouraging so don’t lose hope, we have to hold on to it and trust we’ll make it through, and you can with our help.

We’re glad you found us, we’ll help you all we can.

@[Pa...]

 

[[kn...]]

I think just about everyone you're going to meet here has had some or all of the feelings and symptoms that you've described.  I've been horribly ill during my withdrawal, which has been going on for almost three years now.  I stared out at 60 mgs. of diazepam and have gradually worked my way down to a little less than 4.  And I'm 72.  I've been taking Benzos for 30 years.  I am trying to micro taper my way down from 4, but I'm just now starting to feel signs of healing.  At 27 and having taken these meds for a relatively short time, I'd say that I'm sure that you can put this  whole thing behind you.  Put yourself out there on some of these forums.  You'll find an endless amount of experience, knowledge, and good advice.  All the best.  We wish you well.

[[jo...]]

I relate. The Groundhog day thing is almost a symptom all of it's own. I try to walk every day and take a different route so my brain can take in different imagery other that the four walls I'm constantly staring at. On the days where I barely leave the same room I will lie at different ends of the bed, sit in different chairs etc. it helps a little. I get the intrusive memories and thoughts too, their the worst. It's usually when my anxiety is high or my depression is really low. They do subside though.

Stay strong mate!

[[Be...]]

 @[Su...],

Welcome! I'm pretty new here too and like others, have experienced too many of these bizarre symptoms and can attest it does get better with time. Unfortunately, we all heal at different rates and I'm constantly having to adjust my expectations so they are reasonable. Easier said than done, but this is just one more symptom of the brain injury. Hang in there; this is a process that requires patience (something I've never had much of).

You have landed in the right place and I'm happy we all found each other!

 

[[Sw...]]

You are not alone! I’m 31 and started this process (being prescribed benzos) when I was 25! I get it and I know you’re afraid that your life is over as I felt that way too but I assure you it’s not! You will start to feel better in time. A year might feel like a long time but honestly it took me from 25-28 to just get on my feet again and find joy in life. You can do this!!

[[Sw...]]

Do you have any repressed trauma or emotional abuse?

[[Tw...]]

I believe that childhood trauma and child abuse can lead to benzodiazepine use as an adult. For me, I was severely emotionally abused as a child, and I quit Xanax 14mg a day, cold turkey 6 weeks ago, with the help of an inpatient drug detox program and hospital, with anti-seizure medication.