3 years free from the dreaded Z

[[Sh...]]

It’s hard to believe that much time has passed. I finally got off the last of my zopiclone on 30 September 2020. My final date for ADS was 1 april 2020 (I think i can’t really remember)and my final date for Valium was 1 June 2021. 
I just looked back at photos from that time on my phone and they were mostly screenshots of things people had written here to help me thru. And photos my kids had taken of me where I’m mostly in bed trying to smile at them, too sick to do much. 
Now the photos are all of my kids when we’re out doing things, photos of me at concerts and my favourite place in the world, the beach. 
time passes and things get better. I know how hard it is in the beginning but I promise you it gets better. Most of my symptoms are gone. Sleep is still a big issue but that’s due to some unavoidable life stress. It doesn’t stop me from doing things. Most nights I average 5 hours but a couple of months ago I was up around 6-7. It’ll pass. 
keep fighting all my brave buddies 💪🏾

[[An...]]

Good to hear you are doing well @[Sh...] and off the Z drug and benzo.

You have jumped over the biggest hurdle.

Things should only get better as more time goes by.👍

[[kn...]]

Way to go.  What an accomplishment.  Your success gives me the motivation to continue on. But, you're making me jealous (Ha)

[[Sh...]]

Thanku AB ❤️

knackered I know it feels impossible. I remember standing at the beach on Xmas day 2019 crying behind my sunnies because I wondered if I’d ever get off those drugs, and if I’d ever feel normal again. I did and I mostly do. Whatever normal is anyway. Don’t think u can go back to normal after this mess. It changes u but not in all bad ways. Hang in there mate 

[[Sh...]]

I was on 11 different drugs. Horrendous 

[[be...]]

@[Sh...] Congratulations, and I followed you most of your taper, and I knew no matter what was thrown at you, you would rise again...and again. I know how hard it got for you, but you managed to keep your family and yourself above water. I do not think I could have done as well, but you my Aussie Friend are a true Warrior. Stay Strong. 💖 Peace and Healing.

[[An...]]

9 hours ago, [[S...] said:

I was on 11 different drugs. Horrendous 

@[Sh...] wow, 11! Were some of them other psyche drugs? All Rx drugs come with benefits and risks. Some are necessary but you should always strive by working with your doctor to do whatever is necessary to try to get off them with lifestyle modifications if possible. Even if impossible, one can often reduce the dose to minimize any side effects and risks.

Kudos to you Shayna. 👍

[[...]]

 

Congratulations @[Sh...], I'm a little ahead of you, in two weeks I'll be 30 months without benzodiazepines, this story motivates me, thank you very much and I hope that over time the insomnia will solve.

I wish you the best, much success and luck in your life.

 

[[Sh...]]

9 hours ago, [[b...] said:

@[Sh...] Congratulations, and I followed you most of your taper, and I knew no matter what was thrown at you, you would rise again...and again. I know how hard it got for you, but you managed to keep your family and yourself above water. I do not think I could have done as well, but you my Aussie Friend are a true Warrior. Stay Strong. 💖 Peace and Healing.

Awwww beautiful begood. That brought tears to my eyes. Thanku ❤️I always read ur posts too and was amazed at ur grace and positivity, and how u brought people together in ur village. You are a true warrior too my beautiful friend. Love to you from down under 🇦🇺 

[[Sh...]]

7 hours ago, [[A...] said:

@[Sh...] wow, 11! Were some of them other psyche drugs? All Rx drugs come with benefits and risks. Some are necessary but you should always strive by working with your doctor to do whatever is necessary to try to get off them with lifestyle modifications if possible. Even if impossible, one can often reduce the dose to minimize any side effects and risks.

Kudos to you Shayna. 👍

Hmmm working with drs is why I was on so many drugs matey. And when I wanted to come off they were not the slightest bit helpful.  I can honestly say everything they put me on in their profound wisdom made me so much worse. I have a hard time trusting drs now I’m afraid. I think if I had have kept working with drs I wouldn’t be here to tell the tale. Here is the list.

temazepam

zopiclone

rohypnol

lexapro

amitriptaline

mirtazipine

Doxepin

prozazin

Quetiapine 

zyprexa

valium

or and a beta blocker too even tho I have a very slow heart rate normally, the cardiologist made it even slower by throwing this in the mix so that’s 12. 

 

[[Sh...]]

[[Sh...]]

I just posted this to a buddy in my pm. As I read it back I actually was thinking far out. That is pretty inspiring . Not to flex and make out I’m better than anyone else by doing what I did, but I thought I’d post it here to show u that u can push urself, no matter how bad u feel. If I can do it, so can u! So my friend asked me if I could function during my taper. Here was my answer. 
 

Define function? 😣 well. I kinda had to go a degree, but in the first year my husband and my father had to take turns looking after me, and then my husband had a massive stroke about 8 months into my illness. He was in hospital 6 weeks so I had no choice but to function. I had to get my kids ready for school every day and take them then go to the hospital all day then go home cook dinner and go back to the hospital with them every day. Then when he got home I had to take him to all his rehab appointments.
He had to learn to walk again so I had to push him around in a wheel chair for a few months. I was extremely unwell that entire time and only held together by the cocktail of drugs the drs had me on.
We spent the next 2 years trying to get better while still being parents to 3 kids one of which has autism, and I gradually got to a place where I went back to work and things slowly improved from there. I was still very unwell when I went back to work and some days I use to sit in the toilet and cry. I had no choice because my husband is disabled now and can’t work.

In a strange way being forced to put my big girl pants on was the kick in the pants I needed to just accept what I had to do regardless of how I felt. And that radical acceptance is what I believe helped me get better. 

[[Sc...]]

I'm happy for u Shayna. 

May be my insomnia also resolves. 

Edited September 30, 2023 by [Sc...]

[[An...]]

4 hours ago, [[S...] said:

Hmmm working with drs is why I was on so many drugs matey. And when I wanted to come off they were not the slightest bit helpful.  I can honestly say everything they put me on in their profound wisdom made me so much worse. I have a hard time trusting drs now I’m afraid. I think if I had have kept working with drs I wouldn’t be here to tell the tale. Here is the list.

temazepam

zopiclone

rohypnol

lexapro

amitriptaline

mirtazipine

Doxepin

prozazin

Quetiapine 

zyprexa

valium

or and a beta blocker too even tho I have a very slow heart rate normally, the cardiologist made it even slower by throwing this in the mix so that’s 12. 

OIC and fully understand. I have vowed I will never see another pdoc again but my PCP is wonderful. He lets me make the final decision after telling me what he thinks. He supports me whether I decide to take his advice or not. There are some really good doctors out there like Joel Fuhrman for example who don't believe in drugging patients to death.  You just have to do your due diligence and keep shopping until you find one. Also, you, the patient, can not treat your body and mind badly (overeating unhealthy foods, smoking, alcohol, other recreational drugs, etc.) and then run to doctors looking for magic pills to fix you. That has never worked and never will.  Ultimately, our healthcare is in our own hands. I hate the master/slave relationship many patients have with their doctors. My doctor is a partner in my healthcare. I listen to his recommendations but he then tells me to do some research and then he will respect my decision whether I take his advice or not. This is how it should be, even with terminal illnesses and end-of-life decisions.

Have a great weekend. 🌄

[[Sh...]]

Sounds like u have a good one there. Not many of them out there. I was labeled non compliant by a dr when I refused to take effexor which is known to be one of the hardest pysch drugs to get off. I knew he wasn’t going to be holding my hand as I came on or off that drug. 
anyway didn’t want my post to end up dr bashing haha! 
point of my post was everyone gets to a place of healing. Even people like me that were polydrugged ❤️

[[de...]]

Well done!    Yes, photos tell the story.   It is so good to be able to look back and see how far you have come!!!!   

[[Sh...]]

Hey Dec! Yep I look at that photo and the pain in my face is unbelievable. The human body is amazing and capable of healing. If we give it the time it needs. 

[[Th...]]

Shayna,

Congrats on 3 years off and the improved sleep.  You're right, it will even out and you'll be back to 6-7 per night in no time.  Peace!

[[Je...]]

On 29/09/2023 at 13:32, [[S...] said:

I just posted this to a buddy in my pm. As I read it back I actually was thinking far out. That is pretty inspiring . Not to flex and make out I’m better than anyone else by doing what I did, but I thought I’d post it here to show u that u can push urself, no matter how bad u feel. If I can do it, so can u! So my friend asked me if I could function during my taper. Here was my answer. 
 

Define function? 😣 well. I kinda had to go a degree, but in the first year my husband and my father had to take turns looking after me, and then my husband had a massive stroke about 8 months into my illness. He was in hospital 6 weeks so I had no choice but to function. I had to get my kids ready for school every day and take them then go to the hospital all day then go home cook dinner and go back to the hospital with them every day. Then when he got home I had to take him to all his rehab appointments.
He had to learn to walk again so I had to push him around in a wheel chair for a few months. I was extremely unwell that entire time and only held together by the cocktail of drugs the drs had me on.
We spent the next 2 years trying to get better while still being parents to 3 kids one of which has autism, and I gradually got to a place where I went back to work and things slowly improved from there. I was still very unwell when I went back to work and some days I use to sit in the toilet and cry. I had no choice because my husband is disabled now and can’t work.

In a strange way being forced to put my big girl pants on was the kick in the pants I needed to just accept what I had to do regardless of how I felt. And that radical acceptance is what I believe helped me get better. 

Wow I just read this and it brought tears to my eyes.  Waking up having a horrible day, getting ready for grad school wondering how the heck am I going to accomplish it when I can barely get out of bed, but reading this was truly inspiring!  Even when we think we can’t do something, when we are pushed to somehow gain the strength when there is no other way, and do the impossible! 
 

Life threw some obstacles at you and you really pushed on when others would have given up.  Something that many will never experience.  The only positive to benzo WD is the strength we gain during this horrible ordeal.  
 

Thanks for sharing! 

Edited October 1, 2023 by [Je...]

[[Sh...]]

I’m so glad it helped u Jeff. We really are capable of super human strength when we put our minds to it. 
mind over matter 💪🏾
one day u will look back on this time in ur life with so much admiration for urself and pride that u got through it.

Everyone on this site knows how this truly feels. Most of us were lead into this mess by people we trusted. We didn’t seek this out. the fact that we continue to show up every day with hope and determination to get better is something to be immensely proud of. 

you will all cross the finish line. keep going. 

[[Sh...]]

7 hours ago, [[T...] said:

Shayna,

Congrats on 3 years off and the improved sleep.  You're right, it will even out and you'll be back to 6-7 per night in no time.  Peace!

Thanku TW. You helped me so much and I’ll never forget it. I hope now I can pay it forward to the next generation of poor souls that find themselves here. 
🙌🏻

[[ka...]]

you kept your family afloat, you kept yourself afloat, and you kept a lot of us afloat.... all with humor most times, I still picture you lifting weights at the gym suns out guns out.

 

peace shayna, well deserved..

 

kanoba

[[Wo...]]

Oh my favorite warrior wonder from down under! I’m so happy for you! Always an inspiration and you were one of my biggest supporters! I’m just about 26 months free of Xanax and am loving it and life again! You are right, we are never the same but we do evolve and move on to a new normal for us! I thought about you today as I ordered 2 new books to read! Keep on rocking it girl and enjoy that beach for me too!! Hugs to you! 

[[Sh...]]

Awww WW and kabobs 😄

my little mates. I love u girls and think of u all the time! You both supported me when I was in the thick of it and u have always been my 2 fave hype girls 🙌🏻
love u both heaps and I know we’re all headed to that finish line forever! 
as Shania Twain says …

[[Sc...]]

@[Wo...]when u say we are never the same, it means we adjust to a new normal of injury?