Really struggling

[[Co...]]

7 hours ago, [[P...] said:

Hi. 

I wasn't tapering but it sounds like waves and windows. But could be the hormones it's just impossible to tell.

Some get better from a updose some get worse. I wouldn't chanse i think.

Meeting people during withdrawal can trigger anxiety for sure I remember that nasty feeling of not being normal around normal people.

Just curious did you get ANY positive effects from the testo?

I read your earlier posts and you doing great, i know what's it like stepping down from high doses.

I was getting positive stuff from testosterone shots, more enegery,  libido etc but this last time since getting it  my sleeps been bad, anxiety has been ruthless and feeling lethargic at times probably cuz of lack of sleep and constant bouts of anxiety.  As you said it's kinda impossible to tell, until I get some blood work done I suppose, which will probably be in the next week or 2 depending on circumstances.

 

Thanks I appreciate the kind words, it's been a long road , amd I wish there was a silver bullet for the last bit, seems so minute being once at 24mgs a day but now it's so hard. I really don't wanna go up, it's just tempting because at this point any relief would be nice. That evening/half day after getting the 1 dose of Ativan was the calmest I've felt in years, I wana be there naturally. I just don't kong if I'll need to accept its gonna stay this way regardless or if I'll stabilize more. As I mentioned its better,  but still worse then usual, and in situations I normally even after a drop of a dose wouldn't be getting severe panic attacks in. I wish there was somewhere I could go and cold turkey this like I did in 2009 (or 07 can't remember which rehab stint it was) as painful as itd be it would get this over with. Although I think I'd suffer this time way worse then I did  back then. But it's moot, where I live now, the province is so conservative there's only 1 medical detox for a city of 1.2 million people and would keep me at most 10 days unless I was in bad shape, which I probably would be. I did tey a rapid taper in 2012 but I lasted like a week then was back on benzos. I Fn hate these pills

[[PE...]]

11 hours ago, [[C...] said:

I was getting positive stuff from testosterone shots, more enegery,  libido etc but this last time since getting it  my sleeps been bad, anxiety has been ruthless and feeling lethargic at times probably cuz of lack of sleep and constant bouts of anxiety.  As you said it's kinda impossible to tell, until I get some blood work done I suppose, which will probably be in the next week or 2 depending on circumstances.

Thanks I appreciate the kind words, it's been a long road , amd I wish there was a silver bullet for the last bit, seems so minute being once at 24mgs a day but now it's so hard. I really don't wanna go up, it's just tempting because at this point any relief would be nice. That evening/half day after getting the 1 dose of Ativan was the calmest I've felt in years, I wana be there naturally. I just don't kong if I'll need to accept its gonna stay this way regardless or if I'll stabilize more. As I mentioned its better,  but still worse then usual, and in situations I normally even after a drop of a dose wouldn't be getting severe panic attacks in. I wish there was somewhere I could go and cold turkey this like I did in 2009 (or 07 can't remember which rehab stint it was) as painful as itd be it would get this over with. Although I think I'd suffer this time way worse then I did  back then. But it's moot, where I live now, the province is so conservative there's only 1 medical detox for a city of 1.2 million people and would keep me at most 10 days unless I was in bad shape, which I probably would be. I did tey a rapid taper in 2012 but I lasted like a week then was back on benzos. I Fn hate these pills

I also did  CT 7 years ago and was fine after the accute. It's different every time..

Yeah this is by far the worst drug to stop.