New here. Forced CT

[[Mo...]]

Hello.

I am new to posting but have been lurking and reading. I was prescribed triazolam for 8 years for insomnia. In October, for some reason I can't explain, I stopped taking it. The horror of psychosis That hit was never attributed by any of the numerous doctors I saw to stopping the med. Over the course of 12 days, 16 antipsychotics were forced on me in a psych unit. I came home on lithium and abilify along with severe tardive dyskenisia and  bi polar diagnosis I had never had before. I restarted the benzo so I could sleep, stopped the L and A and lo and behold within 2 days I was normal.

 

In February, I went to bed fine one night and woke up next morning with sheer panic and terror. This continued through March and earned me a few stays in the hospital. "Amnesia", "dementia", "Parkinson's" etc were the guesses being made. Almost had an unnecessary surgery for horrible stomach pain. While in the hospital, I FINALLY researched To sleeping med. Holy. Cow!! I was in tolerance and going through withdrawal EVERY MORNING.

 

So I called the prescribing doc and was told to go to a detox center. (Should have done more homework). I went 2 hours away, was given a four day taper and treated like a "dreg of society" (maybe some of those places treat you with dignity, but his one did not). It was so traumatizing that I left AMA on day 7. As soon as I was home, symptoms put me back in the hospital again where I was pumped full of Ati and sent home after a week being told I was "stable" with a script for 5mg daily of Valium. I learned later the cross conversion SHOULD have been 15-20mgs daily.

 

Started the Valium and let's just say it did not work and play well with my brain. Back to stay with the friendly crew at psych. It was determined my best option was to rip the band aid off. I stayed for 14 days and all seemed well so I was sent home again. Was told it was all over now. WRONG!!

 

2 days later it seemed I took a giant leap into Dante's Inferno and ALL the levels of hell. I am now 39 days from the last benzo entering my body and just holding on for whatever comes next on this ride. I can say I am better now than at the beginning but have such a long way to go.

 

For all of you also fighting this battle, I am so very sorry. I also commend each an every one of you for holding on for dear life. I know exactly how hard it can be. The mind battling the brain and body is more epic than the wildest MMA match I have seen.

 

PS, please pardon any typos. My tablet is old and sometimes the keypad doesn't work right. I try to catch all typos, but...benzo brain..

[[je...]]

Hi MontegoRed!

 

Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

 

I am truly sorry for the horror you have been through. I know words cannot describe your pain and suffering after everything you've been through. Detox centres are notorious for ripping people off benzo's and then sending them home with some other cocktail of drugs to deal with the horrific side effects of benzo withdrawal. Just know you are not alone. You've found your tribe. We know, we understand and we will help carry you through.

 

Congratulations on 39 days! I know it's still hard and tough and there will still be those difficult days ahead, but each day gone by is one day closer to recovery. You have a wonderful life waiting for you. You can win this battle!

[[Mo...]]

Thankyou for the kind welcome.  I am sad that there is such a need for this forum, but thankful it is here.

[[je...]]

Yes, you're right. Unfortunately most of us ended up here because we didn't know what benzo's were, we didn't even know that we were going through withdrawal.

 

It is good to have a place where people understand you, but gosh, we wish wasn't required.

[[Pa...]]

Welcome MontegoRed,

 

I quit cold turkey too, I knew it was the drug but I was completely unprepared for the devastation that followed.  You can recover, and it looks like you’re determined so hang on and ride it out, it gets better.

 

Pamster

[[Mo...]]

Thankyou Pamster.

 

I am determined to ride this out. My biggest issue is the physiological aspect. My brain says get up and do, but my body goes into such an extreme fight or flight mode that I become stuck. I am temporarily bed ridden but hoping that will change soon!! Looking forward to when I can get back to life!!

[[Ma...]]

I’m so sorry for what has happened to you. If it’s any consolation, I am presently bed ridden myself. If you’d like to PM me for support, please do so. I have nothing but time on my hands while waiting this brutality out.

[[Gl...]]

Oh. my. gosh.  I cannot believe what you've been through.  There's a lot going through my benzo-brain right now, and it's hard to express, but mostly it's shock, compassion, and sympathy.  I'm glad you found this forum, and you will get amazing support here.  You're in good company with others who have gone CT, like Pamster did (as she mentioned). You're so courageous.  I wouldn't be that courageous but prefer a very slow taper. 

I'm sorry you're here, but I'm glad you're here.