3 years free from the dreaded Z

[[Sh...]]

I think she means that this process changes us.  There may be lingering symptoms but they are so mild u just accept them and move on. You aren’t as carefree and oblivious as you were before this. I know I feel more guarded now. What we go thru in wd is a trauma, and it leaves a scar. 
but also I think it makes u very strong mentally if u are able to Learn to reframe things. I can see that it could also break a person if they allowed it to. 
now that I am better apart from little rage moments and my great frustration with peoples trivial complaints I am a cool cucumber. I’m amazed some days by how chill I am. Compared to the feelings I had of being totally paralyzed by fear and anxiety when I was really sick it’s a miracle to feel so calm. 
im sure WW will agree ❤️

[[Wo...]]

I think for me it just means that I’m not as carefree as I was prior! I’m very much back to feeling normal (whatever that means) but in the back of my mind I still have to think about will this affect me? Will I get a little wave from this? I don’t trust doctors anymore and my mind still can get caught up in remembering those hard days. I still think of the things Xanax robbed me of. Everyday gets better and better but it’s not the same as when I could wake up and just do whatever,, deal with whatever, eat whatever, drink whatever I wanted. We just evolve to the new healings that had and still have to take place. But don’t get me wrong…..I am LOVING life again, enjoying lots of my favorites again, traveling lots again. It’s just a battle sometimes of the mind trying to trick you into thinking you aren’t as healed as you are. But make no mistake….I gave the benzo the big F you And middle finger long ago! 😉😊 

[[Wo...]]

Shayna, I agree completely! It’s like you read my mind!! 😉 ❤️

[[Sh...]]

And u read mine. When I go out places I look at people and think how lucky they are to be so oblivious. I miss how I was before. And u are right in the back of my mind I’m always thinking. It sucks. And for the love of god I would like to sleep more than 5 hours. Just 1 week of 8 hour nights would be so amazing. I get so sick of short nights and feeling exhausted all the time but it is what it is. 
I just stopped taking unisom too (I was on 1/4 or 1/8 for the last year) so I guess it’s gunna be bumpy again for a while but I’m so tired. 
😣

[[...]]

@[Sh...] I am exactly the same way. I look around and think just how lucky other people are to be oblivious to how bad shit can be. We have to push ourselves thru every single day. I miss the old days when I didn’t even know that something this horrible was possible. I think that even if I heal I will still suffer from ptsd from this which will keep me from ever fully enjoying life again. Constantly worried that symptoms will come back if I do something wrong.
@[Wo...] I also am scared of doctors now. I really hope that I never need to see a doctor or have to take any type of medication ever again.
I talk to another buddy that was fully healed and back into life. He’s young and had felt so good for so long that he went out drinking about 5 months ago and all of his symptoms came back. They all went away after a few weeks but the insomnia did not. So now 5 months later he still has insomnia because he made one mistake.
I am also up to 5 light hours of sleep a night as well now. I’m thankful for that but it’s still not enough. 2 years of this crap. Sometimes I wish I would have just been an alcoholic or a heroin addict. At least I would have been recovered by now. 

[[Sh...]]

U are so right xray. I found when I was at my sickest if I was a heroin/ice addict or an alcoholic there was so much help and understanding. But when I told those places what I was dealing with I was met with disbelief. 
there’s nothing I would love to do more than go out dancing with the reckless abandon I used to. I went to a q and a night last night with an old band I used to love, and had 1 beer and even then I was like I’ll probably pay for this later. 
I am sick of this bs half life. Before my setback I was doing so well and now every day feels like I’m pushing shit uphill again. 
I feel so bad for ur friend X-ray. Poor guy was just trying to live a little.

I think it’s evident that our days of having a few drinks are over. It’s a story I’ve heard many times now. I only ever have one coz I don’t want to go back to that place. It’s just not worth it.

[[Wo...]]

@[...], I understand what you are saying completely. I’ve had to take medications since being benzo free but I just do my due diligence And research the hell out of all of it. I advocate for myself and fight hard on what I can take or will take. I feel bad for your friend too. I have had a few drinks here and there but rarely do it. 
Shayna, my dear Aussie friend! I too understand all too well. I want to just be able to go have a few beers or drinks. Then I think well I better not or I can have one and drink it over several hours. It’s ridiculous. A part of me mourns the loss of the me before all this happened. I sometimes grieve that oblivious carefree lady I once was! I have had a few drinks her and there and been fine but it looms over my head the thoughts of will this set me back. I truly hate that part! I guess we just have to come to grips with it and move forward and enjoy the little things we can do. But you are right, it’s like pushing shit uphills all the time! I never needed alcohol or stand a ton but now and again I would indulge and enjoy. I guess it’s the want what you can’t have syndrome in this case. We just need to enjoy what we can, plug along, and embrace being off the beast of a bastard called benzos. Love and hugs to you my dear warriors! Be strong and brave and never let the benzo bastard win! 

[[La...]]

I’m so thrilled to read this, girl! You know I’m over the moon for you! And so proud of your progress. I pray your sleep improves soon. Unfortunately I’m still in this but I am still making progress. Even driving a little bit ( not far but it’s a start!). I wish you all the joy, enjoyment of life, best wishes and love! I’m always going to remember you…how can I ever forget when we started out on this forum together. You always have a special place in my heart. I know you live a busy life but don’t be a stranger….you know how to reach me. Just to say hi or in need of a listening ear. I love you bunches, my Aussie Sister! ❤️👍🏼🤝

Edited October 12, 2023 by [La...]
Complete a thought

[[Sh...]]

Ww - I don’t even care about the alcohol really, it’s just the carefree part I miss. I actually loathe being around drunk people and like being in control and watching them make fools of themselves. But it would be nice to have more than 1 just coz I can! Love u girl we’ve beaten the beast. Regardless of what still remains he doesn’t have a hold on us anymore. That’s a big FU benzo bastard!!!

love u mate!

[[Sh...]]

6 hours ago, [[L...] said:

I’m so thrilled to read this, girl! You know I’m over the moon for you! And so proud of your progress. I pray your sleep improves soon. Unfortunately I’m still in this but I am still making progress. Even driving a little bit ( not far but it’s a start!). I wish you all the joy, enjoyment of life, best wishes and love! I’m always going to remember you…how can I ever forget when we started out on this forum together. You always have a special place in my heart. I know you live a busy life but don’t be a stranger….you know how to reach me. Just to say hi or in need of a listening ear. I love you bunches, my Aussie Sister! ❤️👍🏼🤝

Oh my yankie sister! Gosh I’ll never forget u either. So greatful I had u in some real tough times. U have always pushed the positive, even when u we’re struggling ur faith never waivered. Such an impressive human, u are a MFing girl boss!!!!!  I wish u so much happiness girl. 
I know one day we will be good. We are survivors. 🙌🏻

Edited October 12, 2023 by [Sh...]

[[Sh...]]

I also finally stopped taking unisom!!! Woop woop! Only melatonin to go! 

[[La...]]

On 12/10/2023 at 15:29, [[S...] said:

Oh my yankie sister! Gosh I’ll never forget u either. So greatful I had u in some real tough times. U have always pushed the positive, even when u we’re struggling ur faith never waivered. Such an impressive human, u are a MFing girl boss!!!!!  I wish u so much happiness girl. 
I know one day we will be good. We are survivors. 🙌🏻

Yeas that’s our song and theme! We’re a survivor!!! Wonderful to hear from you. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[[ka...]]

love all these posts, sorry not sorry about the like button spam

[[Sh...]]

Haha 😂 u funny lil bugger kabobs 😁

[[Sh...]]

x

Edited October 18, 2023 by [Sh...]

[[Sc...]]

@[Sh...] I would recommend you to not to engage in work that much as you already are managing a family and a full time job. Spend your time with nature rather than stupid stuff. 

[[Sh...]]

X

Edited October 18, 2023 by [Sh...]

[[he...]]

You are such an inspiration. I keep thinking about your story and praying things turn around for me too. Thank you for sharing the good and the bad. 

[[Sh...]]

You’re very welcome. I know when u are very unwell it’s hard to believe u will ever feel normal again. But u will, it just takes too long sometimes. I will say tho u have to really baby ur nervous system even after u feel ok. I have moments through the day where I meditate for a few minutes and focus on my breathing. I tend to brace myself a lot. U know that tension you hold ur body in when ur stressed? So I actively have to release that during the day. 
my pyschologist says that’s a ptsd response. Waiting for the next attack.
I think after what we’ve been thru we would all have it to a degree. 
relax as much as u can. Give it a chance to heal xx

Edited October 19, 2023 by [Sh...]

[[La...]]

On 16/10/2023 at 18:07, [[k...] said:

love all these posts, sorry not sorry about the like button spam

Hugs to you Kanoba! 

[[El...]]

On 12/10/2023 at 12:35, [[S...] said:

I also finally stopped taking unisom!!! Woop woop! Only melatonin to go! 

@[Sh...], did you taper off Unisom? How much were you taking and how long? Did your natural sleep come back after quitting Unisom?

[[Sh...]]

Hello x I was taking unisom for probably the last few months of my taper off valium until the start of this month so over 2 years. The most I ever took was 2 pills but I didn’t do that often because of how bombed out it made me the next day. I mostly took 1 pill for the first year then dropped to half for the 2nd year, but there were bad patches where I’d have more but also entire weeks I didn’t take any. But then late last year I stopped completely after weening down to 1/8 of a pill for a few weeks but ran into a rough patch again with sleep so went back on 1/4 for a few months. But this time I just stopped taking it and it’s been a bit up and down but I think it’s been stress not coming off unisom that’s effected my sleep. 
u should wean off all drugs because regardless of their action they change you physiologically. Unisom blocks histamine so if u think about how u might have histamine problems after u stop taking it it’s best to slip the rug out from underneath urself so it doesn’t upset the apple cart if u know what I mean. Even being on a low histamine diet when u get to the tail end of taper and then for a while after might help super sensitive people get off. 
but I fortunately haven’t had to change my diet.  I’ve just been eating fairly clean and sticking to a routine and I’m doing ok. The first couple of weeks were a bit bumpy tho x 

[[Sh...]]

Edited November 1, 2023 by [Sh...]