How do you notice that things are getting better?

[[Cl...]]

How do you notice that things are getting better? 

I have been sleeping longer for 3 to 4 weeks and no longer wake up at 3 am. But since then the symptoms have gotten worse and there are far fewer windows. Can anyone explain this? 

Does anyone know this? I don't understand why it's getting worse now. Also the akathisia. 
I need help. Been on zero for 26 months

kind regards 
 

 

 

 

[[mo...]]

It's the mystery of our incredible and complicated brains.

I have come to use the akathisia and have walked over 4,000 miles (over the too long years) to try to calm myself down. It's hopefully helped my brain and my heart and my bones but the music that helps me move helps my spirit and my hope.  I admit I am lucky to not be bed bound but I am newly struggling with breast cancer and the meds I have to take to reduce the size of the tumors in my breasts before surgery is hurting my bones and I can only walk in the house now and I will as long as I can until life throws me another cruel curve ball. The music continues to save me...

[[st...]]

1 hour ago, [[m...] said:

It's the mystery of our incredible and complicated brains.

I have come to use the akathisia and have walked over 4,000 miles (over the too long years) to try to calm myself down. It's hopefully helped my brain and my heart and my bones but the music that helps me move helps my spirit and my hope.  I admit I am lucky to not be bed bound but I am newly struggling with breast cancer and the meds I have to take to reduce the size of the tumors in my breasts before surgery is hurting my bones and I can only walk in the house now and I will as long as I can until life throws me another cruel curve ball. The music continues to save me...

I admire your strength a d the ability to find good In a time like this. You're giving me strength. Bless you. You're going to kick cancers ass BTW. Xo

[[mr...]]

17 hours ago, [[m...] said:

It's the mystery of our incredible and complicated brains.

I have come to use the akathisia and have walked over 4,000 miles (over the too long years) to try to calm myself down. It's hopefully helped my brain and my heart and my bones but the music that helps me move helps my spirit and my hope.  I admit I am lucky to not be bed bound but I am newly struggling with breast cancer and the meds I have to take to reduce the size of the tumors in my breasts before surgery is hurting my bones and I can only walk in the house now and I will as long as I can until life throws me another cruel curve ball. The music continues to save me...

really inspiring im a musician and i can honestly say the music saves me too at times, but my tinnitus is getting reaally badddd to the point my ears are constantly ringing or clogged up

it makes me sad that one day i may lose the ability to even hear and enjoy music.

 

Walking helps me too friend, so much.

[[mo...]]

8 hours ago, [[m...] said:

really inspiring im a musician and i can honestly say the music saves me too at times, but my tinnitus is getting reaally badddd to the point my ears are constantly ringing or clogged up

it makes me sad that one day i may lose the ability to even hear and enjoy music.

Walking helps me too friend, so much.

You just made me cry.

I am not a musician but I do have a keyboard that I play around with (for piano). For awhile I was actually learning something from an online instructor but I can't seem to keep learning that way for some reason (I feel so beat up by life right now). I can play some scales and strengthening finger exercises and just a few short pieces of music. Believe me - even with just this - I force myself to do just a little something that actually sounds like music. My tinnitus is also still with me but hopefully not getting worse. I let myself just play a little of what I'm feeling and sometimes simply melt above the keys. It feels like being comforted by something else.

You just made me cry. I have come to love musicians. They ask nothing of me and then give me some much. I wish I could thank them somehow. I feel for you and hope you never lose the ability to hear and enjoy music and play it as well). Good luck...

[[Na...]]

I think if you kept some sort of diary about how you felt and what you were dealing with from day to day it would help you see what has improved over time.

But, I'm the last person that would ever keep a diary. It's just not in my nature.

However, oddly enough my posts here on Benzo Buddies ended up being sort of an unintentional diary and I can look back and see what issues I was dealing with at the time and what has improved or gone away.

[[Cl...]]

Hello, I don't really understand why so many people write here that you will never be cured. I wonder what the point is, apart from the fact that you are completely desperate. What's the point?
That you then give up? To take away your last hope?
I don't understand it. Why?
What do you do with the knowledge then? 
Kind regards 

[[mo...]]

8 hours ago, [[C...] said:

Hello, I don't really understand why so many people write here that you will never be cured. I wonder what the point is, apart from the fact that you are completely desperate. What's the point?
That you then give up? To take away your last hope?
I don't understand it. Why?
What do you do with the knowledge then? 
Kind regards 

Such a good question. Giving up scares me. One of my biggest fears during this is that I will lose control and be lost forever. I work so hard to maintain the hope that I have as broken as it is:

"As broken as I feel I am

let me recycle what is left

and simply try again"

 

 

[[Ma...]]

Or you can frame it with:

‘What is lost, what is left and what is possible?’

You might be surprised how you answer this…❤️‍🩹

[[Gi...]]

On 13/03/2024 at 03:20, [[N...] said:

I think if you kept some sort of diary about how you felt and what you were dealing with from day to day it would help you see what has improved over time.

But, I'm the last person that would ever keep a diary. It's just not in my nature.

However, oddly enough my posts here on Benzo Buddies ended up being sort of an unintentional diary and I can look back and see what issues I was dealing with at the time and what has improved or gone away.

@[Na...]

May I ask if you had any pulling and tearing sensations in your back muscles and whether they did go away? 
 

I don’t keep a diary maybe I should.

[[Na...]]

14 hours ago, [[G...] said:

@[Na...]

May I ask if you had any pulling and tearing sensations in your back muscles and whether they did go away? 
 

I don’t keep a diary maybe I should.

I did have those sensations. It mainly felt like the muscles were constantly pulling and contracted.

It got better but did not completely go away. But, I was on prescription benzos and z-drugs for almost 20 years so you may end up fairing better than I.

Remind me what you took for how long and how long you've been off?

[[Gi...]]

@[Na...]

Hi Nathan,

Thank you Nathan. I was on escitalopram since 2016 on and off for 6 years. Stopped February 2023 but then I took z drugs sparingly for about a month twice a week.
Think this torso, diaphragm, ribs and back are from the damned poisons Zoplicone/zolpidem although escitalopram caused its own muscle issues as well. 

This symptom seems so permanent and established now. I have had for nearly a year now and it is still quite strong.

Do you have windows from this symptom at all? In my case it is worse when I stand and also when I speak, cough or breathe I can feel these muscles hurting and spasming intermittently.

[[Na...]]

2 hours ago, [[G...] said:

@[Na...]

Hi Nathan,

Thank you Nathan. I was on escitalopram since 2016 on and off for 6 years. Stopped February 2023 but then I took z drugs sparingly for about a month twice a week.
Think this torso, diaphragm, ribs and back are from the damned poisons Zoplicone/zolpidem although escitalopram caused its own muscle issues as well. 

This symptom seems so permanent and established now. I have had for nearly a year now and it is still quite strong.

Do you have windows from this symptom at all? In my case it is worse when I stand and also when I speak, cough or breathe I can feel these muscles hurting and spasming intermittently.

Yes, I do have windows where it is a minor annoyance.

I don't want to give the wrong impression that it hasn't gotten better. When that first started, it was excruciating. I tried everything and nothing helped. It hurt so bad it would almost take your breath away at times.

I was fortunate in one thing - when I would lay down on my side it would ease up which allowed me at least sleep.

Over the years it's gotten better. Sometimes it will flare up and be significantly bad but most of the time it's just bothersome at this point.

[[Gi...]]

11 minutes ago, [[N...] said:

Yes, I do have windows where it is a minor annoyance.

I don't want to give the wrong impression that it hasn't gotten better. When that first started, it was excruciating. I tried everything and nothing helped. It hurt so bad it would almost take your breath away at times.

I was fortunate in one thing - when I would lay down on my side it would ease up which allowed me at least sleep.

Over the years it's gotten better. Sometimes it will flare up and be significantly bad but most of the time it's just bothersome at this point.

Thank you Nathan. Yes when I lie on my side muscles relax so yes I’m fortunate too with this.

I can’t believe here in the UK doctors prescribe these z drugs as if they are safe and harmless.