Help! I have never felt more alone...

[[Bi...]]

I had some very difficult conversations over the weekend. I've known the benzos and impact on my anxiety is putting a scary amount of strain on my relationship with my partner for a while and feel terrible for it but, during the time I've needed support the most, my friends have been actively avoiding me as it is hard on them. I have epilepsy and this has massively increased the seizures. But none of them have taken the time to understand what I'm going through. They barely see or talk to me and feel it is all I talk about - I understand to a point, but there is a lot of improvement, alongside a new job I really enjoy, so lots of positives too and I don't get chance to talk about that either. If they ask how I am I would mention it, as it's a big part of my life and did take over for a long time, but I do try and join in and talk about other things as well. I just feel so lost as I feel even more alone in all of it... I may be a lot better than I was but I'm still not there. Some friends don't even believe it'll actually heal, because they don't understand it. I am doing everything I can, I know I overcompensate as I comment on the seizures or symptoms so they know I'm not just being rude when it is my memory that is making some conversations difficult or whatever. But it is a big contributer to my anxiety already and hearing how they really feel just makes it even worse...

[[Pi...]]

Your friends have empathy fatigue it sounds like.  My husband has empathy fatigue as well so I don’t bother him any more about it.  He is a great guy so I just accept it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[Co...]]

This is the most lonely experience ever. I'm locked up in myself.

[[Pi...]]

It is lonely. 

[[or...]]

"Empathy fatigue". That's a great term, pickle.

 

My partner and my friends definitely got empathy fatigue . . . if my friends even cared to empathize. imo they couldn't as the anxiety, panic and weird physical s/x of a taper were beyond their understanding.

 

What saved  me was my therapist. I saw her 2x a week during my 3 year taper and we talked about the taper as well as about the anxiety and depression that had led me to start taking benzos. She was also at the end of her phone for panicky late-night calls. (A great alternative to the ER).  I highly recommend finding a therapist to talk to -- they don't have to be "benzo-wise" (you can educate them). And I mean a therapist who does old-fashioned talk therapy, not someone who does CBT and will solve all your problems in 12 visits.

 

Anyhow, just a thought.

 

 

Katz

[[Bi...]]

Thank you, it is reassuring to know others have felt like this too, and I am holding onto the thoughts that things can recover and rebuild in time. So I will try to just keep moving forward, and I do have a therapist - just can't see them as much as I'd like - so I'll see what I can do about more sessions.

[[...]]

I had some very difficult conversations over the weekend. I've known the benzos and impact on my anxiety is putting a scary amount of strain on my relationship with my partner for a while and feel terrible for it but, during the time I've needed support the most, my friends have been actively avoiding me as it is hard on them. I have epilepsy and this has massively increased the seizures. But none of them have taken the time to understand what I'm going through. They barely see or talk to me and feel it is all I talk about - I understand to a point, but there is a lot of improvement, alongside a new job I really enjoy, so lots of positives too and I don't get chance to talk about that either. If they ask how I am I would mention it, as it's a big part of my life and did take over for a long time, but I do try and join in and talk about other things as well. I just feel so lost as I feel even more alone in all of it... I may be a lot better than I was but I'm still not there. Some friends don't even believe it'll actually heal, because they don't understand it. I am doing everything I can, I know I overcompensate as I comment on the seizures or symptoms so they know I'm not just being rude when it is my memory that is making some conversations difficult or whatever. But it is a big contributer to my anxiety already and hearing how they really feel just makes it even worse...

 

Hello,

 

I understand how you feel and the kind of loneliness you speak of. In fact it is very common on this trip.

 

With the passage of time, and with how strong this life experience is making you, maybe you are the one who in the future will not want to be with those friends, perhaps with none of the current ones, perhaps with just a few of them, perhaps with new friends who value you and appreciate you simply "for being you".

 

I leave you a link to a thread that at the time helped me a lot and talks about that loneliness and other symptoms of this trip.

 

I hope it comforts you as much as it does me.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=87594.0