Need advice on managing waves?

[[Ho...]]

Hi, I'm almost 10 months post-jump and realize I don't know how to manage the waves. For the first time a couple of weeks ago, I had two nice days. There were moments when I felt sort of normal.

 

I kind of thought if I replicated those days it would be better all the time, but now I see that was wishful thinking.

 

A friend asked to come to our house and stay for two nights. She was visiting her daughter, and her house sitter got Covid. She wanted her cleaner to disinfect her house before she went home. I said yes because I knew she was just getting over some illnesses. But it was too hard to be a good hostess. I couldn't do it and frankly I feel really depressed about it. I stayed on my computer or laid on the floor (my go-to when I'm jittery and exhausted at the same time.)

 

I rested the day she left and went out that night to a very, very noisy place and ended up in the car, waiting for my husband.

 

I'm so mad! I have three sets of people who want to come and stay this summer. I thought I could manage it but now, I'm not sure at all. I could probably manage my kids, because they do their own thing. One grandson is going off to college and needs a place to stay because his mom is moving in with a boyfriend. THAT'S upsetting me too.

 

Anyway, how do people keep their chins up when they are this far out and still not able to function sometimes?

[[Pi...]]

Hotcoldhotcold:  I think we are very similar.  I have the same problem.  I am going into my 12th month and have terrible anxiety/social anxiety.  I cannot cope with stress.  So dentist appt., socializing of any kind are very stressful.

I don’t have any advice to give you as all I’m really doing is avoiding, avoiding, and avoiding which is probably not the best thing to do.  At least you are getting out there and pushing yourself. Eventually it will get better.

[[Ho...]]

Hotcoldhotcold:  I think we are very similar.  I have the same problem.  I am going into my 12th month and have terrible anxiety/social anxiety.  I cannot cope with stress.  So dentist appt., socializing of any kind are very stressful.

I don’t have any advice to give you as all I’m really doing is avoiding, avoiding, and avoiding which is probably not the best thing to do.  At least you are getting out there and pushing yourself. Eventually it will get better.

 

Hey PP, thanks for answering! I don't think I realized my social phobia until my friend came. Up until then, I've gone out in groups of at least four, and let others drive the conversation. I can chime in here and there. It was when I was face to face with driving the conversation that I fell apart. Couldn't do it! I"m still picking up the pieces. I guess it's been like that for a while. I just didn't notice it because I've only socialized in groups. BIG difference. I don't mind it when kids or teens or young adults are around because they don't care if I'm quiet and don't pick up on anything.

 

I rested all day today. Just did a little laundry and dishes but nothing else but read, rest, watch TV. Now I'm feeling a bit better.

 

You are two months ahead of me!! Other than the social/dentist problems, how are you? Not that those are small things, not at all. I hate the doctors' now.

 

Thank you for saying eventually it will get better. I want to say the same thing to you but feel like, as you're ahead of me, that would be presumptuous!! I'm definitely improving all the time, but so, so slowly.

 

I started on sprouted brown GABA rice today. I've heard it really promotes the creation of GABA in the gut. We'll see.

 

How do you cope? What kinds of things do you do, coloring, TV, reading, art?

Again, thank you!

[[Pi...]]

I go to the gym and have a little routine I follow.  It has been a lifesaver.  I also have started to read books again.  As I have been in purgatory for about 3 years I have been unable to focus so this has been a relief to read a book.  I am also trying to clean organize my house so I watch lots of videos on organizing your home I have started at the entrance and clean and paint as I work my way through my home.  I also go to church occasionally.  I go to restaurants and shopping. 

 

I have a quiet life but that is all I can handle till I feel better.  You are lucky you have been able to maintain friendships and keep things going. 

[[Ho...]]

A routine is so good! I've had a lot of trouble establishing one and I think it's holding me back. But my husband is the type who will stop a routine if anyone in the family needs help, and I'm not very flexible these days, so I just sit glumly and try to figure out what to do. Not good.

 

I love your systematic house renewal. Wow. I feel like copying you.

 

I wish I were maintaining friendships; it's more the semblance of them. My heart is not in it but I go though the motions because some day, I hope my feelings will return and I'll be glad people are still around me.

 

Thank you for sharing, PP. I value your example tremendously. Love all the things you are doing, and that you are giving yourself permission to be quiet. I admire that.

 

[[Pi...]]

Thanks so much hotcoldhotcold.