How do cope when your partner triggers you

[[bu...]]

Hi all. I struggle to be with my partner. He has anxiety, and I've noticed I only ever have panic attacks around him, never any other time. I use every tool from therapies I can to help myself, and he sits in his sadness and acts pathetic, to be honest. If I did that all day, I would be more of a mess than I am. I need some advice on how not to let his negativity bother me? I can't leave him as I have nowhere to go and a 4-year-old, and I'm in no fit state to try and start again. He clearly triggers me, and I'm scared he is in the way of my recovery. Has anyone recovered despite being with a difficult person? (ps in no way does he harm me, but his anger and moods keeps me stressed at times).

 

Kind thanks

[[or...]]

We can't change others, bottom line.  So you're right in seeking therapies for yourself.  I wasn't ever able to put up with others issues, not for long.  Even before Benzos, I ran from relationship to relationship, town to town trying to find greener grass. 

So I'm 71 and I'm alone.  Now I see my whole life sort of flash before me in what they call intrusive thoughts.  Mine are better described as intrusive regrets, why did I not learn this back then, bla bla bla.

My advice is to focus on your own business with what is probably the hardest thing you've ever dealt with, benzo wd.  Distraction is important I'm learning, and please try that keeping busy with anything besides looking at your mate because it's only our own feelings we can change. oregonlady

PS no matter how bad your sxs are, try to remember to let him know you love him.  I guess you're not married, but I like those vows that say "in sickness and in health".  I wish I'd kept mine.

Edited March 28 by [or...]

[[bu...]]

2 hours ago, [[o...] said:

We can't change others, bottom line.  So you're right in seeking therapies for yourself.  I wasn't ever able to put up with others issues, not for long.  Even before Benzos, I ran from relationship to relationship, town to town trying to find greener grass. 

So I'm 71 and I'm alone.  Now I see my whole life sort of flash before me in what they call intrusive thoughts.  Mine are better described as intrusive regrets, why did I not learn this back then, bla bla bla.

My advice is to focus on your own business with what is probably the hardest thing you've ever dealt with, benzo wd.  Distraction is important I'm learning, and please try that keeping busy with anything besides looking at your mate because it's only our own feelings we can change. oregonlady

PS no matter how bad your sxs are, try to remember to let him know you love him.  I guess you're not married, but I like those vows that say "in sickness and in health".  I wish I'd kept mine.

thank you so much. your right i cant change others and its only the stories in my head i am listening too not his stories!. The benzo WD really messes with my mind, making me believe i hate him and other people, when ive never hated people before as im not that way. having all this anger boil up every so many days is real hard work to flow through. I will tell him i love him and that its not me its the benzo, again!!

[[or...]]

I do understand, I get to that boil-over point as well.  It is a lie we hear from our brain that needs to recover.  I was so outgoing, still am, but I can't bear to be around people too much as the lies that tell me it's their fault I am getting upset.  I used to cope with different types of people, let's face it, people can irritate the hell out of us, but it's up to us how we react. 

I say this because I also understand I need to hear it, be reminded myself.  You're gonna be fine, you and I are both willing to hear how others can share with us that understand, and lead us to our own recovery, oregonlady PS this really is a support group I need especially learn how to love ourselves and others again ♥️♥️♥️

Edited March 28 by [or...]

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@[bu...]  This will sound very cliche, I know, but I have a very negative husband and although he doesn’t make me angry, I feel very sad when he calls himself old and useless and says he wishes he’d die. Getting free from the emotional blunting of the benzo means the emotions we once had come back and they can be hard to deal with. I get SO much help from listening to calming meditation tapes (not really tapes of course but they’re free on the Insight Timer app). With a 4 year old it might be difficult to find time to meditate, but some are only a few minutes long and maybe worth a try. Hey, we’re gonna get through this!