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How do I know if it's benzo depression?


[Ho...]

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Hi,

These last few days I've been really down. How do I know if it's depression from the benzo w/d, it's just "me," or if it's from another medication? (I think I'm asking an impossible question here, but I'm curious to know everyone's thoughts.)

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Hi Hollyms:

 

Depression is an extremely common symptom when going through withdrawals.  Of course you can't prove it, but as you get farther out from your last benzo date, you start to get a better sense of how things work, and what might be causing what.  The motto I use for my own symptoms is "when in doubt about whether it's benzo wd, it probably is."  More often than not, that turns out to be true for me.  Another way to tell is when the symptom fluctuates, though not all withdrawal symptoms fluctuate in short-term cycles.  I hope you feel better.

 

Draftsman 

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Hey Holly,

 

I was confused after reading your signature.  Are you tapering?

Hi,

Nope, I've been completely off for 19 days now :) I did a very quick taper and then jumped from .25 with the help of Pheno for a few days.

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That's great, give yourself a huge pat on the back for that accomplishment!

 

I had the darkest depression while I was trying to cross over to Valium, I became enveloped with suicidal thoughts.  Then after Detox it hit me again, I wanted to live but was consumed with sadness, darkness, emptiness.  I had no motivation to do anything and didn't want anyone around.  Then it lifted for about a month and a half, came back and hit me for 2 days then left again.

 

But I now look at it as waves in the process and just do my best to ride them out.

 

That has been my experience, I hope it helps you sort things out.

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[c5...]

Holly...

Most likely the depression you feel is from your raid taper of Benzos and the Pheno detox. I did the same Pheno detox in rehab and by month 4 off of all of the crap, I was a depressed, lethargic, apathetic, robotic pile of poo. I still am. I reinstated to 1.25mg of K to attempt to taper instead of sticking out the C/T. I felt I could no longer handle the C/T symptoms. I think by reinstating, I made the apathy, depression, mental anguish worse. I am going to stick out my taper, however, in hopes that this lifts as I get to the lower numbers and then finally after I am free from the Benzos.

 

It takes time...it's different for everyone. I am sick of being emotionless, lost, apathetic, robotic, depressed, w/o emotion. I can really only feel pain and hatred. There are no real emotions. I am completely devoid. I call it "mental grossness" b/c that's how I feel- mentally GROSS. If you told a Psych this, they'd try to put you on an anti-D, of course, and that's just something that you'll have to decide on your own if the depression and apathy become severe enough. Some people need an anti-D to carry them for the Benzo journey, others get by without it.

 

MANY people suffering from Benzo w/d have described this depression, lack of emotion, robotic feeling, etc during their taper and after their w/d. It is certainly "normal" for the time being, but is temporary. It's frustrating as hell b/c all you want to do is to FEEL something. I don't feel anything at all. Then when you are around family or friends, they don't understand why you are so distant, depressed, robotic, etc...if you haven't experienced the deep, dark depression of Benzos, you couldn't possibly understand the depths of hell that it takes us to.

 

Try to do things to distract, that's the only thing that gets me through the day...distraction. Sometimes going for a walk is a good help...it gets the mind off of the symptoms for a while and exercise, even if light, can help increase the body's natural endorphins. Hang in there. You are not alone w/ these feelings and although they feel like they're going to be around for a long while...they won't. They'll lift before you know it and you will be on your way back to living life again.

 

Chin up. You are not alone.

Much love and hugs, Nicole

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Thanks you guys,

 

I agree lamber, it is very hard. I've been having SUCH a hard time interacting with people, because for some reason I have this strong feeling that they all don't like me and everything they're doing is judging me somehow. So it makes me defensive, and I shut down. And when I'm meeting new people, I also shut down, because I don't feel that spark that should get me excited to interact with them. It's destroying my life, but I'm trusting that we all DO eventually heal....

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