Feel the old me is never going to return.

[[le...]]

Does anyone else feel they are never going to get back to where they were. Have been going lot worse recently, probably partly my fault didn’t eat properly for months and lost 2 stone, now feel as weak as a kitten, had to go into hospital fir 5 days which was awful,  literally  get up and sit in a chair most of the day git zero energy. The psych trying me on Effexor as feeling so low. Took 1 this morning with breakfast and was violently sick after, if it continues will have stop them. I know we should try and be positive, but hard when you have awful anxiety and physically not great either. Am trying to eat but having no energy really getting me down,

r months 

[[...]]

It would be easier to reply if you would you fill out you history section.

Keep a log of your symptoms so you can remind yourself you are getting better overall.

Edited February 2 by [...]

[[le...]]

Starting to think I should just come off all meds, none seem to help and going downhill rapidly.

[[Ca...]]

I am sorry leann, I know how it feels 🥀

[[le...]]

Just wish some meds helped, seem to be too sensitive to them and just make things worse. Just feel my life is over and will never recover. Been nearly 5 years and feel worse than I di a couple years ago. Think trying various other meds just made things worse. Glad they helped you anyway.

Edited February 4 by [le...]

[[lo...]]

Very difficult to advise but trying more drugs can make things worse. which I am sure you know anyway.  I know it is very tough and you want some sort of relief but it is such a difficult path to navigate.  At 5 years I was terribly unwell, unable to do very much, I am now at 12 years and with every passing year I improve a bit more, however I didn't take any psychotropic drugs after tapering off the benzo in 2013 and the antidepressant a couple of years later.  I may have made matters worse coming off the antidepressant when I was still very sick with benzo withdrawal. 

[[le...]]

I definitely think trying other drugs was a big mistake. The anti depressants made things so much worse. But depressing you were still bad at 5 years. Git lot worse recently think because was admitted to hospital recently hid knows what they put in me.  Definitely not trying any more meds they don’t help and made things whole lot worse, Feel I ‘ve added to the problem whatever I do is wrong thing,

[[Sc...]]

On 02/02/2024 at 03:51, [[l...] said:

Does anyone else feel they are never going to get back to where they were. Have been going lot worse recently, probably partly my fault didn’t eat properly for months and lost 2 stone, now feel as weak as a kitten, had to go into hospital fir 5 days which was awful,  literally  get up and sit in a chair most of the day git zero energy. The psych trying me on Effexor as feeling so low. Took 1 this morning with breakfast and was violently sick after, if it continues will have stop them. I know we should try and be positive, but hard when you have awful anxiety and physically not great either. Am trying to eat but having no energy really getting me down,

r months 

Nobody will get back to their old self. Drugs alter minds change personalities time passes we age. 

[[lo...]]

On 04/02/2024 at 16:32, [[l...] said:

I definitely think trying other drugs was a big mistake. The anti depressants made things so much worse. But depressing you were still bad at 5 years. Git lot worse recently think because was admitted to hospital recently hid knows what they put in me.  Definitely not trying any more meds they don’t help and made things whole lot worse, Feel I ‘ve added to the problem whatever I do is wrong thing,

It is very difficult to know what to do for the best, we often make mistakes along the way.  I had been on two classes of drugs for decades so don't think that because I was still bad at 5 yrs the same might be true for you as we are all very different.  See how you get on without any meds. 

[[le...]]

I was on zopiclone for years no problems, being forced to CT by a new GP triggered mine off. To be honest given up hope of ever recovering. Developed lot worse symptoms after flu jab about 15 months ago. I know they say everyone recovers but beginning to doubt it.

[[mo...]]

Maybe I don't want to get back to my old self. To tell you the truth I can't even remember clearly my old self - memory greatly effected. But perhaps I will be better - certainly if I survive this - but my survival is truly in question these days. I am j u s t  s o  t i r e d from years of sleep deprivation.

[[le...]]

On 06/02/2024 at 21:25, [[l...] said:

It is very difficult to know what to do for the best, we often make mistakes along the way.  I had been on two classes of drugs for decades so don't think that because I was still bad at 5 yrs the same might be true for you as we are all very different.  See how you get on without any meds. 

When did you start feeling better. I’m just over 5 years. Really think therapy would help but a waiting list. Dud try couple private ones but haven’t really helped. Yesterday spent mosey day in bed just got up to eat feel the same today. So you never took any more meds?

[[Bl...]]

It might help to daily remind oneself just how far you have come in getting off benzos/z-drugs.

That's a real feat in itself, just getting off these drugs in today's world; that from my experience doesn't have a clue. And never forgetting we're not alone, given this website validates that fact.

These thoughts are like positive reinforcements to an otherwise bewildering state that can make one feel vulnerable and at a loss as to what's the best approach. This recovery process is not easy!!

Edited February 10 by [Bl...]

[[jo...]]

On 06/02/2024 at 13:26, [[S...] said:

Nobody will get back to their old self. Drugs alter minds change personalities time passes we age. 

I just want to add to this is a little scary just in the way it’s worded. I’ll never be the same again and in lots of ways I’m glad for that. Maybe I’ll have trauma and fear and distrust and bitterness, but I’ll also have deep gratitude, more confidence in who I am, less tolerance for bullshit/users, less accepting of crumbs, won’t sweat the small shit, more compassion and so on. It’s definitely possible to heal fully and many do. 

[[le...]]

Just have lost hope, get so many nights like last night when don’t sleep which make the symptoms so much worse. Dud actually have a window yesterday fir a few hours but didn’t last. I would like to think we all heal but finding hard to believe at moment. No sleep is a killer.

[[lo...]]

On 09/02/2024 at 09:18, [[l...] said:

When did you start feeling better. I’m just over 5 years. Really think therapy would help but a waiting list. Dud try couple private ones but haven’t really helped. Yesterday spent mosey day in bed just got up to eat feel the same today. So you never took any more meds?

I didn't take any more meds after coming off the benzo and antidepressant.   I realised the benzo had been the problem all along and I was only put on antidepressants after becoming unwell on Benzos in 1975.  I realised I didn't need them.  It was a very very slow process of recovery for me, the turning point came about 2018.  I can't pinpoint when I started to feel better, it really didn't work like that for me.  

[[lo...]]

On 06/02/2024 at 02:26, [[S...] said:

Nobody will get back to their old self. Drugs alter minds change personalities time passes we age. 

I can't really agree with this.  My personality really hasn't been changed very much by decades on drugs / withdrawal.  I am still fundamentally the same person I have always been.  However, my health isn't so good, I can't do what I would like to do, and of course I am less able to cope with stress so I do have to live my life to try to accommodate all this.   The most important thing for me coming off these drugs is that I am gradually remembering what I was like as a teenager prior to benzos, my memories of normality had long disappeared on the drugs.  I now get glimpses of feeling normal again but they tend to last for a few hours at a time.  No one is more surprised than me about this, I didn't expect it to happen. 

Edited February 12 by [lo...]

[[Sc...]]

On 10/02/2024 at 23:37, [[j...] said:

I just want to add to this is a little scary just in the way it’s worded. I’ll never be the same again and in lots of ways I’m glad for that. Maybe I’ll have trauma and fear and distrust and bitterness, but I’ll also have deep gratitude, more confidence in who I am, less tolerance for bullshit/users, less accepting of crumbs, won’t sweat the small shit, more compassion and so on. It’s definitely possible to heal fully and many do. 

This will make us stronger, wiser but our old selves are gone. This is our new us. We can heal the psychological alteration by adapting but those of us with damaged nervous systems with neurological symptoms most likely will have symptoms till the end.

[[Na...]]

14 hours ago, [[S...] said:

This will make us stronger, wiser but our old selves are gone. This is our new us. We can heal the psychological alteration by adapting but those of us with damaged nervous systems with neurological symptoms most likely will have symptoms till the end.

I don't know Scooby. There are some success stories out there for people that were in the soup longer than either of us, so never say never. But I admit it's hard to maintain hope so far out.

[[jo...]]

@[Sc...] I understand that we all have the fear that we won’t heal, I have it too. But posting it here like people don’t heal from neurological symptoms (they do all the time) as fact, is really not helpful 

[[le...]]

I agree, my symptoms are all mental, so for someone to say I’ll be like this for ever fills me with horror.

[[...]]

On 11/02/2024 at 06:23, [[l...] said:

Just have lost hope, get so many nights like last night when don’t sleep which make the symptoms so much worse. Dud actually have a window yesterday fir a few hours but didn’t last. I would like to think we all heal but finding hard to believe at moment. No sleep is a killer.

@[le...] I have also lost hope. I think this experience has fundamentally changed me. Even if I do recover from the horrible insomnia and never ending brain sensations ( which I think is doubtful), I will have a permanent scar on my personality. I will be afraid that this could happen again for the rest of my life. I still cannot believe that a cold turkey from only 2 months of use has done this to me. I get gaslit all the time that I just have mental issues I need to work on but I promise you that everything I am feeling is 100% from what this drug did to my brain. Right now I am just trying to hang on for my kids.