Two months off of Clonazepam via Valium taper

[[se...]]

Hello everyone, as of writing this, I'm two months and some days past finishing my Valium taper, which I've now learned that I did too quickly through the detox center that I went to. I joined this forum for help with the myriad of symptoms I'm getting, that seem to come and go in waves. I'm hoping for some sort of support and help through this awful endeavor.

I have been on most benzos at one point or another - Xanax, Diazepam, Ativan etc. I've also been prescribed all the common Z-drugs like Sonata, Ambien and Lunesta. My history is a bit complicated, as I started on benzos when I was 18 (Clonazepam 2mg) for about 4 years, but then tapered myself off with somewhat manageable symptoms. I stayed off for about another 3 or 4 years before reinstating, but only took them infrequently. I only took took the doses on weekend for about 5 years, but then 2 days of use at 3mg-4mg (Friday and Saturday) turned in to 3, since I needed to take a smaller dose of .25mg or .50mg on Sundays to get rid of the awful hangover feeling I began to have...3 then turned to 4 and it actually did stop there. This was surprisingly "sustainable" for a long while, since for the longest time, I never once broke my rule and used during the week - I didn't feel any withdrawal effects, at least I didn't notice them if they were there. This would come to end towards the tail end of my journey, where I was given Ambien not knowing the similarity it carried to benzos in how it worked. I took it every night for 2 months or so and I believe it threw a wrench in my system since I was still using a high dose of Clonazepam on the weekends. One night I got a random panic attack during the week (when I wasn't using) that caused my vision to become black at the edges and I started seeing static-like artifacts. I didn't know it at the time, but this was a withdrawal effect. I went to the emergency room since I thought I was dying and that's where a doctor noticed how anxious I was, so he added two vials of Ativan to my IV. I felt it in seconds and pretty much every strange symptoms washed away. It was at this point where I knew that this was a chemical dependency and I immediately began searching for detox centers while still in the ER waiting for my results. I booked myself and checked in the next day. Since then it's been a journey of ups and downs, terror, adrenaline spikes, tingling in my wrists/hands, vision sparkles, night sweats and no sleep. I sincerely hope to connect with some of the users on the forum to get insight on how to navigate this. Thanks for reading!

[[ma...]]

Hello seanxrod Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

 

We're glad you’re here. You are going to come  through this. Benzodiazepines are best tapered slowly to try and avoid severe symptoms, detox places tend to take people off far too quickly.  I am sorry for what you are going through, unfortunately sporadic use can lead to dependency.  Remember that withdrawal symptoms are temporary.  Symptoms can take a while to settle down but you will get there.  Some of the symptoms are horrendous I know I experienced them and I did a taper.  You will get plenty of support here to help you through this process, post questions for members to respond.

 

I will leave you a link to the Ashton Manual, it is a definitive resource about these medications. It helps in understanding the effect benzo’s have on our body.  It provides withdrawal information and includes a list of common symptoms 

 

I will leave a few links to resources:

 

The Ashton Manual

 

Post-withdrawal Recovery Support

 

Cold Turkey, Detox& Rapid Withdrawal

 

Members can respond with the best information if they know your medication history.  Go to the top of the page and select PROFILE then choose forum profile then insert drug history into the text box and remember to click change profile

 

Welcome aboard

Magrita

[[se...]]

Thank you so much for the empathetic response. I have read all of the resources that you posted (before signing up, back when I was just a lurker) and I have found them all incredibly helpful, especially the Ashton manual and the post from that user detailing what's going on in our minds during this process. I guess as a general question, which I know gets asked a ton, I'm wondering if its reasonable for me to expect some better stability in my moods and sleep in the next few months? I totally get that everyone's journey and biology are different, so I guess I'm asking from the context of my infrequent usage (2-3 days, turned into 3-4 at 4mg per day). I'm two months off the pills and have made unmistakable improvements - at first I was completely bed-ridden and seeing colors/shadows during my taper as well as the first month off.

I totally understand if you can't answer due to how varied it can be for everyone, so no worries at all if this is the case.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this and I appreciate it!

[[ma...]]

Hi seanxrod.  Its impossible to answer your question, recovery is an individual thing, it is difficult to predict how quickly symptoms go away.  Some people never experience withdrawal from benzodiazepines, even after taking them for many years.  Unfortunately many of us here had a tough time,  I was bedridden, then sofa bound, agoraphobic with a myriad of symptoms.    It looks like you've been using benzos off and on for a few years and you have tapered off before. They say withdrawal symptoms are  tougher each time.    Acceptance is key, accept it will take a while, be patient and stay positive.  Symptoms will ease off, you will eventually get better, its just a matter of time, no one can say how long as we're all different.

 

What’s happening inside your brain

Four Phases of Withdrawal-Where Are You?

 

 

Try distracting from symptoms, I know how tough this journey is but you will eventually get bettter, life will come good again.

 

Magrita

[[se...]]

Thank you. I'll try and really take on what you said mentally. And yes, it does seem as though this time around, even though the use was less frequent than in my earlier life, the withdrawal is more torturous and long lasting. It is definitely a factor that they stabilized me on a decently high dose of Valium in the detox and then tapered me off rather quickly. I'll keep my eyes out on the symptoms to see  if I notice any trends and hopefully they do continue to reduce in severity as time goes on. One of the worst parts of this is that my mind tells me that I am stuck like this permanently and that this heightened/anxious state is my baseline going forward. Really trying to combat that.

 

Thanks again.

[[ma...]]

Stinking thinking is another symptom. I was like you I convinced myself I would be stuck in withdrawal forever.  Just a couple of months before I healed, I lost all hope, felt like I was back in acute and that’s how I would stay but soon after I healed.

 

Try to keep positive. don’t waist energy on negative thinking.  Distract, go for a walk if you can, meditation is good , light exercise, listen to music.  If you have  a hobby that’s great if not find something you like doing. Puzzles, drawing, painting. 

 

Do anything that brings you the slightest bit of enjoyment or interest.  I know it’s unpleasant and frustrating and It may take longer than you want but remember there’s an end to it, you will eventually get your life back.

 

Magrita

[[se...]]

I appreciate the reassurance so much, Margarita. I'm really touched by your sentiments here and they're very nice to hear, especially in this tender, raw phase where anxiety and disconnect reign king. I've been doing everything in my power to help myself out and I don't plan on stopping. Reinstatement is not an option for me as the next hypothetical withdrawal after this one would probably end me.

 

I hope to spread some love and support to the people here myself as I continue to heal and monitor symptoms.

 

Thanks again.