Anhedonia

[[Cr...]]

My friend had SSRI and has Anhedonia.  I looked it up.  It's like what I feel.  No emotion.  Is anyone else experiencing this? She says it is permanent.  I had SSRI's rx and I had reactions to each.  Same with her.  So I wasn't on for great length of time.  I don't know if Benezo's create Anhedonia.  Nothing brings me joy.  I used to feel motivated.  Things I used to enjoy is not there.  I don't feel sad. Just empty. Like robot.

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I don't know if Benzo's cause Anhedonia either...but I do know that my particular med is a depressant...as are all benzo's. When my psychiatrist confirmed this...my mouth dropped to the floor. I told him point blank "So if I was taking an anti-depressant and a depressant...how do they interact, and how are you actually being cured of this malady?" He said he wasn't sure. "Ok then", I said "isn't this counterproductive?" "I mean one causes you to be depressed and one purports to cure it...how does that work exactly?" He didn't know for sure...only that some people need meds and he is proud of me...for wanting off. Thank you very much.  

 

So I am assuming here and anyone can correct me if I am wrong. Since being on Clonazepam alone, my depression is untolerable, and so this  makes those symptoms that come with depression even more hard hitting. Since the benzo amplifies depression...then those disorders that are attached to depression, they must also be amplified. Motivation is long gone. Love of hobbies is gone. Love of life is gone. Whatever made me laugh does not even bring a smile. I remember before this med; that I would be depressed but it was never this hard hitting. I was down and out for a while...that was it. Eventually it would ease, but today it recedes and then advances twice as hard. Now I am on the floor crying with all sorts of horrible things going on in my mind, and the doom and gloom of yesteryear...is DOOM and GLOOM of today.

 

Anhedonia...I was at my nieces soccer game today. I sat around feeling alone even though there was a crowd around me. I was joyless and staring about...like no one even existed. Depersonalization hits me while I should be out enjoying my day. Thus I was hardly even paying attention at all...instead I was thinking how the world has become less real and lacking in its essence. Then my mind would shift to some other topic etc. etc. and finally I was angry and yet strangely emotionless...my voice was a monotone...I could hear how toneless it was. I got home trying to come up with something to do, and there is nothing. The days seem to long and whatever used to bring me happiness...not sure I know what that is anymore. Love...what's that. Life...you mean I am actually alive...you could've fooled me. I look out through these eyes but everything I see is dark. I sometimes feel like I am a just a wisp in this reality and hardly belong. Emptiness...I feel like I live in a blackhole, in the deepest part of space. Everything is sucked in...but the blackness is the only thing that continues...just the blackness and nothing more.

[[Ho...]]

Oh Cristalline, I almost started crying as I read this. This exactly describes me. I was put on ADs at age 12 because of anxiety and depression surrounding the loss of my father. It was not my choice, and I am very bitter about it to this day. Since that time, I have known no true joy. I really  do just "get by," and that's how I live my life. It is so sad that all those years were stollen from me. I still have no passion or desire for much of anything right now, and it is holding me back because when you truly have no passion, you are so lost. You don't know where to go with your life, and what the correct direction to take is. I need to be figuring out a career path here soon, and yet I have no idea what I would love to do because I do not love anything. This is a horrible way to live and I pray that I am freed from it as soon as possible. Please pray for me too.

 

 

Holly

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Hollyms

 

That's horrible that you were put on AD's at 12. I was put on Paxil because of an injury and extended family who were nothing but trouble...I was in the darkhouse for  5 years. I lost sight of who I was, I can't even imagine what a 12 year was put through by these horrible excuses for a cure.

 

I hope you find your way through this fog we all are cursed with. I hope you find your passion because I am also searching for my passions in life. I am as lost as you are. I constantly pray for God to show me the light...to give me some sense of how to find my way. I tell Him I will do the work just please...show me what I need to do and I will do it. I can feel your pain and your fear...I deal with this on a daily basis. My life is in as much turmoil as yours because I am incapable of making any choices and I have no idea what the future will bring me.

 

I will pray for you...though we are strangers. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that you find your way. May God guide you through these dark times.

 

 

[[Cr...]]

Thank you both for responding.  As my friend only took SSRI just a couple pills and still feels complete in anhedonia.  Worse then was when depressed as she still felt emotion.  She is bipolar in Bulgaria.  She went to UK to study art wasn't accepted by people put on meds for depression reacted.  I too was put on meds saying PTSD fibromyalgia is depression the tried celexa, prozac, cymblta, buspar, gabapatin, so many I can't remember I reacted with Akasia (can't spell it right... I was more anxious and felt like climbing out of my skin).  So then I am on Valuim. 20 mg bid trying for 20 mg a day.  But I feel that Anehdonia.  I feel no passion. 

 

I am so sorry for those that suffered losses of loved ones.  I also have much compassion for those that feel this.  I am so trying to believe that the brain neurons can rewire themselves their is a neuro physchologist  Rick Hanson.  He has a site and CD.  My therpist that retired said the brain can rewire itself.  But I keep wondering.  Really can it.  I feel like I am watching the world go round and round and people live.  I think I used feel.  I used feel things.  I keep wondering.  Will I.  I do remember hearing thought are things.  To focus on thinking positive.  Yet there is like nothing.  Feel like limp rag doll.  Yet this is different then being depressed.  It's like a life without color.  No sadness.  I would love to really purge out a great cry. 

 

Truly my thoughts are with you both.  Thanks for sharing.  May Blessing be bestowed in Love and Light. 

[[BY...]]

Thank you both for responding.  As my friend only took SSRI just a couple pills and still feels complete in anhedonia.  Worse then was when depressed as she still felt emotion.  She is bipolar in Bulgaria.  She went to UK to study art wasn't accepted by people put on meds for depression reacted.  I too was put on meds saying PTSD fibromyalgia is depression the tried celexa, prozac, cymblta, buspar, gabapatin, so many I can't remember I reacted with Akasia (can't spell it right... I was more anxious and felt like climbing out of my skin).  So then I am on Valuim. 20 mg bid trying for 20 mg a day.  But I feel that Anehdonia.  I feel no passion. 

 

I am so sorry for those that suffered losses of loved ones.  I also have much compassion for those that feel this.  I am so trying to believe that the brain neurons can rewire themselves their is a neuro physchologist  Rick Hanson.  He has a site and CD.  My therpist that retired said the brain can rewire itself.  But I keep wondering.  Really can it.  I feel like I am watching the world go round and round and people live.  I think I used feel.  I used feel things.  I keep wondering.  Will I.  I do remember hearing thought are things.  To focus on thinking positive.  Yet there is like nothing.  Feel like limp rag doll.  Yet this is different then being depressed.  It's like a life without color.  No sadness.  I would love to really purge out a great cry. 

 

Truly my thoughts are with you both.  Thanks for sharing.  May Blessing be bestowed in Love and Light. 

 

At one time I felt very much the same. All feeling, compassion, humor and all emotions were gone. Although I was walking and living, I was dead inside.

 

These emotions will come back to you, and when they do, you will look at things so different. Some have talked about colors even being more vivid and I can say, this is a fact.

 

Everything will return to you, it will!

 

Mike

[[Ho...]]

 

At one time I felt very much the same. All feeling, compassion, humor and all emotions were gone. Although I was walking and living, I was dead inside.

 

These emotions will come back to you, and when they do, you will look at things so different. Some have talked about colors even being more vivid and I can say, this is a fact.

 

Everything will return to you, it will!

 

Mike

I think we all needed this, Mike, thank you!

How long did this take to return to you? And, what all had you been on that caused this? Just the benzos?

[[Cr...]]

 

At one time I felt very much the same. All feeling, compassion, humor and all emotions were gone. Although I was walking and living, I was dead inside.

 

These emotions will come back to you, and when they do, you will look at things so different. Some have talked about colors even being more vivid and I can say, this is a fact.

 

Everything will return to you, it will!

 

Mike

I think we all needed this, Mike, thank you!

 

 

 

Thank you  Mike I hope I am doing this correctly.  I learning how to use site so my brain is in fog. Not sure how to respond to quote.  I am learning as I go along.  It is inspiring to know that the brain can rewire itself.  That one can get better. 

[[BY...]]

How long did this take to return to you? And, what all had you been on that caused this? Just the benzos?

 

Hi Holly,

 

Yes, it was the benzo's that caused this. They worked sneaky on me, slowly taking away all emotions through the many years of taking Klonopin. It's hard to believe, but it actually was worse while in withdrawal, after first stopping the Klonopin.

 

It took me almost 15 months before I considered myself recovered. I had my doubts at one time that me and recovered would be in the same sentence.

 

 

 

Thank you  Mike I hope I am doing this correctly.  I learning how to use site so my brain is in fog. Not sure how to respond to quote.  I am learning as I go along.  It is inspiring to know that the brain can rewire itself.  That one can get better.  

 

Hi Cristalline,

 

You're doing just fine.

 

Yes the brain does heal and rewire. You will get better. Everyone is different in the timeline of when they fully heal. You never know when it's going to happen, but rest assured, you will recover from this.