Always feel wired

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I’m 25 months off now and I have this feeling that I am always wired. My brain and body just never relax and rest. Almost feels like I am drinking coffee all day every day. This also causes horrid insomnia. I never get sleepy tired. My brain just eventually forces itself to shut down. When this happens I start getting massive painful hypnic jerks. My brain shuts down and unconsciousness starts coming and then BAM, my whole body painfully contracts and jerks. Eventually exhaustion wins and I will pass out in spite of the jerks. Then I will lightly sleep in a semi lucid dream state for 4 or 5 hours and then start jerking back awake. My eyes hurt, my brain is foggy, muscles are tight and painful, my ears ring so loudly that it is hard to think, my chest is so tight it’s difficult to take a breath and I am always mildly dizzy. I am starting to lose hope that this will ever go away. This constant amped up feeling and lack of sleep is making harder and harder to function thru daily life. I am so fatigued that I do not even leave my house anymore except to go to work and I can barely do that. My thinking is getting slower and it’s getting more difficult to perform at work. I am on the verge of losing everything I have worked for my entire life. I am so scared of what might happen if I lose my job. My kids and I will be homeless and hungry. I just can’t believe that 2 month prescription could ruin my life so completely. I am so angry at that doctor. She is out living her life and enjoying it while I languish in this suffering purgatory that she created. She probably doesn’t even remember me. I wonder how many lives she ruined with her prescriptions. I know there is nothing anybody can do to help me. It’s just 330 am and I just wanted to rant because I have another 20 hours of suffering until I jerk myself back to sleep again.

Edited December 3, 2023 by [...]

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Sorry to hear about your suffering. I am dealing with extremely tight head pressure and a tight band around my head that sucks all my energy i cant function. Everyday is suffering and torture. These doctors do not give a damn (psychopaths & sociopaths) about the harm they do to us. They get free balloon rides and free dinners/bottles of wine at restaurants for prescribing these neurotoxins. They destroy lives on a daily basis. You will never see them take it themselves or give them to their family members they give it to others like you and me and profit off it.

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You describe the symptoms remarkably well. The hype unease, the sudden jerks out of twilight, insomnia, all quite familiar. It's remarkable you are able to still work. So sorry it's been so rough and hopefully you will pull through. Most ppl do, others protracted on into years. Beyond that seems to be a matter of debate. I never really had much of the physical symptoms except for OCD but it was always mental - depression, anxiety, grief, rage, guilt etc. Also, the hyper-sensitivity to stress - that's a huge one for almost everyone. I'm also very sensitive to light and noise!!

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Sounds like your body and mind are always in hyper arousal. I'm 2 years off and just now getting some relief from this. I joined a benzos school and am working on lulling my limbic system. We have to teach our limbic system that we are safe. I take hot baths daily with seated candles and soothing music. I do it even when I don't want to. I do lots more then just that and it's seemed to help alot. I'm still very symptomatic but there's been a shift. I'll calmer in the storm. Sleep has improved too. I had to quit my job of 7 years. I'm sorry your going through this.