Is it too late now?

[[Ja...]]

Hi all,

 

Those of you who CT off your medication… how do you know if it’s time to reinstate and taper or just keep trucking?

My biggest fear is permanent side effects.

 

I feel like my local psychiatrist isn’t well versed. I called a “benzo expert” doctor from NY today but he wouldn’t say if it was recommended to reinstate or not. Just so confused, but I need to be a fully functioning individual wife and mother.

 

 

[[Pa...]]

I quit cold turkey and even though it was rough, I’m glad I was able to stick it out.  I’ve been completely recovered for many years, I question the belief that those who quit cold turkey will suffer permanent side effects or face a protracted recovery. 

 

If you’re able to function, I’m in favor of you pushing through and not reinstating.  You’re already ahead of the game, you’re off the drug, there are not guarantee’s that reinstating will help, in fact, most members regret it. 

[[jo...]]

This is the topic I devote 6-8 hours a day researching.  I did a 10 day taper off .75mg Ativan (I had escalated from .25 to .5 to .75 over 23 days and then realized I was updosing quickly and so forced myself off in 10 days).  This is my 4th time doing this over 6 years and by far the hardest (which is how I found BB and learned about the danger my doctor created for me).  What I've learned through my research is there really is no clear cut answer.  I'm 4 months into my journey and quite uncomfortable and bed bound. I can drive to the store and cook food and scrape by at work remotely, but a far far cry from the dynamic successful community devoted person I was before. 

 

The Ashton theory is that taper 'does less damage'.  But after reading 1000's of stories on here and watching hundreds of videos ... it is apparent to me that there is no clear answer.  Some people reinstate and taper but are miserable all the way down and then miserable after.  There are people who taper down gently and report no increase in discomfort when they jump off. 

 

The veteran in the video below went cold turkey off Ativan and was suicidal for 7 months.  He then found a doctor who would reinstate and taper him off valium over 2 1/2 years.  While he said it was the right thing, he was bed bound and suicidal the entire time.  He said it 'took the edge off' but he was still dysfunctional throughout the taper.  This makes me wonder, would he have recovered sooner had he not reinstated?  It is impossible to know.

 

 

BB seems to be very much on the Ashton 'taper is safer' framework.  Everyone is different.  I'm likely having a much harder experience this time not because of that rapid taper (basically a CT), but because I have done this 3 times before. I was not benzo wise.  I followed my doctors instructions (actually took no more than half the prescribed dose and didn't go seeking another prescription after).

 

When I read that people were on it short term but then tapered over a year, I can't help but think that they were not on it short term.  They were on it for a year or more.  You will get both opinions here.  Some will say reinstate and taper.  Others will refer to kindling and say do not reinstate or even updose if on a taper. Kindling refers to the concept that going on and off will cause more damage each time so it is harder to do that than it is to come off one time continuous use no matter how long it was.  This seems to be what I am experiencing. 

 

At 4 months off there have been a couple times I almost went to the ER to reinstate.  And I feel very very strongly about not touching it again.  I pushed through and got back to feeling somewhat stable (though still dysfunctional).  No one can give unequivocal advice here.  You just have to take it all in and try to make the best decision for yourself.  You know where your limits are and it is up to you to stay safe. 

 

Hopefully this helps even though the answer I gave is that there is no clear answer. 

 

J