Hi there buddies, this is my introduction!

[[Ca...]]

Hi there my buddies!

I'm so glad that I've found you! I've been reading here the past few months a lot and at many times it literally saved my life and gave me hope in this incredible horrific Klonopin withdrawal nightmare! I see I'm not alone with this and (sadly) I'm not the only buddie that has to go through this benzo hell!

 

Ok here's more Information about me!

 

I am German American but I do live and was born in Germany! I've been to the States a couple of Times already to visit my relatives in Indiana (but I love San Francisco the most;) and I guess I do speak English with american accent accent-free,  at least that's what people tell me! So I hope I do not make any mistakes in writing or grammar or anything... if -excuse me- I live in Germany... but actually I still speak English (nearly) every day! If not every day...

 

So the reason for me joining Benzo Buddies is that I got hooked on Klonopin! It all started out when I had a reactivation of my panic disorder und reacted paradoxical on any medication that I was given to to help with the severe panic attacks! Every medication (ADs, Buspirone, Lyrica) made the condition just way worse!  (It's a metabolism problem)

 

It was that bad that I was given Ativan at first, to help out! But it didn't really help that much! I never felt good with it!

 

I took Ativan for about 4 and 1/2 months daily in very varying dosages

From high to very low. But towards the end I raised my dosage extremely for short term... -I was told by my Doctor  to take Ativan to help with that extremely hellish short term Lyrica withdrawal that was actually worse than benzos and it really  lasted for months and Ativan didn't really help with it!

 

So when I felt Lyrica withdrawal was over I switched to Klonopin due to it's longer half life to taper the benzo! I do not function with Valium -especially in higher dosages than 5mg because I react paradoxical on it and it makes me get really depressed! So Klonopin was really the better option for me!

 

I am very familiar with the Ashton Manual and think it is the best and safest way to get off benzos! But it wouldn't work out if I had to taper from such a high dosage of 25mg of Valium due to my paradoxical and depressive reaction!

 

I've had a short 5 month 5mg Valium Ashton taper back in 2014! It was a z Drug that I took 5 years that I substituted with Valium back then to taper! That was an easy withdrawal and the acute back then lasted 7 and 1/2 weeks... then waves and windows after that, but mostly feeling great!

 

This time I saw no reason to do a full Ashton Taper from Klonopin since I thought I was just on Benzos for 4 and a half Months and not over a year or even years! So I reduced much faster -as I never really had any good day on benzos anyway! Thought it was no good to have a taper that lasts more than double anount of time I was on it or more!

 

In Germany we have an oral solution of Klonopin where 1 drop has 0.1mg of Clonazepam...

 

I first reduced 2 drops every 3 days until I felt withdrawal,  at 0.9 mg then from 0.9mg I reduced 1drop every 3 days until I reached 0.3 mg of Klonopin- that was when withdrawal just really hit me! So I slowed down the last 3 Drops (0.3mg) and reduced them every 2 weeks until I was on "0"...

 

Actually Everything in this taper was quite easy... many windows! Did not feel withdrawal a lot and only when I was already really "low"....

I( couldn't guess at all what would happen 14 days after "0" in acute..).

 

I somehow think Klonopin has a very long half life in me... as the peak of withdrawal symptoms hit me the hardest like 10 to 14 days after every 2 week reduction at the end!.... but it was all ok and manageble until I got hit with acute withdrawal so bad 14 Days after reaching "0" mg of Clonazepam... I had a gait disturbances, Dystonia, akasthisia and parkinsonism...

 

I got into severe panic and called my doctor... he said reinstate! So I did! I wish I hadn't back then... because where I felt relieve first... I soon got so paradoxical that it actually got worse! The akasthisia got worse, the panic got worse, I got depressed and thought I 'd jump out of the window! I tried to updose but it only got way worse the more I took!!!

 

So I called the ambulance and they brought me over to the psych ward to get off of Klonopin since it was causing more harm than good! ...it had been 5 weeks since reinstatement then! They rapidly tapered me down to 0mg in 4 weeks from 1mg of Klonopin... and I'm happy I am now off for 11 days today, as I 'm writing this... Akasthisia has gotten better, my mood has gotten better, though I 'm in full blown acute Klonopin withdrawal! I feel very sick, weak, muscles tense, derealized, Tinnitus, pain, nausea, anxious like hell and absolutely unwell! I am really scared for day 14 off to come, since it was my worst day in acute before/ the failed reinstatement/ the day I reinstated!

The hospital wants to discharge me on day 14 or 15... but I do wanna go home! Can't stand this!

 

I'm happy I'm off! It was the right decision for me and my only option! Reinstatement just made me worse and really nuts!

 

But I know I have a really hard and long and painful road to go until things will get better!!!! I'm trying to be realistic about that! So I really hope you fellow buddies will be on my side! Let's take this together and go our way to recovery together and care for each other and support each other!

 

Thanks that there is Benzo Buddies out there! U Buddies help people get through these horribele nightmares!

 

Lovely Greats, Canary

[[ma...]]

Hello Canary Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

 

Thank you for sharing your story. You’ve had a hell of a journey so far, surely it can only get better now.  Congratulations on  becoming benzo-free. I'm so glad you decided to join the forum - you'll find plenty of information and support here. Our members have gone through all aspects of benzodiazepine use and withdrawal, so you'll be able to connect with others who understand what you're going through and can tell you what has worked for them.  Please feel free to post to any of the specialized boards, you’ll get plenty of help and support here. Please post any questions you have to any of the dedicated boards.

 

I will leave a few links to resources:

 

Post-withdrawal Recovery Support 

 

Cold Turkey, Detox & Rapid Withdrawal 

 

Colorado Consortium Benzodiazepine Deprescribing Guidelines

 

Im glad you’ve read Ashtons manual it is an authoritative source on what to expect during withdrawal and recovery, It provides a great deal of information that can be very reassuring during any stage of this process, including a list of common  symptoms with helpful explanations.

 

The Ashton Manual. 

 

If you would like to add a signature (history of meds/doses etc) it will help members give you relevant advice.  Go to the top of the page and select PROFILE then choose forum profile then insert drug history into the text box and remember to click change profile

 

Welcome aboard

Magrita

[[Ca...]]

Thank you so much Magrita!